Tag: Death And Dying

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A life lesson in the death of a much-loved cat

By Tim Dick

[O]ur household had a late and unwelcome entry in the death toll of 2016. It came with Rocko, who scraped in with a departure on Friday. Granted, the death of a cat is of less moment to most than that of George Michael, and he was a celebrity only to those who knew him, but our wee furry guy managed to give us life lessons without the irritation of a life coach, and company without human complications.

His first life lesson to me was early rising. His day, and therefore mine, began with regularity at 5.30am with a gentle whisker brushed across my face, then the nudge of a cold nose if that didn’t work, then a bite to the nose if all else but mild violence failed to rouse the deliverer of his morning meal.

 


 

Once the irritation has passed that the cat alarm once again chose my side of the bed, and never the other, I was up, fed, and at work before most others, getting my stuff done, and setting up an early exit at the other end of the day. Rocko was a productivity booster devoid of mumbo-jumbo: get up early, do your work, go home.

His second lesson was to demonstrate the benefits of adequate insurance, by having no insurance. Pet insurance might sound faintly ridiculous, but having spent thousands on vet bills in the last two years, and unless you’re able to save for unknown future medical catastrophes, it’s a no-brainer. We’re now breaking even on the insured dog, but were too slow for the cat. It’s compulsory for any future pet.

Rocko the cat

His third lesson was the decision in which he took no part, but which was the right thing to do, and which is the law makes impossible for people: euthanasia.

Nearing Christmas, he became bloated, carrying lymphoma in his gut, heart disease, and a tumour on his liver. We decided to put him down, but delayed it a week or so. He didn’t make it that far, forcing the decision to euthanase after he’d collapsed at home.

I knew something bad was up when, for the first time, he didn’t shred my arms while being shoved in the cat carrier.

As he lay dying on the vet table, our sadness came tinged with relief that the law is gentle enough to allow vets to put down pets when their time has come. His suffering was exceptionally short, his end far more peaceful than we force some people to endure.

After the narrowest of defeats for a euthanasia bill in South Australia in November, the next test of whether politicians will allow people the same mercy as we afford our pets comes in Victoria later this year. The Andrews government said in December it would bring legislation to allow some dying adults to die sooner than they otherwise would.

The right will be restricted to those who have the capacity to make decisions, who are at the end of their lives because of a terminal illness. Two doctors will likely have to approve the prescription of a euthanasia drug, and patients unable to take the tablet themselves could be helped by a doctor.

It strikes the right balance between the right of the dying to avoid unnecessary pain, and protecting others from an unnecessarily hasty death. It merely adds another option for those at the end of their lives, rather than being pumped with morphine to dull the pain of a disease taking its course.

It would end that fake distinction between the legal form of hastening death known as passive euthanasia (like doctors turning off a life-support machine), and the form of hastening death known as active euthanasia (a doctor-provided pill or injection that causes death) which remains illegal across Australia even with the ardent wishes of the patient.

It’s now two days after we put Rocko down, and I am using the home computer without feline keyboard interference for the first time in years. On the screen, which I can see without having to peer around a cat head, is an e-book called Damage Done, a collection of personal essays compiled by Andrew Denton’s advocacy group, Go Gently Australia.

A short way in is an extraordinary death notice, published in The Age last year, which captures the need and urgency for voluntary euthanasia far better than I can. It speaks for itself: “Andrew Ross Carswell, a skilled musician, at times tedious intellectual, much loved friend of many, valued family member, and adored husband to Carolyne, died an unnecessarily protracted, distressing death on Sunday 13 March as a result of the continuing absence of legislation that could have otherwise allowed a man of his integrity experiencing the final stages of liver cancer peaceful, timely access to euthanasia. May he finally be able to enjoy the long sleep he had been anticipating and may the anti-euthanasia lobby collectively experience the tediously prolonged, objectionable demise they are so determined to impose on everyone else.”

Complete Article HERE!

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5 places: Where you can’t die

By Himanshu Yadav

[A]s you know, death is inevitable. But there are places where humans have made the laws which prohibit a person from dying. Dying or giving birth was banned for religious reasons in 5th century BC, on the Greek Island of Delos. Here are some places where dying is not allowed.

