“Dying has a funny way of making you see people, the living and the dead, a little differently. Maybe that’s just part of grieving, or maybe the dead stand there and open our eyes a bit wider.” (Susan Gress Gilmore)
Glenville Ashby
Most of us have lost loved ones. It is a painful experience that sometimes takes years to heal, if ever. Many depart suddenly without notice and we are left helpless, forlorn and confounded.
Others waste away, a slow process that is painful, difficult to watch. We are called upon to be caregivers, attending to the every need of a dying relative. During that time we learn timeless lessons if we are patient, listen, and learn from this unique experience.
Like birth, death is an integral part of life that should be accorded the right, appropriate response. On a mystical level, the dying person experiences what hospice nurse Maggie Callanan calls the “Nearing Death Awareness”.
It is a process that can take days, weeks and even months; but during that time we are afforded unique information that will help us in our own spiritual travels when we are called home.
Callahan concluded in her cross-cultural research that dying persons speak of travel, maps, trains, and of queuing up to get to another place. She also found that those she studied were not heavily sedated, nor were they speaking in fantastical terms due to any neurological, physical or physiological handicap.
In her book, Final Gifts, she writes, “… we found no common cause for what we were seeing and hearing. Our patients had many different illnesses – varieties of cancer, AIDS. In some cases, their brain oxygen, body fluid and body salt levels had been documented as normal.
“Their medications varied widely, some were taking no drugs at all, others many. In short, there was no apparent physiological explanation for their communication patterns.”
Dismiss the disjointed
Unfortunately, we sometimes dismiss the disjointed, and seemingly incongruous and incomprehensible words of the dying person, attributing it to medication, dementia, or senility.
Confused, we ask the nurse or doctor to take the appropriate medical measures to quiet the patient. Somehow, we miss the mark, missing the opportunity to ease the concerns and burdens of the patient.
When we can decode what the patient is trying to say and ably respond, we have facilitated the process of transition (dying). Patients get agitated or resigned when they are not understood. The dying process becomes longer, even more tortuous as the patient struggles to convey a message or articulate a concern.
Studies have shown that dying persons will opt to leave this earth when they are satisfied that those they are leaving behind will be all right. Others protract their departure because of guilt and the need for reconciliation. They seek forgiveness for past wrongs.
Mountain of experience
A mountain of experience has taught Callanan that many dying persons want to settle personal issues before they leave. They have a thirst for closure. “(There’s) an awareness that they need to be at peace,” Callanan writes in Final Gifts.
“As death nears, people often realise some things feel unfinished or incomplete perhaps issues that once seemed insignificant or that happened long ago. Now the dying person realises their importance and wants to settle them.” We are urged to accommodate their request.
Sadly, many engulfed in the throes of dying do not and cannot speak in literal terms. They use symbolic language.
And the more we dismiss this mode of communication as insignificant, muddled thoughts, the more the patient is likely to withdraw or display bouts of anxiety. In such situations dying is painful to watch.
On the symbolism used by dying persons, we are advised to patiently learn as much as possible and be gently and constructively responsive.
Sometimes our own fears, bewilderment and anger at seeing a loved one die only exacerbate the circumstances. We withdraw, unable to openly and honestly communicate.
Friends, unable to manage their own emotions, and lost for words, do not visit not out of insensitivity, but due to their incapacity to comprehend and deal with this highly charged emotional experience.
Studies have also shown that those at the cusp of death may see and communicate with beings invisible to us.
These visitors are usually relatives and friends who have passed on, or angels, saints and religious personages that are familiar to the patient. These visions have a calming effect and it’s obvious that these exchanges serve to make the dying process peaceful and unthreatening.
Finally, hospice nurses have encountered cases indicating that patients ‘know’ the hour of their death. Others have cited cases where healthy individuals also seem to know of their demise.
In one intriguing scenario with which I am familiar, a physically robust woman, without any prodding, suddenly rushed to prepare her will and last testament. Upon completion, she hastily summoned her son, imparting every bit of religious knowledge.
“This is the most precious gift I can give you,” she told him. She succumbed a day later.
That she consciously knew that she was going to die is debatable, and I disagree with Callahan and others who argue that “dying people often seem to know when their death will occur, sometimes right down to the day or hour (and) their attempts to share information about the time of death may be clear and direct”.
