Category: After Death Care

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Ghost Marriage

— The Chinese Tradition Of Getting Dead People Married

Getting Married to the Dead

The History of Ghost Marriage

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Ghost marriage is an ancient and mysterious Chinese tradition that has been practiced for centuries. Even in the modern day, it is still a custom of many Chinese families, but what exactly is ghost marriage and why do people practice it? This blog post will explore the history, reasons, types, contemporary practices, and cultural implications of ghost marriage to gain insight into how this tradition has evolved over time and its impact on modern Chinese culture today. From exchanging money or goods as part of the ceremony to how it shapes traditional values, this article will uncover the mysteries of this unique practice.

History and Origin of Ghost Marriage

Ghost marriage is an ancient and mysterious Chinese tradition that has been practiced for centuries. It is believed to have originated in ancient China thousands of years ago, with the practice then spreading throughout Europe and Asia. This practice was traditionally seen as a way to ensure that the deceased had a partner in the afterlife. In fact, Confucius himself was known to have mentioned this practice in his writings.

The traditional Chinese belief was that a ghost marriage could help restore balance between two families who had lost a child. The idea was that by joining two families together through marriage, both families would be able to benefit from the union even if one of their members had died. This idea has been around since ancient times and still holds true today in some parts of China.

Another reason why ghost marriages are popular is due to superstition and fear of bad luck or misfortune. Many people believe that if they do not perform a ghost marriage ceremony for their deceased family member, it may bring bad luck upon them or their family. Therefore, performing this ceremony can be seen as a way of protecting yourself from bad luck or evil spirits.

A ghost wedding feast in Singapore. Source: Topley, 1955

Finally, there are also religious reasons for why people may choose to perform ghost marriages. In some cases, it can be seen as an act of piety towards one’s ancestors or gods and goddesses associated with death and rebirth rituals such as those found in Taoism and Buddhism.

Ghost marriages are still practiced today in many parts of China, although they are not as common as they once were due to changing cultural attitudes towards death and mourning practices over time. Despite this shift in attitudes, this mysterious tradition still lives on because it offers comfort to those who mourn for their loved ones and helps them keep their memories alive forever through this special ritualistic ceremony.

Reasons for Ghost Marriage

Since ancient times, Chinese people have practiced ghost marriage as part of their culture and religious customs. The belief that ghosts are in need of companionship is deeply ingrained in Chinese culture, leading to the practice of ghost marriage in order to provide the deceased with a life partner in the afterlife. Performing such a ceremony also allows families to keep ancestral connections alive and maintain their traditions.

In some cases, ghost marriages were also carried out as a way of preventing unmarried daughters from becoming “hungry ghosts” in the afterlife; this was done out of fear that she would be doomed to wander endlessly without rest or peace if she did not have someone to accompany her into death. It was believed that unhappy spirits could bring bad luck and misfortune upon those who had wronged them during life, so marrying off single women was seen as a way of avoiding potential disasters.

Religious reasons for performing ghost marriages exist as well; these acts are sometimes used as offerings for gods or goddesses associated with death and rebirth rituals. In addition, ceremonies can be performed out of piety towards ancestors or deities related to ancestor worship or traditional funeral practices.

Ghost marriage has been an important tradition among Chinese people for centuries, but its prevalence has declined today due to evolving cultural views about death and mourning practices. Despite this shift however, the reasons behind it remain unchanged—to provide comfort for ghosts so they may pass peacefully into the afterlife, avert misfortune caused by hungry spirits on earth, preserve familial ties and honor religious beliefs related to ancestor worship or funeral rites.

Types of Ghost Marriages

Ghost marriage is an ancient custom practiced in China, where two families exchange money and goods as a sign of respect for the deceased. Usually, this occurs either before or after the actual nuptials take place. The bride’s family pays a dowry to the groom’s family or receives payment from them in return for her labor or services. Additionally, the groom’s family may provide a dowry to the bride’s family if they are unable to pay for her services.

The goods exchanged during these ceremonies vary, depending on region and religion. Rice, tea, sugar cane, incense sticks and candles are common gifts given by the bride’s family in some areas while clothing or jewelry may be offered in others. Others incorporate religious customs by exchanging items thought to bring good luck and protection from evil spirits.

Families arrange ghost marriages for various reasons, including protecting unmarried daughters from becoming “hungry ghosts” – spirits believed to haunt young women who die without being married or bearing children – as well as providing companionship for those who passed away. It is also often done to restore balance between two families through marriage following a tragedy like losing a child.

Over time, cultural attitudes towards death have changed leading to fewer ghost marriages taking place today; however its purpose remains largely undiminished within Chinese society – honoring ancestral deities and offering comfort during times of grief and loss.

Contemporary Practices

Ghost marriage continues to be practiced in China today, although the practices have changed from their ancient roots. Modern ghost marriages often involve an exchange of money or goods, as well as a ceremony, and are still popular in rural areas as a way to keep families connected. In contrast to historical traditions, modern ghost marriages are more likely to be between two deceased people rather than one living person and a deceased person.

