Category: Talking about death

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This is what happens when you die, according to a bunch of different people who died

Many of their accounts align with a recent scientific study into the subject

Many respondents described have no vital signs, yet being able to ‘see’ what was going on

By Adam Withnall

What happens to us when we die? It’s a question that has exercised humanity’s finest minds since those humans have been around to have them – and has been recently the subject of a number of groundbreaking scientific studies.

Now, a Reddit thread has posed the question specifically to those who have been clinically dead and then revived, and has received hundreds of responses.

Though the veracity of the answers has to be taken with a small pinch of salt, the answers from what essentially amounts to a large survey on the subject can be broken down into three categories.

There are those who felt nothing at all; those who had an experience of light and some interaction with another person/being; and those who felt they could watch what was happening while they were “dead” without being able to do anything.

The first group corresponds closely with the answers of a single Redditor who officially died twice and recently invited questions on the topic from other users.

The latter group, meanwhile, appears to agree with the work of Dr Sam Parnia, who sought out cardiac arrest patients and found that almost 40 per cent described having some form of “awareness” at a time when they were clinically dead.

Here is a taster of some of the Reddit users’ responses – which don’t seem to have produced a consensus on the topic just yet:

“I was getting an angiogram done, wide awake watching the screen and talking to the doctor. Alarms started to go off and everyone became panicked. My world became soft and foggy and everything faded to black. Next thing I remember was opening my eyes and hearing a Dr say “we got him back”. It was really a peaceful feeling more than anything.”

“I collapsed during a class presentation one day. All breathing and blood circulation stopped. I felt as if I was plummeting down an endless hole while my peers cried for help. I was revived and still have no memory of the little bit of time before and after my death.”

“Overdosed on heroin, EMTs said my heart stopped. Didn’t see anything, just like sleeping with no dreams.”

“I collapsed at a work meeting in February 2014 and had no pulse or cardiac rhythm for about five minutes. My last memory was from about an hour prior to the incident, and my next memory was from two days later, when I emerged from a medically-induced coma.”

“I flatlined for around 40 seconds. It was like falling asleep without dreaming, no sense of self.”

“Pure, perfect, uninterrupted sleep, no dreams.”

“I do remember a little bit of the ambulance ride, but not from my own body. It was seriously the strangest thing I have ever experienced. It could have been a dream, but I saw my own unconscious body, completely flatlined, in the ambulance. I remember the EMT who was in the ambulance with me (whom I did not see before I passed out) had mint green hair and I couldn’t remember his name, but I asked for him when I regained consciousness about three days later.”

“I was standing in front of a giant wall of light. It stretched up, down, left and right as far as I could see. Kind of like putting your eyes 6″ from a fluorescent lightbulb. The next memory I have is waking up in the hospital.”

“I was standing somewhere. There was a fog all around me, and I saw my best friend (who at the time I’d been fighting with and he’d stopped talking to me) come out of the mist. He told me that I couldn’t go yet, that I have to keep trying, and if I promised not to give up, he’d see me back on Earth. I wordlessly agreed, and I was instantly pushed (into?) my body.”

“I see a vivid “flashback” of myself in the ambulance being taken to the hospital and I am stood in the ambulance looking down on myself / others in the ambulance.”

“When I coded, I don’t remember a sensation of floating, but I was able to recall things in detail that happened while I was ‘dead’ on the other side of the room. No white lights, no dead relatives, nobody telling me to go back, but I was definitely able to see things that were in no way visible from where my body was. I remember speaking and being angry because nobody would answer me. My mother told me ‘you didn’t say anything, you were dead’.”

“I saw nothingness. Black, long empty, but I had a feeling like everything was great and nothing was wrong at all. Imagine how preexistence felt, much the same as post existence.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Five ways to prepare young children to visit a loved one who is dying

by Jessica F. Hinton

Death and dying can be scary and uncomfortable subjects, so parents understandably may shy away from them and wonder if it’s a good idea to take their children to visit a relative or loved one in the hospital or a hospice facility. I wrestled with this when my grandmother was dying and ultimately chose to take my children to visit her in the hospital in her final days. I don’t regret that choice, because it gave the kids a chance to get to know her and also helped them start to understand that death is a normal part of life.

