If you would have asked me or many of the women I work and study with that question a few years ago, most of us would have been stumped. However, since then, we’ve all taken the plunge into this previously obscure line of death work.
I heard my death doula call in 2017, soon after I decided to leave mortuary school. Thankfully, before I quit the program’s classwork, I had the opportunity to interview a local death midwife about her work. Her desire to educate the public about death and death planning inspired me to look into the field.
After a year or so of research, I was gifted entrance into Quality of Life Care’s online death doula mentoring certificate program from my parents. Since starting the program, I created Gather the Leaves LLC, an end-of-life care business that serves pets and people.
I also had the opportunity to interview two women who practice in the alternative end-of-life field. Read on to discover what we do.
Hearing the call
Deanna Cochran
Registered nurse, end-of-life doula, mentor and educator, and founder of Quality of Life Care, LLC
When Deanna Cochran’s mom was diagnosed with gastrointestinal cancer, she was distraught for two reasons: Cochran was upset because her mother was very ill; and as a hospice nurse, Cochran had insider knowledge about the disease.
Cochran knew that the people who came into her care over the years experienced a lot of suffering before receiving hospice care. “This fear was in me with my mom,” Cochran says.
“I thought, ‘holy cow… I know what people deal with before they get to hospice; [and] my mom doesn’t want to be on hospice.’”
Cochran knew her mother was going to die, that her mother did not want to die, but that death was inevitable. So, Cochran implemented a unique care program.
Cochran did everything she could to keep her mother out of the hospital. Cochran helped implement a palliative care program (specialized medical care for people with a serious illness) for her mother. “There was no medical system set up for [palliative care] where she was, but we did it on [our own] with friends, family, and my mom’s physician,” Cochran explains.
Cochran’s mom ended up dying within five weeks of receiving her diagnosis. When she died, Cochran realized that she and the team she helped form had “midwifed” her mother the way birth midwives help expectant and new mothers.
In the past, Cochran had received exquisite care from birth midwives during the birth of her second child. The midwives, with the help of a good doctor, helped Cochran heal from the trauma she experienced during her first child’s birth.
“When my mom died, all of that flooded back because it was so traumatic,” Cochran says.
“[And] I [saw] first hand how traumatic advanced illness and dying is for people in the medical system. [So, I thought I could] be like these birth midwives, and provide healing from some of that trauma.”
Cara Schuster didn’t know anything about death doulas, death midwifery, or green burial until a few years ago. “I was going through a personal journey and doing some shamanic work [and] my practitioner had told me to do a week-long journey,” Schuster says.
“During that journey, I came across death midwifery.”
Prior to learning about alternative death work, Schuster didn’t have a lot of personal experience with death besides losing grandparents, pets, and friends. “I don’t think I experienced anything more than your average person at the age of 40,” she says. “I did lose my father when I was a baby, so, I did have a very interesting concept of death from a young age.”
What death doulas do
Death doulas provide a wide range of services; all are non-medical. Some doulas only “sit vigil,” meaning they provide emotional support and a caring presence for the dying and the dying’s family. Other doulas enter a client’s home well before hospice is involved and provide practical help in the home. And some doulas are well-versed in helping people plan for their death; they prepare advance directives, wills, and more.
Since I only recently completed my coursework and started volunteering for hospice, I tend to provide practical services. However, as I gain more experience and sit bedside at more vigils, I will expand my services accordingly.
Currently, Schuster, who is a certified death midwife and doula, considers herself an end-of-life guide because she is not helping people transition. “It hasn’t been my experience thus far,” she says. However, Schuster knows her work is ever-evolving.
So far, Schuster has assisted two families with home funerals. Both of those families had different needs she helped met. “I was with one of the families for a week off and on and was present through the transition of the passing—I had known that person for 20 years,” she adds.
Cochran has practiced as a death doula since 2005, but has worked as a registered nurse in end-of-life care within and outside of hospice since 2000. She currently trains end-of-life doulas online and in-person at various workshops and conferences throughout the United States.
Many people tend to wonder how death care industry workers “do it,” and I get it.
Death, loss, and grief are incredibly tough things to deal with. However, most any death doula or end-of-life caregiver will tell you that their work has many redeeming qualities.
“The elation I have felt from helping these two families—there’s nothing that can compare to any of the work I’ve done,” Schuster says.
“It was incredibly fulfilling.”
Cochran adds that she continues to do this tough work after 18 years of service because it’s her gift to give to the dying. “I’ve tried to not be a hospice nurse and death doula more than once because maybe I had seen too many people die within a couple of days…” But she says that feeling never lasts.
“What I’ve realized in all this is that I have to care for me, because that thing inside of me that wants to help you doesn’t go away,” Cochran explains.
“I have so much to give. It’s a gift from God—I have nothing to do with it.”
And although I’ve yet to serve an actual client through the dying process, my studies and volunteer work through hospice compel me to agree with Schuster and Cochran’s sentiments.
This work isn’t easy—human emotions and death are often messy. But the support death doulas, midwives, and guides provide families can truly help many people find some peace and closure during an indescribably hard time. And that’s beautiful in its own way.
Talking about death is hard. And usually it’s really, really hard. Maybe it’s because—much like the process of dying itself—it requires us to be vulnerable, to be honest, to come to terms with a denial we engage with, to varying degrees, our whole lives.
“Death happens to everybody, yet somehow we’re surprised by it,” says hospice and palliative care specialist BJ Miller, MD. “I’m shocked at how many patients and family members have not only had to deal with the pain of sickness and loss, but on top of that they feel bad for feeling bad. They’re ashamed to be dying, ashamed to be sick. There’s a horrible unnecessary suffering that we heap on ourselves and each other for nothing.”
The more intimate we get with the idea of dying, the closer we come to folding it into the fabric of our daily lives, the better off we’ll all be, Miller says. Advice on how to die well is really no more than advice on how to live well, with that unavoidable reality in mind.
A Q&A with Dr. BJ Miller, MD
Q What is a good death?