Some people also practice ghost marriage out of respect for their ancestors or bridge the gap between two families. This can include uniting two families who have lost someone close, such as siblings marrying each other’s spouses after death. There are now laws in place that regulate who can be married in a ghost marriage, such as the requirement that both parties must have been dead for at least three years before the ceremony takes place.

Despite these regulations, there is still some controversy surrounding modern ghost marriage due to its association with illegal activities such as human trafficking and forced labor. In addition, some argue that it violates traditional Chinese values by disrupting familial hierarchy and disregarding filial piety towards ancestors.

Nevertheless, contemporary practices of ghost marriage exist alongside more traditional methods of honoring those who have passed away or connecting two families through ancestral lines. It is an ever-evolving tradition that continues to shape Chinese culture today despite changing attitudes towards death and mourning practices over time.

Cultural Implications

Ghost marriage has been an important part of Chinese culture for centuries and continues to shape modern Chinese society in subtle ways. In traditional Chinese culture, the practice was seen as a way to ensure the deceased had an afterlife and proper burial, as well as a way to negotiate or reaffirm power dynamics within family networks.

In recent years, there has been a shift in attitudes towards ghost marriage in China, with some viewing it as a violation of traditional values while others embrace it as a unique cultural tradition. This divide is largely due to the changing legal status of ghost marriage in China; while it is not illegal, there are laws regulating who can be married in this capacity.

The potential implications of ghost marriage on future generations are also worth considering. It is likely that intergenerational transmission of values associated with the practice will depend on how families view it today – whether they view it positively or negatively could determine whether these traditions are passed down through the generations.

Ultimately, although ghost marriage is no longer widely practiced today and its role in modern Chinese culture is somewhat unclear, this ancient tradition continues to shape our understanding of life and death and influence our views on family relationships and societal norms. As such, studying the history and current practices associated with ghost marriage can provide us with valuable insight into how modern-day Chinese society works.

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Jewish Funeral Customs

— 20 Things You Should Know

Jewish funeral customs have been shaped by centuries of religious tradition and cultural practices. These customs are designed to show respect for the deceased and provide comfort to the grieving family.

If you have been invited to a Jewish funeral or wish to offer support to a Jewish friend in mourning, it is essential to familiarize yourself with these customs.

In this blog post, we will cover 20 things you should know about Jewish funeral customs.

Sympathy Flowers

While Christian funerals generally include many flowers to send for sympathy, this is generally not done at Jewish funerals, it is appropriate to send a donation to a designated charity or plant a tree in Israel in memory of the deceased.

However, if you know that the family appreciates sympathy flowers, sending a simple and modest arrangement is acceptable.

Immediate Burial

In the Jewish tradition, the deceased should ideally be buried as soon as possible, usually within 24 hours of death. This is done to honor the body and show respect for the soul.

No Embalming Or Cremation

Jewish law prohibits embalming and cremation, as they are seen as disrespectful to the body. The body is considered sacred and should be returned to the earth in a natural state.

Tahara

The deceased’s body is prepared for burial through a ritual cleansing called tahara. This process is performed by a group of trained individuals called the chevra kadisha. The body is washed, purified and dressed in simple white shrouds called tachrichim.

Simple Wooden Casket

A traditional Jewish burial involves a plain wooden casket with no metal parts. The simplicity of the casket reflects the belief in the equality of all people in death.

Shemira

Shemira is the practice of watching over the deceased from the time of death until burial. A family member or designated individual, known as a shomer, stays with the body to recite prayers and psalms.

Funeral Service

The Jewish funeral service called a levaya, is usually brief and simple. It includes prayers, the recitation of psalms, and eulogies. The service takes place at a synagogue, funeral home or graveside.

Procession To The Cemetery

After the funeral service, there is a procession to the cemetery. Mourners follow the hearse on foot for a short distance to show their respect and honor the deceased.

Kriah

During the funeral, mourners perform the kriah, a ritual tearing of one’s clothing. This symbolizes the tearing of the heart and the depth of griefhttps://southfloridareporter.com/jewish-funeral-customs-20-things-you-should-know/ experienced by the mourners.

Burial

At the cemetery, the casket is lowered into the ground, and mourners participate in the mitzvah of burial by shoveling earth onto the casket. This act is a final gesture of love and respect for the deceased.

Shiva

Shiva is the initial seven-day mourning period observed by the immediate family. Mourners stay at home, refrain from work and social activities, and receive visitors who come to offer comfort and support.

Offering Condolences

When offering condolences to a Jewish mourner, it is customary to say “HaMakom yenachem etchem b’toch she’ar avelei Tzion v’Yerushalayim” which means “May God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

Meal Of Consolation

Following the burial, the family returns home to share a meal of consolation, called the seudat havra’ah. This meal typically includes round foods, such as eggs or lentils, which symbolize the cycle of life and the hope for continuity.