However, I am of the opinion that in most cases this knowledge is a subtle, subconscious impulse unknown to the conscious mind.
Nearing Death Awareness can be taxing, taking a toll on patient and loved ones. Openness, dialogue, honesty, patience and caring by all parties will no doubt ease the burden.
Dying and death are natural, a necessary part of life. And in the same way that we learn from the living, so we must embrace the wisdom brought forth by dying people.
[H]umans may have ritualistically “killed” objects to remove their symbolic power, some 5,000 years earlier than previously thought, a new international study of marine pebble tools from an Upper Paleolithic burial site in Italy suggests.
Researchers at Université de Montréal, Arizona State University and University of Genoa examined 29 pebble fragments recovered in the Caverna delle Arene Candide on the Mediterranean Sea in Liguria. In their study, published online Jan. 18 in the Cambridge Archeological Journal, they concluded that some 12,000 years ago the flat, oblong pebbles were brought up from the beach, used as spatulas to apply ochre paste to decorate the dead, then broken and discarded.
The intent could have been to “kill” the tools, thereby “discharging them of their symbolic power” as objects that had come into contact with the deceased, said the study’s co-author Julien Riel-Salvatore, an associate professor of anthropology at UdeM who directed the excavations at the site that yielded the pebbles.
The Arene Candide is a hockey-rink-sized cave containing a necropolis of some 20 adults and children. It is located about 90 metres above the sea in a steep cliff overlooking a limestone quarry. First excavated extensively in the 1940s, the cave is considered a reference site for the Neolithic and Paleolithic periods in the western Mediterranean. Until now, however, no one had looked at the broken pebbles.
Possible use of the pebbles: retoucher or hammer.
“If our interpretation is correct, we’ve pushed back the earliest evidence of intentional fragmentation of objects in a ritual context by up to 5,000 years,” said the study’s lead author Claudine Gravel-Miguel, a PhD candidate at Arizona State’s School of Human Evolution and Social Change, in Tempe. “The next oldest evidence dates to the Neolithic period in Central Europe, about 8,000 years ago. Ours date to somewhere between 11,000 and 13,000 years ago, when people in Liguria were still hunter-gatherers.”
No matching pieces to the broken pebbles were found, prompting the researchers to hypothesize that the missing halves were kept as talismans or souvenirs. “They might have signified a link to the deceased, in the same way that people today might share pieces of a friendship trinket, or place an object in the grave of a loved one,” Riel-Salvatore said. “It’s the same kind of emotional connection.”
Between 2008 and 2013, the researchers painstakingly excavated in the Arene Candide cave immediately east of the original excavation using small trowels and dental tools, then carried out microscopic analysis of the pebbles they found there. They also scoured nearby beaches in search of similar-looking pebbles, and broke them to see if they compared to the others, trying to determine whether they had been deliberately broken.
Claudine Gravel-Miguel is with anthropologist Vitale Stefano Sparacello at the Arene Candide site in 2011.
“This demonstrates the underappreciated interpretive potential of broken pieces,” the new study concludes. “Research programs on Paleolithic interments should not limit themselves to the burials themselves, but also explicitly target material recovered from nearby deposits, since, as we have shown here, artifacts as simple as broken rocks can sometimes help us uncover new practices in prehistoric funerary canons.”
The findings could have implications for research at other Paleolithic sites where ochre-painted pebbles have been found, such as the Azilian sites in the Pyrenee mountains of northern Spain and southern France. Broken pebbles recovered during excavations often go unexamined, so it might be worth going back and taking a second look, said Riel-Salvatore.
“Historically, archeologists haven’t really looked at these objects – if they see them at a site, they usually go ‘Oh, there’s an ordinary pebble,’ and then discard it with the rest of the sediment,” he said. “We need to start paying attention to these things that are often just labeled as rocks. Something that looks like it might be natural might actually have important artifactual meaning.”
[D]o I tell them beforehand that it’s coming? Should I tell them when he’s sick? Do I wait until afterward and say he ran away or went to a farm? These are all questions that parents ask when it comes to preparing to discuss with their kids about the loss of a beloved family pet.
