Tag: Education

Posted on

Does Morphine Speed Up Death At The End Of Life?

— What We Know

By Jennifer Anandanayagam

Morphine, an opioid medicine that is prescribed for pain relief, is not without controversy. When there are strong concerns about substance abuse and addiction to the narcotic, people often wonder things like “Is it safe to take morphine?” or “How long does morphine typically stay in your system?”

If you were to talk to hospice care workers, you’d probably hear that this powerful pain relief medication also gets a bad rap in their world. One of the common concerns is if giving morphine to your dying loved actually brings about their death sooner.

According to palliative care professionals, when proper dosage and timeliness of administration are followed, there is no basis for this fear. In fact, according to Hospice of the Chesapeake‘s Director of Education and Emergency Management, Elisabeth Smith, giving the right amount of morphine to someone who’s having trouble breathing might actually help them breathe better. For someone with breathing difficulty brought on by conditions like terminal lung disease, “it can feel like you’re drowning, gasping for air,” explained Smith. “Morphine opens the blood vessels allowing more blood circulation within the respiratory system. This makes it easier for the lungs to get the bad gases out and the good gases in. The patient becomes calm, their breathing slows down.”

Morphine doesn’t speed up death

It’s easy to see how the notion of morphine bringing death sooner to someone who’s dying came about. We can blame creative outlets like movies and books and also the lived experiences of some people who report seeing their loved ones’ lives slip away while on the opioid.

But morphine, when administered correctly, can bring a lot of relief and improve the end-of-life experience of someone, mainly because it blocks pain signals and helps with a lot of distressing sensations someone might be feeling in the final moments before death (per Crossroads Hospice & Palliative Care), like shortness of breath, pain, restlessness, and agitation.

Palliative care professionals are well-versed in how to start, sustain, and increase (when needed) morphine dosage according to the requirements and comfort levels of their patients (per Canadian Virtual Hospice). When someone is first put on the narcotic, the dose is very low and this dosage is maintained until the person gets used to it. Only a large dose can prove harmful (a fatal overdose might require 200 milligrams). That being said, morphine, like other pain medications, comes with its own set of side effects like drowsiness, digestive issues, stomach cramps, and weight loss (per Mayo Clinic). As explained by Elisabeth Smith from Hospice of the Chesapeake, sometimes suffering can prolong death too and it can look like the person passed away sooner when morphine was administered to them, simply because their discomfort was taken away and death was allowed to come in its own time.

Should you be concerned about administering morphine?

Ultimately, no one can answer that question but you, but hospice care workers urge loved ones to be correctly informed of the intricacies of why morphine is given in the first place and how it’s done in a professional setting. 

Pain is part of the dying process and if pain medications such as morphine can relieve some of the suffering, it might be one of the kindest things you can do for your loved one. You might be giving them a little more independence to be able to eat and drink without discomfort, sleep better, and even maintain better cognitive capabilities (per Vitas Healthcare). Ask questions from healthcare professionals and have them explain what the drug does exactly. Sometimes, having the right knowledge can assuage some of your fears. 

Dr. Daniel Lopez-Tan from Legacy Hospice shared that the idea that morphine speeds up death could have arisen because the opioid is commonly associated with end-of-life care. “The patient is dying of other causes and morphine only softens the symptoms of the last moments of life … One of the effects of morphine called respiratory depression does not occur with small, controlled doses of short-acting opioids, especially when under the supervision of a healthcare professional,” added the doctor.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

I’m a death doula

– These are the most common regrets people have before they die

From staying in sexless relationships to putting off downsizing, these are the issues that come up time and time again

By Sadhbh O’Sullivan

There are few as well acquainted with the dying, and their regrets, as death doulas. Also known as end-of-life doulas, they provide support to people through terminal or life-limiting illnesses by improving their quality of life, and death.