Uncovering The Mirrors

Covering mirrors during the shiva period is a Jewish tradition to symbolize the mourning process. At the end of shiva, it is customary to uncover the mirrors to signify the return to normal life.

This act is a reminder that while the deceased may be gone, life must continue. It also serves as a reminder that life is cyclical, and after periods of sadness, there will be times of joy and happiness.

Sheloshim

Sheloshim is a thirty-day mourning period observed by close family members after the death of a loved one. During this time, mourners refrain from attending social events and other festivities.

This period allows the mourners to focus on the grieving process and honor the memory of the deceased. Sheloshim provides an opportunity for mourners to reflect on the life of the deceased and to begin to find a way forward without them.

Yahrzeit

Yahrzeit is the anniversary of the death of a loved one, observed by lighting a yahrzeit candle and reciting the Kaddish prayer. The candle is lit for twenty-four hours and symbolizes the light that the deceased brought into the world during their lifetime.

Yahrzeit is an important time for family and friends to come together to remember and honor the life of the deceased. It is an opportunity to reflect on the memories shared and the impact they had on others.

Kaddish

The kaddish is a prayer recited by mourners during the funeral service and for the first year after the death. It is also recited on the yahrzeit and other occasions to honor the deceased. Kaddish is a powerful prayer that speaks to the hope and faith of the Jewish people. It is a reminder that life is cyclical and that after periods of sorrow, there will be times of joy and happiness. Kaddish provides comfort and solace to the mourners and helps them find peace during a difficult time.

Unveiling Ceremony

The unveiling ceremony, which takes place approximately one year after the death, involves the unveiling of the headstone at the cemetery. Family and friends gather to remember and honor the deceased.

Honoring The Deceased

Jewish funeral customs place a strong emphasis on honoring the deceased and showing respect for their life. This includes speaking about the deceased in positive terms and refraining from discussing any negative aspects of their life.

Comforting The Mourners

Above all, Jewish funeral customs are designed to provide comfort and support to the mourners. Whether it’s through the practice of shemira, the sharing of memories, or the offering of condolences, the focus is on helping the bereaved find peace and solace during a difficult time.

Jewish funeral customs have been shaped by centuries of tradition and reflect the importance of honoring the deceased and comforting the bereaved. Understanding these customs is essential when attending a Jewish funeral or offering support to a Jewish friend in mourning.

While sympathy flowers are not generally sent to Jewish funerals, other meaningful gestures, such as a donation to charity or a tree planting, can show your love and support. By familiarizing yourself with these customs and offering compassion and kindness, you can help ease the pain of those who have lost a loved one.

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The dying tradition of the funeral cortege

— Is there still a place in our increasingly fast-paced world for solemn, intimate customs like this one?

Hundreds of St. John’s residents participated in the funeral procession of Gerald J. Whitty and William King, local veterans of the First World War, after they were killed by a speeding car in Donovans in September 1924.

By Ainsley Hawthorn

It’s a tale of two funerals.

Spring 2018, Corner Brook, N.L.: As we leave my grandmother’s funeral, other drivers yield to our procession, even stopping on a green light to let us through so we aren’t separated. We reach the cemetery together to bear the casket into a receiving chapel for a final farewell.

Spring 2023, St. John’s: Leaving my cousins’ grandmother’s funeral, the hearse is immediately cut off from mourners by a courier van barrelling down the quiet side street. Despite our blinking emergency lights, the procession is interrupted by car after car, and we ultimately arrive at the cemetery by ones and twos, as though we had travelled separately.

The funeral cortege is a dying tradition, especially in larger centres where traffic is heavier and there’s a higher proportion of young drivers unfamiliar with the tradition of yielding to them.

Critics say we’d be better off without processions, which delay transit and occasionally even lead to accidents. Is there still a place for solemn, intimate customs like this one in our increasingly fast-paced and impersonal society?

Funeral processions have existed throughout recorded history. They emerged independently in many different parts of the world, for purely practical reasons.

An Egyptian painting of a funeral procession.
An Egyptian widow weeps beside her husband’s coffin, kohl eyeliner running down her cheeks, while male relatives and colleagues follow behind the funeral sledge.

When a person dies, their remains must be transported from the location of their death to a place where their body can be prepared, then onward to their final resting place. Sometimes there’s a stop at a ceremonial space like a church or a temple along the way.

Since death is a social event — one that engages family, friends and community in commemorating the loss — it’s natural that the people who gather to honour the deceased should also accompany the corpse on its last journey.

A 4,000-year-old lament from Mesopotamia describes a king’s funeral. Weeping soldiers escorted his body to its grave, where his donkeys and chariot were buried with him to carry him the rest of the way to the netherworld.

Upper-class Egyptian funeral corteges included family members, priests, servants and sometimes musicians or professional mourners. The Tale of Sinuhe (ca. 1900-1700 BC) vividly depicts the trip to the tomb from the corpse’s perspective (translation by Roland Enmarch):

“A funeral procession will be made for you on the day of joining the earth with a mummy case of gold, a mask of lapis lazuli, a heaven over you, and you placed in a hearse, with oxen dragging you, and singers before you.”

