Deborah Blum holds a photo of her child, Esther Iris, who died by suicide in 2021. When it came time to write the death notice, Blum was open and specific about the mental health struggles that led to her child’s death.
By Debby Waldman
When Deborah and Warren Blum’s 16-year-old died by suicide in November 2021, they went into shock. For two days, the grief-stricken Los Angeles couple didn’t sleep.
But when it came time to write a death notice, Deborah Blum was clearheaded: In a heartfelt tribute to her smart, funny, popular child, who had recently come out as nonbinary, she was open and specific about the mental health struggles that led to Esther Iris’s death.
“Esther’s whole thing was that people should know and talk about mental health and it shouldn’t be a secret,” Deborah Blum told KFF Health News. “The least I could do was to be honest and tell people. I think being embarrassed just makes it worse.”
Deborah Blum in the bedroom of her teen child, Esther Iris.
While it was once unheard-of to mention suicide as a cause of death in news obituaries and paid death notices, that has been changing, especially in the past 10 years, said Dan Reidenberg, a psychologist and managing director of the National Council for Suicide Prevention.
High-profile suicides — such as those of comic actor Robin Williams in 2014, fashion designer Kate Spade in 2018 and dancer Stephen “tWitch” Boss in 2022 — have helped reduce the stigma surrounding suicide loss. So has advertising for depression and anxiety medications, which has helped normalize that mental illnesses are health conditions.
The covid-19 pandemic also drew attention to the prevalence of mental health challenges.
“The stigma is changing,” Reidenberg said. “There is still some, but it’s less than it used to be, and that’s increasing people’s willingness to include it in an obituary.”
The teen’s drawings.A card Esther Iris made for their dad, Warren Blum.
While there’s no right or wrong way to write death announcements, mental health and grief experts said the reluctance to acknowledge suicide has implications beyond the confines of a public notice. The stigma attached to the word affects everything from how people grieve to how people help prevent others from ending their own lives.
Research shows that talking about suicide can help reduce suicidal thoughts, but studies have also found that spikes in suicide rates can follow news reports about someone dying that way — a phenomenon known as “suicide contagion.” The latter is an argument people make for not acknowledging suicide in obituaries and death notices.
Reidenberg said, however, the subject can be addressed responsibly.
That includes telling a balanced story, similar to what Deborah Blum did, acknowledging Esther Iris’s accomplishments as well as their struggles. It means leaving out details about the method or location of the death, and not glorifying the deceased in a way that might encourage vulnerable readers to think dying by suicide is a good way to get attention.
A surfboard in memory of Esther Iris, with notes from their community written on it, is outside the Blum home in Los Angeles.
“We don’t ever want to normalize suicide, but we don’t want to normalize that people can’t have a conversation about suicide,” Reidenberg said.
Having that conversation is an important part of the grieving process, said Holly Prigerson, a professor of sociology in medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York and an expert on prolonged grief disorder.
“Part of adjusting to the loss of someone is coming up with a story of what happened and why,” she said. “To the extent that you can’t be honest and acknowledge what happened if it’s a death due to suicide, that will complicate, if not impede, your ability to fully and accurately process your loss.”
People close to the deceased often know when a death was by suicide, Reidenberg said, particularly in the case of young people.
“Being honest can lead to information and awareness, whereas if we keep it shrouded in this big mystery it doesn’t help,” he added.
A study about caregiver depression that Prigerson recently conducted identified avoidance as an impediment to healing from grief.
“Not acknowledging how someone died, denying the cause of death, avoiding the reality of what happened is a significant barrier to being able to adjust to what happened and to move forward,” she said.
Researchers are increasingly seeing bereavement as a social process, Prigerson said, and as social beings, people look to others for comfort and solace. That’s another reason the stigma attached to suicide is harmful: It keeps people from opening up.
“The stigma is based on the perception that others will judge you as being an inadequate parent, or not having done enough,” Prigerson said. “This whole thing with obituaries is all about others — it’s about how people are going to read what happened and think less of you.”
Stigma, shame and embarrassment are among the reasons grieving family members have traditionally avoided acknowledging suicide in obituaries and death notices. It’s also why, if they do, they may be more likely to address it indirectly, either by describing the death as “sudden and unexpected” or by soliciting donations for mental health programs.
Economics can factor in — sometimes people are secretive because of life insurance plans that exclude payouts for suicides. Sometimes they’re trying to protect reputations, theirs as well as those of the deceased, particularly in religious communities where suicide is considered a sin.
Avoiding the word suicide doesn’t necessarily mean someone is in denial. In the days after a loss, which is when most obituaries and death announcements are written, it’s often profoundly difficult to face the truth, especially in the case of suicide, said Doreen Marshall, a psychologist and former vice president at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Even when people can admit the truth to themselves, they might have trouble expressing it to others, said Joanne Harpel, a suicide bereavement expert in New York who works with mourners through her business, Coping After Suicide.
In the support groups she runs, she said, people vary in how open they are willing to be. For example, in the group for mothers who have lost a child to suicide, everyone acknowledges that reality — after all, that’s why they’re there — but they don’t all do so the same way.
“Some of them will refer to ‘when this happened’ or ‘before all this,’” Harpel said, cautioning against holding all mourners to the same standard. “They’re not pretending it was something else, but using the word ‘suicide’ is so confronting and so painful that even in the safest context it’s very, very hard for them to say it out loud.”
