Why Humans Care for the Bodies of the Dead

By Julie Beck

Why Humans Care for the Bodies of the Dead

In tracing the history and culture of corpses, a new book shows the importance of remembrance to our species.

The ancient Greek Cynic philosopher Diogenes was extreme in a lot of ways. He deliberately lived on the street, and, in accordance with his teachings that people should not be embarrassed to do private things in public, was said to defecate and masturbate openly in front of others. Plato called him “a Socrates gone mad.” Shocking right to the end, he told his friends that when he died, he didn’t want to be buried. He wanted them to throw his body over the city wall, where it could be devoured by animals.“What harm then can the mangling of wild beasts do me if I am without consciousness?” he asked.What is a dead body but an empty shell?, he’s asking. What does it matter what happens to it? These are also the questions that the University of California, Berkeley, history professor Thomas Laqueur asks in his new book The Work of the Dead: A Cultural History of Mortal Remains.“Diogenes was right,” he writes, “but also existentially wrong.”

This is the tension surrounding how humans treat dead bodies. What makes a person a person is gone from their bodies upon death, and there’s really no logical reason why we should care for the empty container—why we should embalm it, dress it up, and put it on display, or why we should collect its burnt remnants in an urn and place it on the mantle.

Humanity’s answer to Diogenes, Laqueur writes, has largely been “Yes, but…” People have cared for the bodies of their dead since at least 10,000 B.C., Laqueur writes, and so the reason for continuing to do so is a tautology: “We live with the dead because we, as a species, live with the dead.” And the fact that we do so, he argues, is one of the things that brings us as a species from nature into culture. (The taboo against incest is another example.)Despite the rationality of Diogenes’s logic, it’s unthinkable that we would just throw the corpses of our loved ones over a wall and leave them to the elements. Dead bodies matter because humans have decided that they matter, and they’ve continued to matter over time even as the ways people care for bodies have changed.

Laqueur’s book makes this argument with a dense, detailed sketch of a relatively small slice of time and space: Western Europe from the 18th to 20th centuries. The story begins with churchyards, which “held a near monopoly on burial throughout Christendom … for more than a thousand years, from the Middle Ages to the early 19th century and beyond in some places.” People would be buried (and generally had a legal right to be buried) in the yard of the church of the parish where they lived (or in the church itself if they were wealthy or clergy). This was a messy business. The yards were constantly being churned up as new bodies were buried, and they got lumpy. There weren’t many grave markers, and if there were, they were likely to read “here lies the body,” not a particularly personal epitaph.

“The churchyard was and looked to be a place for remembering a bounded community of the dead who belonged there,” Laquer writes, “rather than a place for individual commemoration and mourning.”Though bodies were jumbled together in churchyards in a way that it made it almost impossible to find any one individual, there was some method to their arrangement: They were buried very deliberately along an east-west axis to line up with Jerusalem to the east, the direction from which the resurrection was expected to come. John Calvin, the Protestant theologian, thought the very act of burial showed faith in a corporeal resurrection.

In the early 19th century, the dominance of churchyards began to wane, for a number of reasons. They were crowded, for one. Rotting bodies piled up in churchyards and church vaults also produced the kind of odor you might expect, and activists began to argue that they were unsanitary. But Laqueur points out that churchyards had always been crowded and smelly, and “for centuries the smell … was tolerable.” The rise of cemeteries as an alternative to churchyards, Laqueur writes, was really part of a massive cultural shift, one that owed a lot to the industrial revolution and the Protestant reformation.

During and after industrial revolution, unpleasant things of all kinds were being removed from people’s sight. Butchers and slaughterhouses delivered meat while keeping the blood behind the curtain; London constructed a massive sewer system, getting people’s waste off the streets and out of the River Thames. With this as the backdrop, it stands to reason that people might want the dead bodies out of their cities as well—while they didn’t pose a real public-health threat, people successfully argued that they did, and that was enough.

The first great cemetery of the West was Père-Lachaise in Paris, built by Napoleon, and it inspired the building of others in Copenhagen, Glasgow, and Boston, among other cities. Unlike churchyards, these cemeteries were stand-alone places for the dead, open to the public and largely separated from the crowded areas of cities.They were also disassociated from religion. “To some degree this is about the rise of negative liberty: the right to a grave in a neutral civic space irrespective of one’s beliefs or lack of beliefs, and the right to a choice in rituals of burial,” Laqueur writes. The waning dominance of the Catholic Church had a lot to do with that. Burying bodies right by the church would remind people on their way in to pray for the dead as a way of helping those souls stuck in purgatory. But many Protestant reformers rejected the idea of purgatory, and argued that the dead did not need the prayers of the living.

The focus of cemeteries was not, as it had been in churchyards, on a community of faithful dead, but on remembering the individual. It allowed for families to be buried together, which hadn’t really been possible in the tangle of the churchyard.