Kayce Hodos, a licensed professional counselor in North Carolina who specializes in grief and loss, says that while death and dying are difficult, they don’t need to be scary. Hodos likens the lessons a child can learn from a parent’s honest and transparent handling of death and dying to gifts. She says these children are better able to deal with loss and stress, and have a better perspective on the normal cycle of life and death. Visits to see a dying loved one are a great way to introduce these valuable lessons.

Along with teaching them about death, visits give children a chance to say goodbye and provide them with a sense of closure. They also support a familial culture of openness and honesty. Children whose parents include them in these experiences, says Amanda Thompson, a pediatric psychologist at Children’s National Health System, are more likely to feel safe and secure even in the face of a scary and anxiety-provoking event such as an impending death. The message communicated in these families, Thompson says, is: “We face the hard stuff together. We can talk about these things. And we’re here for each other no matter what.”

If you want to visit a sick or dying loved one with children but are unsure of how to prepare them, Thompson and Hodos offer these suggestions.

Consider your goals. Before even asking your children if they want to join you, Hodos says, think about why you want to include them. “Perhaps it is to provide the child and the loved one an opportunity to express love and say goodbye,” Hodos says. Whatever your reasons, being clear on them will help guide how you talk to your child. If, for instance, your goal is to say goodbye, then you’ll focus on why you think saying goodbye matters. It can also help you feel more in command of a situation that you can’t control.

Ask them what they want. Talk to your children about what they are comfortable with, and allow them to say goodbye in a way that they works for them. Having children do in-person visits is a great option for many families, but it’s not the only option, Thompson says. They can also send a card, write a letter, draw a picture or record a video message.

Prepare children thoughtfully. Hospitals can feel like scary and unfamiliar places for adults, let alone children. Talking to your children before the visit, says Thompson, can help them feel a little less afraid. Explain that their loved one may not look the same as they remember. Talk to them about some of things they may see, such as changes in breathing and skin color, weight loss and things in the room, such as tubes and machines, that may seem frightening initially.

It’s also important to go over how long you plan to stay. Hodos recommends shorter visits, especially with younger children, and explaining to them, “We’re only going to stay for ‘x’ amount of time because Grandma needs her rest.” Go over any other hospital rules that you think they’ll need to know (such as leaving the room when hospital staff require it, washing hands and using quiet voices).

Consider hospital supports. Some hospitals have staff members, whether social workers, child life specialists or psychologists, who can talk to your child before, during and after their visit. They can help you with pre-visit preparation, such as explaining some of the things they may experience in the room. And during a visit, they can be a source of support and distraction for a child who is having a hard time coping or needs a break.

Be prepared for questions. Children ask lots of questions. Thompson says that while many parents think their children expect them to have all the answers, they really only need you to be honest. “If your child asks a difficult question, you can tell them, ‘That’s a difficult question, and different people have different beliefs about that. What do you think?’ ” she says. At the same time, it can be helpful to think through your answers for some of the more common questions so that, as Thompson says, “you feel less anxious in the moment and can offer your child honest explanations using simple, brief and concrete language that is appropriate for their age.” For me, being able to answer my children’s question about death and confronting my own questions made seeing my grandma in her last weeks all the more worth it.

In our visits with my grandma, we talked about the weather, read books, looked at pictures and did other things that helped us forget why we came. When we said goodbye at the end of our first visit, my daughters gave her a glittery stone with the word “love” on it. At the time, I thought it would be our last gift. But now, with memories of those visits and the journey we’ve taken with our talks on death and dying, I know there were many other gifts, for all of us.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What to Expect When Witnessing a Loved One’s Death

By ,

Nothing prepares you for being present at the death of a loved one. The emotional enormity of the experience and its relative rarity give survivors little frame of reference to draw from.

“The time of life we call dying is an extremely difficult part of the life cycle, but a normal part,” says palliative-care physician Ira Byock, author of Dying Well. “The nature of it isn’t medical, it’s experiential.”

The death experience unfolds differently in each situation. But those who have witnessed “the passing” observe the following:

The dying person may talk to people not in the room, or may see other places.