1. Itsukushima, Japan

The island of Itsukushima is considered a sacred location in Shinto belief, and is the site of the Itsukushima Shrine, an UNESCO World Heritage Site. Purity is of utmost concern in Shinto worship, and because of this, the shrine’s priests have attempted to keep the island free of the pollution of death. Immediately after the Battle of Miyajima in 1555, the victorious commander had the bodies of the fallen troops removed to the mainland, and ordered that the entire battlefield be cleansed of the blood that was spilled, to the point that buildings were scrubbed and blood-soaked soil was removed from the island. No deaths or births have been permitted near the shrine.

2. Sellia, Italy

Five hundred and thirty-seven people live in Sellia, a medieval hillside town right on the ball of the foot of Italy. In the 1960s, it was three times that, and today most residents are over 65. As a result, Sellia’s laws are also developing a medieval flavour. Last month, in response to its demographic crisis, the mayor, Davide Zicchinella, signed Ordinanza 11 which makes it expressly “forbidden to get ill within the municipality” and insists that “dying is prohibited”. Those who selfishly refuse to take the necessary steps to comply with this law by attending health checks can expect to be fined 10 Euros a year.

3. Lanjaron, Spain

Death has been prohibited in the Andalucian town of Lanjarón. The village, with 4,000 inhabitants, is to remain under this law until the government buys land for a new cemetery. The mayor who issued the edict explains that the awkward new law is his response to politicians urging him to find a quick fix for a long-lasting problem. The edict has become wildly popular amongst residents, even amongst political opponents of the mayor who issued the law, and was received with a sense of humor from most.

4. Longyearbyen, Norway

The frozen town of Longyearbyen in the Svalbard Islands of Norway has a completely different reason to ban deaths in the area. The bodies there never decompose. Due to permafrost, dead bodies were completely well preserved and did not decay. In fact, live samples of the virus of the Spanish influenza epidemic in 1917 were taken from bodies buried there. People who are gravely ill or about to die are taken to different parts of Norway.

5. Sarpourenx, France

Three settlements in southern France have prohibited death. The mayor of Le Lavandou outlawed death in 2000, after planning permission for a new cemetery was turned down due to environmental concerns. He described the new bylaw as “an absurd law to counter an absurd situation”. In 2007, Cugnaux also prohibited death, for similar reasons, and was subsequently granted permission to enlarge the local cemetery inspired by the town’s success, Sarpourenx was next to follow suit, in 2008.

Complete Article HERE!

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Grief, through the eyes of Alzheimer’s disease

Joan Josephson

By Chuck Josephson

Our son, Ken, at the age of 46 was killed in an accident three years ago. He lived nearby and often had dinner with us.

That loss hit me hard and still does. My wife, Joan, didn’t show much outward expression, but she seemed to realize something very significant had disappeared from our lives.

Now it’s clear that she has not forgotten Ken. Sometimes she believes he is still alive. Once, we were in an emergency room when she needed tests. People came and went as she was confined to bed, waiting for the next checkup.

This went on until late evening. For hours Joan had said she wanted to go home. She would turn to me and say, “Can you check to see if dad will pick us up?” She thought I was Ken.

That has happened several times. One day we did a load of laundry. Joan usually folds and sorts the dried clothes. Finished with my pile, she said, “There’s his stuff for when he can come to get it.” She was recalling doing that chore for Ken!

Recently we were driving across a midwestern state. Joan got restless and wanted to get home. Then she asked, “Can we stop here and call home to get dad to come for us?” I realized what was going on in her mind. When Ken was alive and we went somewhere together Ken, not me, would be the driver. It was a special kind of grief when she recalled how things used to be.

I believe Joan is grieving for Ken when she feels he is still close by and names him. What is my response? I don’t correct her, I don’t comment. In fact I rather like it. Her way of remembering Ken is unusual, but it serves.

Complete Article HERE!

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Dying of a Broken Heart

[I]s grief powerful enough to kill? The world is mourning the death of actress Debbie Reynolds who herself was in mourning following the death of her daughter Carrie Fisher just one day earlier. Could that grief have played a part in the stroke that killed her? “I was not surprised to hear of her death,” says Katherine Supiano, PhD, LCSW, FT, Director of the Caring Connections Grief Program at the University of Utah. “This is an uncommon phenomenon, but it does happen. Even the American Heart Association has recognized ‘broken heart syndrome’ as a cause of death following the death of someone close.”