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“It was a place of sentiment loosely connected, at best, with Christian piety and intimately bound up with the emotional economics of family,” Laqueur writes. “In it, a newly configured idolatry of the dead served the interests less of the old God of religion than of the new gods of memory and history: secular gods.” Cemeteries allowed for gravestones, monuments, epitaphs, the carving of names in stone. This provides a little insurance against the fear of death—that one’s name, at least, will outlast them. Carving in stone is a powerful metaphor for permanence, even if it’s just wishful thinking.

The advent of cremation as a popular practice took some of this enchantment away from the dead body. But while in some ways people who opted for cremation were finally recognizing the body as a shell, just like Diogenes said, deference towards bodies was often just replaced by deference to its ashes. Ashes are scattered, interred, and revered in many ways, just as bodies are. And cremation has obviously not completely replaced burial by any stretch.If care for the dead is one of the quintessential things about being human, fear of death is another. Being the only animal with constant awareness of its own mortality has significant effects on how humans behave. Often, according to terror-management theory, the thought of death will lead people to seek out and to value more highly things that they think will bring them immortality, in the metaphoric sense. Living on in the memories of others would do the trick, even though we must on some level know is only a reprieve against eventually being forgotten.On this matter, Laqueur turns to the 17th-century poet John Weever:

Every man, Weever writes, “desires a perpetuity after his death.” Without this idea “man could never have awakened in him the desire to live in the remembrance of his fellows.” And without it, human life in the shadow of death would be unbearable and unrecognizable: “the social affections could not have unfolded themselves un-countenanced by the faith that Man is an immortal being.” Our love for one another differs from the love animals might feel for one another in that an animal perishes in the field without “anticipating the sorrow with which is associates will bemoan his death,” whereas we “wish to be remembered by our friends.” Naming the dead, like care for their bodies, is seen as a way to keep them among the living. And maybe it is a way around Diogenes.

So yes, Diogenes, the body is technically nothing once void of its soul, or consciousness, or however one conceives of the essence of a person. We get it. But it’s a physical emblem of that person, and in caring for it, we offer the person’s memory a chance to linger, as we hope our own will.

Even if physical death is quick and final, social death takes time. And through communal effort, people offer each other the chance for their names to last a little longer on Earth than their bodies do. “There is also another way to construe the dead,” Laqueur writes: “As social beings, as creatures who need to be eased out of this world and settled safely into the next and into memory.”

Complete Article HERE!

Career Spotlight: What I Do as a Funeral Director

By Andy Orin

What I Do as a Funeral Director

Making arrangements after the death of a loved one is an inevitable part of life, and for some people it is also a job. Funeral directors help grieving families navigate the daunting, and perhaps unexpected, bureaucracy of death.

It is easy to let your imagine run wild when picturing the work of a funeral director, with television shows portraying macabre drama in gothic funeral parlors, but of course the truth is much more down to earth. (And more about paperwork than anything else.) To learn a little about the work of a funeral director we spoke with Jeff Jorgenson, who owns a funeral home in Seattle.

First, tell us a little about your work and how long you’ve been at it.

I am owner and funeral director at Elemental Cremation and Burial in Seattle. We opened up January of 2012.

What drove you to choose your career path?

When I was at the end of undergrad and applying to graduate schools, I needed to get a job to cover the bills and get me through the second half of schooling. I had a background in restaurants as well as aviation. I didn’t want to go back to restaurants and aviation was a really tight job market. I took, what I thought would be a temporary, position selling cemetery property and pre-planned funeral and fell in love with the industry.

How did you go about getting your job? What kind of education and experience did you need?

Truth is that getting a job doing anything in the industry outside of funeral directing/embalming is actually pretty easy. If you don’t mind being in a funeral home and you have great customer service skills, there are a lot of positions out there. As to the current position, in Washington state, you need 1800 hours of internship, 90 college credits and 25 arrangements with families to get a funeral director’s license. The biggest hurdle people usually face is getting the education—people who want to be funeral directors typically aren’t the type of people that are in love with academia. After that, it can be a challenge to find a funeral home that wants to take you on in an open funeral director position.

Did you need any licenses or certifications?

The funeral director license is for arranging for the disposition (cremation or burial) of the deceased. They are the party planners, so to speak, of the industry. Embalmers [do] the preparation of the body and require an embalming license to care for the deceased. For restaurant readers, they are “front of the house” and “back of the house,” respectively.

What kinds of things do you do beyond what most people see? What do you actually spend the majority of your time doing?

Most of the behind the scenes of funeral directing is nothing like what people think it would be. A funeral director can go months, sometimes years depending on the firm, without seeing a dead person. The reality is that it is a lot of paper pushing and managing the inflow and outflow of paperwork for permits and death certificates. I would say it is 10% meeting with families to go over arrangement details and the other 90% is trying to manage the chain of events and paper.

What misconceptions do people often have about your job?

See above. Everyone seems to paint their own little macabre job descriptions of what we do. The reality is far less Victorian and dark. The Emo/Gothic set ends up pretty disappointed.

What are your average work hours? Did you have to be on-call or is it more of a 9-5 thing?