This encompasses everything from helping with logistics to providing emotional support to those at the end of life and their loved ones.

i spoke to three death doulas to understand the biggest regrets of the dying, the living who love them, and steps we could take to avoid those same regrets and have a better end of life.

Staying in unhappy (and sexless) relationships

Emma Clare, who is a chartered psychologist and death doula, says that the most common, though unspoken, regret she hears is about relationships.

“I often hear people say that they wish they’d left either unfulfilling or unhappy relationships sooner. A lot of people have regrets about spending a large part of their life in situations that didn’t feel true to themselves or have any fulfilment.”

She says when we’re confronting death, we feel a lack of intimacy and closeness acutely – including sexual intimacy.

“As humans we look for intimacy and that doesn’t go away because we’re dying. If anything, it increases because people are aware they have a limited time left and they want to have that connection with other people.”

Not downsizing or decluttering

“We all know we’re going to die, but we just put it to the side, even with a terminal diagnosis,” says Jane Depledge, a doula based in North Powys, Wales. When patients are told that treatment is going to stop, that lack of preparation “hits them”, she says. Getting a will in place, transferring over health insurance, or discussing their wishes are all simple things that we don’t want to face, but will feel better for it.

Emma Clare adds that this includes very practical decisions.

“People wish they’d downsized their home earlier and cleared out their stuff, and now they’re aware their often adult children are going to have to deal with that and feel a big sense of guilt. That means regret from the family too: they’re then left sorting that out and haven’t had the conversation about what was and wasn’t treasured and should be kept.”

Being in hospital instead of at home

“People often don’t realise they have choices”, says Depledge, so when a person is dying they panic and send them to hospital. Though for some people hospital care is essential, she says it is always worth asking and looking into ways their loved one could die at home.

Not being prepared

The emotional and physical burden of caring for someone at the end of life can take its toll on both the carer and the patient, who may feel huge guilt at being ‘a burden’. People often regret being inadequately prepared for everything that needs juggling, and not realising what support they can get.

“Carers can claim immediate Government grants to care for someone who is dying,” explains Depledge. “Knowing that could have enabled someone to take time off work or give up work to care for and be with a loved one.”

Not being able to say goodbye to friends

When a person is dying, they tend to want to surround themself with the things and people they love most – but so often, they are lonely, says Depledge.

“I think a lot of people avoid visiting people when they get a terminal diagnosis because they worry they don’t know what to say,” she explains. “But actually I hear a lot of upset from the people who are dying, saying that they feel like their friends have gone quiet or disappeared and they feel very lonely. And that’s needlessly lonely because at the funeral there are lots of people there.”

Not saying how you really felt

Amanda Waring, a death doula working in West Sussex says that the biggest regret she comes across is from people who feel they didn’t “heal their relationship, or speak frankly”.

“Regret stems from a lack of honesty. This is true even for exceptionally difficult conversations where someone has wronged the other and the only catharsis is if you bring it into the open and it takes a lot of courage.”

She says this can range from apologising for harsh words spoken at a bedside, to being honest about deeper rooted, historical conflicts, to sharing feelings of love and pride that were perhaps not made clear before.

“Bravely speaking up and trusting your gut is the key to avoiding all regrets really,” adds Emma Clare.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Thanatophobia

— Or the Fear of Dying, May Prevent You From Actually Living

BY Mara Santilli

Despite the best efforts of the death positivity movement, most people do not have a good time going to wakes or memorial services, and that’s completely normal. But for others, the thought of death—whether it’s a loved one dying or themselves—sparks intense fear and panic. “Fear is a natural and important human emotion,” says Mitchell L. Schare, PhD, ABPP, director of the Hofstra University Phobia and Trauma Clinic. But sometimes that fear of dying can be taken to extremes. “When it becomes inhibitory to living life, it becomes a phobia,” says Dr. Schare. Specifically, that phobia is known as thanatophobia, or the intense fear of death and dying.