An ordinary person might not have a golden casket, but in most places they would have the dignity of some sort of procession. Their body might be carried on the shoulders of loved ones or pulled to the gravesite on a wheeled bier followed by neighbours and friends on foot.

An engraving of people in a long line in a field, both leading and following a coffin being carried aloft by a few people.
Ojibwe mourners bear a community member, along with food and personal belongings, to a burial scaffold. Engraving after B. Picart, 1723.

In rural communities, the distance from the deceased’s home to a cremation site or burial ground was usually short, but larger centres often required cemeteries to be located outside city limits for sanitary reasons or to preserve space for housing, making them difficult to reach on foot.

As a result, motor vehicles were incorporated into funeral processions almost as soon as they became widely available.

In 1908, the first car affordable to the middle class, the Ford Model T, was brought to market in the United States, and the first gas-powered “auto hearses” were introduced just a year later.

As car ownership became more and more common over the course of the 20th century, vehicular processions became the norm for funerals in many parts of the world, giving rise to new etiquette.

Participants in the cortege would drive slowly to mimic the sombre pace of a funeral march, and other drivers would usually give them the right of way.

These courtesies, however, weren’t always enshrined in law.

A pastoral picture of people winding their way beside trees and houses.
Eighteenth-century Chinese wallpaper shows a funeral procession led by musicians.

Most provinces and territories allow cars in corteges to travel closer together than other vehicles, but only five — Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Saskatchewan, Alberta and the Yukon — actually prohibit other drivers from cutting in.

As for running red lights and stop signs, that’s allowed only under certain circumstances in Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and the Yukon, while P.E.I. is the lone province with a law requiring other drivers to slow down when approaching a cortege.

While they may have little legal protection, funeral processions can have a big emotional impact.

I had never given much thought to funeral processions until I was in one and found it comforting to see other drivers slow down or stop. After all, when someone we love dies, doesn’t it feel like the world should stop, if only for a moment?

Those brief gestures of respect not only communicate sympathy and mutual support, they acknowledge that the deceased was part of the fabric of the community. Drivers might not know who’s in the casket but may nonetheless feel the gap they leave behind — the regular customer who no longer pops into their coffee shop, the neighbour who no longer pets their dog, the receptionist who no longer answers their call.

In a culture where we’re more and more insulated from death, it’s also an opportunity for drivers to reflect on their own mortality. It’s a memento mori, a reminder that we and our loved ones will soon be making that final journey ourselves and that we should live our lives with the knowledge they will not last forever.

Diverse, urban societies are bound by few common rituals. The funeral procession cuts across cultural and religious lines and allows us to recognize our common humanity.

Isn’t that worth a moment’s pause?

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What to do if a loved one dies suddenly

— A practical guide

One of the first things to do if someone dies unexpectedly is arrange for a death certificate.

By Karen Garcia, Jon Healey

When someone close to you dies unexpectedly, you’ll feel an avalanche of emotion. And on top of it all, you’ll have the responsibility of planning a funeral, notifying others of the death and resolving any lingering duties or financial commitments.

So where do you start?

Here’s a checklist of the basic steps to follow in the event of a sudden death of your spouse, parents or others for whom you are the main survivor.

It’s worth remembering, though, that you don’t have to take this on alone. This process can be overwhelming and difficult, so if family members and friends offer help, take it. And if you need help processing the loss from someone who’s outside of your inner circle, here’s how to find mental health professionals you can trust.

What to do in the first few days

Arrange for a death certificate. This is the legal record of the death, filed with county officials and the California Department of Public Health’s electronic registry. You’ll need it for funeral arrangements and life insurance claims, for example.

Under state law, the attending physician is generally the one required to fill out the necessary medical information and sign the certificate, and the funeral director is the one who submits it to the registry. But they may need your help to fill out the sections of the certificate with personal information about the deceased, including age, usual occupation, highest level of education attained, and mother and father’s names.

If the death occurred at a hospital or other medical facility, you can count on the doctors there to handle this paperwork. But if it occurred at home, AARP says, call 911, and the police and paramedics will conduct an investigation and make a declaration of death. The medical team will help you decide whether an autopsy is needed by the L.A. County Medical Examiner-Coroner or if you should go ahead and call a funeral home.

If the deceased wanted to be an organ donor, you may have trouble fulfilling that wish. Vital organs that are cut off from a supply of oxygenated blood for more than 20 to 30 minutes are no longer suitable for transplants, said Thomas Mone of OneLegacy in Azusa, the largest organ procurement organization in the United States. That’s why the only feasible donors are a small percentage of people who die in a hospital while on a ventilator, he said.

Hospitals are required by law to notify the local organ procurement organization when they have a dying patient who may be a potential donor. If your loved one registered as a donor, that choice can’t be overridden. If not, the survivors will need to make the decision on your loved one’s behalf.