A
It’s a deeply subjective question, and the best way I can answer objectively it is to say a good death is one that’s in keeping with who you are as a person; a good death is consonant with your life and your personality.
For example, most people say they want to die at home, that they want to be free from pain. That usually means not having a bunch of medical interventions happening at the end. Effort is put toward comfort instead. But I also know plenty of people who say, “No, no, no. I’m the kind of guy who wants to go down swinging,” or “I’m looking for a miracle,” or whatever it is. And for them, a good death may very well be in the ICU with all sorts of interventions happening, anything that’s going to give them a chance, because they see themselves as fighters and they want to go out fighting.
Q What’s the role of hope in dying?
A
Hope is a beautiful, powerful, and very useful force. It’s what gets most of us out of the bed in the morning. It’s not a question of whether or not you have hope; the question’s more: What do you hope for? The work is harnessing your hope for something that’s attainable or for something that serves you.
When I’m talking to a patient, and I ask them, “What do you hope for?” If they say, “Well, I hope to live forever,” we can label that a miracle pretty safely. I can say, “I’ll hope for that, too, but if we don’t get that, and if time is shorter than you want, then what do you hope for?” Because hope needs to be qualified. So they’ll say, “Ah, well, if I’m not going to be around much longer, well, then I really hope to make it to my grandson’s graduation in the summer,” or “I really hope to get through the World Series,” or whatever it is.
It’s tempting to say that hope is this thing that you either have or you don’t have. That when you don’t have it, then that’s like giving up or letting go. But it’s not. You can hope and understand you’re dying at the same time. It’s very possible when someone comes to terms with the fact that they’re dying soon, that they hope for a painless death, or they hope to die on a certain day. Those are realistic hopes; it’s a matter of channeling that big force.
Q In what ways is our health care system not equipped to handle dying well?
A
In the last hundred or so years, what’s become the norm for end-of-life care in the West is a very medicalized death. Hospitals and doctors have become arbiters of death; it used to be a much more mystical thing involving nature and family and culture. But of late, medicine in all of its power has co-opted the subject, and so most people look to their doctors and hospitals as places that forestall death.
We’re spending a lot of time—when it’s precious—in the hospital or at a doctor’s office. You spend a lot of time navigating medications. You’re spending a lot of time hanging on every word the doctor says. That’s a problem in that it’s not really what most of us want. But it goes that way because we’re afraid to confront the truth. We’re afraid to talk about it, so we all end up in a default mode. The default mode is in the hospital with a bunch of tubes and medicines and someone keeping your body alive at any cost. That has become the default death, and that’s not what most people would consider a good death.
Q How do you approach that conversation of getting someone to accept the reality of their sickness and also the uncertainty that might come with it?
A
It’s really hard, and it’s a really complicated dynamic. Most people don’t want to hear that they’re dying, so they don’t listen to their doctors, and most doctors don’t want to tell people that they’re dying.
Because people aren’t primed to hear it, and doctors aren’t primed to say it, what happens is there’s this little complicit dance between doctors and patients and family members. Everyone just kind of tries to scare one another off, so they don’t mention death and they instead lean on euphemisms. You’d be shocked at how many well-educated, thoughtful people come toward the end of their life and find themselves surprised that they’re dying.
A palliative care doctor starts the conversation by getting a sense of where the patient is. What’s their understanding of their illness? I typically invite a conversation with open-ended questions, like “Well, tell me about what’s important to you. Tell me about what you would let go of to live longer.” I get to know the person. When I feel safe with them and we’re speaking the same language, then I can broach the subject of time, and I can say, “Well, you know, because of X, Y, or Z diagnosis, whatever else it is, at some point this disease is not likely to be curable, and we’re going to have to turn our attention to the fact of death. Let’s prepare for it. Let’s plan for it.”
This is where death and life go together very helpfully: The way to prepare for death is to live the life you want. If you start talking to someone about how they want to die, you usually end up landing on how they want to live until they die. That’s a much less scary conversation. It’s a much more compelling conversation for people, too, and it’s more accurate.
Q What matters to most people at the very end?
A
There are consistent themes around this, which we know from both data and experience:
Comfort is important. Very few people are interested in suffering. Some people are, but most people want to be free from pain.
Most people want to be surrounded by friends and family. They want to be either at home or at a place they call home, a place of their choosing; some people are in the hospital for months, and that becomes their home. The people around them become their family.
Most people are spiritual and have some relationship to a creator, so most people want to be at peace with their god, to be at peace spiritually.
Most people also want to leave their family with as little burden as possible, so that means financial planning, etc. It’s very important to people that they not be a burden to their family unnecessarily.
Q Why do you think as a culture we find it so challenging to talk about death and dying?
A
You can kind of tell that America is a young place, in part by the way we handle aging and death. We’re terrified of it. Most cultures have been dealing with this a long, long time and have made peace with death as a part of life. Instead of falling back on institutional cultural ritualized knowledge, we’ve outsourced dying to medicine. We leave one another feeling like we’re incompetent at dying, when in fact, we have it in us. We’re just too far removed from it.
In the last 170 years or so, as a society—especially in the health care industry—we’ve been in a long romance with innovation and technology. We believe if you hang in long enough and you work hard enough, everything is solvable. That we can invent our way through anything. You hear people talk, and you realize somehow they’ve absorbed this idea that death is optional, when in fact, of course, it’s not. I notice in my practice when I’m dealing with someone who lives on a farm, someone who is close to nature and its cycles, that they know that death is a part of life. Inherently. They’re around it all day, every day, whether it’s slaughtering an animal or raking up leaves. They haven’t removed themselves from nature’s cycles, so death makes total sense to them. Those of us who are living more technologically driven lives often lose that intuition, that gut feel, and so nature surprises us. Nature scares us.