If you or someone you know needs help, visit 988lifeline.org or call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.<
Funerals hold significant cultural and religious importance worldwide. These rituals mark the end of a person’s life and provide an opportunity for communities to mourn, remember, and celebrate the departed soul. Regardless of different religious beliefs, funerals share a common thread of honoring the deceased and offering solace to the grieving. Let’s explore the diverse types of funeral practices observed in different religions around the globe, each reflecting the unique perspectives on life, death, and the afterlife.
1. Funeral Practices in Christianity:
Christianity, one of the world’s largest religions, views death as a transition to an eternal life with God. Christian funerals typically involve a somber yet hopeful tone, focusing on the belief in resurrection and salvation. Funeral services often include prayers, hymns, scripture readings, eulogies, and the sharing of memories. Burial is a common practice, with cemeteries serving as sacred grounds for the departed.
2. Funeral Customs in Islam:
In Islam, death is considered a natural part of life, and the afterlife is a fundamental belief. The Janazah (funeral) rituals are guided by Islamic principles and usually take place soon after death. The body is washed, shrouded in a simple cloth, and a specific prayer, Salat al-Janazah, is performed in congregation. Muslims bury their deceased facing Mecca, emphasizing humility and equality in death.
3. Jewish Funeral Traditions:
Judaism, with its rich traditions and customs, approaches death as a continuation of the soul’s journey. Jewish funerals prioritize the prompt burial of the deceased, often within 24 hours of death. The deceased is ritually washed (Tahara) and dressed in a plain white shroud (Tachrichim). Eulogies are avoided, and the focus is on prayers, Psalms, and the sharing of memories during the funeral service.
4. Hindu Funeral Ceremonies:
Hinduism, a complex and diverse religion, regards death as part of the soul’s cycle of rebirth (Samsara). Antyesti, or the Last Rites, is a crucial funeral ceremony in Hindu traditions. The body is cremated, and the ashes are often scattered in a sacred river. Hindu funerals may also include other rituals such as Pinda Daan, offering rice balls to the deceased for spiritual liberation.
5. Buddhist Funeral Observances:
Buddhism, known for its teachings on impermanence, interprets death as a transition to another life or state. Buddhist funerals vary among different cultures but commonly include chanting, reciting sutras, and performing rituals to guide the soul towards a positive rebirth. Cremation is a widespread practice, and some Buddhist communities also practice sky burials or water burials.
6. Sikh Funeral Rites:
Sikhism emphasizes the unity of the soul with the eternal creator, and death is seen as a merging of the soul with the divine. The Antam Sanskar, or Last Rites, involves bathing the body, followed by prayers and hymns from the Guru Granth Sahib (Sikh scriptures). Sikhs opt for cremation, considering it a way to liberate the soul from the cycle of birth and death.
7. Traditional Chinese Funeral Customs:
Chinese funeral traditions are deeply rooted in ancestral worship and veneration. Chinese families pay great respect to their ancestors and believe in maintaining strong familial connections even after death. Funeral rites include elaborate ceremonies, offerings, and prayers. Burial, cremation, and entombment in family graves are practiced based on regional and cultural differences.
8. Native American Funeral Traditions:
Native American communities have diverse spiritual beliefs, each with its unique funeral customs. The concept of death often involves a cyclical view of life and rebirth. Funeral practices include rituals, dances, and ceremonies that honor the deceased and guide their spirits to the afterlife. Burial methods vary, such as ground burials, tree burials, or sky burials.
9. African Traditional Funeral Ceremonies:
African traditional funeral customs are deeply connected to ancestor veneration and the spiritual world. These rituals differ widely across the continent’s diverse cultures. Funerals are elaborate events, often lasting several days, and include dancing, singing, and feasting. Burials may take place in family graveyards or sacred sites.
10. Ancient Egyptian Funeral Rituals:
The ancient Egyptians believed in an afterlife and devoted considerable effort to ensure a smooth transition for the deceased. Mummification was a significant part of the funeral process, preserving the body for the journey to the afterlife. Elaborate ceremonies and rituals were conducted to honor the deceased and seek protection in the afterlife.
11. Modern Secular Funeral Practices:
In modern times, secular or non-religious funerals have gained popularity. These services often focus on celebrating the life of the deceased rather than emphasizing religious beliefs. They may include personalized elements, music, and readings that reflect the individual’s interests and values.
12. Comparative Analysis of Funeral Practices:
When examining funeral practices across various religions, common themes of reverence for the deceased and comforting the bereaved emerge. Despite differences in rituals, these practices share the purpose of providing closure and honoring the departed soul.
13. Perceptions and Attitudes Towards Death:
Cultural and religious beliefs significantly influence how societies perceive and approach death. Understanding these differences fosters tolerance and compassion in times of grief. Coping with loss is a deeply human experience, transcending cultural boundaries.Funerals, regardless of religious affiliations, are a testament to humanity’s shared experience of life and death. Each type of funeral bears witness to a community’s beliefs, values, and traditions, offering solace to the bereaved and celebrating the life of the departed. Embracing the diversity of funeral practices enriches our understanding of the human journey.
Hayley West wants to become compost when she dies.
But if that’s not an option, she’s happy to be cremated and scattered somewhere in the bush around Castlemaine, central Victoria.