“A few hours before she died, my mother suddenly said, ‘No, I’m not Sarah [her mother’s name],’ but she didn’t say it to any of us in the room. Then she was telling Dad she loved him. It was like she was having two conversations at once. One of the last coherent things that she said was, ‘Are you the gentleman who’s come to meet me?'” — Michele, a North Carolina mother of four

Dying people often seem to be in two worlds at once: here and not here. They may talk to or gesture toward people who aren’t visible to others in the room. Or they may describe things or places they see, such as a garden, a favorite location, or lights.

These “deathbed visions,” as British neuropsychiatrist Peter Fenwick, a neuropsychiatrist and specialist in near-death experiences, calls them, almost always take place when the person is clearly conscious — even though witnesses sometimes mistake the visions and speech for signs of delirium. Some dying people switch easily between conversations with those at the bedside and with someone unseen. The people and places are usually connected with feelings of peace and security. In the U.S. and the U.K., nearly three-fourths of visions are of friends and relatives who aren’t living, says Fenwick, author of The Art of Dying. About 13 percent of people seen are religious figures, compared to 50 percent of people in India who see Hindu figures. Seeing strangers is relatively rare.

Dying may seem to involve great physical effort.

“My mom had a dry mouth and scary raspy breath that worsened over a few days. But she didn’t die until the day we gave her morphine. I felt responsible, wondering if we had rushed things.” — Emma, a 45-year-old artist in San Francisco.

“Some go gently — you look up and their chest is no longer moving,” palliative-care physician Byock says. “But for others it’s hard to die. It’s like an animal shedding its skin, a physical struggle to wriggle out of this life.”

Younger people and those who are healthy aside from a single fatal illness often have the most difficult time. But dying can be effortful for anyone. Palliative care — comfort care including pain relief — improves quality of life to life’s end. Unfortunately, say hospice workers, families are often reluctant to use painkillers out of a misguided fear that they curb awareness or hasten the death process.

Morphine dosages given in hospice are only enough to ease pain, Byock says. Even with good comfort care, certain reflexive symptoms of the dying process, such as labored breathing, can still appear as distress. Mental confusion is another common effect of the organs — in this case, the brain — shutting down. (See 10 Signs Death is Near).

The personality of the dying person usually stays consistent to the end.

“My mother never lost her sense of humor. I was complaining about my brother not coming to my daughter’s birthday party. ‘So shoot him!’ she said in her typically droll way. My mother’s last words to me were instructions to kill my brother!” — Dawn Barclay, a New York manager in her 40s, who saw her mom through 18 months of complications of heart surgery and stroke

People tend to die as they lived, says Maggie Callanan, a hospice nurse and the author of Final Gifts, who has witnessed more than 2,000 deaths. “Nice people get even nicer, manipulators manipulate, funny people die funny,” she explains. “We all have ways of navigating through life, and when dying, those tendencies are intensified by 10.”

More things you may witness at a loved one’s death

The dying person may speak in metaphors.

“On the day she died, my mom kept talking about traveling, like, ‘Let’s go, what are we waiting for . . . oh, there’s a plane ahead of us . . . no, that’s not the right plane.’ She also told my dad that he should take a later flight. She was definitely going someplace.” — Patricia Anderson, 45-year-old Ohio insurance account executive

“The dying often use symbolic language, especially to indicate an imminent change or a need to go forth — to die,” says hospice nurse Callanan. Travel is one of the more common themes, such as talking about modes of transportation or about going somewhere (making a flight, a golfer talking about going golfing).

The person may also allude to “making ready” (packing, making checklists, issuing directions). Some observers think that this talk of journey-making is a subconscious way dying people let family members know they know they’re passing away. It’s a signal for families to offer reassurance — that they, too, understand what’s happening and to convey that although they’re grieving, they’ll look after one another and be all right.

“The family’s reassurances that they’ll be all right often bring the peace a dying person needs,” Callanan says.

The dying person may seem to choose the final moment.