Part of the problem, too, is what one of my colleagues calls the “medical-industrial complex”: Health care is an enormous business in this country. As long as we decide to consider health care a business and not a civil right, it’s subject to all the fickleness of capitalism and it requires marketing. When I see hospitals advertised to the public as the place where miracles happen, a place where anything’s possible, you know, that’s an advertisement. That’s marketing. That’s not real. We’re not incentivized to be honest with one another in this way.
Q How can you stay in the world and retain a sense of purpose toward the end of life? How much does that matter?
A
This question of purpose is related to the question of being a burden, and both come up a lot. First, let’s all get better at being vulnerable because we are vulnerable. If you’re in the course of a normal life, any one of us is going to be a burden to someone sometime. It’s just not possible to only give care and not need to receive it. Getting more savvy with needing one another is one way to turn down the pain.
We can also learn to repurpose ourselves. I meet people often who have had a single kind of career or place within their family their whole lives. They’ve had this monolithic role, and as soon as they can no longer perform that role, they lose their sense of purpose. They have nowhere else to go, they have no other interests, they don’t believe they can repurpose themselves, and they lose touch with reality really quick. This is one of the ways we die before we actually die.
But you can find that purpose again, in a different way. I’m working with a family right now, and the mother, she’s about seventy years old, and she’s been a teacher much of her life. She’s been the one in the family who’s always giving care. Now it’s her turn to receive care, and she’s really struggling, and she’s not good at it. She’s gone seventy years without needing much from others, and it shows. In her mind, she’s lost her role as the caregiver. So what we’ve been doing of late is saying, “How can we repurpose your life as a teacher? What can you teach your grandchildren now?” We’re learning she can teach her grandchildren a lot about death. She can teach her grandchildren a lot about being vulnerable and the courage it takes to be vulnerable. She can teach her kids how to communicate with someone who’s suffering. These are enormous lessons, and all of a sudden, she doesn’t feel like she’s being stripped of everything important to her. She’s seeing that she still has some creative life in her and she can take old skills and reapply them in this new way.
Purpose is a powerful force, but there’s value in life beyond purpose. In America, life is all about productivity. You know you’re relevant in this society as long as you can produce, and as your ability to produce reigns, so does your employment and worth. Aging then becomes this process of getting out of the way, and that’s pretty lame. It’s on all of us to see that there’s something bigger to life than our jobs or our single role or whatever it is—life is much more interesting than that. We are much more interesting than that. Another way to help one another repurpose is to actually let go of the need to be so dang productive. Get in touch with the mystery of life and the power of just being at all. That, I find, is a very, very useful thing for people who feel purpose is slipping through their fingers.
Q What advice do you have for family members or loved ones who are helping with end-of-life care?
A
There are so many layers to this: There are practical burdens, emotional burdens, financial burdens. All need addressing.
Hospice is an incredible service that can dramatically unburden the family. When your health is failing and you need more help with the activities of daily living, family members can step in to do that, or perhaps it’s time to hire a home health aide. But very often what ends up happening is people wait too long to invite hospice into their homes, because they wait way too long to face this reality, and then it’s too late to do much. So one piece of advice I stress to everyone is to think about home health care and hospice early. Even if you think death is years away but are still dealing with a serious illness, call hospice sooner rather than later. Just request an informational interview. Get a sense of what they can do and broach the subject as part of your planning. You don’t have to sign up anytime soon.
The other big emotional piece is to fold death into our view of reality so that we don’t feel guilty that Mom’s dying. It’s always amazing to me how many creative ways we find to feel horrible. I watch family members blame themselves for the death of a loved one all the time, even though there’s nothing that could be done to forestall it. We view death as a failure, and families end up absorbing that sense of failure. It’s heartbreaking. And if there’s one thing we can’t fail at, it’s death. You are going to die. There is no failing.
We all need to get a lot more savvy with grief. Grief is around us all the time. We’re always losing something. A relationship, hair, body parts. Loss is all over the place, and our American way is to kind of pull yourself up by the bootstraps. There’s something to that, but we’ve got to get better at just letting ourselves feel sad. We have to give one another more space for grieving. Grief is just the other side of the coin of love. If you didn’t love someone, it wouldn’t be so hard to lose them. Acknowledge that. Work with it. Let yourself feel it. That will help everybody involved.
We also need to push our human resources programs to help with caregiver education for family members or generous bereavement time off. That’s a big piece of this puzzle if we as a society are going to die better.
Q You’ve spoken before about your own brush with death and becoming a triple amputee. How does that experience inform your work?
A
Most of us have a kind of a haphazard view of reality that may not include illness or death. Illness and death can end up feeling like this foreign invader, despite the reality that they’re natural processes. My own trauma and illness gave me a wider view of the world that includes that reality, so that I wasn’t ashamed to be disabled. I was normal to be disabled. It helped me understand I was a human being for whom things go wrong. A human being for whom the body dies. That is the most normal thing in the world.
It helped me see myself in my patients and my patients in me. It’s easier for me to empathize with people who are sick and near the end because I’ve been there myself to some degree. But you don’t need to lose three limbs to relate; suffering and illness and death are hard subjects, but at the most basic level, they unite us. We all have some relationship them, and therefore we all have a lot in common.
I’m also aware that because I’m obviously disabled, I think patients, as a rule, give me some credit. I feel like I have an easier time getting to a trusting place with patients. If you take one look at my body, you know I’ve been in the bed, and I do think that is actually a great advantage for me in the work I do.
Q Have you ever felt as though you’ve failed a patient?
A
To be clear, most days I spend a fair amount of time talking myself out of hating myself, you know, just like most people. I’m deeply, deeply aware of all the things I can’t do or didn’t do today, or that patient I didn’t call in time before they died, or you name it. There is a long daily list of things I have to spend a moment reconciling. Usually it relates to some form of communication: I didn’t quite find a way to break through; I didn’t quite find a way to help them feel safe; I didn’t quite find a way for them to feel seen or understood my me.
Q How can spirituality help someone come to terms with death?