“By the time I die, [I hope] human composting will be happening in Australia,” Ms West said.
“Somebody I know and love will pick up my soily cremains and go and plant then somewhere.”
She said 70 per cent of Australians get cremated as people move away from traditional burials, but an increasingly wide array of post-death options await, in part due to a growing willingness for people to talk about death.
You may not be able to become human compost yet but perhaps you would like your ashes turned into jewellery or a paperweight. Or maybe you’d like a tree planted in your name.
The options are as endless as death itself.
New ways to be dead
Ms West is a Castlemaine artist who presents a weekly radio show about death called Dead Air.
She also hosts semi-regular “death cafes” — a worldwide phenomenon where people get together “to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death”, as the website puts it.
“Fifteen years ago I was considered just morbid and kind of odd for talking about this,” she said.
Hayley West co-hosts Death Cafes and presents a weekly radio show about death and dying.
“It’s evolved and a really interesting space to be in now.
“I have the only live radio show in Australia that actually talks about [death] and I love the idea that somebody could just tune in, hear something interesting and then go away and tell someone else in the community about it.”
Ms West said that in the past five years, she’s noticed more people thinking differently about what to do with their body after they die, including making a minimal impact on the environment.
“People often get scattered [as ashes] in memorable places rather than being interred in cemeteries or there’s now even the option of natural burial,” she said.
How to become a diamond
Heathcote-based author Amanda Collins is “a death doula” who helps people navigate their end.
She says she has also noticed that, over the past decade or so, the rules around funerals and memorials have gone out the window in “a very good way”.
Amanda Collins helps support people caring for someone who is dying.
“I’ve seen ashes turned into diamonds, or the slightly less expensive option of being placed in glass paperweights and jewellery,” she said.
And while there are still cultures in Australia that have a strong tradition of visiting the cemetery to clean up the grave of a loved one and bring flowers, a growing number of people are looking for alternatives.
“We no longer follow rituals just because it’s always been done like that,” Ms Collins said.
“There’s a wonderful artist in Melbourne who will take clothing from your loved one and shred that clothing, which sounds drastic, then weave a new garment or blanket or something you have in your house as a memento.”
Filling the dead air
Central Victorian sisters Caitlin Epps and Bec Gallagher co-host The Loss Mothers podcast, guiding women through open discussion about the loss of their children.
The podcasts, or private recordings for those who don’t want their session made public, can act as a “modern day time capsule” and provide a neutral space for people who might be struggling to describe their grief to family and friends.
“They want to continue their memories — to be able to talk about their loved one freely, and not forget about them.”
The sisters have also created conversation cards people can use to open those channels of communication.
Sisters Bec Gallagher and Caitlin Epps (right) co-host The Loss Mothers podcast.
“It can be a great way to start a conversation,” she said.
“The more we talk about these things the more it becomes normalised.”
A continuing conversation
Ms Collins, in her role as a death doula, advises people to keep revisiting their death and funeral plans.
She suggests Dying to Know Day on August 8 as a great reminder to revise plans each year.
“I wrote a funeral plan when I was in my early 30s and I’m now in my 50s,” Ms Collins said.
“[Initially] I set out a lot of directions and told everybody exactly what I wanted and I don’t want that anymore.”
For now, she’s just on the lookout for good, appropriate funeral songs.
Ms Collins advises people to keep revisiting their death and funeral plans.
Hannah Czerwinski’s office desk isn’t decorated like most. Between pictures of her baby and papers rest vials of perfectly clean, bright white bones.
“This is Dougie,” she says, holding up a tiny glass jar of bearded dragon remnants.
Dougie is just one of many dead animals in Czerwinski’s office. Her shelves are lined with glass jars of sharp canine and cat teeth, fine powdery ground-up bones, and even delicate bat bones. They’ve all been picked clean as if their bodies had been scavenged by vultures and then bleached like a sand dollar. They look like they could turn to dust from one touch.
Czerwinski is one of around 20 employees at Bio-Response Solutions, the leading manufacturer of alkaline hydrolysis equipment worldwide. This equipment is used to reduce deceased humans and animals to liquid and ash, a method that is less energy intensive and polluting than cremation. The company is not an active funeral home and legally can’t process humans, but it does use deceased animals to show potential buyers how the equipment works. When her lizard companion passed away a few years ago, Czerwinski knew what to do. After he died, Dougie’s body was placed in one of Bio-Response’s pet systems and turned into liquid until all that remained were the bones that sit next to Czerwinski’s computer.
Tucked away in an industrial park 40 minutes outside of Indianapolis, Bio-Response is the world’s biggest manufacturer of machines that liquefy bodies with water. They ship about 100 chambers each year across the globe—a mixture of pet and human machines—to provide a more sustainable, less fuel-intensive alternative to cremation.
This process may sound macabre, but it’s not brand new. It is, however, becoming more attractive as people search for more environmentally sound death options. Alkaline hydrolysis, which Bio-Response calls aquamation, is just one in a growing list of options for consumers concerned about how their funerals may impact the environment. Other options include eco-burials, body composting, and mushroom mycelium suits. And while alkaline hydrolysis may not be talked about as frequently as the other, it’s legal in far more places, including about half of all US states for humans.