“Fear is a natural and important human emotion. When it becomes inhibitory to living life, it becomes a phobia.” —Mitchell L. Schare, PhD, ABPP, director of the Hofstra University Phobia and Trauma Clinic

Thanatophobia (also called “death anxiety”) can be considered the “master fear,” says Dr. Schare, since so many other phobias—from fearing spiders to airplanes to illness—can be traced to a fear of death. But as with any kind of phobia, thanatophobia is more serious than just a distaste for thinking about death. It can cause avoidance of anything that might theoretically lead to death or situations in which family members or friends are dying.

There’s so much to unpack when it comes to thanatophobia. Here’s what you need to know about the fear of death, where it comes from, and how someone can cope with thanatophobia.

Is thanatophobia a mental illness?

Like other specific phobias, thanatophobia is considered a type of anxiety disorder1. According to the DSM-5-TR (aka the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the tool mental health professionals use to make diagnoses), a phobia is a “marked fear or anxiety about a specific object or situation (e.g., flying, heights, animals, receiving an injection, seeing blood).” For people with phobias (like thanatophobia), their fear or anxiety is way greater than the actual danger they face from their phobia, they go to great lengths to avoid it, and it cannot be explained by another mental health disorder.

Because thanatophobia is a type of anxiety disorder, mental health professionals will apply some of the same techniques used to treat anxiety disorders, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). (More on that in a bit!)

How common is thanatophobia?

There’s not a ton of data available on the general population, but an estimated 3 to 10 percent of people experience thanatophobia, according to the Cleveland Clinic.

Interestingly, research suggests that the prevalence of death anxiety changes with age in unexpected ways. One 2007 paper published in the journal Death Studies found that death anxiety spikes in young adults in their early ‘20s2, and then dips off. It also found that in women (but not men), death anxiety surges again in their ‘50s. While you might assume that older adults might have more fear of death (because they’re, you know, closer to the natural end of their lives), other research suggests that elderly patients have lower levels of death anxiety3 than their children.

What are the symptoms of thanatophobia?

“Thanatophobia [symptoms] can vary in prevalence depending on cultural, personal, and situational factors,” explains clinical psychologist Alexander Alvarado, PsyD, phobia specialist at Thriving Center of Psychology. Here are some of the common emotional and behavioral symptoms of thanatophobia:

  • Obsessive thoughts, including checking things constantly about your health and well-being (or that of your loved ones)
  • Avoidance behaviors around death or potentially dangerous situations (like refusing to drive or fly in airplanes, for example, out of fear of fatal accidents)
  • Severe anxiety (like feelings of dread, panic, etc.) when thinking about death. This might manifest as physical symptoms of anxiety in the form of heart palpitations, dizziness, chills, nausea, shortness of breath, etc.

This might seem a bit confusing initially; isn’t everyone afraid of dying, at least a little bit? “Having some degree of a fear of death can be functional—it might make you drive more carefully, or take extra care of yourself when you’re sick, so you can live a better quality of life,” says Dr. Schare.

But the tipping point into death anxiety can be how the anxiety manifests. Being so afraid of being in any situation that could involve death (no matter how remote the possibility) that you isolate yourself and never go out is likely closer to thanatophobia, Dr. Schare says as an example.

What causes thanatophobia?

As with any type of anxiety disorder, thanatophobia doesn’t always have a clear-cut cause. But experts believe there are some risk factors or potential triggers worth knowing.

A history of trauma or mental illness

“There isn’t a clear medical cause of thanatophobia, but it’s believed to be related to existential concerns and possibly a history of trauma,” says Dr. Alvarado. The trauma history could be related to significant life changes, such as a personal illness or near-death experience. (This could explain, for example, why nurses and emergency-services personnel had very high levels of death anxiety4 during the early years of the COVID-19 pandemic.) It’s also more likely to be prevalent in people who have a history of anxiety disorders.