A
It depends how you define spirituality, but I might define it as a connecting force that we cannot see but have faith is there. That somehow, we’re tied into some creative force that is much larger than ourselves and that is all-encompassing and all-inclusive. If you have a spiritual framework, it’s easier for you to yield to death because you know even in your death you’re still part of something beautiful or enormous. That sense of belonging can do so much for us.
When I found myself near death, and thinking about these things and revisiting my spirituality, it became clear to me that I would be very sad to die. I don’t want to die yet. But what matters even more to me than my life or death is the fact that I exist at all, that life exists at all, and I get to feel part of that, and my death is part of that.
Q Can art play a role as well?
A
So much of life and death is so powerful and so huge. There’s just so much more to the world and life than what we can find in a word, so the arts can help us kind of get in touch with these larger threads, these larger forces, these things we can’t quite see or feel, a little bit like spirituality.
Expressing yourself artistically can be therapeutic, too. For people going through illness or the dying process, if they’re able to get in touch with their creative impulse and make something from their experiences, that’s an amazing way for them to participate in their life and in their illness. To turn their suffering into grist…something to paint with, essentially. It’s just very rich and fertile ground.
With architecture and design, the way we cultivate our built environment has such power in terms of how we experience life. Standing in a beautiful museum can make you feel things you wouldn’t otherwise and can help you pay attention to things that are really difficult. I would love to see the arts get more involved with the heath care infrastructure so that hospitals and nursing homes are places where you’d actually want to be, places that are beautiful or stimulating. The arts provoke the life in you, and that’s very powerful when the goal is to really live until you die.
Q How do you recommend preparing for death?
A
Explore a hospice and palliative care program as early as possible. Ask your doctor about it. Research local hospice agencies. There’s a website called getpalliativecare.org, where you enter your zip code and it’ll show you your options. Of course, some programs are better than others, but as a rule, these services are designed to help you suffer less, help you find meaning in your life, and help you live a full life.
Even when you’re feeling exhausted and you just want to hand yourself over to a doctor, you need to find a way to advocate for yourself. Otherwise you’re going to end up in the default mode in the health care system, and that’s going to mean ICU and machines and all sorts of things that you may not want. Your doctor is there to help you, and you need to work with them. But push your doctor: Ask them about palliative care, and if they say, “Oh, you don’t need palliative care,” ask why not. Or if you think you want to prepare with hospice, ask your doctor about hospice. What do they think about hospice? Is now a good time to start it? If they say you don’t need hospice, ask, “Why not? When would I?” Between the medical system and the training that goes into it, understand you need to advocate upstream. You’re pushing a rock up the hill.
Anywhere along the way, start saving money, period. The number one cause of personal bankruptcy in this country is health care costs, and the bulk of those people who go bankrupt because of heath care costs had health insurance. I don’t think people realize even if you have insurance, there are costs that are going to come up that you would never imagine, so if you have any capacity, just start saving. You’re going to need money toward the end of life. You’re going to need money to navigate illness.
Whether it’s in yourself or with someone you care about, reward vulnerability. Be vulnerable. Go toward it. Be with people and yourself when you’re suffering. It takes courage to be vulnerable, to get help and to give help. When it comes to your time, it’s important that you’ve learned how to receive care.
Then there’s the biggest one: Dying ain’t easy, but it’s going to happen, and there’s a lot of beauty in it. The fact that we die is exactly what makes life precious in the first place. You don’t have to love death, but try to have some relationship with it. Think about it. Contemplate it. As soon as you start doing that, the sooner you start making decisions you can live with, and you’ll avoid stockpiling a bunch of regrets. People who don’t think about death just end up assuming they’re going to live forever, until it’s too late to live that life they wanted to lead.
BJ Miller
BJ Miller, MD is a hospice and palliative care specialist who sees patients in the Cancer Symptom Management Service of the UCSF Helen Diller Family Comprehensive Cancer Center. After studying art history as an undergraduate at Princeton University, he worked for several years for art and disability-rights nonprofit organizations before earning a medical degree at UCSF. He completed an internal medicine residency at Cottage Hospital in Santa Barbara, where he was chief resident, and a fellowship in hospice and palliative medicine at Harvard Medical School, working at the Massachusetts General Hospital and Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. His forthcoming book with coauthor Shoshana Berger, a practical and emotional guide to dying called The Beginner’s Guide to the End, is due out from Simon & Schuster in 2019.
Death for patients in U.S. intensive care units may look a lot different for people with limited English proficiency than for native speakers, a large study suggests.
About 8.5 percent of U.S. adults don’t speak English as their primary language, researchers note in Mayo Clinic Proceedings. While communication is crucial for decision-making at the end of life, it’s not been clear how language skills might influence the type of care dying patients receive.
For the current study, researchers examined data on 27,523 patients admitted to intensive care units (ICUs) in a large academic hospital over a three-year period. The total included 779 people, or about 3 percent, with limited English proficiency.
Death rates in the ICUs were the same no matter what language patients spoke most fluently, averaging 2.8 percent for both native speakers and those with limited English proficiency.
But among patients who died in the ICU, those with limited English proficiency were 62 percent less likely to have orders for comfort care before they died, and they took an average of 19 days longer to transition from active treatment to only measures designed to ease pain and suffering. Non-English speakers were also 26 percent more likely to be placed on breathing machines and 36 percent more likely to be put in restraints.
Patients with limited English proficiency were 38 percent less likely than native speakers to formally request what’s known as a do-not-resuscitate (DNR) order when they entered the ICU. A DNR tells hospital staff not to take measures to revive them if their heart stops working.
Non-English speakers were also 77 percent less likely to have an “advance directive,” a legal document that spells out what type of care patients want and who should make decisions on their behalf when they’re no longer able to communicate.
“This study shows that the end of life care that patients with limited English proficiency receive is different than for those who do not have language barrier,” said lead author Dr. Amelia Barwise of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.
“This may be because more patients with limited English proficiency have an authentic desire to die with more aggressive medical therapies or that communication or other barriers prevent health care teams from optimally assessing and implementing a less aggressive approach for dying patients with limited English proficiency,” Barwise said by email.