The steps are a bit different for animals like Dougie. While the human machines can only treat one body at a time, in the pet machines, multiple small bodies can be treated simultaneously because the animals are separated by metal walls, so their bones don’t get mixed up. The machine is then filled with a mixture of hot water and a caustic alkali (a liquid or solid version of sodium and potassium hydroxides). Together, the two break down the body until all that is left are bones.
A staff member treats the remains of a family pet. Alkaline hydrolysis is legal for animals in Indiana.
Alkaline hydrolysis can sound scary, hence why it goes by so many names: aquamation and resomation being the two most popular. But really, the whole process can be understood by going back to basic chemistry. Think of a pH chart you might have seen on a science classroom wall. On one side, starting from zero, are acidic substances like lemon juice and vinegar. In the middle, at seven, is water, a purely neutral liquid. Then on the other side, things get basic. Ending at 14 are alkaline substances. Chemically, alkaline substances are the opposite of acids, but they, too, can break down organic compounds.
Crematorium owner and Bio-Response machine user Philip Flores uses potassium hydroxide as his alkali, which is just a type of lye used in soap making. “It’s a salt that helps create alkalinity when mixed with water,” he says. “So when you have the warm and gentle flow of water introduced with this alkalinity, what happens is, aside from accelerating the decomposition process, it breaks down anything that’s organic, leaving behind the inorganic, which would be the entire skeletal structure.”
In as little as 16 hours, Dougie’s small scales were broken down this way, his decaying flesh submerged in a solution of around 200 degrees Fahrenheit until all that was left were the memories of his companionship, the bones that decorate Czerwinski’s office, and a non-toxic brown liquid that smells vaguely like an unkempt pet store. If Dougie had been a human, a metal hip or breast implant may have been left behind for the machine operator to remove after his liquified body had been drained from the chamber.
To Czerwinski, alkaline hydrolysis was the clear choice for her 10-year-old lizard companion. Right around the time Dougie was born, Czerwinski’s dad, Joe Wilson, had an idea that would revolutionize the death industry: creating an American market for body-liquifying machines.
Body liquification takes off
Bio-Response officially got started on November 26, 2009, as the brainchild of Joe Wilson, who had previously worked in waste management for STERIS, a medical equipment company that focuses on infection prevention. For most, going to a medical waste conference sounds mundane, but on a crisp November day when Wilson attended one in Baltimore, he was blown away.
In the early ‘90s, the late professor Gordon Kaye of Albany Medical College faced a problem: He needed to dispose of research animals that contained radioisotopes in a safe and economically feasible way. A colleague, Peter Weber had an idea. He took a sample rat, liquified it, through alkaline hydrolysis, and returned the resulting bone powder to Kaye. It was a breakthrough, particularly for the disposal of corpses used in research contexts.
Seven years later, Wilson took his seat at a conference presentation led by Kaye. “I learned that not only did alkaline hydrolysis dissolve tissue, but it destroyed cancer drugs, embalming agents, formaldehyde, other complex chemical toxins, and was sterile,” Wilson says. “The whole idea just caught me off guard.” It was a way to sanctify the dead without burning them.
Wilson wanted to make the method useful to more professions and industries. First, he built a towable alkaline hydrolysis unit that could be transported to farms for diseased livestock disposal. This was a success, but Wilson had more ambitions: He wanted to build something that could liquefy individual people. At the time, another manufacturer was making a human-sized alkaline hydrolysis machine in Scotland, though it was expensive. This is what Wilson challenged. One night in 2010, Wilson woke up at 3 a.m. with an idea and scribbled it down. “Other people had a Rolls Royce,” he says. “I wanted to build a Chevrolet for the industry.”
What he jotted down that night became the backbone of Bio-Response today. The company, founded by Wilson four years earlier, had been selling machines for pets, appropriately called PET machines, but this changed everything. “It was a real home run,” Wilson says.
Human meets machine
Today, Bio-Response offers two options for human corpses with differing temperatures, although they custom-make machines for almost any-sized organism imaginable. “One machine went all the way up to the ceiling,” says Rob Graham, sales manager at Bio-Response.
The machines themselves are surprisingly quiet—and given the nature of the work, the mood in Bio-Response’s warehouse is surprisingly relaxed, too.. The team of builders and programmers, which Graham describes as a family, listens to music and rides around on scooters as they construct metal chambers worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. It’s like a tech startup, except instead of creating the latest AI craze, they build equipment to liquify dead people and animals. Soon, these machines will be installed in funeral homes to liquefy humans. But today, the shining silver cylinders are emitting steam as employees checked them for quality control before shipment to Las Vegas
After almost a full day in the hot solution, the human body turns to bone and effluent.
Each machine fits one human at a time and, after being filled up with the alkaline solution, is tilted at an angle. This allows less water to be used as the body inside naturally falls into a crouching position when tilted. The machine hums for 16 to 18 hours before being drained, and the remaining bones are removed, dried, and ground into a fine dust that loved ones can take home.
But then there’s the remaining effluent, which is a fancy way to say the brown, musty liquid made of the natural byproducts of decomposition, including amino acids, salt, and sugar. To say the liquid doesn’t smell would be a lie, but it’s nothing compared to the stench of a rotting body. Aquamation practitioners then drain this effluent into the wastewater system, the same place where all of the water from sinks, toilets, showers, and washing machines go. “People are concerned that what we’re doing is drinking dead bodies,” says Philip Olson, a death studies professor at Virginia Tech who is not affiliated with Bio-Response. “There are lots of things in our wastewater system; this might be one of the least to worry about.”