Existing grief research supports trying to be as honest and direct with your kids as possible. But, you need to take into account their age and level of emotional development. Despite the fact that pet loss is often the first loss that children experience, there is a lack of research addressing the issue. Many pet grief support professionals utilize human loss literature. In addition, there are children’s books available (some of which are discussed in this article) that talk about pet loss in a story setting, which may be useful for helping kids cope.
My neighbor helped her son understand the death of my dog by drawing pictures of Cleo sitting on a cloud “in heaven”. Another friend sat her kids down in the final weeks before their cat Jimmy passed away and talked honesty about the fact that he was aging and getting sick, and may not live much longer. Since her kids had been through this before with previous pets, they already knew the meaning of the term “put down”.
While some euphemisms are okay to use, avoid saying “put to sleep”. Children are literal in their comprehension. If children hear that their beloved dog is going to be “put to sleep” and will never come home to be with the family again, they may fear their own bedtime, thinking that they might not see mommy or daddy again either. It is best to use very direct terms, such as “death” or “dying”.
In my friend’s case, by being open and honest with her children before the loss, she was able to include them in some of the decision-making and allow them to have time to say good-bye to their life-long buddy. While children may not decide when it is time to let a pet go, they can take part in pre-death cuddle sessions and have a chance to tell their animal companions how much they love them.
Children need the structure of setting aside time to grieve pre- and post-death, when possible, and may need more tactile ways to express their sadness over the loss.
A few tips for helping kids cope with the loss of a pet:
Include your kids in memorializing your pet. They can even help in the planning of how you will honor the lost loved one. This may mean getting out art supplies, drawing pictures of the animal, making paintings that incorporate the pet’s paw print, looking through photos, and talking about the fun memories you had with the pet.
As time goes on, as the acute emotional pain starts to dull, but the continued love for the deceased pet continues, you can talk to your kids about the lessons they learned from the pet that will continue to help and guide them throughout their lives such as love, compassion, responsibility, patience, and acceptance.
Do not use the euphemism “put to sleep,” as it may be misinterpreted.
Allow your children to grieve in their own way. They may prefer to draw, paint, or sculpt their pet out of clay, rather than talk about it.
Let yourself grieve in front of your child, even if that means crying in front of them. This may be their first experience with loss, so they may look to you to learn that they don’t need to hide their feelings.
Work together on creating a scrapbook of pictures of your pet. Talk about the memories each picture represents.
Remember, the death of a pet does not mean the end of the bond or the love. You and your children can continue to talk about and remember the wonderful times you had together.
Thinking of death is inherent to being human. Technological advances, like so many human activities, reflect our desire to avoid it. But that may all be bound to change.
The human being’s link to death is intrinsic and existential. It is not an external notion one could discard or disregard and somehow remain human. Death, simply put, is a part of us.
As the German philosopher Martin Heidegger observed, our death is both imminent (we could die almost immediately) and conceived in our minds as too distant (we usually think we still have a long time left to live). French philosopher Jacques Derrida asked cheekily, “Is my death possible?” when dying precisely eliminates all possibilities. The curious thing is that while we know we are born to die, we spend our lives trying to transcend death. There is a basic awkwardness or nonsensical origin to all our actions: Whatever we do, we will still die, whence our flight toward daily routines in order to forget or seek relief. This ambiguity may explain a great part of human culture. Just as we want to negate death, we also seek to surpass ourselves.
The 20th-century Spanish writer Miguel de Unamumo postulated that human anxiety was a product of the tension between reason on the one hand, which understands that life is finite, and the desire that it continue forever. That desire has become the engine behind all the attempts to supercede our limits. Thus with every technological innovation, symbolic transformation, revolution in values or new narrative on the meaning of life, are we not aspiring, ultimately, to achieve immortality?
Graveyards do not so much recall our provenance as our destination
Now death, which pertains to others, is not the same as dying, which we cannot possibly experience. Cemeteries and their rituals are a means of linking ourselves to the deaths of others, the only possible death experience. In any case, a person supposes that he too will also be buried, honored and remembered — or forgotten. Graveyards do not so much recall our provenance as our destination, prompting the sensations of uncertainty, respect and concern among us all.
Cemetery in Buenos Aires
Cemeteries remain of their time of course. Technology makes it possible today to live on through images and sounds, and create a presence from the experience of absence. It would be interesting to analyze the impact of death’s omnipresence, and the evolution both of mourning and the mechanics of a memory that now is live before us, always within reach.