As an owner, it’s 24 hours a day. As a funeral director, I try to keep it as close to 9-5 for myself and my team. Death does happen at all hours, so there are positions that have odd shift work, but funeral directing and embalming follows bankers hours pretty well.

What personal tips and shortcuts made your job easier?

Shortcuts are a bad idea in the funeral industry, and I’ll go on record as saying that trying to find and use them leads to really unfortunate outcomes. That said, finding ways to be more efficient with workflow of permits and scheduling cuts down on a whole host of conflicts.

On the emotional side of things, people coming into the industry have to be empathetic, otherwise they make really poor funeral employees. The challenge with that is that it is easy to fall into the well of grief. Taking on the grief of families that you meet and connect with can be a really hard hurdle to overcome. Finding where your boundaries are so that you can be healthy and still be a good funeral director is something that people coming into this field should be ready to address.

What do you do differently from your coworkers or peers in the same profession? What do they do instead?

That’s a good question, and honestly, I’ve been on my own long enough that I’m not sure how to answer it—as a funeral director. We do a lot of things systemically different than other funeral homes, and our operations are pretty unique in our environmental standards, and back office operations.

What’s the worst part of the job and how do you deal with it? I would imagine there’s an emotional toll to helping grieving families, but also that helping them through it is part of the appeal.

It depends on the day, but usually the worst parts crop up when you’re so busy that you make mistakes. The systems, checks and balances, and chain of custody measures in place are very stringent for the care of the deceased in almost every funeral home, so the “big errors” happen very rarely in reputable firms. Where mistakes crop up is with typos on death certificates or scheduling with families. They are little things that may be non-issues in the grand scheme of things, but at the time of someone’s death, it’s stressful to have an apartment number incorrect on a death certificate. The worst part is having things like that erode credibility when you’ve done so many other things to make life easier for the family.

What’s the most enjoyable part of the job?

Hugs and thank you’s from the families that I serve. It’s such an amazing win when you’ve made things better for people. I’ve never had another job that continually rewards you in that way.

What kind of money can one expect to make at your job? Or, what’s an average starting salary?

It’s a labor of love, because you’re never going to get rich doing this job. A funeral director can expect to make between $32,000 and $60,000 depending on experience, license, and location. $60k may even be on the high side. Funeral home owner? Ugh. for the first few years, you can pretty much bank on not getting a paycheck. After that… hell I don’t know, I’ll let you know when I get there.

How do you “move up” in your field?

The difference between bottom and top (outside the major corporations) is pretty shallow. From the owner to the funeral assistant or removal person (transfers bodies) may be one, or max two, layers. In the major corporations, it’s about six. It sounds so trite, but the reality is hard work and a mastery of craft. With any job, there’s the networking and political component. [It] isn’t any different than any other industry on how you climb the ladder.

What do people under/over value about what you do?

I think that people overvalue the care of the deceased. There is nothing mystical, difficult, dangerous, or surprising about caring for the dead. Anyone can do it. The problem is that they don’t have the tools for transportation and refrigeration. What I think people undervalue is the capacity of funeral directors to get things done efficiently. Everyone has a timeline that they think is realistic, and often times people want us to move huge mountains to get things done, but they think that it’s the way it is—that their expectations are realistic (e.g. dad died today and we want his ashes tomorrow). I think if I want a house, I should be able to pick one out and move in next week, but if you talk to a real estate agent or escrow officer, they might give you a little different perspective.

What advice would you give to those aspiring to join your profession?

Read this blog post and continue with further research. This business is probably nothing like you think it will be, so you need to have your head screwed on straight and have realistic expectations. This is not some kind of gothic forensics horror show. It isn’t a profession to shock your friends. It is an opportunity to help people navigate the bureaucracy of death. Which, if you step back and think about it, is a pretty profound opportunity to let people get to grieving and healing without the worry of handling the affairs themselves.

Complete Article HERE!

Faced with tragic loss, families must face the difficult choice of organ donation

By Joe Smydo

Kelli Jo Lovich
Kelli Jo Lovich visits the grave of her 4-year-old son, Colbee, in mid-October in Butler. “I visit him twice a day, every day,” she said. Colbee was killed in an ATV accident in 2014. Mrs. Lovich decided to donate his organs to help preserve his memory.

“No.”

That’s what Kelli Jo Lovich said when she was asked to donate the organs of her 4-year-old son, Colbee, who died after suffering severe brain injuries last year in an ATV accident in Butler County.

But Mrs. Lovich recalled that Shannon Pribik, a procurement coordinator with the O’Hara-based Center for Organ Recovery and Education, persisted. Ms. Pribik answered questions, promised there would be minimal trauma to Colbee during organ recovery and agreed to stay by his side until the funeral director arrived for his body.

Mrs. Lovich relented. “He was only 4,” she said of Colbee, “but he loved to help.”

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Procurement coordinators are on the front lines of the nation’s overwhelmed transplant system.