Reach out to the deceased’s community. You’ll need to notify the deceased’s family and friends of the person’s death. If there isn’t already a list of people who need to be notified, AARP and the National Institute on Aging suggest that you make a list and call, text or email — whatever you feel most comfortable doing.

How you communicate depends on each person’s circumstances before and after the death, said Joanne Weingarten, Our House Grief Support Center’s senior clinical coordinator of adult programs. For example, if the survivor is a single parent or an adult child, consider the responsibilities they have and how they grieve.

Weingarten says there isn’t a right or wrong way to notify people. She said you might want to call your friends and family, but write a social media post to inform people outside that circle.

If you do make a phone call and it’s someone you think might have a strong reaction, make sure they’re not driving. You might hold off telling them until someone else is around who can support them.

If you don’t have the capacity to make phone calls, ask yourself if there’s someone in your life whom you can trust to make the calls for you.

Ask the people you’re notifying to spread the word to others connected to the deceased, said AARP. If they were a part of the same club, church group or workplace, they can help let others know.

There are also a couple of avenues for notifying people online and in print. You can announce a person’s death on social media. Families also publish obituaries and death notices either online, in a newspaper or both. An obituary includes all the tributes that families and their funeral homes write about their loved ones, said Stephen Segal, senior content director at Legacy.com, which publishes obituaries online and partners with local newspapers to make submitting an obituary easier.

“On the other hand, most people today use the term ‘death notice’ to mean a very short, just-the-facts announcement of the person’s death and funeral details,” Segal said.

An online obituary is fast and simple to share.

“It provides a permanent online sympathy space where people can share their own memories, condolences and messages,” he said.

Publishing an obituary in the local newspaper is the best way to reach all the neighbors, colleagues, old classmates and other hometown folks, Segal said.

What do you do when someone dies?

Because we find death so hard to talk about, there are probably lots of things people wonder but don’t know. We have answers.

An obituary can be brief or long, depending on what the family prefers. There are six essential things obituaries include, according to Legacy.com.

  1. Announcement of death. What was their full name? What town did they live in? How old were they? Where and when did they die? And, if you’re comfortable sharing, what was the cause of death?
  2. Life story. What are meaningful things about the person being remembered. Where did they grow up? Where did they go to school/work/church? What groups did they belong to? What did they care about? What will their loved ones miss most?
  3. List of family members. What close family members survive them, and which died previously? Traditionally, obituaries include spouses or partners, parents, children, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren. It’s OK to include other close loved ones too, even if they were not blood relatives.
  4. Funeral information. Will there be public or private memorial services? Include the dates, times and locations of any planned events, and include the name of the funeral home so anyone can contact them with questions.
  5. Sympathy preferences. Where should cards and flowers be sent, and are there any charitable donations the family would like to suggest?
  6. A photo. A closeup of your loved one’s face usually works best. It can be a recent photo or one from their youth — or, if possible, include both.

However you do this step, Weingarten said, remember that there isn’t a timeline and that you don’t owe anyone anything.
“In those moments, it’s really about taking care of yourself or your inner circle, especially if they’re elderly or young children who need extra support and attention,” she said.

“And then of course, trying to take care of yourself because in those early days, it’s about survival for many people.”

Make funeral arrangements. The first step is figuring out whether the deceased had made plans for a funeral. If so, you’ll need to find those plans — the family’s attorney may be able to help on that front. An untimely death could leave you with zero planning, so talk with family members about how to honor that person.

What to do within the first few weeks

Get copies of the death certificate. You’ll need them to file insurance claims, cancel credit cards and close financial accounts. If the deceased person’s remains are in L.A. County, contact the county Department of Public Health’s Vital Records office for a copy of the death certificate.

The permit application requires the deceased’s full name, date of birth, date of death, city of death, and county or state of birth if the death occurred outside of California. The certificate costs $24, and paperwork for the certificate can be processed by mail or in person.

Locate a will (if there is one). If you know that the deceased had a will but you don’t know where it is, AARP suggests looking for it in a desk, a safe-deposit box or wherever the person kept important papers.

For the record:

12:33 p.m. May 19, 2023An earlier version of this article misstated the maximum value of small estates for probate purposes as $166,250. For deaths on or after April 1, 2022, the maximum small-estate value is $184,500.

A will is a set of instructions that will guide what happens to the deceased’s estate — that is, that person’s assets and debts. It will typically include the name of an executor, who will have the power to take actions and make decisions on the estate’s behalf. If there is no executor, or if the executor is unable or unwilling to carry out the responsibilities, the duties will be handled either by an administrator named by a probate judge or, in the case of small estates worth no more than $184,500, a close relative acting as an informal representative.

Unless the deceased person had a small estate, a probate court will have to oversee the distribution of at least some of the assets, with or without a will. You can find a number of do-it-yourself guides to probate online, or you can hire an attorney who specializes in probate.