In reality, current trends like robotics or cloning will change the roots not just of our ties with the death of others, but our own dying. The day will eventually come when we have resolved death, which can only happen when we stop dying. That of course is also when we will stop being human. And so we shall mutate again …
[W]hen a loved one dies, children feel and show their grief in different ways. How kids cope with the loss depends on things like their age, how close they felt to the person who died, and the support they receive.
Here are some things parents can do to help a child who has lost a loved one:
When talking about death, use simple, clear words. To break the news that someone has died, approach your child in a caring way. Use words that are simple and direct. For example, “I have some sad news to tell you. Grandma died today.” Pause to give your child a moment to take in your words.
Listen and comfort. Every child reacts differently to learning that a loved one has died. Some kids cry. Some ask questions. Others seem not to react at all. That’s OK. Stay with your child to offer hugs or reassurance. Answer your child’s questions or just be together for a few minutes.
Put emotions into words. Encourage kids to say what they’re thinking and feeling in the days, weeks, and months following the loss. Talk about your own feelings: It helps kids be aware of and feel comfortable with theirs. Say things like, “I know you’re feeling very sad. I’m sad, too. We both loved Grandma so much, and she loved us, too.”
Tell your child what to expect. If the death of a loved one means changes in your child’s life, head off any worries or fears by explaining what will happen. For example, “Aunt Sara will pick you up from school like Grandma used to.” Or, “I need to stay with Grandpa for a few days. That means you and Dad will be home taking care of each other. But I’ll talk to you every day, and I’ll be back on Sunday.”
Talk about funerals and rituals. Allow children to join in rituals like viewings, funerals, or memorial services. Tell your child ahead of time what will happen. For example, “Lots of people who loved Grandma will be there. We will sing, pray, and talk about Grandma’s life. People might cry and hug. People will say things like, ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ or, ‘My condolences.’ Those are polite and kind things to say to the family at a funeral. We can say, ‘Thank you,’ or, ‘Thanks for coming.’ You can stay near me and hold my hand if you want.”
You might need to explain burial or cremation. For example, “After the funeral, there is a burial at a cemetery. The person’s body is in a casket (or coffin) that gets buried in the ground with a special ceremony. This can feel like a sad goodbye, and people might cry.” Share your family’s beliefs about what happens to a person’s soul or spirit after death.
Explain what happens after the service as a way to show that people will feel better. For example, “We all will go eat food together. People will laugh, talk, and hug some more. Focusing on the happy memories about Grandma and on the good feeling of being together helps people start to feel better.”
Give your child a role. Having a small, active role can help kids master an unfamiliar and emotional situation such as a funeral or memorial service. For example, you might invite your child to read a poem, pick a song to be played, gather some photos to display, or make something. Let kids decide if they want to take part, and how.
Help your child remember the person. In the days and weeks ahead, encourage your child to draw pictures or write down favorite stories of their loved one. Don’t avoid mentioning the person who died. Recalling and sharing happy memories helps heal grief and activate positive feelings.
Respond to emotions with comfort and reassurance. Notice if your child seems sad, worried, or upset in other ways. Ask about feelings and listen. Let your child know that it takes time to feel better after a loved one dies. Some kids may temporarily have trouble concentrating or sleeping, or have fears or worries. Support groups and counseling can help kids who need more support.
Help your child feel better. Provide the comfort your child needs, but don’t dwell on sad feelings. After a few minutes of talking and listening, shift to an activity or topic that helps your child feel a little better. Play, make art, cook, or go somewhere together.
Give your child time to heal from the loss. Grief is a process that happens over time. Be sure to have ongoing conversations to see how your child is feeling and doing. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved one. It means remembering the person with love, and letting loving memories stir good feelings that support us as we go on to enjoy life.
[W]hile our culture continually challenges men to engage more in “traditionally female” activities at home, our cultural expectations of their behavior are not often in sync with these notions, especially when it comes to expressing feelings and emotions.
Our society expects men to avoid expressing feelings, to endure stress without giving up and to be able to bear pain. We do not expect to see men openly cry, to express loneliness, sadness or depression or to demonstrate other emotions.