“The hospice people had told me that sometimes people won’t die when their loved ones are in the room, especially if the person has played a protective role in their lives. Or that they hang on if they feel you can’t let them go. So before I stepped out to get something to eat, I told my Dad that if he had to go it was OK, that he had done everything he could to raise us and we could raise ourselves now. Not seven minutes later, a nurse met me in the hall and said he was gone. I guess I felt a bit cheated because I wanted to witness this crossing over.” — Lise Funderburg, Philadelphia writer

Many people report feeling “cheated” or as if they “let down” a loved one by not being there at the moment of death. Others blame themselves as “failures” for inadvertently allowing the person they love to die alone. In many cases the survivor had stayed glued to the bedside for hours, determined to be there, turning away or stepping out for only an instant.

But those who work in hospice think it’s the other way around: Passing away often happens minutes after loved ones leave the bedside, as if the dying person is choosing to spare them the final moment. This is especially true, they say, with individuals toward whom the dying person feels protective.

Also common: The dying person seems to hang on to wait for someone to visit or something to be said. One South Carolina woman’s mother lingered in hospice for months until she received the news that her also-ill, adored younger sister had died. She died herself the next morning. “It was as if she wanted to spare her sister her own news,” her daughter said.

The dying person often seems peaceful at the end.

“She opened her eyes, and the house grew quiet. Her face softened and all the wrinkles and tension went away. Later the hospice nurse recommended that I not watch them take the body out because it had stiffened, and I appreciated that because now I can remember the relaxed mother I saw last.” — Aoife, a designer from Northern California

Especially when the route has been long and marked by physical struggle, many people observe that the moments around death itself are calm. “So many people I talk to about dying tell me they wish they could die in their sleep. I’d estimate 95 percent of people dying naturally from illness go into brief coma — like a profound sleep state — before they die,” hospice nurse Callanan says. “So the good news is that most of us do die in our sleep.”

Jo Reichel, a teacher in Michigan, sat watching the Olympics with her father the morning he died after a summer full of repeat hospitalizations. “I was sitting on the floor next to his chair and kept looking between the TV and him. At 6:30 he was alive, and by 6:32, he’d simply stopped breathing. At first I wasn’t even sure I should wake my sisters to tell them, because he looked so relaxed.”

For Frances, an Ohio accountant, the moments after death were unreal but not frightening. “I’d never been in the room with a dead person before. But I had a strong sense that body wasn’t my father any more. It felt like he had up and left the room; it was terribly sad but also strangely peaceful.”

Witnessing a death is often transformative and brings survivors close.

“Seeing a person you love dying taps into the best parts of your nature.” — Lise Funderburg

Before experiencing the death of a loved one, many people view the prospect with dread. Afterward, they often look back on their death-witnessing experience as having been a horrible, grief-stricken time that nevertheless brought certain gifts. Among these: new insights into their own capacity for selfless love and caring, renewed or intensified bonds with other family members, a new respect for siblings or medical staffers, a healing of old wounds.

“The situation asked for grace, patience, and charity, so something I actually benefited from was to see I had a fairly deep capacity for those things that hadn’t been called on in the same way before,” says Funderberg, who wrote about her father’s long final illness in Pig Candy: Taking My Father South, Taking My Father Home. “Someone dying is a great prioritizer. What does something like the resentment you were holding onto matter now?”

To be sure, the passing away of a loved one can be almost unendurable. That in the end it is endurable seems to be both its blessing and its curse.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Native American Burials: Trees and Scaffolds Illustrated

TREE AND SCAFFOLD BURIAL.

by Fritz Zimmerman

We may now pass to what may be called aerial sepulture proper, the most common examples of which are tree and scaffold burial, quite extensively practiced even at the present time. From what can be learned the choice of this mode depends greatly on the facilities present, where timber abounds, trees being used, if absent, scaffolds being employed.

From William J. Cleveland, of the Spotted Tail Agency, Nebraska, has been received a most interesting account of the mortuary customs of the Brulé or Teton Sioux, who belong to the Lakota alliance. They are called Sicaugu, in the Indian tongue Seechaugas, or the “burned thigh” people. The narrative is given in its entirety, not only on account of its careful attention to details, but from its known truthfulness of description. It relates to tree and scaffold burial.