Identify beneficiaries. If your loved one had named a beneficiary or beneficiaries for insurance policies, retirement funds and bank accounts, those assets can be paid out or transferred directly without waiting for probate. The same is true for any accounts that the person had designated as “payable upon death,” as well as any accounts jointly held or property owned as joint tenants.

One other, less common asset that doesn’t have to go through probate is a living trust. Anything in the trust will be transferred automatically to the trust’s beneficiaries.

Stop Social Security payments. Although surviving spouses and, in some instances, children can receive survivors benefits, any benefits paid to the deceased person in the month of death and thereafter must be returned, the Social Security Administration advises. That’s why it’s vital to make sure the death is reported to the SSA.

“In most cases, the funeral home will report the person’s death to us,” the SSA says on its website. “You should give the funeral home the deceased person’s Social Security number if you want them to make the report.”

But don’t stop there. The SSA and the National Institute on Aging recommend that you get in touch with the Social Security Administration to make sure the death has been reported and apply for survivors benefits, if you are entitled to them. To do so, you’ll need to call (800) 772-1213 (TTY: 1-800-325-0778) on a weekday; according to the SSA, you cannot report a death or apply for survivors benefits online.

Contact financial institutions and insurers. Notifying credit reporting agencies of the person’s death will help prevent identity theft. Call the major ones — Equifax, Experian and TransUnion — and ask how to submit a copy of the death certificate.

If the person had life insurance, reach out to the insurer to report the death and have the beneficiaries paid. You’ll need a copy of the death certificate for this process as well.

You’ll want to cancel the credit cards that were solely in the deceased person’s name, but don’t pay any amounts due at this time; according to Bankrate.com, the estate will be responsible for the unpaid balance, if there is one. For joint accounts, the balance becomes the responsibility of any surviving account holder.

Call the customer service number on the back of each of the person’s credit cards and ask for “deceased account services” or the “estate unit,” Bankrate advises. You may need to submit a copy of the death certificate, but many card issuers do not require one.

Checking and savings accounts are a bit more complicated. If they are joint accounts, the surviving person on the account retains control after the death. If they were individual accounts with a named beneficiary (as in a “payable upon death” designation), then the funds will flow straight to the beneficiary once the bank is formally notified of the death, a step that may require a copy of the death certificate. If they were individual accounts without a named beneficiary, notifying the bank about the death will freeze the funds, but the executor or administrator of the estate (or representative, if it’s a small estate) will have to get involved to distribute the money.

Make a list of accounts to cancel or remove. We live in a time of subscriptions for streaming entertainment, digital news, boxed meals and curated clothing. Those all need to be canceled. The mundane monthly utility bills need to be canceled as well.

Unless the deceased left a list of accounts along with the corresponding account name and password, you’re going to have to do some digging and make several phone calls. If you have access to the deceased person’s credit and debit card account statements, you can look for monthly charges there. Failing that, multiple websites offer lists of subscription services and other common sources of monthly bills — for example, see this one from an online urn seller.

In case you’re hoping for a shortcut to this process, canceling a credit card won’t stop the monthly charges on that account from being assessed and potentially running up bills for the estate. You’ll need to address the sources of those charges separately.

Cancel the driver’s license. AARP urges you not to forget to cancel the deceased driver’s license to prevent identity theft. Go to the DMV website to see its list of required documents for the cancellation process.

Notify the Postal Service. You can stop mail from being sent to the deceased’s registered address. The U.S. Postal Service advises you go into your local post office to learn how to file a proper request to either stop or redirect mail, as well as remove the deceased from advertising lists.

Cancel the person’s voter registration. The application to request the cancellation of a deceased voter’s registration is on the Los Angeles County clerk’s website. Or you can call (800) 815-2666 and choose option 2.

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Water Cremation

— What It Is and How It Could Reduce the Environmental Impact of Funerals

Water cremation may offer a more sustainable approach for the funeral sector

By Valentina Morando

As society becomes more environmentally conscious, the funeral sector is under increasing pressure to adopt sustainable practices.

On July 3, Co-op Funeralcare, a leading funeral service provider in the UK, announced that it will be the first company in the country to offer Resomation, also known as water cremation.

This innovative approach could be a more sustainable alternative to burial or gas cremation, which currently account for 20% and 80% of funerals in the UK, respectively, according to Co-op.

“With much of the research having been undertaken overseas to date, there is a strong evidence base to suggest that Resomation may be a more sustainable option than Gas Cremation,” Co-op writes in their press release announcing the new offer. “This is something which the Co-op and providers of Resomation will be working in conjunction with sustainability experts and academia to further validate and understand through an initial pilot.”

Water cremation would also be the first alternative to burial or cremation in the UK since 1902.

“For decades there have been just two main choices when it comes to their end-of-life arrangements: burial and cremation. By starting to make Resomation available in the UK, Co-op will be providing people with another option for how they leave this world because this natural process uses water, not fire, making it gentler on the body and kinder on the environment,” Resomation service Kindly Earth Director Julian Atkinson said.