When it comes to dealing with the death of a loved one, men often suppress their grief in light of cultural expectations that they remain strong and in control. But suppressing sadness over a loss can have a long-lasting, even permanent, negative impact on a man’s emotional health. Left buried, unresolved grief can cause prolonged turmoil, bitterness, family problems and ill health.
Hospice of Michigan understands men’s unique needs and offers grief support to help them express and find healthy ways to deal with their feelings.
It starts with an understanding of grieving style. According to Dr. Kenneth J. Doka, senior consultant to the Hospice Foundation of America, grieving is not based on gender, but on style. Doka believes there are three types of grievers. Intuitive grievers talk about, and show, their emotions. Instrumental grievers think through their grief and are “do-ers.” Blended grievers are a combination of both grieving styles.
Additionally, some people are more private about showing their emotions. Hospice of Michigan’s grief support groups address the fact that not all men are comfortable talking to other men about their grief.
Gender stereotypes also influence how grief counselors help men process their grief according to personality labels society assigns:
A man who grew up believing “boys don’t cry” learns that grief does not lessen him as a man
A “competitive” man who always strives for the best understands that while he can’t “beat” death, he can redirect his fight in beneficial ways
A “protective” man who feels responsible for his family and friends focuses on the blessing of what he was able to do for his loved one
A “provider” who immersed himself in work to ensure his family’s security receives coping skills to navigate the natural difficulties in returning to the workplace
A “problem solver” who fixes everything around the house resolves the guilt he feels for not preventing death
A “controller” who likes to be in charge of everything realizes grief is unpredictable and, while he can’t control his emotional response, he can channel his behavioral response in positive ways
A “self-sufficient” man who was raised to be independent learns that letting his down his guard and sharing feelings with others is actually a sign of courage
Grief counselors help men process grief by working through their shock, pain and anxiety; emotional, social and physical difficulties and feelings of guilt. Men are encouraged to find new goals and directions in restructuring their lives.
“There isn’t a cookie-cutter approach to effectively deal with grief,” Karen Monts, practice manager, counseling services for Hospice of Michigan, said. “We all experience life from our own unique perspective. If our natural responses to circumstances conflict with society’s expectations of how we ‘should’ behave, dealing with the grief over losing a loved one can be especially difficult. For men who feel obliged to remain stoic because that’s what’s expected of them, their unresolved grief can lead to even bigger problems down the road. It’s important for everyone to freely express pain and sadness.”
[R]eggie and Gloria Weiss love fat, vine-ripened tomatoes; healthy, homegrown asparagus; and good, wormy soil.
They prefer dirt-covered garden gloves to jewelry, mulch their food scraps, conserve water and are partial to a good natural fertilizer – especially, Gloria said, the kind goats make.With reverence for the environment, and appreciation for these simple things in life, the Weisses have made a decision to keep things simple in death.
The Spring Township couple have pre-arranged a green or natural burial.They are among a growing number of Americans who, out of what the National Funeral Directors Association calls “a deepening eco-consciousness,” have abandoned the modern American way of death in which the departed, nattily-clad and chemically preserved, are placed in expensive hardwood or shimmering steel coffins; lowered into one-ton reinforced concrete burial vaults; and, after the clods fall, are memorialized with massive granite or marble headstones.
More adults interested
Natural, or green, burials honor the rituals that are important to people, but without glitzy, synthetic trappings associated with modern funerals.
They are a way of caring for the dead with minimal environmental impact, according to the Green Burial Council based in Ojai, Calif.A 2015 study by the Funeral and Memorial Information Council showed 64 percent of adults 40 and older said they would be interested in green funeral options, compared with 43 percent in 2010.The funeral and burial industry is starting to take notice.Last summer, Gethsemane, a Catholic cemetery in Muhlenberg Township, became the first cemetery in Berks to offer a dedicated green burial section. That means no metal. No embalming fluid. No burial vault. No ashes.About an hour northeast of Reading, Green Meadow at Fountain Hill, in Salisbury Township, became Lehigh County’s first green cemetery when, in 2011, it dedicated a half acre of its 13 total acres to green burials.An hour west or Reading, Paxtang Cemetery in Paxtang Borough near Harrisburg reserved 12 of its 34 acres for green burials, and even had it zoned conservation to prevent future development.An hour southeast of Reading, West Laurel Hill Cemetery in Lower Merion Township was a regional pioneer in the green movement when it set aside an acre for green burials in 2008.