The differences persisted even after the study team accounted for other factors that can independently impact care at the end of life like race, religion and age.
The study wasn’t a controlled experiment designed to prove how language abilities might directly impact care at the end of life. Another limitation is that it looked at a single hospital and might not reflect what happens elsewhere.
Even so, the findings resonate with other research suggesting that limited English skills can influence how patients are treated, said Dr. Gary Winzelberg, a researcher at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who wasn’t involved in the study.
“Patients with limited English proficiency are less likely to have advance directives because these documents were not designed for patients with low health literacy or patients from diverse cultural backgrounds,” Winzelberg said by email.
Interpreters can help.
“Families should insist on having an interpreter present during family meetings and other communication during which patients’ condition and care options are discussed,” Winzelberg added. “If an interpreter cannot be physically present, there are alternatives including connecting to an interpreter by phone – families should not be asked to serve as interpreters.”
My hospice patients were dying, but they still longed for fresh air and birdsong.
By Rachel Clarke
A furrowed brow and flailing arms were all we had to go on. The grimacing, the way the patient flung his head from side to side — all of it signified an unvoiced anguish. We tried talking, listening, morphine. His agitation only grew.
All cancers have the power to ravage a body, but each assails in distinctive ways. One of the particular cruelties of a cancer of the tongue is its capacity to deprive a person of speech.
Some of us thought he must be suffering from terminal agitation, a state of heightened anxiety that sometimes develops as the end of life draws near. But the junior doctor on the team, Nicholas, was convinced that we could unlock the source of our patient’s distress and volunteered to stay behind in the room.
Nicholas reappeared about an hour later. “You can understand his speech,” he announced. “You just have to really listen.”
When I re-entered the room, the reclining chair that the patient — a tall, angular man in his 80s — had been thrashing around in had been turned to face out onto the garden and the double doors were open wide. Now he sat calmly, transfixed by the trees and sky. All he had wanted was that view.
For a decade, I have worked as a doctor in Britain’s National Health Service. We are an overstretched, underfunded health service in which too few doctors and nurses labor with too few resources, struggling to deliver good care. Burnout among staff is endemic, so much so that it threatens to stifle the kindness and compassion that should be the bedrock of medicine.
But then there are the moments when helping someone is easy: Just nature is enough.
Before I specialized in palliative care, I thought the sheer vitality of nature might be an affront to patients so close to the end of life — a kind of impudent abundance. And yet, in the hospice where I work, I am often struck by the intense solace some patients find in the natural world.
I met Diane Finch, a patient, in May, on the day her oncologist broke the devastating news that further palliative chemotherapy was no longer an option. She was 51. From that point on, her terminal breast cancer would run its natural course, medicine powerless to arrest it.
“My first thought, my urge, was to get up and find an open space,” she told me on that first meeting. “I needed to breathe fresh air, to hear natural noises away from the hospital and its treatment rooms.”
At first she fought to preserve herself digitally, documenting every thought and feeling on her computer before they, and she, were lost forever. But one day, as she was typing frantically, she heard a bird singing through her open window.
“When you come to the end of your life, you get the sense that you don’t want to lose yourself, you want to be able to pass something on,” she told me later. “When I had whole brain radiotherapy, I felt as though something had dropped out, as if everything I said needed to be saved. It was all running away from me.
“Somehow, when I listened to the song of a blackbird in the garden, I found it incredibly calming. It seemed to allay that fear that everything was going to disappear, to be lost forever, because I thought, ‘Well, there will be other blackbirds. Their songs will be pretty similar and it will all be fine.’ And in the same way, there were other people before me with my diagnosis. Other people will have died in the same way I will die. And it’s natural. It’s a natural progression. Cancer is part of nature too, and that is something I have to accept, and learn to live and die with.”
Ms. Finch recorded a song based on the peace she felt listening to the bird song, and it was enough to bring her some relief from what — up to that point — had been almost feverish efforts at self-preservation.
Another patient, whom I admitted in July with about a week to live, was mostly concerned that I keep the windows open, so that he could “keep on feeling the breeze on my face and listening to that blackbird outside.” I rushed to make sure of it.
Shortly before his death from pancreatic cancer at 59, in the 1990s, the British playwright Dennis Potter described the exaltation of looking out at a blossom that had become the “whitest, frothiest, blossomest blossom that there ever could be” from his window.
“Things are both more trivial than they ever were, and more important than they ever were, and the difference between the trivial and the important doesn’t seem to matter. But the nowness of everything is absolutely wondrous,” he told an interviewer.
People often imagine hospices to be dark and dismal places where there is nothing left to experience but dying. But what dominates my work is not proximity to death but the best bits of living. Nowness is everywhere. Nature provides it.
I provide care for however long they have left, so they do not have to take their final steps alone
Old and sick animals need love and attention’: Alexis Fleming with Gimli the sheep.
By Alexis Fleming
The last day we had with Osha the bullmastiff was hard, although perfect for her. We took her for her favourite walk, gave her a meal of her favourite food (pasta) and then lay in the garden in the sun with her, feeding her fruit chews, which she loved. Then the vet came and sedated her and put her to sleep. I was so sad , but I knew it was the right time to say goodbye.
I had heard about Osha through the charity I run, Pounds For Poundies, which tries to stop abandoned dogs from being put down in pounds. When I learned Osha had been dumped in the pound with terminal cancer, I had to take her in. This was October 2015, the same time my dog Maggie died suddenly in a veterinary hospital, which left me devastated. Maggie and Osha inspired me to set up the Maggie Fleming animal hospice, offering end-of-life care for animals, in Dumfries in March 2016. At the hospice, I provide them with a home, friendship, love, comfort and tailored vet care for however long they have left, so they do not have to take their final steps alone. The hospice is funded by charitable donations and I run it with help from my partner Adam, friends, family and volunteers.
Osha’s favourite things were food and sleep, so she spent her last nine months being spoiled with breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in bed. She loved to steal eggs from our rescued chickens; I would leave one on the doorstep so that when she went out for her late-night wees she would think she had found treasure.