They approach families like the Loviches in the midst of a tragic loss and ask them — when their grief is raw and their spouse, child or sibling is tethered to machines in the intensive care unit — to donate their loved one’s organs so that others can live.

“When you do it for the first time, you feel like you’re invading their space,” said Linda Miller, who operates a University of Toledo graduate training program for coordinators. The program was founded in 2003 with CORE’s support.

The stakes are high.

With more than 122,000 people waiting for transplants, and an average of 22 of them dying each day, coordinators face great pressure to recover organs from the roughly 2 percent of Americans who end their lives in a way — usually of brain injuries while on a hospital ventilator — that makes donation possible. People who die outside of a hospital cannot be donors because their organs deteriorate too quickly.

Sometimes, a family will say, “It’s just not for us. Let the next person be the donor,” said Jonathan Coleman, a coordinator at CORE.

Because donation can occur only in limited situations, he said, coordinators stress a family’s “unique opportunity” to turn its tragedy into somebody else’s second chance at life. Often, advocates say, the decision to donate a loved one’s organs — to let that person live on through others — sustains a family for years.

Yet it can be a tough sell.transplant waiting list

While demand for organs is growing, donation rates have been stagnant, with deceased donors numbering about 8,000 annually for the past decade.

Overall, procurement organizations — CORE is one of 58 nationwide — recover organs from eligible donors 73.6 percent of the time. CORE’s recovery rate is 82.7 percent, according to the Scientific Registry of Transplant Recipients.

If a person had registered as a donor — the option is given at a driver’s license center, among other places — procurement organizations in Pennsylvania and most states have the authority to recover organs even if relatives object. If the person was not registered, coordinators try to persuade the family to donate the organs.

Some people balk at the prospect of organ donation because of fear that doctors will let the prospective donor die to save others waiting in the wings for transplants. While advocates insist that does not happen, procurement organizations have been sued at least twice by those who claim it did.

In 2009, Michael and Teresa Jacobs sued CORE, Hamot Medical Center in Erie, Pa., and several doctors, alleging that their 18-year-old-son, Gregory, who sustained brain injuries in a snowboarding accident, was “intentionally killed … so that his organs could be harvested.” The defendants settled for $1.2 million but contended that they provided proper care.

In 2012, Patrick McMahon, a former coordinator, sued the New York Organ Donor Network, now called LiveOnNY, alleging that the organization pressured him and a doctor to have patients declared brain dead — despite signs of brain activity — so that families could be persuaded to donate organs. In court papers, the donor network denied the allegations. The case is unresolved.

In 2012, Patrick McMahon, a former coordinator, sued the New York Organ Donor Network, now called LiveOnNY, alleging that the organization pressured him and a doctor to have patients declared brain dead — despite signs of brain activity — so that families could be persuaded to donate organs. In court papers, the donor network denied the allegations. The case is unresolved.

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A former anesthesia tech, Mrs. Lovich once walked in on organ recovery surgery by mistake and blanched at the sight. Her reservations about organ donation were clear; Ms. Pribik recalled Mrs. Lovich’s silence and negative body language.

But Mrs. Lovich said Ms. Pribik’s promise that the cuts to Colbee’s body would be minimal — no greater than that required for regular surgery — softened her resistance to organ donation. Ms. Pribik’s promise to stay with Colbee until the funeral director arrived for his body — Mrs. Lovich didn’t want him “to just sit in a basement somewhere”— also helped. The thought of Colbee helping others moved her aching heart.

Coordinators are trained to address concerns and answer questions while guiding the family toward donation. Families often make special requests, and Ms. Pribik, who has held donor children in her arms, played their favorite songs in the operating room and kept treasured belongings near them, obliges when she can.

The job — with a starting base salary often in the low $60,000 range, Ms. Miller said — can be physically and emotionally grueling. Shifts of 24 hours or longer are common. Many coordinators, including Ms. Pribik, come from the nursing ranks and have experience with end-of-life care.

Ms. Miller said her training program was founded partly because high turnover signaled a need for better job preparation. Of the 84 who graduated from 2004 to 2014, about 78 percent are still in the field, she said, calling that a “very good” rate.

“I tell them every tough thing about this job,” she said.

Some coordinators are embedded in hospitals, but others travel as needed to hospitals in a procurement organization’s service area. CORE’s territory — encompassing five transplant centers, dozens of other hospitals and 46,177 square miles in Western Pennsylvania and parts of West Virginia and New York — is the 22nd largest in the nation.

Research and experience shape the strategies coordinators use. Ms. Miller said she speaks with her students about the “top 20 objections/​concerns families might have” and urges them to ask “probing questions” to get to the root of unspoken fears.


 
“Then I have a bazillion scenarios, and we role-play, and we role-play, and we role-play,” she said.

A study of Texas cases published last year in the Journal of Trauma and Acute Care Surgery suggested that female coordinators were more effective than males; that a family was more likely to consent to donation if approached by a coordinator of the same race; and that consent rates started to decline after midnight as families became fatigued.