According to a YouGov poll conducted on behalf of Co-op, 89% of adults in the UK adults had not heard of Resomation. However, once it was explained to them, 29% said they would choose Resomation for their funeral. Meanwhile, 17% of adult respondents who had organized a funeral in the last five years said they would have considered Resomation if it had been an option.

Do you know what Resomation is?
29% of UK adults said they would choose Resomation for their own funeral if it was available ⬇
Find out more here: https://t.co/uwcKWtxsfQ https://t.co/rvGdGXCvrr
— Co-op Funeralcare (@CoopFuneralcare) July 3, 2023

How it works

Water cremation, scientifically known as alkaline hydrolysis or resomation, is a process that dissolves the human body through the use of water, heat, and alkaline chemicals.

As the Co-op press release specifies, “each cycle takes approximately four hours. At the end of the cycle, the soft bones which are left are dried, then reduced to a white powder, similar to ash.” The ash is then “returned to relatives in a sustainable urn.”

Water vs traditional cremation

One of the key advantages of water cremation, according to Resomation, the pioneering company for water cremation in the UK, is its significantly reduced carbon footprint compared to traditional cremation.

As the organization writes, water cremation “has been independently shown to have the lowest and indeed little environmental impact at all compared to burial and flame cremation.”

This reduction is achieved through the decrease in fuel consumption associated with the combustion process, making water cremation a more sustainable choice.

Moreover, water cremation also addresses concerns related to mercury emissions, which have been associated with traditional cremation methods.

Dental amalgams (a dental filling material), which contain mercury, are often present in human remains, and during the incineration process these mercury emissions can contribute to air pollution. With water cremation, the mercury can be captured and safely recycled, further reducing the environmental impact of cremation.

Not entirely new

While Co-op Funeralcare will be the first funeral service provider in the UK to offer water cremation, the practice is not entirely new. It has been gaining traction in other countries, such as Canada, many American states, and South Africa, where it is already legal and widely used.

Water-based disposal has garnered significant attention worldwide, and one prominent advocate of this approach was Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the late anti-apartheid campaigner.

His adoption of water-based disposal has brought increased visibility to the practice.

“We have seen interest in water-based disposal build in many countries, with Archbishop Desmond Tutu being the most high-profile person to recently use this method,” said Professor Douglas Davies from Durham University. “The reduced carbon footprint that may come with Resomation compared with other forms of body disposal, means it will no doubt be of interest to many people as the practice is increasingly made available in the UK.”

As water cremation gains momentum and acceptance worldwide, it holds the potential to become a more environmentally conscious alternative to gas cremation or, as Co-op put it, “to revolutionize the way we say goodbye to loved ones.”

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A Closer Look at the Ceremonies and Traditions of Buddhist Funeral Service

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When delving into the realm of funeral services, it becomes evident that the factors of perplexity and burstiness play a significant role in shaping the narrative and experience. Within the context of Buddhism, a unique approach emerges, characterized by a harmonious blend of complexity and variation. In this article, we embark on a journey through the intricacies of Buddhist funeral services, unraveling the distinct elements that make them truly exceptional.

Introduction to the Unique World of Buddhist Funeral Services

A Buddhist funeral service stands as a remarkable testament to honoring and commemorating the life of a departed loved one. Rooted in the profound principles of Buddhism, it weaves together solace and closure for those who embrace this philosophical path. The essence lies not only in bidding farewell but also in facilitating the departed’s transition to a new existence, while extending support and solace to family and friends. Brace yourself as we embark on an enlightening exploration of what unfolds during a Buddhist funeral services, replete with intriguing aspects that set it apart from other funerary rites.

Unraveling the Tapestry of a Buddhist Funeral Service

Buddhism, with its profound history spanning centuries, encompasses both life and death within its embrace. Consequently, it is no surprise that Buddhist funeral services occupy a pivotal role in the process of mourning, honoring the deceased, and offering solace to those in attendance.

The commencement of a Buddhist funeral ceremony often finds its roots in the enchanting chants emanating from sacred Buddhist scriptures. These mellifluous melodies intertwine with prayers, creating an ethereal ambiance of remembrance. Moreover, the ceremony may include the recitation of sutras, skillfully rendered by learned monks or devoted family members. The atmosphere is further enriched by the fragrant offerings of incense and flowers, as well as heartfelt eulogies delivered by kin or close confidants. Remarkably, depending on tradition, one may even encounter moments of serene meditation or other spiritual practices that infuse the service with an aura of profound contemplation.

Central to the fabric of a Buddhist funeral service is the paramount objective of assisting those present in embracing the concept of mortality and finding inner peace within its embrace. In the realm of Buddhism, death is not feared but rather acknowledged as an integral part of life’s cyclical nature. Thus, these solemn moments serve as an opportunity for friends and family to reflect on the impact of loss and to share treasured memories of the departed.