Loved ones dying early

People who have experienced the death of a loved one, especially if they did not have a thorough understanding of death at that time, could be susceptible to developing thanatophobia, says clinical psychologist Tirrell De Gannes, PsyD, anxiety disorder specialist at Thriving Center of Psychology. It might be more pronounced for people who have an over-reliance on loved ones, he adds, and therefore fear what could happen if that person were to die.

Religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs

People have different religious, spiritual, and philosophical outlooks on death and what the aftermath of that process might look like, says Dr. Schare, whether that’s a spiritual “better place” that someone believes in, or a rebirth. Those beliefs might moderate the fear in some respects, he adds.

Other times, people believe in none of the above, and that doesn’t mean that they automatically have thanatophobia. It’s just that the fear of dying could be more pronounced if people emphasize the “unknown” aspect of what happens after death.

Interestingly, a 2017 meta-analysis published in the journal Religion, Brain & Behavior found the people who were least likely to have death anxiety were the atheists and the extremely religious5. “It may well be that atheism also provides comfort from death, or that people who are just not afraid of death aren’t compelled to seek religion,” said the researchers in a press release.

How is thanatophobia diagnosed?

If a mental health professional suspects you could have thanatophobia, or any phobia, the diagnosis involves clinical interviews. The therapist will ask you questions to assess how your fear (and its symptoms) impact your life, Dr. Alvarado says. They will take notes on how much death is a focus, adds Dr. De Gannes, whether or not the person has any sense of relief, and whether or not it affects their behaviors, such as isolating from other people or not participating in activities that could be a risk of injury or illness.

How is thanatophobia treated?

As with other specific phobias, thanatophobia is often treated with CBT. This research-backed practice will help patients challenge and change their negative thought patterns around death, says Dr. Alvarado.

Exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP) is a specific type of CBT that is commonly used with phobias. The goal is to help someone learn to manage their phobia by getting exposed to it gradually in a safe, controlled setting. “The goal is to reduce avoidance behaviors, and potentially introduce mindfulness practices to help cope with existential concerns,” adds Dr. Alvarado. No, this doesn’t involve seeing a dead body in therapy or something. Dr. De Gannes says a therapist might try the following exposures instead: talking about the topic of death, practicing having an end-of-life conversation with a loved one, and/or imagining consequences after the death of a relative.

ERP has varying intensities and styles, says Dr. Schare. It can be very literal, done in real-world environments. Think: a therapist taking someone who is afraid of bridges on a walk over a bridge, and speaking with them afterward to recap what happened and help the person understand that they are safe, he explains. Exposure therapy can also be done in virtual reality or imaginary environments, where the person, guided by a mental health professional, enters a scenario in which they could have a near-death experience, allowing them to confront that anxiety around it head-on.

Coping with thanatophobia

It is possible that the fear of life gets more pronounced with age, as people start to have more prominent health issues and start to become closer to death, says Dr. Schare. But the bottom line is that phobias and anxiety disorders can be cured, he says. The cognizance that you and your loved ones will die at some point does not go away, but people can become better equipped to cope with it.

Some coping strategies can include daily mindfulness, meditation, and journaling to help you stay present and focused on the here and now, as well as to process the fears, suggest Dr. Alvarado. You also might find relief and some additional coping skills from talking to other people in support groups about phobias, and of course from individual therapy.

Avoiding death and anything to do with it is not the most helpful way to cope with thanatophobia. “Shying away from the topic of death only increases the mystery and fear of it,” says Dr. De Gannes. He emphasizes that it’s important to normalize the concept of death in conversations to demystify the fear and help you continue to live your life.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

Understanding Hospice Home Care

— A Complete Guide

Navigating the later phases of a loved one’s life may be an extremely emotional and difficult experience. During these difficult times, hospice home care arises as a source of comfort and support, providing a compassionate alternative to typical hospital medical treatment. This specialist care focuses on improving the quality of life for those in the final stages of a terminal illness by giving them the dignity, respect, and peace they deserve at home.