Faced with the loss of a loved one, some families are dazed. Others are angry. “We are prepared for that,” Ms. Miller said.

■     ■     ■

The coordinator may start by reviewing patient data and huddling with the medical team to gain insight into family dynamics. Who are the decision makers? Is there conflict within the family? How are family members coping with the death?

“So far, I’ve never approached two families the same way,” CORE coordinator Wes Washington said.

One coordinator, interviewed for a 2011 article in the Journal of Health Communication, said gathering information about family members from a distance helps to provide important insights “long before they even know who I am.”

The article quoted another coordinator as saying he considers a lab coat a barrier to communication and takes his off before meeting with a family. If he senses that a necktie would create a “class barrier” with a family, he said, he removes that, too.

Families sometimes hesitate about donation because they don’t want further trauma to a loved one’s body. In those cases, coordinators explain that cuts will be as limited as possible and dignified and will not prevent an open-casket viewing. If the loved one died a tragic or unexpected death, the coordinator may point out that an autopsy is likely anyway.

Coordinators often suggest that donation would be a heroic act in keeping with the patient’s good character.

“We don’t ask the family. We offer them the opportunity. I really feel I’m giving them something good,” CORE coordinator Amy Weisgerber said.

Jenna LaSota, a Beaver County native who graduated from the Toledo program in July and works for Kentucky Organ Donor Affiliates, said she has found that families are receptive to the message and “want that good to happen.”

Ms. Pribik said donation also gives a measure of control to families who feel powerless after a tragic, unexpected death.

Some coordinators had used a “presumptive” approach and met a family with the expectation that it will donate after understanding the benefits. Ms. Miller said some in the field consider that approach “too strong” or “somewhat manipulative.” She said she teaches a “sensitive, effective family approach” that allows coordinators to better tailor their strategies to each family.

Some scholars and doctors have criticized coordinators for being too pushy. “Even seemingly caring and compassionate statements — like, ‘Would you like me to give you some time before you make your decision?’ — are discouraged in favor of language that rushes families along the preferred decisional pathway,” Robert Truog, a Harvard Medical School ethicist, wrote in 2012 in the American Journal of Bioethics.

Michael Grodin, a physician and ethicist at Boston University School of Public Health, agreed that coordinators sometimes are overzealous in their quest to keep organs from slipping through their grasp. Better for some organs to go unused than to undermine the public confidence that anchors the transplant system, Dr. Grodin added, calling for more transparent and verifiable standards for diagnosing death-by-brain criteria.

Coordinators say they are committed to ethical treatment of families. “I say, ‘That’s me in there. … What kind of person do I want talking to me and how do I want them talking to me?” CORE’s Mr. Coleman said.

Ms. LaSota said the coordinators she observed during her internships treated families with respect. “They didn’t try to push them or make it a big deal … .”

Some public education campaigns encourage family members to discuss donation so that, in the event of a tragedy, a loved one’s preferences are known and survivors have one fewer decision to make. A sudden death “is not the time to be thinking about organ donation for the first time,” said transplant advocate Kim Harbur of Kansas.

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After consenting to donation and completing paperwork, family members are encouraged to go home.

But for the coordinator or coordinators — some work in teams — hours of work still are ahead. Organ systems must be evaluated, the data entered into a national database, prospective recipients identified and offers made to transplant centers.

The coordinator also must maintain the condition of a body that, without brain function, becomes unstable. Electrolytes go out of balance and body temperature and blood pressure drop — all changes that can damage the organs.

As soon as possible, procurement organizations give donor families welcome news. Mrs. Lovich learned that Colbee’s kidneys had gone to a man and a woman, both in their late 50s, and his heart valve to an 11-month-old baby.

She has continued to stay in touch with Ms. Pribik and has registered as a donor so that she has a chance to follow Colbee’s example.

“If my son can do it,” she said, “I can do it.”

Complete Article HERE!

Dogs now have bucket lists too

Charleston
Sarah Westcott and her boyfriend Vincent Bova trucked in 600 pounds of crushed ice so that Charleston could have one last snow day.

Last July, the doctor delivered news no pet owner ever wants to hear. Seven-year-old Tank’s cancer had spread. He likely had just two months to live.

So Diane Cosgrove, 37, set out to give her beloved Rottweiler as many memorable experiences as she could, making a bucket list that included going to a baseball game, getting Shake Shack treats and a pet-store shopping spree.

“I did everything to make his last month and a half special,” says Cosgrove, who lives in Pompton Plains, NJ.

The 2007 Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman movie “The Bucket List” brought the notion of a “things to do before you die” checklist into the mainstream, but the concept is no longer just for baby boomers. It’s also for pooches and pet owners, who are granting Fido’s every woof in his final days. A mutt’s dying wishes are even the plot of a current Subaru commercial.

“We’re afraid of death. The bucket list is just a way . . . of managing,” says Dr. Stephanie LaFarge, senior director of counseling services at the ASPCA. “Now that pets are part of the family, it’s natural that we extend this practice to them.”