Earth-friendly caskets
Kuhn Funeral Home in West Reading, and Milkins Giles in Muhlenberg Township, stock caskets made of woven bamboo along with their traditional casket of steel and wood. Most funeral homes can easily attain and offer eco-friendly caskets to families, and families can purchase them directly from manufacturers.
Don Byrne, a native of Annville, Lebanon County, lives in Chatham, N.C., where he owns and operates Piedmont Pine Coffins. Using only non-power hand tools, Byrne makes each coffin with tongue-and-groove planks and dove-tail corners. Though his coffins are not used exclusively for green burials, he said the green movement has contributed to his workload.”They find that the simplicity of a pine matches something in the life or personality of their loved one,” Byrne said.His coffins, each requiring about 25 hours of labor, sell for about $1,800. Piedmont Pine Coffins is one of about 400 Green Burial Council-certified product makers, 399 more than existed in 2005.
Embalming
Modern-day funeral and burial practices, which have their origins in the American Civil War, veered well away from the biblical notion of ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Battlefield surgeons and others began embalming dead soldiers during the Civil War as a way to preserve the bodies during transport from battlegrounds to their homes hundreds of miles away. The practice was also useful in combating a gruesome phenomenon known as exploding casket syndrome, caused by a buildup of gases inside the coffin during decomposition. Some 40,000 Civil War soldiers were embalmed of the estimated nearly 650,000 who were killed.The funeral of Abraham Lincoln helped popularize the practice of embalming and set the tone for elaborate farewells, historians say.On April 19, 1865, four days after his death, Abraham Lincoln’s body began a 1,654-mile odyssey that took him from the White House and the Capitol in Washington to his final resting place in Springfield, Ill. The trip included stops in several towns and cities, including Harrisburg, Philadelphia, New York, Buffalo, Cleveland, Indianapolis and Chicago. At each major stop, the coffin was moved to a central viewing place and then opened so that mourners could pay their final respects.
Down with the dead
In addition to embalming chemicals, a lot of wood, steel and concrete goes down with the dead.
“For all its verdant landscaping, the typical cemetery functions less like a bucolic resting ground for the dead than a landfill for the materials that infuse and encase them,” wrote Bethlehem-based environmental journalist Mark Harris, author of a book called “Grave Matters” and a leading advocate of green burial practices.A one-acre section of cemetery, with about 1,250 people buried, will contain 3,750 gallons of formaldehyde-based preservative, 187,500 board feet of wood for coffins and 2.5 million pounds of concrete. If steel coffins are used, and they are used often, that would roughly equal 162,500 pounds of steel, more if heavier gauge steel is selected.There are 2,728 cemeteries in Pennsylvania. The Charles Evans Cemetery, one of the most historic cemeteries in Berks County, measures about 120 acres, and more than 70,000 people are interred there. Gethsemane Cemetery in Muhlenberg has about 70 acres, and 32,000 are buried there.Arlington National Cemetery, arguably the nation’s most revered cemetery, is 625 acres.The funeral industry is estimated to be worth $20 billion with about 2.4 million funerals held each year, according to Sara J. Marsden, editor-in-chief for U.S. Funerals Online.The National Funeral Directors Association published the median cost of an adult funeral, with viewing and a burial at $8,508 nationally. According to www.funeral.com, the cost of a traditional funeral, which includes basic fees, transfer of body, embalming or refrigeration, body preparation, viewing and visitation, graveside service and the casket or coffin, ranges from $7,000 to $10,000.”There’s a desire in many areas of our lives to lessen our impact on the globe,” said Jessica Koth of the National Funeral Directors Association.
‘A natural evolution’
“There are electric cars, organic and locally grown food and recycling,” she said. “Green burials are sort of the natural evolution of our lives becoming green.”