The American Heart Association is not the only organization that has looked into “broken heart syndrome.” A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2014 found older adults who lost a partner saw their risk of dying from a heart attack or a stroke double in the 30 days following. One reason may be that stress raises the level of cortisol in body. Increased levels of cortisol have been linked to cardiovascular death. Other hormones may play a role as well. “Emotional stressors can also lead to a significant release in adrenaline,” says John Ryan, MD, a cardiologist with University of Utah Health Care. “This can have an impact on the cardiovascular system.”

Physical changes in the body are not solely responsible for the increased risk though. People make behavioral changes while under stress or suffering from grief. These may impact their health. “They may not be taking care of themselves,” says Ryan. “They may not be taking medications for underlying conditions, or they may be eating poorly, or start smoking again. All of these can raise their risks of cardiovascular problems.”

The nature of the relationship lost may also be a factor. A close caregiving bond may be harder to lose, especially if that caregiving relationship has been long standing – like that of a mother with a child. “We all know that Carrie Fisher had several difficulties in her life,” says Supiano. “Reynolds may have been in the role of emotional caregiver. When that role was no longer available the stress may have become overwhelming contributing to her death.”

Supiano says that in situations like these it might not just be grief and stress, but also a feeling that now caregiving is no longer needed that the work of the caregiver is done. “We do hear people say that,” she says. “And in some cases, very quietly, their lives end.”

While grief may make a person feel they want to die – the vast majority do not. The levels of stress hormones will dissipate over time, and behavioral patterns will return to normal. Life will go on. “People are hard wired to be able to grieve,” says Supiano. “The majority of people are actually highly resilient and given enough time, and social support most people navigate this pretty well.”

Complete Article HERE!

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Give the gift that keeps on giving: straight talk on end-of-life care

By James Hoefler

‘Tis the season for gift giving and the odds are good that you received one you didn’t really want, like the proverbial gaudy tie, the useless kitchen contraption, or the itchy misshapen sweater. It’s the thought that counts, right?

When getting what you want — the right medical care at the end of your life — really matters, getting what you don’t want is the rule rather than the exception. I have studied end-of-life care for more than 25 years. Here are a few key points I’ve learned from my research and from extensive interviews with caregivers of all backgrounds and experiences:

  • The vast majority of Americans say they would prefer to die at home, surrounded by loved ones. But most of us die alone in a medical institution of some kind, fading away in a technological cocoon that could not be further from the setting most of us would prefer.
  • Most of us would like to face as little pain as possible at the end of our lives. Yet more than half of us suffer with moderate to severe pain and other completely controllable symptoms in our dying days.
  • Individuals who have experienced hospice care give it glowing reviews. Unfortunately, only about half of Americans are referred to hospice as death draws near, and many of those who enter hospice do so during the last few days of life, too late to take full advantage of all that it has to offer.
  • For those who are left behind, regrets and second-guessing all too often cloud the roles they played and the decisions they helped make about managing a loved one’s final days.

During this season of giving, what better gift could you give those you care for — and those who will care for you — than the peace of mind that comes with knowing the kind of care you and they want at the end of life? You don’t need a lawyer or a formal document to express these wishes: a simple conversation is actually best. In addition to giving peace of mind to those you love, such a conversation can substantially increase the chances you will get what you want at the end of life, all without spending a dime.

How can you remember to do this? Use as reminders any gifts you got this holiday season that you didn’t really want. Keep in mind that such gifts were given with the best of intentions. Well-intentioned but misguided choices about end-of-life care may be in your future unless you spend some time having heart-to-heart conversations with those you love about what is important to you when that time comes.

It’s important to have the same conversation with your doctor. Most doctors are no more comfortable talking about end-of-life care than you are, and all too often avoid the subject. So do them the favor of starting the conversation yourself — they will generally be relieved and more than willing to help walk you through the options.

Letting your loved ones know exactly what you want for that last big holiday and giving your doctor permission to talk about end-of-life options could end up being the best gift you ever give — and get.

Complete Article HERE!