When Lauren Fern Watt, 26, learned her 6-year-old English mastiff Gizelle had bone cancer last year, making an ambitious bucket list for the dog helped her to process her illness. The dog’s final adventures included canoeing, road trips and dockside ice-cream eating.

“It seemed like a good way to celebrate my dog’s life, rather than cry over it,” she says.

Gizelle
Lauren Fern Watt took Gizelle boating after her dog was diagnosed with cancer.

Last January, after Gizelle passed away, Watt, a freelance travel writer who lives in the East Village, put together a photo essay for Yahoo about the dog’s bucket list. It was so popular, it resulted in a book deal. “Gizelle’s Bucket List” is due out next fall from Simon & Schuster.

Sarah Westcott, a Brooklyn dog trainer, practically moved the sun and the stars when Charleston, her 5-year-old Labrador, was diagnosed with inoperable fibrosarcoma in the summer of 2008.

She and her boyfriend trucked in 600 pounds of crushed ice and dumped it on her grandmother’s lawn in Bensonhurst to give the snow-loving dog a final romp in fresh powder. Mini pints of Guinness, unlimited cheese and one last Hamptons jaunt rounded out Charleston’s adventures before he died three weeks later.

“It was good to know that I had done everything I could have for him,” says Westcott.

Vets say that bucket lists are fine, so long as the dying dog’s best interests are kept in mind.

“It should be something that the pet, not the human, is going to enjoy,” says Sonja Olson, a veterinarian with BluePearl Veterinary Partners. “Stressing an animal out can stress their immune system further. Talk about it with your veterinarian. It might need to be dialed back.”

In the end, Cosgrove had to modify Tank’s bucket list. Three items — going to the beach, riding in a convertible and eating at a restaurant — remained when he was euthanized in August.

But he did make it to a New Jersey Jackals baseball game.

“He wasn’t feeling that great,” remembers Cosgrove, “but for the couple hours he was there, he was really perky and alert and enjoyed being outside.”

Complete Article HERE!

9 Most Haunting Graves in Paris’s Pere Lachaise Cemetery

By: Olga Kirshenbaum

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If every cemetery tells a tale, then Père Lachaise speaks volumes. Anywhere from 300,000 to 1,000,000 souls are interred within the walls of Paris’s grand burial ground. Along its winding tree-lined paths rest some of the most influential writers, painters, musicians, and politicians in history–many of whom continue to fascinate even in death.

HONORÉ DE BALZAC – WRITER (1799 – 1850)

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Balzac was a famous French writer from the 19th century. One of his most well-known publications is La Comédie Humaine or The Human Comedy, a multi-volume collection of 90 works depicting the life of the bourgeoisie. Balzac’s headstone consists of a bronze bust placed upon a pillar with a quill at its base. The tomb rests in a peaceful spot of the cemetery, with trees and smaller graves surrounding it.

ALPHONSE BERTILLON – CRIMINOLOGIST (1853 – 1914)

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Alphonse Bertillon was a French criminologist from 1853 who established an intricate forensic method used to identify criminals–much of which is still in use today. One facet of the Bertillon system involved taking profile photographs of criminals, now known as the mugshot. Bertillon’s tomb, covered in intricate carvings, has suffered from years of exposure to the elements. Moss blankets the top of the tomb, while a twisted bed of tulips (unfortunately not in bloom here) sprout up from the bottom.

GEORGES BIZET – COMPOSER (1838 – 1875)

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Bizet was a French operatic composer from 1838. The opera “Carmen” is one of his most famous works. He was a gifted child, entering the Paris Conservatory at age 9. In 1857 he won the Prix de Rome, a prestigious scholarship that allows students to study their art in Rome. Bizet’s grave overlooks a steep hill dotted with gorgeous trees. His tomb rests in the shadow of a much larger mausoleum, but its simplicity is what draws your eye. Overlooking the grave is a stone marker crowned with an intricate bronze sculpture of wreathed harp.

THÉODORE GÉRICAULT – PAINTER (1791 – 1824)

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Géricault was a gifted French Romantic painter who died in 1824 at the age of 32. Even if you’re unfamiliar with the young master’s work, there’s no doubting his grave contains an artist. A relief of Géricault’s “Raft of the Medusa,” which currently hangs in the Louvre, adorns the side of this tomb.

FÉLIX GALIPAUX – ACTOR AND PLAYWRIGHT (1860 – 1931)

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Félix Galipaux was popular musical hall actor in 1880s France. He moved into film around the turn of the century, starring in some of the first sound films ever produced. Galipaux’s tomb is crowned with a bust of the man. It’s a simple grave but it has a distinction to it.

FREDERIC CHOPIN – COMPOSER (1810 – 1849)

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A Polish composer and a prodigy on the piano, Chopin studied at the Warsaw Conservatory. Although he was a virtuoso performer, Chopin preferred to teach and compose for the stage. Chopin’s tomb is nestled on a hillside and often difficult to track down–but once you’re on the right path it’s hard to miss. The intricate fence surrounding Chopin’s tomb is covered in flowers.