Still, it does worry people, even when more traditional funerary methods process waste similarly. “During embalming, where a body is drained of blood, it is sent into the wastewater system,” Olson says. “It’s untreated.” In alkaline hydrolysis, while the waste ends up in the same place, it is treated. “It’s been sterilized by the nature of heat, which will kill anything that was living essentially,” Graham explains. There are also religious and cultural barriers to consider with aquamation as well. In the Catholic faith, alkaline hydrolysis is not an acceptable form of body disposal. This follows a history of opposition to cremation, which wasn’t allowed until the 1960s, despite the modern cremation movement beginning nearly 100 years earlier. But Wilson says strict Catholic approval isn’t stopping people. “Half the people that go through our machines are Catholics,” he estimates.
While the tech behind alkaline hydrolysis precedes Bio-Response, the company has built a system that can be used in crematoriums across the world.
Still, perception is changing. When anti-apartheid activist and Anglican bishop Desmond Tutu died in 2021, most of the world had no idea what alkaline hydrolysis was. But Tutu did, and he had chosen to go through the process upon his death. Although Tutu was not Catholic, Graham says his death changed minds. “That knocked down on the barrier tremendously given he was known right underneath the Pope,” Graham says. To date, Bio-Response has sold more than 400 machines in North America alone.
The ultimate decision
But with the many options people have for their final rites, why choose this one? Olson says there are two main reasons. The first is that customers perceive the process as gentle, which is preferable to many over sending their loved ones to be burned by flame. “I’m not exactly sure what’s gentle about caustic alkali, but that’s how people perceive it—like a warm water bath,” Olson adds.
The second lies in its environmental benefits. Cremation uses about 30 gallons of fuel from propane or natural gas for one body, releases carcinogenic matter into the atmosphere, and returns a smaller percentage of ashes than hydrolysis. Traditional burial, too, has its downsides. In the embalming process, corpses are injected with two to three gallons of a cocktail of chemicals, including formaldehyde, mercury, and methanol. When a body is buried and decomposes, these chemicals can leak into our groundwater. “If you test the soil in a cemetery, most of that is toxic,” says Craig Klugman, a professor of death studies at DePaul University.
Then there’s the matter of space. Cemeteries around the world are filling up, leading more people to opt for methods that reduce their bodies to dust. Alkaline hydrolysis, its proponents argue, offers an alternative to land use, while cutting carbon emissions by 75 percent compared to cremation. Still, Olson warns that the process of producing alkaline substances for these machines can be energy intensive, even if direct emissions from running the machines are much lower than alternatives.
Of course, other eco-friendly options like human composting have been in the news for similar reasons. For now, this process is only legal in six states, but supporters hope it adds another option for environmentally friendly decomposition to the mix.
Wilson doesn’t oppose other methods of decomposition. In fact, he says he doesn’t worry about planning out how his own body is disposed of. “I don’t care what they do with it—I’ll be dead,” he says. Still, he prefers alkaline hydrolysis for its sterility. “There are certain microbes or diseases that will not be destroyed in composting like they will in alkaline hydrolysis,” he notes. Those residuals could end up in groundwater depending on how the remains are disposed of or repurposed, though as Wilson points out, they should not pose a real health threat to the living.
Although more than half of US states have legalized alkaline hydrolysis for humans in non-research settings, Indiana, where Bio-Response is based, isn’t one of them. “I mean, we just approved alcohol sales on Sunday five years ago,” says Graham. “Plus, Indiana is home to the largest casket manufacturer in the world.”
Bio-Response’s machines cost between $175,000 and $260,000.
In Wilson’s view, the Hoosier State will probably be the last to legalize this practice. And while the timing is uncertain, Bio-Response is thriving. They’ve quadrupled their output since 2017 and now send around 100 machines annually around the globe. “If all 50 states came on at once, we might lack quality trying to outpace ourselves,” Graham says.
When he dies, if it’s in a state where alkaline hydrolysis is legal, Graham says he absolutely would choose it. “I hope I’ve made a friend that will let me ride through there,” he says. If that happens, Graham will be one in a growing group of Americans who end up churning in the warm waters of an aquamation machine until all that remains is a fine powder, a musty liquid, and memories.
Ghost marriage is an ancient and mysterious Chinese tradition that has been practiced for centuries. Even in the modern day, it is still a custom of many Chinese families, but what exactly is ghost marriage and why do people practice it? This blog post will explore the history, reasons, types, contemporary practices, and cultural implications of ghost marriage to gain insight into how this tradition has evolved over time and its impact on modern Chinese culture today. From exchanging money or goods as part of the ceremony to how it shapes traditional values, this article will uncover the mysteries of this unique practice.
History and Origin of Ghost Marriage
Ghost marriage is an ancient and mysterious Chinese tradition that has been practiced for centuries. It is believed to have originated in ancient China thousands of years ago, with the practice then spreading throughout Europe and Asia. This practice was traditionally seen as a way to ensure that the deceased had a partner in the afterlife. In fact, Confucius himself was known to have mentioned this practice in his writings.
The traditional Chinese belief was that a ghost marriage could help restore balance between two families who had lost a child. The idea was that by joining two families together through marriage, both families would be able to benefit from the union even if one of their members had died. This idea has been around since ancient times and still holds true today in some parts of China.