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How funeral traditions differ across Abrahamic religions

Funeral practices are deeply integrated in culture, reflecting beliefs and values around death. Offering an index of religion, funeral traditions in Abrahamic religions bear quite different stages as well as certain similarities

 

An Islamic funeral in Pakistan

By AYŞE BETÜL KAYAHAN

[H]aving become a subject of philosophy, psychology, sociology as much as it has of anthropology and theology, mortality has always been a matter of interest throughout history as well in the present day. There is even a scientific field named “thanatology,” the science of death.

The anthropology of death brings us the very different funerary customs that have been in practice throughout history.

To start with a common example, ancient Egyptians used to embalm the deceased and built giant pyramids to house the embalmed bodies of their kings and pharaohs. Other interesting burial traditions include those of the ancient Greeks, recorded in anthropological records or literary works like those in Homer’s “Iliad” and “Odyssey.”

As far as can be understood from historical accounts telling about the funeral of Attila the Hun, ancient Turks used to show their grief by hurting themselves. Before the 6th century, Turks were burning the deceased with their belongings and horses, and keeping the ashes to bury in autumn or spring. Certain Chinese and Arabic accounts report that it was the Kirghiz people who were the first Turks to burn the body. However, it was after this century that Turks began to bury their deceased.

In Iran, dead bodies used to be buried before the arrival of Mazdaism (Zoroastrianism). Fire, soil, air and the water are considered as sacred in Mazdaism and the body must not pollute any of these four elements. There was no burning or burying but the deceased used to be abandoned outside. The same tradition was visible among the Sasanians, as they used to abandon the dead outside and bury the separated bones and flesh in a special containers called “Ossuarium” later on. Today modern Mazdaists bury their deceased. “Burial customs always have been an index of religion,” American scholar Richard Nelson Frye says.

According to Abrahamic religions, Islam, Judaism and Christianity, the appropriate way is to bury the deceased. It is believed that Cain (Qabil), the eldest son of Adam killed his brother Abel (Habil) and committed the first crime of murder. It was the first death on the earth and the first burial. It is still observed that Muslim and Jewish communities bury deceased people as a funerary custom following the order of the Quran and Torah. Cremation and embalming are strictly forbidden by Islam and Judaism. In both religions, burials take place as quickly as possible to honor the dead. Jews never hold a funeral on “Shabbat,” while there is no similar restriction in Islam.

Muslims and Jews prepare the body for burial by washing the body with warm water from head to feet. Jews call this process “Tahara.” Muslims apply “ghusl,” or the ritual of ablution. While washing, the body can be turned from one side to another to entirely clean it but it is never placed face down. In Islam and Judaism, the body is dressed in white burial shrouds and put in a simple wooden casket. Men prepare men and women prepare women.

In Islam, a person who is about to die is expected to say the “Shahada,” or the testimony of faith, which translates to, “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.” His family or close friends should encourage him to say it because it is regarded as one of the first pillars of Islam.

When the person dies, those present close the deceased’s eyes and cover the body with a clean sheet. Someone is expected to read the Quran. As soon as the “ghusl” and shrouding are done, the deceased’s coffin is taken to the mosque for the funeral prayer “Salat al-Janazah,” which is a communal duty among Muslims.

The deceased person is put in front of the imam and the community behind him faces to the “qibla,” the direction of Mecca, in the courtyard of the mosque. When the prayer ends, the casket should be transported to the cemetery for burial. The body should be placed in the grave on its right side, facing the qibla. A layer of wood is placed over the corpse and then the soil is filled. Following the burial service, the family of the deceased accepts visitors at home.

On the other hand, Jewish funerals take place at synagogues. A Jew who is a Cohen, a descendant of the priestly class, does not join the burial unless the deceased is a close relative since he is forbidden to come near the corpse. A Cohen is commanded to be in state of purity and avoid ritual defilement by a corpse which is ritually unclean.

Women wear conservative apparel and men wear jackets in dark color. The service is held by the rabbi and begins by cutting a black ribbon to symbolize the person’s leaving loved ones.