The Essentials of Hospice Home Care

Hospice home care exemplifies a compassionate approach to end-of-life care, providing a beacon of comfort and dignity to those in their final stages of life. Unlike traditional medical treatments geared at curing diseases, hospice care focuses on quality of life, providing comfort and support to both patients and their families. This comprehensive care paradigm is holistic, addressing patients’ psychological, social, and spiritual needs as well as the physical symptoms of their sickness.

At the heart of hospice home care is the dedication to respecting a patient’s choices, allowing them to spend their final days surrounded by loved ones in the familiar comfort of their own home. Pain treatment is an important part of this therapeutic method. Expertly trained healthcare experts work diligently to manage symptoms and reduce discomfort, allowing patients to live as fully and comfortably as possible.

Beyond physical care, hospice home care offers emotional and psychological assistance. Hospice staff provide counseling and grief assistance because they understand that patients and their families are going through one of the most difficult times of their lives. This guarantees that families are not alone in their journey, giving them a shoulder to lean on both during and after the patient’s life.

Spiritual care is also an important component of hospice home care, allowing patients and their families to examine life’s core concerns, make peace with unresolved issues, and, if applicable, strengthen their spiritual connections. This component of treatment is tailored to the individual’s beliefs and desires, with the goal of providing peace and meaning to patients and their loved ones during this momentous life experience.

Hospice care teams are multidisciplinary, made up of doctors, nurses, social workers, chaplains, therapists, and trained volunteers. Each member contributes their knowledge to build a support network that surrounds the patient and their family with care, love, and understanding. This multidisciplinary approach assures that every imaginable need—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—is met.

In essence, hospice home care represents a paradigm shift in how we see the end of life. It is about appreciating the importance of every minute and allowing patients to spend time with loved ones, reflect on their life, and transition quietly. Hospice home care helps to reimagine the final chapter of life as one of love, respect, and compassion, rather than despair.

Who Can Benefit from Hospice Home Care?

Hospice care is designed for patients who are facing the end stages of a terminal illness, with a life expectancy of six months or less if the disease follows its usual course. However, it’s not just for the patients; hospice care also significantly benefits the families and caregivers by providing them with educational resources, emotional support, and respite care, helping them navigate through their grief and the caregiving process.

The Core Services Offered

The hospice care team typically includes doctors, nurses, social workers, spiritual advisors, counselors, and trained volunteers. They work together to tailor a care plan that meets the individual needs of each patient and family, which can include:

  • Pain and symptom management: Focusing on alleviating symptoms and ensuring the patient’s comfort.
  • Emotional and psychological support: Addressing the emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs of patients and their families.
  • Companionship and daily care assistance: Helping with daily activities and providing companionship to reduce feelings of isolation and anxiety.
  • Bereavement support: Offering grief counseling and support groups for families before and after their loved one’s passing.

How to Choose a Hospice Home Care Provider

Selecting the right hospice care provider is crucial. It involves considering factors such as the provider’s reputation, the quality of care, the availability of services, and the level of communication and support offered to families. It’s important to meet with several providers, ask questions, and choose one that aligns with the patient’s needs and family values.

The Impact of Hospice Home Care

The importance of hospice home care to patients and their families cannot be emphasized. This approach to end-of-life care has a significant impact on the quality of patients’ final days because it allows them to remain in the familiar and pleasant environment of their own homes. The environment has a significant impact on a person’s well-being, particularly throughout the final stages of life. Being at home rather than in a hospital allows patients to be surrounded by personal memories, things, and the people they care about, which can considerably reduce the emotional load of facing a terminal illness.

Hospice services provide patients with specialized care that addresses their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Pain and symptom control are prioritized to allow patients to interact with their relatives and enjoy their remaining time as comfortably as possible. This level of care empowers patients by offering them a sense of control over their lives and the dignity to choose their own treatment and how they want to spend their final days.