Dakota Scaffold Burial.
FUNERAL CEREMONIES AND MOURNING OBSERVANCES.

Though some few of this tribe now lay their dead in rude boxes, either burying them when implements for digging can be had, or, when they have no means of making a grave, placing them on top of the ground on some hill or other slight elevation, yet this is done in imitation of the whites, and their general custom, as a people, probably does not differ in any essential way from that of their forefathers for many generations in the past. In disposing of the dead, they wrap the body tightly in blankets or robes (sometimes both) wind it all over with thongs made of the hide of some animal and place it reclining on the back at full length, either in the branches of some tree or on a scaffold made for the purpose. These scaffolds are about eight feet high and made by planting four forked sticks firmly in the ground, one at each corner and then placing others across on top, so as to form a floor on which the body is securely fastened. Sometimes more than one body is placed on the same scaffold, though generally a separate one is made for each occasion. These Indians being in all things most superstitious, attach a kind of sacredness to these scaffolds and all the materials used or about the dead. This superstition is in itself sufficient to prevent any of their own people from disturbing the dead, and for one of another nation to in any wise meddle with them is considered an offense not too severely punished by death.

The same feeling also prevents them from ever using old scaffolds or any of the wood which has been used about them, even for firewood, though the necessity may be very great, for fear some evil consequences will follow. It is also the custom, though not universally followed, when bodies have been for two years on the scaffolds to take them down and bury them under ground.

All the work about winding up the dead, building the scaffold, and placing the dead upon it is done by women only, who, after having finished their labor, return and bring the men, to show them where the body is placed, that they may be able to find it in future. Valuables of all kinds, such as weapons, ornaments, pipes, in short, whatever the deceased valued most highly while living, and locks of hair cut from the heads of the mourners at his death, are always bound up with the body. In case the dead was a man of importance, or if the family could afford it, even though he were not, one or several horses (generally, in the former case, those which the departed thought most of) are shot and placed under the scaffold. The idea in this is that the spirit of the horse will accompany and be of use to his spirit in the “happy hunting grounds,” or, as these people express it, “the spirit land.

When an Indian dies, and in some cases even before death occurs, the friends and relatives assemble at the lodge and begin crying over the departed or departing one. This consists in uttering the most heartrending, almost hideous wails and lamentations, in which all join until exhausted. Then the mourning ceases for a time until some one starts it again, when all join in as before and keep it up until unable to cry longer. This is kept up until the body is removed. This crying is done almost wholly by women, who gather in large numbers on such occasions, and among them a few who are professional mourners. These are generally old women and go whenever a person is expected to die, to take the leading part in the lamentations, knowing that they will be well paid at the distribution of goods which follows. As soon as death takes place, the body is dressed by the women in the best garments and blankets obtainable, new ones if they can be afforded. The crowd gathered near continue wailing piteously, and from time to time cut locks of hair from their own heads with knives, and throw them on the dead body. Those who wish to show their grief most strongly, cut themselves in various places, generally in the legs and arms, with their knives or pieces of flint, more commonly the latter, causing the blood to flow freely over their persons. This custom is followed to a less degree by the men.

A body is seldom kept longer than one day as, besides the desire to get the dead out of sight, the fear that the disease which caused the death will communicate itself to others of the family causes them to hasten the disposition of it as soon as they are certain that death has actually taken place

Until the body is laid away the mourners eat nothing. After that is done, connected with which there seems to be no particular ceremony, the few women who attend to it return to the lodge and a distribution is made among them and others, not only of the remaining property of the deceased, but of all the possessions, even to the lodge itself of the family to which he belonged. This custom in some cases has been carried so far as to leave the rest of the family not only absolutely destitute but actually naked. After continuing in this condition for a time, they gradually reach the common level again by receiving gifts from various sources.

The received custom requires of women, near relatives of the dead, a strict observance of the ten days following the death, as follows: They are to rise at a very early hour and work unusually hard all day, joining in no feast, dance, game, or other diversion, eat but little, and retire late, that they may be deprived of the usual amount of sleep as of food. During this they never paint themselves, but at various times go to the top of some hill and bewail the dead in loud cries and lamentations for hours together. After the ten days have expired they paint themselves again and engage in the usual amusements of the people as before. The men are expected to mourn and fast for one day and then go on the war-path against some other tribe, or on some long journey alone. If he prefers, he can mourn and fast for two or more days and remain at home.