The vet who put Osha to sleep helped me realise it was the right thing to do. She told me that she sees similar situations almost weekly, when owners are so desperate not to make that heartbreaking decision that they leave it too late and the animals die in pain. The point of the hospice is to avoid that scenario.
I look after a maximum of three animals at one time, so that I can provide the best care possible. It is very time-intensive. Some of the animals I have helped have lived all their lives in kennels, never been hugged or kissed and don’t know what to do when I cuddle them, although they are clearly desperate for affection. My day is busy in some ways – looking after the animals’ practical needs, feeding them and giving them medication or other required care – but it is peaceful in others. Old and sick animals need love and attention, so I spend a lot of time sitting with them, reading to them and cuddling them.
I also care for more than 80 animals at my sanctuary for farmed animals and rescue hens. Many have been worked to death, and they come here rather than the slaughterhouse.There is something so sad about animals that have never known life outside a pen or a cage.
We take animals from all over, but I cannot provide end-of-life care for all that need it, so I offer support to their owners instead. They can phone me 24/7 for advice. Often just talking to someone who understands their sorrow can help people through what can be one of the hardest decisions they ever have to make. Most importantly, it helps families to stay together until the end, which is the best outcome for everyone, especially the animal, which wants to be with the people it knows and loves. Knowing you have done right by your pet, giving back that love and loyalty as you see it safely to the end, is a huge responsibility and privilege.
I have just started an end-of-life care plan for Bran, another abandoned dog, as he is starting to slow down. He was abandoned on the street with a tumour on his spleen when he was about 17 years old. He was given six weeks to live when he came here; that was almost two and a half years ago. But his latest blood results show he is starting to slip into liver and kidney dysfunction. I sit with him for a couple of hours each day, washing his face with a warm cloth, which he loves, and giving him a massage to ease his muscles. I have promised him that when he tells me it is time to go I will listen. I will be there on his last day with all his favourite things and hold him as he slips away peacefully, knowing someone loved him to the last.
Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider is bringing together a cross-disciplinary set of minds to reimagine what dying in America looks like today starting with palliative care in the United States. After years of seeing how the system provides less-than-desirable services to patients and their families, Ungerleider extended her career as an internist at one of the best teaching hospitals in the country to focus on awakening a global movement with the End Well Foundation.
Born just outside of Eugene, Oregon, Ungerleider never thought she would become a doctor. Majoring in science with a focus on marine biology, she very quickly realized that she preferred interacting with humans and took her career in a different direction. It was a chance internship at Duke University that sparked an interest in medicine. With the support of her mentors, she applied and completed medical school at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland.“I always knew that I wanted to be in service of other people in some way, I just didn’t know what that looked like,” Ungerleider said. “It was always very important to me. “I realized medicine was the path for me.”
Ungerleider completed her residency program at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco. After a rotation in the ICU, she realized that most of her patients were older, with chronic diseases and in a state that was not going to drastically improve. “Nothing that we were going to do for them was actually going to help them,” Ungerleider realized. “We were not turning back the clock on their age, we were not going to be able to cure their cancer that was widely metastatic, and we couldn’t give them a new heart.” Many of her patients were suffering and dying, hidden away from people they love, she found. And they and their families were not provided with options or a conversation about what was going on. “I realized that it’s sort of the default thing that we do in this country—no matter how old you are, no matter how sick you are, you will be admitted to an ICU, even if it won’t help you,” she said. She soon asked herself, What is the bigger picture? What is it that doctors are meant to do for patients, and are we doing that for everyone we serve?
Per a 2016 study in the Journal for American Medical Association, a peer-reviewed medical journal, 70 percent of doctors surveyed in the U.S. said they have not been trained to have difficult conversations with patients. “If communication is one of the biggest parts of the job, then how is it possible that the least amount of time is spent on exactly that,” pondered Ungerleider.
She discovered that there was a hugely under-recognized, epidemic happening in hospitals for patients to truly have human-centered care, with a lot of that being directed toward serious illness and end-of-life conversations. And, this is especially important when doctors are trained. “As physicians in training, we are often the very first people to see a patient when they come to the hospital. It’s actually possible to change the course of their treatment trajectory if physicians know how to have conversations with patients and their families based on their goals and understanding what it is that they value in their lives. Much of that doesn’t get translated into the care that they receive, and we must do something about that,” said Ungerleider.
In shifting her own conversations with patients, Ungerleider started a clinical program to train residents and medical students to have competence in palliative medicine starting with communications training. Palliative care is a field of medicine that is fairly new, a multidisciplinary, approach to medical care that is focused on quality of life for patients and their families facing terminal illnesses. Providing necessary support and comfort beyond hospice, palliative care can be used at any time during the course of an illness.
Ungerleider’s work with the hospital’s foundation inspired the inception of her own foundation, focused on bringing awareness and public engagement to the systemic change that is necessary for people to live life more fully to the very end. “I was interested in creating a shift in how society motivates people to have conversations about this topic with people they love, so that if they do end up in a situation where they are receiving medical care, the care that they get is the care that they want. I want everyone to understand their options, and how to make decisions in line with their goals and the values of how they live their lives. That, to me, is good medicine, whether we’re talking about diabetes care and high blood pressure or about the end-of-life experience,” she said. In 2014 , Ungerleider started the Ungerleider Palliative Care Education Fund to do exactly that. With the mission to further palliative care education at every level. In collaboration with the California Pacific Medical Center Foundation, the Ungerleider Fund initiated a comprehensive education program to enhance medical training around advanced illness and end of life care, physician communication and wellness for healthcare providers at Sutter Health’s California Pacific Medical Center. The foundation has financed the production of two films, both acquired by Netflix—End Game (with directors Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman) and Academy-Award nominated Extremis (by director Dan Krauss) both —with the goal of educating and expanding the thinking around decision making, palliative and end-of-life care.