Navigating End-of-Life Care with Compassion and Dignity

Families benefit greatly from the extensive support that hospice home care offers. Going through a loved one’s end-of-life process can be emotionally and physically draining. Hospice care teams do more than just attend to the patient; they also assist families with counseling, respite care, and information about what to expect. This assistance is crucial in guiding families through the complexity of sorrow, loss, and the practical aspects of caring. It also allows the family to focus on being present with their loved one rather than being distracted by caregiving or decision-making.

Hospice home care provides significant support to families, which benefits them greatly. Going through a loved one’s end-of-life care can be both emotionally and physically taxing. Hospice care teams do more than just look after the patient; they also provide families with counseling, respite care, and information on what to expect. This help is critical in guiding families through the complexities of grief, loss, and the practical responsibilities of caregiving. It also enables the family to concentrate on being with their loved one rather than being distracted by caregiving or decision-making.

 Component of hospice care cannot be overlooked. Families often find themselves in uncharted territory when a loved one enters hospice care. The hospice team’s role in educating families about what to expect, how to manage symptoms, and how to cope with grief is an essential service that can demystify the dying process and alleviate fears.

In essence, hospice home care profoundly impacts both patients and their families by providing a holistic approach to end-of-life care. It ensures that patients can live their final days with dignity and comfort, surrounded by love, while offering families the support, education, and guidance needed to navigate this challenging journey with grace. This model of care not only addresses the physical symptoms of the patient but also nurtures the emotional and spiritual well-being of everyone involved, making the inevitable transition a shared, supported, and deeply human experience.

Hospice home care displays the power of compassion and dignity in the face of life’s most challenging challenges. Hospice care focuses on comfort and quality of life, guiding patients and families through the end-of-life process with dignity and support. If you or a loved one are considering hospice care, remember that it is a decision that prioritizes love, dignity, and comfort during the most difficult times.

Posted on

My advice for terminally ill Latinos like me

— You have options

By Jose Alejandro Lemuz

I am dying from prostate cancer that has spread to my bones.

But it’s comforting to know that I will likely soon die gently because I plan to use a medical aid-in-dying law championed by civil rights icon Dolores Huerta.

Thanks to the California End of Life Option Act, I will soon have the option to take a medication prescribed by my doctor that will allow me to die peacefully.

While I understand why my doctor wanted me to undergo more treatments, at this point in the rapid progression of the disease, the costs outweigh the benefits for me. Doctors should consult with patients about their care, not dictate it. Only I can determine how much suffering I can endure.

Less than three percent of the Californians who used the law in 2022 were Latinos, even though we represent 40% of the state’s population, and polling shows 68% of Hispanic Californians support medical aid in dying.

I suspect this disparity is because we have unequal access to this end-of-life care option because of healthcare system bias, cultural differences, and/or language barriers. I am a low-income body shop mechanic who does not speak English. My family doesn’t even have money for my burial.

Shamefully, I had to learn about this law through YouTube videos of a young Puerto Rican man, the late medical aid-in-dying advocate Miguel Carrasquillo, and TV news stories, instead of through my own doctors.

‘No More Treatment’

In December 2023, three months after trying to start the conversation about medical aid in dying with my healthcare team and after I had already endured numerous rounds of treatment since my diagnosis in 2018, I told my doctor:

“I don’t want any more treatment, I want you to respect my decision and I want you to help me. I’m asking that you declare me at the end stage because you’re the one who knows the treatment isn’t working for me anymore.”

I repeatedly asked my oncologist to estimate how long I have to live.

She declined to give me a prognosis. I showed my doctors a web page about this end-of-life care option to prompt the conversation with them.

They responded, “No, not yet…Keep taking more chemo.”

‘I Have Options’

I kept telling my doctors: “I have options.”

Why did my doctors not advise me about my healthcare options at the end of life, including my right to decline medical treatment for this incurable illness?

Hospice

For five years, I endured treatments to try to cure the cancer so I could work to provide for my two children and enjoy life.

Not anymore.

