Four Things You Don’t Know about Death

By Ryvyn

As a Death Doula for a law firm, I have had the experience of attending many different deaths. Some deaths are attended by families, who stand at the bedside in stunned and awkward silence, waiting for the inevitable; while some families talk about trivial events, like politics, football, argue, or start discussing probate matters over the dying individual.

Some of our clients have come into my care after they have already become incapacitated. Because they have no family willing or able to serve as their healthcare agent, they find themselves alone and I have no way to converse with them about their final wishes.
In rare cases, I have been hired by thoughtful individuals who are aware of the need for a death advocate throughout the active dying process. A Death Doula is an advocate for the dying individual and the family to help facilitate and process what is occurring.

Most everyone has experienced a funeral, but not everyone has attended a death. Thus most experience comes by viewing the dying process from the living perspective. I want to share several aspects of death and dying that may not be expected.

  1. You may not know death is imminent. I recently had an unusual experience where my client was in full organ failure and was being kept alive by medical intervention. In reality, there was no way they could save his body but he was mentally 90% clear when he was able to be awake. I had worked for this veteran for the last five years as we had begun planning for his inevitable demise and continued support of his wife.
  2. The doctor may not explain, in direct, plain terms when death will happen. Granted, the doctor may explain the “likelihood” that death could occur, but one cannot 100% predict the outcome or the time frame in which these things occur. Many people don’t have the bandwidth at this emotional time to read between the lines to figure out what is being said. If you are lucky you may have a Death Doula or family member who is willing to spell out the actual possible outcomes. In one case, I had to inform my client he was dying even though he wasn’t aware of the severity of the situation and didn’t want to die. I needed my client to verify that his wishes, which we had spent years discussing, were still to be enacted.
  3. As you pass you might not have the ability to communicate clearly. While your brain may be clear your body may not be able to communicate effectively. Or, it may be that you speak and move effectively but your brain is being affected to such a degree that its information is not reality. In both cases estate planning documents and an agent capable of carrying out your wishes can be extremely valuable.
  4. A dying person wants to be gently touched. While this may not be true in every case, in my experiences with the elderly or people passing with chronic illnesses, it is true. Skin-to-skin interaction is psychologically, emotionally, and physically supportive in all ages. If you are not the hugging type there are many things you can do that can provide comfort and support. Consider that the dying is possibly unable to communicate what is uncomfortable for them but also may be physically sensitive. I suggest gently washing their feet, arms, and hands, lightly applying lotion, brushing their hair, light massage through the sheet, holding their hand or gently massaging their head/shoulders. Lightly rubbing the back, anything you do should be for short periods. I deeply recommend touch interaction. There is nothing more intimate than the emotional transference between the dying and the doula as being able to provide some support and deep acceptance of being touchable (and therefore loveable) even at death.
What are your cultural, religious or family death traditions?
What are your cultural, religious or family death traditions?

No matter how much we prepare or plan, a natural death is likely a messy, spontaneous experience with unexpected situations and unalterable results. Nature is like that. Everything in this world dies in its way. Not only do plants, animals, and people come to an end but so do stories, relationships, seasons, actions, ideas, beliefs, dreams, illness, pain, growth, even weather, and environments.

Birth and death are the bookends of life. You had no control over your birth experience and yet, while we can prepare ourselves and our families and friends for death on financial, spiritual, and emotional levels, most are not interested in developing that practice. Conversations and exploration into your death culture and burial options help bring the foggy unknown into clear hopes and wishes that you and your family/community can enact.

Complete Article HERE!

7 ways to support a loved one with terminal cancer

Cancer cells release a plethora of chemicals that inhibit appetite and affect the digestion and absorption of food’

BY Gina Van Thomme

It can be challenging to find the best ways to support a friend or family member with terminal cancer — that is, cancer that can’t be cured or has stopped responding to treatment.

You want to support your loved one, but not overwhelm them. You want to be there for them, but also give them space. You want to say the right thing, but perhaps have no idea what that is.

To help, we asked senior social work counselor Malory Lee for advice on supporting a loved one with terminal cancer.

Be present, even if you don’t know what to say

It can be hard to find the right words to say to a loved one with terminal cancer. But often, showing up with a listening ear is far more important than knowing exactly what to say.

“We don’t have to have an answer. We don’t have to even know what to say all the time. And we don’t have to be worried about saying the right thing all the time. I think most important is just being there,” Lee says.