The custom of placing food at the scaffold also prevails to some extent. If but little is placed there it is understood to be for the spirit of the dead, and no one is allowed to touch it. If much is provided, it is done with the intention that those of the same sex and age as the deceased shall meet there and consume it. If the dead be a little girl, the young girls meet and eat what is provided; if it be a man, then men assemble for the same purpose. The relatives never mention the name of the dead.

Offering Food to the Dead.
“KEEPING THE GHOST.”

Still another custom, though at the present day by no means generally followed, is still observed to some extent among them. This is called wanagee yuhapee, or “keeping the ghost.” A little of the hair from the head of the deceased being preserved is bound up in calico and articles of value until the roll is about two feet long and ten inches or more in diameter, when it is placed in a case made of hide handsomely ornamented with various designs in different colored paints. When the family is poor, however, they may substitute for this case blue or scarlet blanket or cloth. The roll is then swung lengthwise between two supports made of sticks, placed thus × in front of a lodge which has been set apart for the purpose. In this lodge are gathered presents of all kinds, which are given out when a sufficient quantity is obtained. It is often a year and sometimes several years before this distribution is made. During all this time the roll containing the hair of the deceased is left undisturbed in front of the lodge. The gifts as they are brought in are piled in the back part of the lodge, and are not to be touched until given out. No one but men and boys are admitted to the lodge unless it be a wife of the deceased, who may go in if necessary very early in the morning. The men sit inside, as they choose, to smoke, eat, and converse. As they smoke they empty the ashes from their pipes in the center of the lodge, and they, too, are left undisturbed until after the distribution. When they eat, a portion is always placed first under the roll outside for the spirit of the deceased. No one is allowed to take this unless a large quantity is so placed, in which case it may be eaten by any persons actually in need of food, even though strangers to the dead. When the proper time comes the friends of the deceased and all to whom presents are to be given are called together to the lodge and the things are given out by the man in charge. Generally this is some near relative of the departed. The roll is now undone and small locks of the hair distributed with the other presents, which ends the ceremony.

Sometimes this “keeping the ghost” is done several times, and it is then looked upon as a repetition of the burial or putting away of the dead. During all the time before the distribution of the hair, the lodge, as well as the roll, is looked upon as in a manner sacred, but after that ceremony it becomes common again and may be used for any ordinary purpose. No relative or near friend of the dead wishes to retain anything in his possession that belonged to him while living, or to see, hear, or own anything which will remind him of the departed. Indeed, the leading idea in all their burial customs in the laying away with the dead their most valuable possessions, the giving to others what is left of his and the family property, the refusal to mention his name, &c., is to put out of mind as soon and as effectual as possible the memory of the departed.

From what has been said, however, it will be seen that they believe each person to have a spirit which continues to live after the death of the body. They have no idea of a future life in the body, but believe that after death their spirits will meet and recognize the spirits of their departed friends in the spirit land. They deem it essential to their happiness here, however, to destroy as far as practicable their recollection of the dead. They frequently speak of death as a sleep, and of the dead as asleep or having gone to sleep at such a time. These customs are gradually losing their hold upon them, and are much less generally and strictly observed than formerly.

Depositing the Corpse.

A. Delano,66 mentions as follows an example of tree-burial which he noticed in Nebraska.

During the afternoon we passed a Sioux burying-ground, if I may be allowed to use an Irishism. In a hackberry tree, elevated about twenty feet from the ground, a kind of rack was made of broken tent poles, and the body (for there was but one) was placed upon it, wrapped in his blanket, and a tanned buffalo skin, with his tin cup, moccasins, and various things which he had used in life, were placed upon his body, for his use in the land of spirits.

Tree-burial.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Death: why children should be taught about it in school

Children become aware of death from an early age.

By

Have you ever thought about how you’d like your funeral to be? Or what dying might feel like? Or what should happen to your body?