As the ceremony unfolds, the offering of food takes center stage, symbolizing the departed spirit’s passage into an alternate realm. These gestures of culinary homage vary in accordance with local customs, each carrying its own significance and depth of meaning.

Discovering the Meaningful Essence of a Buddhist Funeral Service

In the tapestry of existence, a Buddhist funeral service emerges as a poignant and meaningful tribute to those who have embarked on their final journey. Rooted in compassion and embracing the transient nature of life, this sacred rite serves as a conduit for honoring the spiritual odyssey of the departed while providing solace for those left behind.

At the heart of any Buddhist funeral service lies the mesmerizing art of chanting. Through the recitation of prayers and mantras, a profound reverence for the departed is awakened. Whether performed by family members or revered monks, these sacred utterances transport the mind into a realm where the fragility and vitality of life intertwine.

Equally significant is the act of honoring the deceased through symbolic offerings. Flowers, incense sticks, and favored fruits or food items find their place before an image or statue representing the three jewels of Buddhism: Buddha Shakyamuni, his teachings (Dharma), and the monastic community (Sangha).

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‘I thought sex would be like medicine if I got my hands on it’

— Meet the widows (and widowers) craving human touch

After the death of a partner, widows and widowers often face judgment when they’re ready to have sex again. Widow’s Fire, a new online community, is trying to help.

By Christine Sismondo

When Lori* started dating less than a year after her husband suddenly died, she knew some people would judge her.

And they did.

She recalled the reactions: “Whoa, why isn’t she grieving longer? Did she even really love her husband?”

Lori didn’t allow the judgment to faze her. She filled out an online dating profile and started meeting men.

“I needed to be distracted,” she said. “I dated different guys, but I didn’t get serious about anyone and I wasn’t intimate with them. It was just really nice to have some touch, like holding hands — even having someone show me attention. I missed that.”

Julia*, the founder and host of Widow’s Fire, an online community for people who have lost their life partners, said that many of her members make similar comments about their motivation for joining the site for “heartbroken but hopeful” widows and widowers.

“A new member wrote me just this morning and said, ‘I miss the closeness of another body, not necessarily the sex act itself,’” said Julia.

She noted, though, that there are also plenty of Widow’s Fire members who joined the community because they simply miss sex.

Five years ago, when she was 31, Julia’s husband died. That’s when she first heard the term “widow’s fire,” which is defined by the community as “a burning desire for sex following bereavement of a spouse or partner.”

“When friends and family asked how I was doing, I would say ‘I’m OK’ or ‘I’m struggling,’ but what I was actually thinking most of the time was, ‘I miss sex,’ ‘I wish I could have sex’ or ‘When will someone ever touch me again?’” said Julia. “It was all-consuming. I thought sex would be like medicine if I could get my hands on it.”

Julia said there was a decent level of support for her as a grieving widow and a parent of a newborn, but there was a dearth of resources when it came to bereavement sex.

And, like Lori, she felt she was being judged for wanting it.

“I had someone say to me, ‘Don’t you want to wait a couple of years?’” she said. “And I thought, ‘How lovely for you to be able to sit there and say that to me and then go on with their day.’”

"The experience of grief is highly individual," said Dionne Gesink, a professor at U of T. For some people, bereavement has no effect on their sex drive; for others, it can decrease it. For others still, it will increase it, sometimes dramatically.
Dionne Gesink, a professor with the Dalla Lana School of Public Health at the University of Toronto, said the experience of grief is highly individual. For some people, bereavement has no effect on their sex drive; for others, it can decrease it. For others still, it will increase it, sometimes dramatically.

“Partly that’s because, with sex, you get an increased sense of power and control,” said Gesink, who also researches sexual health. “It’s a way to get back into your body and to get access to great hormones like endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin, which make you feel better, block pain, decrease stress and improve your mood.”

And, Gesink added, human connection can help you feel less disconnected, a common problem for people grieving a loss.

“Loneliness is kryptonite for the widowed in general because, not unlike teenagers and retirees, we need meaning and purpose to move forward,” said Andrew*, a 42-year-old father and widower in Toronto who joined the Widow’s Fire community two years ago.

He added, however, that his interactions with others he has met on social media and through Widow’s Fire have led him to believe that sex alone doesn’t bring most people much long-term relief.

“I find value in my faith and my child along with our family and friends,” he said.

That tracks with Gesink’s research on sexual health. Touch is essential for human existence, which is part of the reason the loss of an intimate partner can be so devastating. Sex can alleviate some of the suffering but, when it comes to healing, it can only get you so far.

That doesn’t mean that sex can’t play a role, of course. Some people have a harder time than others being alone, so everyone’s journey will be different. Gesink said it’s important that friends and family stay “flexible” in their thinking about moving on after bereavement.

“Anyone going through that kind of grief should just try to be kind to themselves and to give themselves permission to explore different ways of connecting to others,” said Gesink.

“You shouldn’t have to carry guilt around for that.”

*Last name withheld.

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