After the funeral service, people go to the cemetery where men carry the casket. With prayers, the deceased is put in the grave with the casket. Mourners tear their garments as an expression of grief, which is called “keriah.” They keep on doing it during the first mourning process called “shiva” which lasts seven days. In “shiva” mourners keep the traditions such as covering mirrors and lighting candles. People visit the home of bereaved. There the “kaddish” prayer is recited.

Once a Catholic dies, the priest visits the home with a cross and a vessel of holy water to sprinkle over the deceased’s body. There is no washing or bathing but embalming is acceptable. It is also an appropriate way for the viewing and wake and vigil, which is a period of spending time with deceased before the funeral service at home or a funeral home. Relatives and friends of the deceased come, praying and sharing the grief of the immediate family. This is the most appropriate time to eulogize as the “Requiem Mass” (Catholic Church service) does not permit eulogies.

During the wake, the body is put on display in a casket. When the casket is brought to the church, the priest leads the funeral mass. Holy water is sprinkled and there is an opening song and prayer, and a sermon takes place from the Bible and a psalm. When the mass is completed the coffin is taken to the graveyard for the rite of committal.

For Eastern Orthodox Christians, there are differences in the funeral service compared to Catholics. When an Orthodox is about to die, the priest should be there to hear the final confession and administer the “Holy Communion” to the person. The first step is preparing the body that includes washing and clothing. When the body is bathed and dressed, the priest sprinkles the holy water on the four sides of the casket before the body is placed inside. The priest reads the first “Panikhida” (a prayer service). The wake lasts three days and during this, the “Psalter” (The book of Psalms) is read out loud by family and friends.

After this, the body is brought to a church in a form of procession led by the cross. There the coffin is opened and a bowl of “Koliva” (a dish of boiled wheat with honey) is placed with a candle on top, symbolizing the cyclical nature of life and the sweetness of heaven. A cross is placed in the deceased’s hand. Lit candles are distributed to those present in the funeral. The priest leads the “Divine Liturgy,” and recites “Memory Eternal.” Although saying goodbye differs in every society, from the preparation of the deceased to the disposal, the arrangements and funeral services in between actually show us all these funerary customs are important as much as for the bereaved of the deceased. The importance given to funerals is universal for honoring the deceased and consoling and sharing the pain of loss as well at the end of the day.

Complete Article HERE!

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Looking Death in the Face

Mummy of Ramses II

By John Kaag and Clancy Martin

[R]amses II, also known as Ramses the Great, was born about 3,000 years ago and is widely regarded as the most powerful pharaoh of the Egyptian Empire. The Greeks called him Ozymandias. When he died in 1213 B.C.E., he left a series of temples and palaces that stretched from Syria to Lybia, and countless statues and monuments commemorating his impressive reign. By the 19th century, when European colonization reached Egypt, most of these statues were gone, and the ones that remained were in ruin. In 1816, the Italian archaeologist Giovanni Belzoni discovered a bust of Ramses and acquired it for the British Museum. This is when Ozymandias’s life, in one respect, truly began.

“Ozymandias,” perhaps the most famous sonnet Percy Byshe Shelley ever penned, was written in 1817, as the remains of the famous statue were slowly transported from the Middle East to England. Shelley imagines a traveler recounting a journey in a distant desert. Like Belzoni, Shelley’s character discovers a great bust, half-buried in the windswept sands. Next to the wreckage is a pedestal where the monument once stood. Inscribed in shallow letters on the slab of rock: “My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” Of course, as Shelley’s poem tells us, nothing remained of these works or the king of kings. Just sand.

The poem’s message is perennial: All of this will be over soon, faster than you think. Fame has a shadow — inevitable decline. The year 2016 has delivered a string of deaths that serve as bracing reminders of this inevitability: Prince, Nancy Reagan, David Bowie, Elie Wiesel, Bill Cunningham, Muhammad Ali, Gordie Howe, Merle Haggard, Patty Duke, John Glenn. Of course, it has also been a year that has ushered in a new empire and, simultaneously, the specter of apocalypse. The year’s end is a time to take account of kingdoms built, but also the sheer rapidity of their destruction. It is a chance to come to terms with the existential fragility that is overlooked in most of our waking hours and that must be faced even by the greatest among us.

We tend to defer the question of living or dying well until it’s too late to answer. This might be the scariest thing about death: coming to die only to discover, in Thoreau’s words, that we haven’t lived.