If you’re anything like the majority of people living in the Western world, chances are you haven’t given much thought to how you’d like to die. Or even spoken much about the topic in general.

Although we all know it’s going to happen, dying remains one of those things people still don’t want to discuss. And in a culture that embraces and celebrates youth, very few in the West want to face up to their mortality or risk being seen as macabre or morbid.

But with an ageing population and the UK’s NHS struggling to cope with demand, people need to start planning for their own end of life care earlier. Perhaps, then, the UK should follow Australia’s thinking and start getting dying on the agenda early – by teaching kids about it in school.

The Australian Medical Association Queensland has proposed that death should be built into the school curriculum. If this proposal is accepted, Australia will lead many developed Western nations in tackling the public discomfort and avoidance of death.

Death education

In the UK, 70% of people wish to die at home, but 50% actually die in hospital. In Australia, only about 10% of people die at home – most die in hospital – despite the fact that the majority of Australians say they would prefer to die at home.

How people, especially the young, understand death is often heavily influenced by films and TV where it is often scarier than the reality. To try and address this issue and get people talking about death before it’s too late, Australian doctors are keen to see the subject taught in classrooms. They argue that death would be less traumatic and people would be able to make more informed decisions if palliative care and euthanasia were spoken about more openly.

In practical terms, schools could easily build death into existing subjects. In biology, for example, the processes of death and dying could be covered from a practical perspective, while in citizenship, students could learn how to draw up a will and look at the legal and ethical debates over what mental and physical capacity means.

Death denial

A variety of organisations and lobbying groups are already making headway in getting people to talk more openly about death. The death cafe movement has encouraged people to talk about death and dying over tea and cake in 56 countries. The Order of the Good Death, led by mortician, author and founder Caitlin Doughty, takes an online approach to promote the idea of making death part of life. Meanwhile, the annual UK Dying Matters Awareness Week provides a programme of events supporting the vision that dying does matter and needs to be talked about.

Children begin to grasp death’s finality around the age of four.

Such movements are making important inroads into challenging the public wisdom that “death is taboo”. But there remains a significant proportion of people who do not want to talk about death. It is this cultural trend that embodies what death scholars refer to as “death denial”.

A key problem with death denial is that individual wishes for end of life care are not considered until late on. And the result is that people struggle to achieve a good death, and often don’t have their wishes considered.

Dying talk

Educating the young about death and dying, then, offers the opportunity to challenge the unwanted consequences of not talking – which, according to the Dying Matters coalition, includes the family not knowing how to best help or support their dying loved one, the dying person feeling frightened and distressed, and the issue of people dying without a will – leaving the family unsure about funeral wishes.

New efforts need to be made to demystify death and dying. And there’s more to it than simply getting people to talk about death – although this is a positive step. Directly educating the younger generation is an important shift towards empowering people to understand the interplay between law, medicine and ethical issues surrounding death and dying.

By creating transparency through education, death, dying and the disposal of the dead can all become part of the everyday. And by normalising death within schools, it may well be that students can help their families to fear less and make more informed decisions about the end of their lives.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Not Taught in Med School: Interpreting Dreams of Dying People

A hospice doctor’s TEDx Talk about his research on end-of-life dreams

By Emily Gurnon

When Dr. Christopher Kerr was a young physician, he visited a patient he calls Tom, who was very ill. Outside the room, Kerr told a nurse they could try antibiotics — that Tom had more time.

“Nope, he’s dying,” the nurse replied, without even looking up.

How did she know? Kerr asked.

“Because he’s seen his deceased mother,” the nurse said.

Kerr, chief medical officer at Hospice Buffalo in New York, discovered he needed to learn more about what end-of-life experiences meant.

He then led a research team from the Palliative Care Institute in Cheektowaga, N.Y. in a long-term study on dreams and visions in the dying. Based on extensive interviews with people who were dying, they examined what their dreams and visions consisted of, whether they perceived them as positive or negative and whether the dreams might serve as a predictor of when death would come.

In October 2015, after the results were published, Kerr gave a TEDx Talk about this for an audience at  Asbury Hall at Babeville, in downtown Buffalo.