In a green burial, the body is shrouded in natural fiber. Caskets, if they are used at all, are made of everything from simple pine to woven bamboo or wicker, sea grass, wool or cardboard. The dead are typically lowered by hand into a grave, where the forces of nature are allowed to exert themselves without obstruction from chemicals, unnatural fibers or man-made barriers of concrete, plastic or steel.The Green Burial Council certifies funeral homes, cemeteries and funeral products as green based on various eco-friendly practices. To be certified, for example, funeral homes must offer three types of biodegradable caskets made from material that is easily harvested and quickly regrown. Cemeteries must disallow burial of embalmed bodies, concrete and metal in their green areas. Coffin makers, among others, must get raw material harvested in responsible ways, to name just a few of the requirements.The Weisses said they aren’t out to make a statement or to prove a point, but given their green lifestyle, a green burial seems appropriate.Working with Kuhn Funeral Home on their plans, they chose simple, wooden caskets similar to those used in Jewish burials.”I don’t need all that contrivance,” Gloria said. “I don’t need all that fancy stuff. But some people do, and that’s fine.”
Back to the future
Green or natural burials are nothing new.
“This isn’t a trend,” said Jim Olsen, a spokesman for the National Funeral Directors Association. “This is what (society) has always done.”Timothy Kolasa, executive director of Gethsemane Cemetery, agrees: “It’s just really getting back to basics.””Some people are looking for a more simplified option,” he said. “Cremation has been that option for many years.”Kolasa added that the cemetery had been considering the move since 2012. No plots have yet been filled, but some have been pre-arranged.Paxtang Cemetery near Harrisburg opened in August, 2014, according to owner Alesia Skinner. An ardent supporter of the environment and green burials, Skinner opened The Woods Edge.Sylvia Crum, Skinner’s mom, loved the idea.”She was a country girl at heart,” Skinner said of her mom. “She came from a farm, and it was one of her happiest places. She was a very whole-earthy kind of a person. She loved nature.”Crum died of pancreatic cancer in August 2014 and became the first person to be buried at The Woods Edge.Tragically, Patrick B. Ytsma, 53, of Bethlehem, an avid bicyclist and architect, was struck by a car and killed while biking. He became the first person interred at Green Meadow in Salisbury Township. Friends, many of whom rode their bikes to his funeral on Dec. 10, 2011, said he would have wanted it that way.
Gravesite charges
Green burials can cost between $1,000 to $4,000, depending on the cemetery, according to CostHelper Inc., a Silicon Valley, Calif.-based provider of consumer information.
The Ramsey Creek Preserve in South Carolina, considered by some as the epicenter of green burials in the U.S., charges $2,500 to $3,500 for a gravesite.Natural burial plots at Gethsemane are larger, measuring 5 feet by 10 feet, than normal plots, and slightly more expensive, Kolasa said. “A cemetery’s only asset is land,” he said.Plots at Gethsemane range usually between $500 and $2,500, depending on location. The Weisses chose their little section of eternity near a hilltop and away from the car path.Casket costs can vary. A company called Final Footprint sells green caskets made with materials such as banana leaf, rattan, sea grass, wood and organic fibers for less than $1,000. They are made in the U.S., Poland and Indonesia, and are certified as fair trade. For $4.95, Piedmont Pine Coffins will sell you plans so you can build your own coffin with material that will cost you less than $200.
Movement inches along
Despite its passionate disciples, the movement is inching along in Berks County.
Green burials “will certainly gain in popularity down the road,” said Kyle Blankenbiller, funeral director and manager of Auman Funeral Homes, with two locations in the Reading area.”There’s not a real need right now,” said Joseph D. Giles of Milkins Giles Funeral Home in Muhlenberg Township. “I have no idea what it will look like in the future,” he said.But Olsen, a longtime funeral director from Sheboygan, Wis., who speaks nationally on behalf of the National Funeral Directors Association, said there might be a very good reason for funeral directors to get on board.Soaring cremation rates are burning up profits as families who cremate tend to buy fewer services from funeral homes.”I’ve lowered my cremation rate by offering this,” Olsen said. “I’ve found that by sitting down and listening to the families I serve I’ve actually captured a new portion of business.”Harris believes the pendulum is swinging back toward natural burial faster than some might admit.”This boomer generation is leaning green,” he said. “It’s the greening of society. They launched the first Earth Day, and now the leading edge of the boomer generation is slouching into retirement. They will bring those same green values to bear on end-of-life decisions.”Millennials, he added, are “definitely going green.”And while environmentalists aren’t exactly beating down his doors, Michael Kuhn, who worked with the Weisses, said, “It’s very appealing to some people.”Searching for the right words to describe the trend, Kuhn unwittingly stumbled into what might be the best description of all: “It’s kind of a grass roots movement.”