Last week [March 10], my doctors finally placed me in hospice care that focuses on alleviating some of the pain.

I am tired. I am weak. I have had a fever and convulsions for days. My frail and thin body can no longer withstand more than just a few steps.

Suffering is like being tortured.

Cancer consumes you little by little.

Unfortunately, the hospice care I am getting does not significantly reduce my suffering, so I will soon get the medication that will relieve me of this pain so I can die in peace.

I have spoken to God and asked Him to forgive my sins throughout my life.

I have talked to my children.

They understand and they support my decision.

They know it is my time to go.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

All pets go to heaven.

— She helps them do it at home.

Eden Gaines, left, talks with veterinarian Karen Meyers about the decision to euthanize Xochitl, a boxer-Great Dane mix who has cancer.

By

Veterinarian Karen Meyers pulls her black minivan into the driveway of a townhouse in Maryland’s National Harbor. The home, in a gated community, is perched on a windy bluff not far from restaurants, bars, a casino — places of revelry.

The vet carries her brown doctor’s bag inside. There, she meets her patient: Xochitl, known as Xochi, an 11-year-old boxer-Great Dane mix weighing around 80 pounds.

Xochi, recently diagnosed with cancer, is struggling. A film covers her right eye. She had been bleeding from her mouth, refusing to eat. Now she stands in the townhouse’s living room, mournfully greeting family members who have come to say goodbye.

Xochi climbs onto the living room’s leather couch and lies down. Owner Eden Gaines and her family gather around her. Meyers opens her bag.

Meyers explains the procedure. First, Xochi will be injected with a sedative to make her fall asleep. Five to 10 minutes later, Meyers will administer sodium pentobarbital, which will euthanize her. But Xochi would feel no pain, Meyers assures the family.

She asks whether anyone has any questions.

No one does.

“Here we go,” she says.

Meyers says she has euthanized 1,500 animals in four years.

Pet adoption spiked during the pandemic, with nearly 1 in 5 American households taking animals in and spending far more on them than pet owners did decades ago. With more beasts in our lives — as companions, as emotional support animals, as the beneficiaries of pet trusts — it only makes sense that their owners want their final moments in their lives to be as peaceful and painless as possible.

That’s where Meyers comes in. Working with Lap of Love, a company that provides veterinarian referrals for at-home pet euthanasia, she travels from house to house in the D.C. region offering grieving families’ animals what the word euthanasia means: “good death.” In four years, she has euthanized 1,500 animals: cats, dogs, rabbits, rats. Some had been with their owners since childhood. Some had traveled the world with them. Some were their owner’s sole companion.

Meyers has observed death rituals that include praying, burning incense, wrapping a deceased pet’s body in a white sheet, and opening a window for a pet’s spirit to exit. She has listened to owners read poems or letters to their pets and cried along with them.

“When people hear what I do for living, it sounds sad,” Meyers says. “But it’s strangely rewarding. … You give pets a peaceful experience. It’s a final gift.”< Meyers has been surrounded by a menagerie all her life. Growing up, she usually had a dog and one or two cats; at various times, she’s also had two hamsters, two turtles, a guinea pig, a bird and four chickens. Right now, she has Wren, a 6-year-old Cavalier King Charles spaniel; Travis, a 3-year-old pug; Brinkley, a 13-year-old rat terrier Chihuahua; and Pablo, a red-belly parrot. Right before the pandemic, Meyers decided to shift to doing euthanasia full time. She had been a veterinarian for more than two decades, and pet euthanasia turned out to be less stressful than working in an office while raising two children. In-home euthanasia can be easier on animals and their owners than office appointments with other sick animals and their distressed owners crowded around.

The first injection makes Xochi fall asleep.
Rameses Gaines holds a piece of Xochi’s fur.

Meyers administers the first shot in Xochi’s back. The dog, already lying down with her head on Gaines’s lap, turns to glance at Meyers as if mildly annoyed.

Then, the dog relaxes.