Don’t be afraid of silence, either. Lee says resisting the urge to fill silence can give both you and your loved one the time and space to understand and process what you are going through.

Allow yourself to feel complex emotions

A terminal cancer diagnosis can understandably bring a variety of emotions. These might include sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, shock, hopelessness and existential dread. Lee says all of these emotions are perfectly normal.

Another common emotion is anticipatory grief, which Lee describes as grief for an expected death that hasn’t happened yet. 

“A lot of the time, it’s really the exact same experience as grief. It can feel the same and be just as intense as the grief we experience after a death,” she says.

Although these emotions can be uncomfortable, Lee notes it is important for those with cancer and their loved ones to feel them rather than ignore them.

While navigating emotions surrounding a terminal cancer diagnosis, Lee encourages caregivers to be aware of persistent hopelessness or suicidal thoughts which may point to depression. If you or a loved one is experiencing depression, reach out to a doctor or counselor for support.

“Going through grief and dealing with terminal cancer does not mean we have to feel depressed,” she says.

Avoid statements that compare or minimize someone’s cancer experience

Lee suggests avoiding excessive positivity or statements that start with ‘at least’ when discussing terminal cancer. While phrases such as “At least you had this time to prepare” or “At least you have time to spend with loved ones” may have good intent, Lee says they can minimize the pain someone with terminal cancer is experiencing. 

Similarly, approaching a loved one’s terminal diagnosis with too much optimism and positivity can have the opposite effect.

“It may discount a real emotion that someone is feeling and might make them feel like they can’t share what they’re actually going through,” Lee says.

While it can be tempting to share stories and reassurance, Lee also recommends avoiding comparison.

“Every person’s cancer story is so unique; you could even be dealing with the same cancer as someone else and just have a very different experience,” she says. “Listen to the person in front of you, listen to their experience, ask questions about what they’re going through rather than trying to bring in your experiences.”

And what if you do say the wrong thing? Simply acknowledge it, apologize and move on.

Help without being asked

“Let me know if you need anything” can sound like a helpful way to support someone with cancer, but it can also create work.

“It puts the burden back on the person with cancer to determine what they need or ask for help,” Lee says.

While being mindful of your loved one’s wishes and boundaries, consider little ways to help. Lee says this might look like dropping off dinner, helping with cleaning or errands or delivering groceries.

“If you feel there’s something you can do to make things easier, go ahead and do it,” she says.

If you’ve learned that a friend or acquaintance you haven’t spoken to in a while has terminal cancer, you might be wondering whether it is OK to reach out.

“As long as you show genuine care and concern, and again, respect their wishes, I think that’s fine, and can often be very much appreciated,” Lee says.

Keep including them

It might feel like cancer changes everything, but it doesn’t need to alter the way you spend time with a loved one.

“Don’t assume that someone with terminal cancer doesn’t want to do something or won’t be willing or able to join a gathering,” Lee says.

Lee notes that cancer can feel very isolating and, while many times patients are met with lots of support right after their cancer diagnosis, that support may dwindle over time. She encourages loved ones to keep reaching out to a friend or family member with cancer, even if it means finding new ways to accommodate physical limitations.

This might look like playing games together online, gathering closer to a loved one’s home or simply continuing to extend invitations even if your loved one has had to miss events in the past.

Don’t be afraid to talk about difficult topics

Cancer can feel like the elephant in the room, but loved ones don’t need to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Instead, Lee says to let your loved one take the lead in determining what topics are off-limits.

“If a person is uncomfortable sharing or talking about certain things, or if they don’t want to, respect their wishes,” she says.

But if someone with terminal cancer is open to discussing a range of topics, it is OK to ask about health or even end-of-life plans. Lee says having these conversations, while difficult, can ensure you are accommodating a loved one’s wants and needs.

“It’s very critical to make sure we are honoring those wishes. And we can’t honor those wishes unless we know what they are,” she says. 

Remember to take care of yourself

Lee recommends caregivers find a support system outside of the loved one they are caring for so they can process their emotions. She also encourages caregivers to take small breaks, even if they are only mental rather than physical.

“There’s no need to feel guilty to take time away to do something that’s truly for you,” she says.

Caregivers can find self-care resources and community by joining MD Anderson support groups or connecting with someone else who’s been there through myCancerConnection, our one-on-one cancer support community.

Finally, Lee says that it is possible – and healthy – to experience happiness during a difficult experience.