Another reason why ghost marriages are popular is due to superstition and fear of bad luck or misfortune. Many people believe that if they do not perform a ghost marriage ceremony for their deceased family member, it may bring bad luck upon them or their family. Therefore, performing this ceremony can be seen as a way of protecting yourself from bad luck or evil spirits.
A ghost wedding feast in Singapore. Source: Topley, 1955
Finally, there are also religious reasons for why people may choose to perform ghost marriages. In some cases, it can be seen as an act of piety towards one’s ancestors or gods and goddesses associated with death and rebirth rituals such as those found in Taoism and Buddhism.
Ghost marriages are still practiced today in many parts of China, although they are not as common as they once were due to changing cultural attitudes towards death and mourning practices over time. Despite this shift in attitudes, this mysterious tradition still lives on because it offers comfort to those who mourn for their loved ones and helps them keep their memories alive forever through this special ritualistic ceremony.
Reasons for Ghost Marriage
Since ancient times, Chinese people have practiced ghost marriage as part of their culture and religious customs. The belief that ghosts are in need of companionship is deeply ingrained in Chinese culture, leading to the practice of ghost marriage in order to provide the deceased with a life partner in the afterlife. Performing such a ceremony also allows families to keep ancestral connections alive and maintain their traditions.
In some cases, ghost marriages were also carried out as a way of preventing unmarried daughters from becoming “hungry ghosts” in the afterlife; this was done out of fear that she would be doomed to wander endlessly without rest or peace if she did not have someone to accompany her into death. It was believed that unhappy spirits could bring bad luck and misfortune upon those who had wronged them during life, so marrying off single women was seen as a way of avoiding potential disasters.
Religious reasons for performing ghost marriages exist as well; these acts are sometimes used as offerings for gods or goddesses associated with death and rebirth rituals. In addition, ceremonies can be performed out of piety towards ancestors or deities related to ancestor worship or traditional funeral practices.
Ghost marriage has been an important tradition among Chinese people for centuries, but its prevalence has declined today due to evolving cultural views about death and mourning practices. Despite this shift however, the reasons behind it remain unchanged—to provide comfort for ghosts so they may pass peacefully into the afterlife, avert misfortune caused by hungry spirits on earth, preserve familial ties and honor religious beliefs related to ancestor worship or funeral rites.
Types of Ghost Marriages
Ghost marriage is an ancient custom practiced in China, where two families exchange money and goods as a sign of respect for the deceased. Usually, this occurs either before or after the actual nuptials take place. The bride’s family pays a dowry to the groom’s family or receives payment from them in return for her labor or services. Additionally, the groom’s family may provide a dowry to the bride’s family if they are unable to pay for her services.
The goods exchanged during these ceremonies vary, depending on region and religion. Rice, tea, sugar cane, incense sticks and candles are common gifts given by the bride’s family in some areas while clothing or jewelry may be offered in others. Others incorporate religious customs by exchanging items thought to bring good luck and protection from evil spirits.
Families arrange ghost marriages for various reasons, including protecting unmarried daughters from becoming “hungry ghosts” – spirits believed to haunt young women who die without being married or bearing children – as well as providing companionship for those who passed away. It is also often done to restore balance between two families through marriage following a tragedy like losing a child.
Over time, cultural attitudes towards death have changed leading to fewer ghost marriages taking place today; however its purpose remains largely undiminished within Chinese society – honoring ancestral deities and offering comfort during times of grief and loss.
Contemporary Practices
Ghost marriage continues to be practiced in China today, although the practices have changed from their ancient roots. Modern ghost marriages often involve an exchange of money or goods, as well as a ceremony, and are still popular in rural areas as a way to keep families connected. In contrast to historical traditions, modern ghost marriages are more likely to be between two deceased people rather than one living person and a deceased person.
Some people also practice ghost marriage out of respect for their ancestors or bridge the gap between two families. This can include uniting two families who have lost someone close, such as siblings marrying each other’s spouses after death. There are now laws in place that regulate who can be married in a ghost marriage, such as the requirement that both parties must have been dead for at least three years before the ceremony takes place.
Despite these regulations, there is still some controversy surrounding modern ghost marriage due to its association with illegal activities such as human trafficking and forced labor. In addition, some argue that it violates traditional Chinese values by disrupting familial hierarchy and disregarding filial piety towards ancestors.
Nevertheless, contemporary practices of ghost marriage exist alongside more traditional methods of honoring those who have passed away or connecting two families through ancestral lines. It is an ever-evolving tradition that continues to shape Chinese culture today despite changing attitudes towards death and mourning practices over time.
Cultural Implications
Ghost marriage has been an important part of Chinese culture for centuries and continues to shape modern Chinese society in subtle ways. In traditional Chinese culture, the practice was seen as a way to ensure the deceased had an afterlife and proper burial, as well as a way to negotiate or reaffirm power dynamics within family networks.
In recent years, there has been a shift in attitudes towards ghost marriage in China, with some viewing it as a violation of traditional values while others embrace it as a unique cultural tradition. This divide is largely due to the changing legal status of ghost marriage in China; while it is not illegal, there are laws regulating who can be married in this capacity.
The potential implications of ghost marriage on future generations are also worth considering. It is likely that intergenerational transmission of values associated with the practice will depend on how families view it today – whether they view it positively or negatively could determine whether these traditions are passed down through the generations.