JIM MORRISON – SINGER AND POET (1943 – 1971)

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Doors frontman Jim Morrison died in Paris in 1971. He was buried in Père Lachaise, where the party followed the 60s singer even in death. Empty liquor bottles, handwritten letters, and bouquets of flowers littered the unassuming grave throughout the seventies and eighties. Graffiti covered Morrison’s headstone and the graves surrounding his burial plot. A bust of the singer, installed upon the grave in 1981 to commemorate the 10th anniversary of Morrison’s death, was stolen in 1988. Today, a security guard stands watch over the tomb, curtailing such rowdy behavior.

EDITH PIAF – SINGER (1915 – 1963)

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Edith Piaf was a French cabaret singer from 1915 whose soaring voice earned her the title of one of France’s greatest stars. Taking a small path off a main road of the cemetery, Piaf’s burial plot rests among many other graves similar to it. The simple tomb is adorned with a crucifix and decorated with red roses left by visitors. Standing graveside, it’s hard not to hear one of Piaf’s moving songs playing in the distance.

GEORGES RODENBACH – WRITER (1855 – 1898)

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Belgian-born poet and novelist Georges Rodenbach moved to Paris toward the end of his life, where he contributed to the Belgian literary renaissance movement. His famous works include novels Bruges-La-Morte and Le Carillonneur. The author’s tomb immediately catches your eye, as there’s nothing like it even in the grand Père Lachaise. Similar to the dramatic style of Rodenbach’s writing, the tomb is of a man said to be Rodenbach emerging from the grave and grasping a rose.

 Complete Article HERE!

Crowdfunding Funeral Costs for a Loved One

Friends and relatives now join online campaigns to cover expenses

Funeral Costs

By Jodi Helmer

When someone dies, it’s common to send flowers or make a charitable donation in his or her honor. But a growing number of mourners are turning tocrowdfunding sites specially designed to help cover the deceased’s funeral expenses.

“Most people don’t plan their funerals in advance and that leaves their loved ones figuring out how to cover the costs,” explains Michael Blasco, spokesperson for YouCaring, a two-year-old crowdfunding platform for medical and memorial fundraising.

Funerals Often Exceed $7,000

With the average funeral now topping $7,045, according to the National Funeral Directors Association, families often find that saying goodbye to their loved ones comes with a higher price tag than they anticipated. Enter crowdfunding.

Once the provenance of entrepreneurs and artists (think Kickstarter and Indiegogo), crowdfunding lately has gained traction as a means for fundraising for a range of causes, including funeral expenses. Organizers post their campaigns online and seek funding from backers to meet their goals. The average campaign lasts between 30 and 60 days and the money raised is transferred to organizers via PayPal or WePay accounts.

Funeral campaigns can be set up through traditional crowdfunding sites such asYouCaring, Indiegogo, GoFundMe and GiveForward. But in the past two years, niche sites, such as Funeral Fund and Graceful Goodbye have also sprung up.

Raising $10,000 in a Funeral Crowdfunding Campaign

GoFundMe is currently hosting more than 8,000 funeral campaigns. On Indiegogo, over 50 funeral campaigns reached their fundraising goal, including a handful that raised upwards of $10,000 apiece. Funeral fundraising is the fastest-growing category on GiveForward, growing an average of seven percent per month.

“A lot of campaigns start out as medical fundraisers and then transition into funeral and memorial fundraisers [when the person dies],” explains Ariana Vargas, director of business development for GiveForward.

Joshua Starnes created a campaign on Funeral Fund after his friend, fellow film critic Eric Harrison, died of a brain aneurysm at 57 in 2012. Harrison, who was single and childless, didn’t have life insurance and there were no proceeds from his estate to cover funeral expenses. His young nieces were left to come up with the funds for his burial.

“Putting together even a modest funeral would have been impossible for them and [his colleagues] didn’t have enough cash in our group bank account to cover the cost,” says Starnes.

Crowdfunding, Starnes decided, was the best option. Thanks to the generosity of 108 backers, he collected $6,520 during the 30-day campaign — enough to cover the cost of the funeral.

A Kind and Innovative Technique

Crowdfunding consultant Rose Spinelli isn’t surprised that mourners are using this innovative technique to subsidize funeral expenses.

“In the most basic terms, crowdfunding is a community-building mechanism that brings people together around a cause,” says Spinelli, founder of The CrowdFundamentals site. “It can be a wonderful, warm feeling to know that people care and are sharing in the grief.”

But shared grief might not be enough to turn mourners into donors and crowdfunding efforts for older adults can be especially challenging. Many people in their 60s, 70s and 80s believe their cohorts should be prepared for their passing, with savings or prepaid funeral arrangements.

“People are willing to come forward with support when something unexpected happens,” Spinelli says. “When an older person dies, it doesn’t trigger the same reaction.”