“Sometimes we think when we’re grieving or when we’re caring for a loved one who is ill, we have to be sad all the time, and that’s just not true,” Lee says. “In a healthy grief experience, we do experience the full range of emotions, and our feelings often come like waves. It’s perfectly healthy and normal to feel joy and happiness also while we’re grieving.”

Complete Article HERE!

We Should Talk More About Dying, Cause You Will

By  

Mounting the pulpit at the Glenn Memorial United Methodist Church in Atlanta, Jason Carter explained of Rosalynn Carter, “My grandmother doesn’t need a eulogy; her life was a sermon.”

It’s a line that’s been used in countless memorial services and even more sermons, seminars, and motivational sayings because a great truth is delivered in a simple saying. Most folks have been to the funeral where the person laid out at the front becomes in death a sinless saint according to the words flowing over the casket and into the gathered mourners. If we are fortunate, we get to attend the celebration of life of someone who had far more to praise than the allotted time allows.

This service was the latter. Most tributes are not what Rosalynn Carter got, of course. A front row of all the living first ladies per the departed’s specific request, a former and the sitting President of The United States of America, Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks performing, live streaming to the world; while the mechanics of the tribute were familiar there is of course an elevated sense when it is someone as universally respected as Rosalynn Carter.

“The first rule about funerals,” I can hear my father’s voice clearly as he explained something he himself had officiated hundreds of times, “is to understand they are not about you.” I heard it growing up so many times but took until much later in life until I fully understood this maxim. I’ve come to use big public displays of folks passing on as an opportunity to really learn something by watching the reactions. Especially online with social media and news media, a famous person’s death becomes something of a canvas for folks to publicly paint whatever they want. Usually, they paint what they were already going to paint, just with the nomenclature and excuse of whoever died to crank it up from the usual simmering 6 to a viral-baiting 11.

When folks use a famous funeral or celebrity death to tell the world what they really think, believe them.

When the politically ate up knuckleheads online go on and on about Melania Trump being at the service — to the point the Carter family had to come out with a statement that she was there at Rosalynn Carter’s specific request — believe them. When another group of equally-politically ate up but opposing side knuckleheads take a run at the appearance of Michelle Obama with vile caricatures and accusations, believe them. When utterly tone deaf and stupid protestors outside the church try to detract from the service and disrespect the man who is the most high-profile supporter of the cause they claim is important to them as he grieves his wife, believe them. When folks can’t just say nothing if they have nothing good to say, because trending or something, believe them.

Death, especially celebrity death, seems to be a starter pistol-like signal for too many to rush to their device and bare the darker corners of their soul because…why? The person who died, who has no clue who any of these folks are, is dead and can’t respond? Are the online seal claps of a particular in-group some precious resource that can be uniquely mined only as the digital community virtually rallies around the corpse in some sort of viral wake?

While the negative effects of having very online lives is often overblown hyperbole, there really does seem to be something to nationalized politics and culture distilled into personally curated online consumption that isn’t helping our sense of mortality. Social media — like money, power, and alcohol — emboldens and empowers folks to be more of what they really are internally to the outside world without the usual filters. When the filters are off, you get what really dwells in the heart and mind that the spell check of sobriety or keeping your bearing offline in the real world usually corrects.

Being a productive citizen of society begins with being a functional mature adult. A keystone for building a functional adult life is understanding the linear ride from birth to death we are all on. The inevitable, unpredictable, linear ride from birth to death which everyone is taking, and no one is exempt from. While the psychologists, philosophers, and theologians hash out all the particulars, most of us mere mortals can just start with embracing the fact that we are going to die. Setting that immutable fact in its proper place makes a good guardrail to living a good life that can end at any moment, and should be lived so that the speaker over the casket doesn’t have to lie too terribly much about what we accomplished before shuffling off our mortal coil.

The same social and news media that makes bank on celebrity deaths is rife with self-help gurus and Fad O’the Day programs about living a better life, longer life, more fulfilling life, on and on and on. Nothing wrong with those things in the abstract, and probably plenty of practical usages therein for folks to apply. But less popular on YouTube and TikTok is the reality of mortal life. Movies love the young, passionate romance, but Hollywood makes fewer films about the octogenarians trying to get their spouse of a half century to take their meds as they demand to know who they are because time and illness has robbed the mind. Not a lot of influencers who have inhabited our gyms and fitness centers with their mobile video shoots like locusts upon the harvest set up shop in rehab centers and nursing homes to portray not the latest viral fitness craze, but folks just hoping to walk to the bathroom unassisted one more time.