Ultimately, although ghost marriage is no longer widely practiced today and its role in modern Chinese culture is somewhat unclear, this ancient tradition continues to shape our understanding of life and death and influence our views on family relationships and societal norms. As such, studying the history and current practices associated with ghost marriage can provide us with valuable insight into how modern-day Chinese society works.
Jewish funeral customs have been shaped by centuries of religious tradition and cultural practices. These customs are designed to show respect for the deceased and provide comfort to the grieving family.
If you have been invited to a Jewish funeral or wish to offer support to a Jewish friend in mourning, it is essential to familiarize yourself with these customs.
In this blog post, we will cover 20 things you should know about Jewish funeral customs.
Sympathy Flowers
While Christian funerals generally include many flowers to send for sympathy, this is generally not done at Jewish funerals, it is appropriate to send a donation to a designated charity or plant a tree in Israel in memory of the deceased.
However, if you know that the family appreciates sympathy flowers, sending a simple and modest arrangement is acceptable.
Immediate Burial
In the Jewish tradition, the deceased should ideally be buried as soon as possible, usually within 24 hours of death. This is done to honor the body and show respect for the soul.
No Embalming Or Cremation
Jewish law prohibits embalming and cremation, as they are seen as disrespectful to the body. The body is considered sacred and should be returned to the earth in a natural state.
Tahara
The deceased’s body is prepared for burial through a ritual cleansing called tahara. This process is performed by a group of trained individuals called the chevra kadisha. The body is washed, purified and dressed in simple white shrouds called tachrichim.
Simple Wooden Casket
A traditional Jewish burial involves a plain wooden casket with no metal parts. The simplicity of the casket reflects the belief in the equality of all people in death.
Shemira
Shemira is the practice of watching over the deceased from the time of death until burial. A family member or designated individual, known as a shomer, stays with the body to recite prayers and psalms.
Funeral Service
The Jewish funeral service called a levaya, is usually brief and simple. It includes prayers, the recitation of psalms, and eulogies. The service takes place at a synagogue, funeral home or graveside.
Procession To The Cemetery
After the funeral service, there is a procession to the cemetery. Mourners follow the hearse on foot for a short distance to show their respect and honor the deceased.
Kriah
During the funeral, mourners perform the kriah, a ritual tearing of one’s clothing. This symbolizes the tearing of the heart and the depth of griefhttps://southfloridareporter.com/jewish-funeral-customs-20-things-you-should-know/ experienced by the mourners.
Burial
At the cemetery, the casket is lowered into the ground, and mourners participate in the mitzvah of burial by shoveling earth onto the casket. This act is a final gesture of love and respect for the deceased.
Shiva
Shiva is the initial seven-day mourning period observed by the immediate family. Mourners stay at home, refrain from work and social activities, and receive visitors who come to offer comfort and support.
Offering Condolences
When offering condolences to a Jewish mourner, it is customary to say “HaMakom yenachem etchem b’toch she’ar avelei Tzion v’Yerushalayim” which means “May God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”
Meal Of Consolation
Following the burial, the family returns home to share a meal of consolation, called the seudat havra’ah. This meal typically includes round foods, such as eggs or lentils, which symbolize the cycle of life and the hope for continuity.
Uncovering The Mirrors
Covering mirrors during the shiva period is a Jewish tradition to symbolize the mourning process. At the end of shiva, it is customary to uncover the mirrors to signify the return to normal life.
This act is a reminder that while the deceased may be gone, life must continue. It also serves as a reminder that life is cyclical, and after periods of sadness, there will be times of joy and happiness.
Sheloshim
Sheloshim is a thirty-day mourning period observed by close family members after the death of a loved one. During this time, mourners refrain from attending social events and other festivities.
This period allows the mourners to focus on the grieving process and honor the memory of the deceased. Sheloshim provides an opportunity for mourners to reflect on the life of the deceased and to begin to find a way forward without them.
Yahrzeit
Yahrzeit is the anniversary of the death of a loved one, observed by lighting a yahrzeit candle and reciting the Kaddish prayer. The candle is lit for twenty-four hours and symbolizes the light that the deceased brought into the world during their lifetime.
Yahrzeit is an important time for family and friends to come together to remember and honor the life of the deceased. It is an opportunity to reflect on the memories shared and the impact they had on others.
Kaddish
The kaddish is a prayer recited by mourners during the funeral service and for the first year after the death. It is also recited on the yahrzeit and other occasions to honor the deceased. Kaddish is a powerful prayer that speaks to the hope and faith of the Jewish people. It is a reminder that life is cyclical and that after periods of sorrow, there will be times of joy and happiness. Kaddish provides comfort and solace to the mourners and helps them find peace during a difficult time.
Unveiling Ceremony
The unveiling ceremony, which takes place approximately one year after the death, involves the unveiling of the headstone at the cemetery. Family and friends gather to remember and honor the deceased.
Honoring The Deceased
Jewish funeral customs place a strong emphasis on honoring the deceased and showing respect for their life. This includes speaking about the deceased in positive terms and refraining from discussing any negative aspects of their life.
Comforting The Mourners
Above all, Jewish funeral customs are designed to provide comfort and support to the mourners. Whether it’s through the practice of shemira, the sharing of memories, or the offering of condolences, the focus is on helping the bereaved find peace and solace during a difficult time.