When asked about how her foundation became a reality, Ungerleider notes she would go to conferences around the country and meet exceptional people working in palliative care, across policy, hospice or caregiving. “They were and have been doing incredible work, yet it was always the same people. I noticed that we do a lot of ‘preaching to the choir’ in this field and don’t get outside of our traditional spheres of influence to engage other people in a conversation,” she said.
To expand the conversation beyond the medical field, in 2017, Ungerleider launched a one-day, TED-style symposium, End Well, with this very thought in mind. She asked herself, How do we create an opportunity to bring together not just those practicing palliative care but include a cross-disciplinary set of professionals working to amplify this topic through their individual work? Creating a discourse of this nature has opened up unique opportunities to bring the public and private sectors together to more deeply understand the opportunities that exist for patients.
“I feel so strongly that death and dying are not just a medical issue but a purely human issue that behooves all of us to get invested in this conversation,” Ungerleider said. ”My goal with End Well is to bring new voices into the fold, to hear from entrepreneurs who think differently about this space, to hear from patients, caregivers, artists, educators, and my fellow colleagues in medicine, too. We need to lower the barriers of entry to this conversation because we have a wide-open space to innovate new solutions: We have 10,000 baby boomers turning 65 every day in this country. It’s a looming crisis.”
As Ungerleider gears up for this year’s End Well Symposium on December 6th in San Francisco, she attributes the following elements to her success:
Listen first: “Within the first 60 seconds of meeting a patient, I can often learn more by simply listening than by talking. For patients to be engaged in their own health, they must understand their diagnosis, treatment and potential outcomes. This starts with listening to them,” she said.
Focus, focus, focus: “One of the things that my husband has instilled in me is being very goal-oriented, so I’m hyper-focused around palliative care, hospice, end-of-life—that is all that I do. My mission is to have conversations about mortality be so commonplace that I don’t need to do this work anymore, that palliative care can go away as a field because how all medicine is practiced is good medicine. That is my end goal and everything I do; I align with that goal,” she said.
Be open to opportunities: “I never imagined I’d end up running a foundation, executive producing films and starting international conferences. The opportunity to be part of the films was unexpected and it’s because I remain open and curious about how new opportunities play into advocating the work I’m doing.” Ungerleider said.
Oregon’s 1994 Death with Dignity Act (ORS 127.8 ff) was the nation’s first law authorizing mentally capable, terminally ill adults with 6 months or less to live to request a doctor’s prescription for medication they could decide to take to peacefully end their suffering if it became unbearable.
It was enacted in 1994 and taken into effect in 19971.Since then, 6 more states—Washington, Montana, Vermont, California, Colorado, and Hawaii (Hawaii’s law does not take effect until Jan. 1, 2019) and the District of Columbia (DC)—have authorized medical aid in dying. Pies and Hanson, in a recent article in MD Magazine® (July 7, 2018), presented 12 myths (sic) about this medical practice.2
I practiced family medicine in a small rural Oregon town from 1977 to 2012. In 1999, a patient asked me if I would honor his request for a “death with dignity.” He was a long-time patient who was dying of cancer; he had had surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, but his cancer was incurable and advanced. He was enrolled in hospice, but his symptoms became intolerable, leading to his request to me.
At that time, I had been in practice for more than 20 years. I did ultimately prescribe the aid-in-dying medication, and he died very peacefully at home with his wife and children at his bedside. They continue to thank me now, almost 20 years later.
Those of us who have participated in the practice of medical aid in dying have a different perspective than those who theorize about it. Pies and Hanson cite a 20-year-old article3 regarding the psychological and emotional effects upon US oncologists who participate in euthanasia and PAS. In fact, euthanasia—which unlike medical aid in dying requires someone other than the dying patient to administer the medication—is illegal in the United States. In my role as the National Medical Director for Compassion & Choices and our Doc2Doc consultation program, I speak to scores of physicians who have practiced medical aid in dying.
All of them are sincere, all are compassionate, none of them take this action lightly, and none have reported instances of regret or depression.
1)People who request medical aid in dying usually do so because they are experiencing loss of dignity, anhedonia, and inability to control the “end of their life story.”
Pies and Hanson are correct in reporting that pain is not usually in the top 3 reasons why individuals request medical aid in dying in both Oregon and California. Autonomy is no. 1: these individuals are suffering, dying persons who feel that they have no control over their imminent death (which their physicians confirm). They do not want to die in a hospital. They are knowledgeable of their options. They do not want to depend upon others for symptom management, and indeed, by their own report, their symptoms are unmanageable.
Pies and Hansen report that many patients who request medical aid in dying are clinically depressed, but this assertion is false. By law, they are required to be evaluated for the mental capacity to make rational decisions by their physician and a second (consulting) physician. In addition, they often are in hospice, so they also are evaluated by their hospice medical director, their hospice nurse, their chaplain, their social worker, etc. They do not have a major depressive disorder; rather, they are grieving normally. They cannot “be successfully treated, once properly diagnosed.”1 They are terminal.
2) In Oregon, 6 other states, and D.C. with similar laws, there are adequate safeguards to ensure proper application of medical aid in dying.
Oregon’s Death with Dignity Act, now in effect for 2 decades, is analyzed annually by the Oregon Health Authority1 and it has never needed to be changed. It adequately protects individuals from coercion, abuse, or inappropriate use. Why is this statement true? There are core safeguards in place to protect vulnerable populations, so many in fact that they are also recognized as significant barriers for dying people to access the law. Many dying patients in Oregon are unable to utilize the Death with Dignity Act because they die before the entire process can be completed and doctors can be reluctant to practice because of the paperwork.
3) The conversation about the option of medical aid in dying is palliative in and of itself
A healthy doctor-patient relationship is founded upon open communication and trust. In end-of-life care, the ability to discuss all options allows for exploration, and hopefully, fulfillment of the patient’s wishes and values. Many patients and doctors discuss medical aid in dying, even if the patient ultimately does not make a request for a prescription. Physicians who are willing to openly explore a patient’s requests can learn much that can help her or him to provide quality care at the end of life.