When Jimmy Carter was wheeled into his wife’s tribute, suited and covered in a blanket bearing an image of the couple, some on social media reacted poorly. How, exactly, they expected a 99 year old man who has been in hospice since February and just lost his wife of nearly 80 years is supposed to look was not addressed. Perhaps many of them have never cared for anyone at the end of natural life. Yes, they don’t look as they once did, they struggle, their mouths hang open, they often can’t communicate effectively, they can’t be as they once were because time is undefeated against presidents or paupers alike.

An aged, infirmed, and clearly struggling Jimmy Carter — in what will be his final public appearance — drew strong reactions online. But hopefully after those reactions, the Very Online who live in a world full of likes and daisies and no bad things on the carefully curated timelines look again, hard as it may be. Not as a former president, or any politics or policies, or even the lifetime of philanthropic work the Carters together did since they first met in 1945.

What did you see in that frail, dying man, and did you learn the lesson of life that was preached by Rosalynn Carter during her 96 years of life?

Far from revolting, or scary, or drawing pity, the scene at the front of the Glenn Memorial United Methodist Church was one of great beauty. Not because of the pomp and sober circumstance, or the dignitaries, or the great words. In Jimmy Carter we saw a man putting the period on the end of the last sentence in a great story of personal love and integrity. His last public struggle, completely reliant on others to get it done, but no less present and willing himself to do what he knew needed to be done and was good and proper to do so. The small hours of highly personal struggles as death nears is something we don’t talk about, or show, or want to think about. But we should be thankful for the Carters in this respect: that in Rosalynn’s remembrance and Jimmy’s last leg of the journey without her, we don’t need fancy words to explain to us a life well lived, and death met with courage and dignity.

We just had to watch.

Complete Article HERE!

The retired pilot went to the hospital.

— Then his life went into a tailspin.

A 2021 picture of Douglas Hulse on his niece’s phone. Hulse, a former pilot, was put in a guardianship in Florida where he lived and moved into a nursing home without anyone telling his family in Pennsylvania.

Many older people are one medical emergency away from a court-appointed guardian taking control of their lives

By

When Douglas Hulse pulled his Ford Mustang convertible into a Florida gas station three years ago, he looked so distressed that someone called 911.

An ambulance rushed him to Orlando Health South Seminole Hospital, where doctors said he had a stroke. At 80, the retired pilot who had flown famous passengers around the country could no longer care for himself.

But Hulse lived alone — as 3 out of 5 Americans in their 80s do.

A hospital can be liable if a patient is discharged into an unsafe environment. Because Hulse lived alone and the hospital officials saw no sign that he had family, that put them in a bind when his health didn’t improve. So they argued in court that he was no longer capable of making his own decisions and needed a guardian — a caretaker with enormous legal power.

When a judge agreed, Hulse lost basic freedoms: He couldn’t spend his own money or decide where to live. The lifelong Republican who had just cast his ballot in the 2020 presidential primary even lost his right to vote. He was quickly moved to a nursing home. His new guardian, a woman he had never met, began selling his house and his belongings.

Many people lose their fundamental rights when a judge places them in a guardianship giving another person, often a stranger, the power to make the ailing person’s financial and medical decisions.

Hulse had joined 1 million Americans in a guardianship, a court-sanctioned arrangement created to protect vulnerable people — some young, but many elderly. The system has been widely criticized for inviting abuse and theft. Local judges give extraordinary power to a guardian, including access to the bank account of the person in their care, despite a lack of effective ways to monitor them. When excessive billing, missing money and other abuses are discovered, guardians are rarely punished. Prosecutors are keenly aware they were appointed by a judge.

As America ages, there is new focus on this legal arrangement, especially in Florida, a mecca for seniors where state officials have called the rising number of elderly the “silver tsunami.” Already, Florida has 2 million residents 75 or older — more than the entire population of 14 other states. Many moved here from other parts of the country, far from family, and are showing up alone in emergency rooms.

The Orlando Health South Seminole Hospital in Longwood, Fla.

What happened to Hulse over the past three years shines a light on the serious flaws in this government system and on the hospital pipeline that thrust Hulse into it. During the coronavirus pandemic, more hospitals went to court to seek guardianships; it was a way to legally move out patients and free up beds. Today, the practice quietly continues as an efficient way to discharge elderly patients who cost hospitals money the longer they stay.