Some Donors Get Thank-You Gifts

To boost response rates and honor backers who help with funeral costs, some crowdfunding organizers offer small tokens of appreciation. One Indiegogo campaign offered a handmade remembrance bracelet in exchange for a $25 contribution; another promised backers who pledged $50 that they’d receive a hug.

Blasco encourages posting photographs and favorite anecdotes about the deceased on the campaign page to increase the odds of crowdfunding success. “People respond to stories,” explains Blasco.

But even the most compelling stories are not apt to attract the attention of generous strangers, however. Instead, most contributions will come from relatives and friends.

For example, most who contributed to Starnes’ crowdfunding campaign for Harrison were relatives, former colleagues and patrons of the arts who appreciated the critic’s work. “The funds came from people he had an effect on in his life,” says Starnes.

What a Crowdfunding Campaign Costs

A crowdfunding campaign can also turn into an online memorial, a place for loved ones to share special memories and connect with others in a shared grief.

“The original intent and purpose [of a funeral crowdfunding campaign] is to raise money but, in a dark time, it’s also a place to celebrate a loved one’s life,” says Vargas. “It brings people together from all over the country who can’t make it to the funeral but want to say goodbye.”

In a time of grief, some mourners might not read the fine print in a crowdfunding campaign for a funeral. Fees vary, but crowdfunding sites typically keep three to 10 percent of the money raised.

And if you plan to launch a crowdfunding effort for a funeral or will donate to one, be sure you’re aware of the tax rules.

Quin Christian, an accountant with CrowdfundCPA, says crowdfunding contributions to help cover funeral expenses are likely to be considered gifts and shouldn’t be taxable to organizers.

Be careful, though. Christian warns that a gold-plated coffin, towering tombstone or designer burial suit — or even hosting multiple funeral-related crowdfunding campaigns in a short period of time — could raise IRS red flags.

Donors can’t write off what they give to a crowdfunding campaign as charitable contributions unless the beneficiary is a nonprofit.

But the benefit of using crowdfunding to cover funeral costs usually has nothing to do with the bottom line. “I’m glad we were able to help make sure he [Eric Harrison] had a proper burial,” says Starnes.

Complete Article HERE!

The Biggest Mistake Pet Owners Make at the End

City dog
City dog

By 

If I had a big huge red pen and could permanently strike five words from the Standard Veterinary Dialogue, it would be this: “You’ll know when it’s time.”

Waiting for The Look

Wouldn’t that be great, if pets had a little button that popped up like a Butterball turkey when they were ready to be euthanized? It would eliminate a lot of agonizing on the part of loving pet owners who are struggling with one of the most significant decisions they will have to make in a pet’s life. But that’s rarely how it actually works.

Perhaps you’ve heard people talk about “The Look,” the appearance a pet has when he or she is ready to depart this Earth. “You’ll know it when you see it,” they say, and they are right. It’s hard to describe, that sort of intuitive emotional bond that develops between owner and pet when they are signaling that they are done. I’ve seen it and I agree, it’s hard to miss. It provides a great deal of reassurance to pet owners to know that their pet seems in agreement that it’s time for the next adventure.

The only problem is, this doesn’t always happen.

Pets have other ways of communicating with us beside a meaningful gaze that speaks to our soul; namely, their behavior. Veterinarians experienced in end-of-life care work with very specific quality of life assessments that can give more subjective endpoints than simply “a look,” which can be key when an owner is waiting for a sign that may not come and ignoring all the other cues that a pet is communicating.

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The Quality of Life Assessment

Appetite, mobility, hydration, pain, interest in their surroundings, and hygiene are all very specific categories we can assess to determine a pet’s quality of life. Think of it less as a “yes/no” switch that gets flipped and more like a spectrum as a pet approaches death. There’s a large grey zone towards the end where owners could make a good argument for or against it being “time”, and that is the agony and the burden we face as pet owners.

I like the quality of life assessment that uses multiple variables to assess a pet’s condition because all too often, people focus on one specific thing. “Radar hasn’t gotten up for a week,” an owner will say. “He cries all night, soils himself, and pants constantly, but he ate a piece of hot dog yesterday and wagged his tail once, so I don’t think it’s time yet.” In these cases, I counsel owners that we don’t need to wait until every moment of a pet’s waking hours are miserable before making the decision to euthanize.

It’s ok to go out on a bit of a high note. It is one of the blessings of euthanasia, that we can say goodbye in a controlled, peaceful environment and eliminate the pain and stress of a crisis moment at the end.

Death used to be as mysterious for me as it is for most people, but after years working with pets Death and I have become, if not friends, at least very collegial. With that under my belt, the only thing I can tell you with certainty is this: The only way you’ll know that it’s time, truly and without doubt, is when the pet actually stops breathing. Everything else is open to interpretation.

Rarely do people tell me after the fact that they let a pet go too soon. If anything, most feel they waited too long. We have a saying in our field that I repeat on a daily basis to my clients:”It’s better to be a week too early than a minute too late.”

Complete Article HERE!