Minutes pass.

Using a hair clipper, Meyers shaves an inch-long strip of one of Xochi’s legs and inserts a small IV line. After confirming that the family wants to continue, Meyers administers the second shot, the one with the fatal dose.

Gaines looks at the spot on Xochi’s leg where the IV had been inserted.

“It’s amazing how gray she became,” Gaines says.

Meyers holds a stethoscope to Xochi’s chest. “Xochi has her wings,” she says.

The family cries.

So does Meyers.

She and Gaines embrace.

Meyers maneuvers Xochi onto a stretcher and covers her with a blanket. With the help of Gaines’s sons, she loads the dog into her car. Eventually Xochi will be cremated and her ashes returned to the Gaines family.

Death is a part of life, Meyers says.

“Many times, people will comment how a human family member passed, and it was so painful at the end, and this is peaceful by contrast,” she says.

They tell her, she says, that they wish they could go the same way.

Rameses Gaines touches a mold of Xochi’s paw print.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

Posted on

I Asked My Mom if She Was Prepared to Die

— Then I talked to some end-of-life experts. Here’s what I found out.

By By Shaina Feinberg and Julia Rothman

Recently, I had the following conversation with my 82-year-old mother, Mary:

Me: Are you prepared to die?

My mom: Not really. But I am prepared with my paperwork.

You might be wondering why I was asking my mom about her end-of-life preparedness. Well, when my dad, Paul, died suddenly a few years ago, we were completely unprepared.

“Dad and I never talked about what he wanted for his funeral,” my mom said. “He was 74 when he died, and he was in pretty good shape.”

On top of everything she had to do when he died, like planning the funeral, there was also the stress of finances and paperwork. “We had a joint checking account, but it didn’t have a lot of money. Our other bank account had more money, but was only in his name. I had to get that sorted out, which took ages.”

The most helpful advice my mom got when my dad died? “My best friend, Fran, told me, ‘Get a lot of death certificates because you’re going to have to send them to people and sometimes they don’t want a Xerox, they want the real thing.’ I got 15 death certificates from the funeral parlor.”

Preparing to die is complicated. How’s that for an understatement? You have to consider the emotional, spiritual and financial aspects. We talked to three end-of-life experts who unpacked how to make this extensive undertaking slightly more manageable.

According to a survey by Ethos, fewer than half of Americans have discussed their end-of-life plans with loved ones. Yet having these conversations is important, said Sarah Chavez, executive director of the nonprofit the Order of the Good Death, which provides resources to learn about and plan for death.

“These talks can be awkward,” Ms. Chavez said, “but by planning and talking about these things, it’s such a gift for the family that’s left behind.”

While you’re thinking about what to do with your body, you’ll also want to consider what to do with your stuff. “At a baseline, everybody should have a couple documents that are in effect while you’re alive,” said Michael Pevney, an estate planning lawyer with a practice in California. (He also makes videos about estate planning on TikTok.)

No matter what you decide to do with your body or your stuff, you will need someone to carry out your requests.

If you’re unwilling to ask your loved ones about their death preparations, there are other ways to broach the subject. “The easiest way is to open the family photo album and start having conversations about the people in the pictures,” said Joél Simone Maldonado, a funeral director and death educator. “The conversation always turns to what people did or didn’t like about a funeral or grieving process.” Mrs. Maldonado suggests using those conversations as a springboard to ask questions about what people’s end-of-life hopes are. And take notes.

The only upside to being so unprepared for my dad’s death is that now my mom is super prepared. “I have several folders in a cabinet that have all the things you should do when I die,” she said. “I’ve listed you as power of attorney, so you can write a check for the funeral. I’ve paid for my gravesite already. I’ll be next to Dad, under the same gravestone.”

When I asked my mom how she feels looking at the empty side of the gravestone, she said: “There’s my side. I have a place! Oh, and remember,” she added, “I’ve always wanted a mariachi band at my funeral.” Noted.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!