“This should scare people to death,” said Rick Black, the founder of the Center for Estate Administration Reform who has examined thousands of guardianship cases and has seen a rise in hospitals initiating them. “This is a common practice nationwide, and its adoption is growing.”

In court, the Orlando hospital requested that Hulse be assigned Dina Carlson, a 51-year-old former real estate agent who became a professional guardian. After a judge assigned her, Hulse was immediately moved out of the hospital and into a nursing home. Carlson’s sale of his home raised suspicions because of its seemingly low price in a hot market, and an inspector general’s investigation later found “probable cause” of exploitation of an elderly person and a scheme to defraud.

Carlson denied any wrongdoing, and no criminal investigation was ever opened. “I am a little bit salty about this whole thing,” Carlson said in an interview. She said she wanted “to be a ray of sunshine” for elderly people.

Guardianships are not well understood. Rules vary by jurisdiction, and key information is often sealed by judges.

“People don’t realize how abusive the system is,” said Pinellas County Circuit Court Clerk Ken Burke, who led a recent Florida task force to improve guardianships. “If they knew, there would be bigger cries for reform.”

Very often, the person in a guardianship is unable to publicly complain and has nobody in their life to do it for them.

But it turned out Hulse did have family, and they were searching for him.

Jonathan Thompson holds a portrait of his uncle, Douglas Hulse, as he and his sister, Katie Thompson, sort through old family pictures. When Hulse was assigned a guardian, no one told his family.

Douglas Hulse was born in 1939 and raised in McLean, Va., where his father was a lobbyist for the trucking industry. In the 1950s, Hulse enrolled in a Florida college and became a pilot.

Like his father, Hulse was a Republican who loved to talk politics. He also drew caricatures of every president in the last half century. After flying Henry Kissinger and Alexander Haig, former Republican secretaries of state, he proudly showed off photos he took of them to his sister, niece and nephew.

He never married or had children. He kept busy, teaching flying and taekwondo. But when he retired he spent more time alone. Five residents on his street in Lake Mary, near Orlando, said they barely knew the tall, blue-eyed neighbor. He had lived there 25 years, longer than many in a transient place.

Raymond Charest, president of the Seminole County Gun and Archery Association, said that in the 1990s Hulse taught members about how to safely handle and store guns but that recently he wasn’t involved in the club. “I would see him shooting out there. But it was just, ‘Hey, how are you doing?’ and that was it.”

For a year, Katie Thompson, who lives in Pennsylvania, did not know what happened to her uncle, who lived in Florida.

Katie Thompson, Hulse’s niece, said for years her uncle regularly visited her mother, father, brother and her in the Philadelphia area. She also went to see him at his three-bedroom Florida home full of exceptional items he collected in his travels, including a Las Vegas-style slot machine.

But his visits stopped when his sister, Katie’s mother, developed dementia before she died in 2018. Hulse had seen his own mother die the same way. “I think it just got too hard for him,” his niece said.

After Hulse’s only sibling passed away, he became harder to reach, but he eventually responded to calls and emails.

After his stroke, Hulse was confused and apparently unable to tell anyone to call his family. It’s unclear what efforts the hospital made to track down any relatives.

Geo Morales, a spokesman for the Orlando Health South Seminole Hospital, said he could not discuss details of Hulse’s case because of privacy laws. He emailed a statement that said the hospital works “with various community partners in an attempt to reach next of kin. However, reaching a patient’s next of kin is not always possible.”

“We are seeing more of these patients with dementia and other ailments who live alone and/or are estranged from relatives,” Morales said in an email. He strongly urged people to draw up a will or designate someone to make their health decisions and to note this in their medical file.

Hulse had not. In these cases, court records show, hospitals often turn to guardianships, even though they are widely considered a last resort and difficult to reverse.

For generations, judges have been assigning a relative or close friend as the protector of someone unable to make their own decisions. But more people are socially isolated and have no one they can count on at the end of their life. Even many people with close relatives are estranged from them.

In many societies, family members of different generations live under one roof. But one of the most dramatic shifts in the American lifestyle is single-person households. Many live alone beginning in their 20s and by the time they are in their 80s, most live by themselves.