Facing death, though, is rarely simple. We avoid it because we can. It’s easier to think of “dying” as an adjective than a verb, as in a dying patient or one’s dying words. This allows us to pretend that dying is something that is going to happen in some distant future, at some other point in time, to some other person. But not to us. At least not right now. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not even next decade. A lifetime from now.

Dying, of course, corresponds exactly with what we prefer to call living. This is what Samuel Beckett meant when he observed that we “give birth astride the grave.” It is an existential realization that may seem to be the province of the very sick or very old. The elderly get to watch the young and oblivious squander their days, time that they now recognize as incredibly precious.

When dying finally delivers us to our unexpected, inevitable end, we would like to think that we’ve endured this arduous trial for a reason. Dying for something has a heroic ring to it. But really it’s the easiest thing in the world and has little to do with fame and fortune. When you wake up and eat your toast, you are dying for something. When you drive to work, you’re dying for something. When you exchange meaningless pleasantries with your colleagues, you’re dying for something. As surely as time passes, we human beings are dying for something. The trick to dying for something is picking the right something, day after week after precious year. And this is incredibly hard and decidedly not inevitable.

If we understand it correctly, the difficulty is this — that from the time we’re conscious adults, maybe even before that, we get to choose how we’re going to die. It is not that we get to choose whether we contract cancer or get hit by a bus (although certain choices make these eventualities more or less likely) but that, if we are relatively fortunate (meaning, if we do not have our freedom revoked by circumstance or a malevolent force we can’t control), we have a remarkable degree of choice about what to do, think and become in the meantime, about how we go about living, which means we have a remarkable degree of choice over how we go about our dying. The choice, like the end itself, is ultimately ours and ours alone. This is what Heidegger meant when he wrote that death is our “own-most possibility”: Like our freedom, death is ours and ours alone.

Thinking about all of our heroes and friends and loved ones who have died, we may try to genuinely understand that death is coming, and to be afraid. “A free man thinks of death least of all things,” Spinoza famously wrote, “and his wisdom is a meditation not of death but of life.” But we don’t even begin to think about life, not really, until we confront the fact that we are doing everything we can not to think about death. And perhaps we’re not so much afraid of dying, in the end, as of not living and dying well.

Everyday life has no shortage of things with which to waste our time: the pursuit of money, intelligence, beauty, power, fame. We all feel their draw. But the uncomfortable, claustrophobic truth is that dying for something like money or power tends not to be a choice at all. David Foster Wallace argued that for most of us dying in the pursuit of wealth or prestige is simply our “default setting.” The problem isn’t that we’re picking the wrong things to die for, but that we aren’t actually picking. We chose to live by proxy. We allow ourselves to remain in a psychological trap that prevents us from seeing what might be genuinely meaningful in our own lives. In doing so, we risk, according to Wallace, “going through (our) comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to our heads and to (our) natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out.” We might call this the Ozymandias Trap — Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! — and be on guard against falling into it ourselves.

Most days we discover that we’re not quite up to the heroic task of extricating ourselves from the Ozymandias Trap. Others, we fear we’ve failed miserably. It is not realistic to love in the awareness that each day might be your last. But at least we can stop pretending that we will endure forever.

In Tolstoy’s famous story “The Death of Ivan Ilyich”, the dying hero reluctantly accepts his own mortality, albeit only once he can no longer avoid the truth:

It’s not a question of appendix or kidney, but of life and … death. Yes, life was there and now it is going, going and I cannot stop it. Yes. Why deceive myself? Isn’t it obvious to everyone but me that I’m dying … it may happen this moment. There was light and now there is darkness … When I am not, what will there be? There will be nothing …

Ivan Ilyich can’t pretend that he’s not dying. He recognizes what Ramses II apparently did not: With his death, there is no justification of his life, there is no proof of himself to leave behind, there are no monuments where he is going. He has lied to himself all of his life about the fact that he’s going to die.

In the end, Ivan is liberated from his self-deception. And we, too, can free ourselves from this delusion. As soon as today. Right now.

If we succeed, we may find that confronting the fact of our own impermanence can do something unexpected and remarkable — transform the very nature of how we live.

Complete Article HERE!