In all jurisdictions where this palliative, end-of-life care option is authorized, approximately two-thirds of patients who go through the process required by the Oregon Death with Dignity Act ultimately take aid-in-dying medication; one-third do not take the medication,1 but they want to know that they have the option to use the medication if needed, hence, they are palliated.
4) Not all suffering can be satisfactorily treated with palliative medicine or hospice care
Quality hospice care and palliative care have improved the end-of-life experience of thousands of patients, and advances in end-of-life care continue. More improvement and resources should be dedicated to this cause. But not all suffering can be assuaged. Suffering is defined by the patient, not the doctor.
5) Doctors who conscientiously oppose medical aid in dying are free not to practice it.
Pies and Hanson discuss conscientious objection to medical aid in dying “in theory” based upon “guidelines.” Physicians who are not willing to participate in end-of-life care option are free not to practice it if it conflicts with their conscience; there is no law that requires otherwise. However, a licensed physician is bound to practice professionally and under the standards of care in their location. A professional “puts the patient first.
If a licensed physician (who does not support a patient’s option to decide to use medical aid in dying) has a request by a patient for this end-of-life care option, her or his obligation is to refer the patient to another physician for evaluation of the request. Ironically, many physicians in Oregon who do support this option for their dying patients, are unable to provide it because they are employed by healthcare systems that prohibit their doctors from practicing it. Thus, rather than physicians being coerced to practice medical aid in dying, they are prevented from honoring their dying patient’s request for it.
6) Language matters: medical aid in dying should not be called “suicide,” or “assisted suicide”
Legally, in all jurisdictions where medical aid in dying is authorized, “it is not suicide, homicide, euthanasia, or mercy killing.”1
David Pollack MD, a psychiatrist at Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine in Portland, OR, stated that a “growing body of evidence clearly distinguishes the characteristics of persons who commit suicide resulting from mental illness from those of terminally ill persons who request medical aid in dying.
“These differences include the type and severity of psychological symptoms, degree of despair, reasons for wishing to end one’s life, communicativeness regarding their wishes and fears, degree of personal isolation, openness about the wish and intended method to end one’s life, and the impact on the person’s family or support system following the person’s death.”4
Furthermore, there is no place in end-of-life care for language that is hurtful, angry, shaming, or that causes guilt. Language matters.
7) People requesting medical aid in dying are carefully screened to rule out depression that impairs judgment
Pies and Hanson are correct in reporting that most medical aid-in-dying statutes do not require a professional mental health examination, “except when the participating physician is concerned and decides to do so.” Such a requirement is unnecessary because doctors are experts in evaluating the mental capacity of their patients to make informed healthcare decisions.
Doctors make these assessments every day in routine matters and matters of life and death. And if 1 of the 2 doctors evaluating the mental capacity of a patient requesting medical aid in dying wants a third mental capacity evaluation by a mental health professional, they can easily request it. It’s important to note that all of these terminally ill patients and their families are sad, and normally grieving. But most patients do not have mental illness or a major depressive disorder. By virtue of their State Medical License, physicians who are involved in primary care are competent to diagnose mental illness, including depression that causes impaired decision-making.
8) In the United States, only people with terminal illness are eligible for medical aid in dying
In Oregon and in all jurisdictions where medical aid in dying is authorized, individuals who receive an aid-in-dying prescription must meet the eligibility criteria, including having a terminal illness. This diagnosis is determined by the attending physician and the consulting physician. In each case, these licensed doctors consider the individual situation.
A diabetic who does not want to take insulin is not a candidate; someone with anorexia nervosa, by definition, has a mental illness. Advanced dementia precludes participation because the patient is not mentally capable of making their own healthcare decisions. When a patient requests medical aid in dying, the physician investigates all of the intricacies of the request. If the patient has a disease that can be reasonably treated (diabetes, early cancer, etc.), this end-of-life care option is not appropriate.
Hence, the value of 2 physicians working in concert is not only the case, but also the law, in Oregon.
9) The basic requirements for medical aid in dying have not changed in more than 20 years
After more than 20 years of medical aid-in-dying experience in Oregon, there now is ample accumulated experience to show that the law has been safely and successfully implemented.5 In fact, ORS 127.8, the Death with Dignity Act, has not been changed, amended, or altered. Those who theorize that abuses are possible seem more concerned with “what if” than with “what is.” Experience and evidence outweighs speculation.
In point of fact, the practice of medical aid in dying in Oregon (and in others states with similar laws in effect) has catalyzed improvement in end-of-life care, a much broader discussion of end-of-life care issues, more frequent conversations between physicians and patients about their end-of-life care wishes and goals, doctor-patient relationships, and the awareness of and participation in hospice and palliative care services.
10) Since Oregon’s Death with Dignity Act took effect in 1997, more people have not died, but fewer have suffered
Since the Oregon Death with Dignity Act took effect in 1997, a total of 1967 Oregonians have had prescriptions written under the law, and 1275 patients have died from ingesting the medications.
During 2017, 143 patients used medical aid in dying, and the estimated rate of Death with Dignity Act deaths was 39.9 per 10,000 total deaths,1 which is a similar percentage to previous years. All of these patients were about to die (had a prognosis of 6 months or less to live) and had the comfort of knowing that they could determine the final chapter of their life if their suffering became unbearable.
Pies and Hanson concluded that “it is critical that physicians inform themselves as regards the actual nature and function … of medical aid-in-dying legislation.” I heartily agree. However, their “first step” is to “recognize and challenge the many myths that surround these…laws.”
I believe that a better first step is to learn the facts about medical aid in dying, not theoretic myths. Louis Pasteur, MD, wrote, “One does not ask of one who suffers: What is your country and what is your religion? One merely says: You suffer, that is enough for me.” A dying patient needs respect, and our comfort. We may have thought that we were trained as “healers,” but when a cure is no longer possible, care and comfort are paramount.