Jewish funeral customs have been shaped by centuries of tradition and reflect the importance of honoring the deceased and comforting the bereaved. Understanding these customs is essential when attending a Jewish funeral or offering support to a Jewish friend in mourning.
While sympathy flowers are not generally sent to Jewish funerals, other meaningful gestures, such as a donation to charity or a tree planting, can show your love and support. By familiarizing yourself with these customs and offering compassion and kindness, you can help ease the pain of those who have lost a loved one.
— Is there still a place in our increasingly fast-paced world for solemn, intimate customs like this one?
Hundreds of St. John’s residents participated in the funeral procession of Gerald J. Whitty and William King, local veterans of the First World War, after they were killed by a speeding car in Donovans in September 1924.
Spring 2018, Corner Brook, N.L.: As we leave my grandmother’s funeral, other drivers yield to our procession, even stopping on a green light to let us through so we aren’t separated. We reach the cemetery together to bear the casket into a receiving chapel for a final farewell.
Spring 2023, St. John’s: Leaving my cousins’ grandmother’s funeral, the hearse is immediately cut off from mourners by a courier van barrelling down the quiet side street. Despite our blinking emergency lights, the procession is interrupted by car after car, and we ultimately arrive at the cemetery by ones and twos, as though we had travelled separately.
The funeral cortege is a dying tradition, especially in larger centres where traffic is heavier and there’s a higher proportion of young drivers unfamiliar with the tradition of yielding to them.
Critics say we’d be better off without processions, which delay transit and occasionally even lead to accidents. Is there still a place for solemn, intimate customs like this one in our increasingly fast-paced and impersonal society?
Funeral processions have existed throughout recorded history. They emerged independently in many different parts of the world, for purely practical reasons.
An Egyptian widow weeps beside her husband’s coffin, kohl eyeliner running down her cheeks, while male relatives and colleagues follow behind the funeral sledge.
When a person dies, their remains must be transported from the location of their death to a place where their body can be prepared, then onward to their final resting place. Sometimes there’s a stop at a ceremonial space like a church or a temple along the way.
Since death is a social event — one that engages family, friends and community in commemorating the loss — it’s natural that the people who gather to honour the deceased should also accompany the corpse on its last journey.
A 4,000-year-old lament from Mesopotamia describes a king’s funeral. Weeping soldiers escorted his body to its grave, where his donkeys and chariot were buried with him to carry him the rest of the way to the netherworld.
Upper-class Egyptian funeral corteges included family members, priests, servants and sometimes musicians or professional mourners. The Tale of Sinuhe (ca. 1900-1700 BC) vividly depicts the trip to the tomb from the corpse’s perspective (translation by Roland Enmarch):
“A funeral procession will be made for you on the day of joining the earth with a mummy case of gold, a mask of lapis lazuli, a heaven over you, and you placed in a hearse, with oxen dragging you, and singers before you.”
An ordinary person might not have a golden casket, but in most places they would have the dignity of some sort of procession. Their body might be carried on the shoulders of loved ones or pulled to the gravesite on a wheeled bier followed by neighbours and friends on foot.
Ojibwe mourners bear a community member, along with food and personal belongings, to a burial scaffold. Engraving after B. Picart, 1723.
In rural communities, the distance from the deceased’s home to a cremation site or burial ground was usually short, but larger centres often required cemeteries to be located outside city limits for sanitary reasons or to preserve space for housing, making them difficult to reach on foot.
As a result, motor vehicles were incorporated into funeral processions almost as soon as they became widely available.
In 1908, the first car affordable to the middle class, the Ford Model T, was brought to market in the United States, and the first gas-powered “auto hearses” were introduced just a year later.
As car ownership became more and more common over the course of the 20th century, vehicular processions became the norm for funerals in many parts of the world, giving rise to new etiquette.
Participants in the cortege would drive slowly to mimic the sombre pace of a funeral march, and other drivers would usually give them the right of way.
These courtesies, however, weren’t always enshrined in law.
Eighteenth-century Chinese wallpaper shows a funeral procession led by musicians.
Most provinces and territories allow cars in corteges to travel closer together than other vehicles, but only five — Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Saskatchewan, Alberta and the Yukon — actually prohibit other drivers from cutting in.
As for running red lights and stop signs, that’s allowed only under certain circumstances in Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and the Yukon, while P.E.I. is the lone province with a law requiring other drivers to slow down when approaching a cortege.
While they may have little legal protection, funeral processions can have a big emotional impact.
I had never given much thought to funeral processions until I was in one and found it comforting to see other drivers slow down or stop. After all, when someone we love dies, doesn’t it feel like the world should stop, if only for a moment?
Those brief gestures of respect not only communicate sympathy and mutual support, they acknowledge that the deceased was part of the fabric of the community. Drivers might not know who’s in the casket but may nonetheless feel the gap they leave behind — the regular customer who no longer pops into their coffee shop, the neighbour who no longer pets their dog, the receptionist who no longer answers their call.
In a culture where we’re more and more insulated from death, it’s also an opportunity for drivers to reflect on their own mortality. It’s a memento mori, a reminder that we and our loved ones will soon be making that final journey ourselves and that we should live our lives with the knowledge they will not last forever.
Diverse, urban societies are bound by few common rituals. The funeral procession cuts across cultural and religious lines and allows us to recognize our common humanity.