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A mother grieves: Orca whale continues to carry her dead calf into a second day

“It reflects the very strong bonds these animals have, and as a parent, you can only imagine what kinds of emotional stress these animals must be under, having these events happen,” says one researcher.

Biologists say orcas mourn the loss of newborns as any family would. On Wednesday, J35 was still carrying her dead calf for the second day straight. In 2010, L20, photographed in Haro Strait, did the same thing with her dead newborn in a behavior biologists say is a common expression of grief.

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For two days she has grieved, carrying her dead calf on her head, unwilling to let it go.

J35, a member of the critically endangered southern resident family of orcas, gave birth to her calf Tuesday only to watch it die within half an hour.

All day, and through the night, she carried the calf. She was seen still carrying the calf on Wednesday by Ken Balcomb, founder and principal investigator of the Center for Whale Research.

“It is unbelievably sad,” said Brad Hanson, wildlife biologist with the Northwest Fisheries Science Center, who has witnessed other mother orcas do the same thing with calves that did not survive.

Robin Baird, research biologist with the Cascadia Research Collective in Olympia, in 2010 watched L72, another of the southern residents, carry her dead newborn in 2010.

“It reflects the very strong bonds these animals have, and as a parent, you can only imagine what kinds of emotional stress these animals must be under, having these events happen,” Baird said.

“You could see the calf had not been dead very long, the umbilical cord was visible. When we were watching, all the rest of the whales were separated by a distance, and they were just moving very slowly. She would drop the calf every once in a while, and go back and retrieve it.”

J35 is doing the same thing, carrying her calf by balancing it on her rostrum, just over her nose. She dives to pick it back up every time it slides off.

Scientists have documented grieving behavior in other animals with close social bonds in small, tightly knit groups, observed carrying newborns that did not survive.

Seven species in seven geographic regions covering three oceans have been documented carrying the body of their deceased young, including Risso’s dolphin in the Indian Ocean; the Indo-Pacific bottle-nosed dolphin and the spinner dolphin in the Red Sea; and pilot whales in the North Atlantic.

In one instance, a researcher attached a rope to the carcass of a bottlenose dolphin and towed it to shore and buried it — with the mother following, touching the carcass until she could no longer follow into water too shallow to swim in. There she remained, watching.

Some carried their young in their mouths, some on their backs.

Deborah Giles, research scientist for University of Washington Center for Conservation Biology and research director for the nonprofit Wild Orca, also watched L72 carry her dead calf, following her at a distance in her research boat until the light faded and it was too dark to see.

“Same thing, it was hours and hours,” she said of that whale. “But I have never heard of this,” she said of J35. “More than 24 hours.

“It is horrible. This is an animal that is a sentient being. It understands the social bonds that it has with the rest of its family members. She carried the calf in her womb from 17 to 18 months, she is bonded to it and she doesn’t want to let it go. It is that simple. She is grieving.”

The news of the grieving mother came even as researchers are also tracking a 4-year-old in the endangered orca clan that is emaciated. Hanson photographed J50 on Saturday and documented the classic “peanut head” — a misshapen head due to loss of body fat. Her survival is in doubt.

The southern residents face at least three known challenges to their survival as a species: toxins, vessel traffic and lack of adequate food, particularly chinook salmon. When they are hungry, it makes their other problems worse, research has shown.

Gov. Jay Inslee has appointed a task force on orca whale recovery.

Jaime Smith, spokeswoman for Inslee, said the task force is looking at a range of solutions, both short and long term.

“The loss of this calf is a sobering reminder of what’s at stake,” Smith said. “And it’s why we’ve convened partners who we believe can and will be best able to identify what we need to do in the upcoming weeks, months and years to save these animals.”

For researchers who work closely with the southern residents, their continued decline is painfully apparent.

“I am on the water collecting poop from animals that are not getting enough to eat,” Giles said. “ I don’t know if people understand the magnitude of what we are talking about here. We don’t have five years to wait, we really don’t.”

She said other members of the whale’s family knew J35 was pregnant, because of their echolocation ability, which they use to find food.

“So they must be grieving, too.”

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