So judges now often assign professional guardians, a person paid to care for someone they don’t know. Carlson told the court she was already caring for 18 others when she was assigned to Hulse. Carlson charged him $65 an hour, according to her bills filed in court. When a judge signed off, she paid herself from Hulse’s bank account.

In some states, the only requirement to be a guardian is to be 18 years old. Florida has more requirements including a background and credit check. But still, compare the 40-hour training course with, for instance, the 900 educational hours required to become a licensed barber.

Yet these caretakers control people’s lives and money. In just one Florida county, Palm Beach, guardians control about $1 billion, according to Anthony Palmieri, deputy inspector general for the Palm Beach Circuit Court.

“You have your nail techs and tennis pros — their business is not so good and they want something more lucrative and they’re jumping into guardianship,” Palmieri said.

But adding an independent monitor from outside the court, a frequent recommendation, is expensive. “The system would be cured, in my opinion, by the Department of Elder Affairs taking responsibility for guardianship” said Burke, the Pinellas court clerk.

In Florida, even funding a statewide guardianship database was a battle. Currently, there isn’t an official number of how many people are in them; best estimates are about 50,000. Each county keeps its own records, and some do that better than others. When the database goes online, it will give the first statistical snapshot of the system.

Critics have called for a uniform system with more oversight. But several Florida officials said those who benefit from the current, complex system, including lawyers, impede reform. Efforts to make attorneys’ fees in these cases more publicly visible have also failed.

“There are a lot of great attorneys out there,” Burke said. But the court clerk said there has been pushback from the Real Property, Probate and Trust Law Section of the Florida Bar, adding, “It’s a trade union for all practical purposes, and it protects their members and the fees they receive.”

These attorneys are influential in the state legislature, where their expertise is often sought to draft laws related to guardianships and estates.

John Moran, chair-elect of the Florida Bar’s Real Property, Probate and Trust Section, said far from blocking improvements, it has stated policy positions that seek reforms, including more transparency. Asked why legal fees cannot be more readily known, Moran cited privacy concerns of the incapacitated person. He also emphasized that “no lawyer gets paid without a judge’s approval.”

So the system with few guardrails continues. Court clerks audit guardians’ reports that detail how they spend the money of the person in their care, among other things. Any irregularities are to be flagged to a judge. But clerks are swamped, with little time to read through a case file that is often thousands of pages.

Grant Maloy, the Seminole County court clerk, said his office has a far bigger caseload today than 15 years ago yet a smaller budget.

The judges are overloaded, too. Pinellas County has two judges and two magistrates overseeing 3,000 guardianships — in addition to other types of cases.

No witness or body camera accompanies a guardian into a person’s home. They are trusted to accurately inventory all valuables in their court report. “There could be $5,000 stuffed under the sofa, and if the guardian pocketed it, who would know?” said Burke, the Pinellas court clerk.

The task force organized by the state clerks and comptrollers last year said hospitals should find a less drastic way to deal with patients costing them money, such as authorizing someone to be their power of attorney or health surrogate. It also sought a ban on requesting a specific guardian because that raises concerns about the guardian’s allegiance — is it to the patient or the hospital giving them work?

A Washington Post review of guardianship records in central Florida found scores of recent petitions by hospitals seeking a guardian for patients 65 and older, and many asked for a specific professional guardian.

In April 2020, when Hulse was ready to be discharged, a staff member of the Orlando hospital signed a petition to the court stating that he had “no one to take care of the financial and medical decisions.”

Hulse, like most patients over 65, was covered by Medicare. It pays the hospital by diagnosis, not length of stay, an attempt to stop excessive billing. Generally it pays a hospital $23,000 for an elderly stroke patient in Orlando, a sum that assumes a five-day stay. After that, a hospital starts losing money. A new patient in the same bed would bring in thousands of dollars a day.

The American Hospital Association said more patients are staying “excessive days” and has lobbied for increased Medicare payments. Many hospitals are also overwhelmed by people who are homeless or have a mental illness and other patients unable to pay their bills. An AHA spokesman also said a hospital may initiate a guardianship but a judge approves it.

Laura Sterling, an attorney hired by the Orlando hospital, recommended Carlson as Hulse’s guardian. In Florida, lawyers represent guardians in court, and Sterling was Carlson’s lawyer. In her court filing that requested Carlson, Sterling does not mention that if Carlson was assigned, she also would be paid as her lawyer, at a rate of $300 an hour.

One of the motions filed in court in Hulse’s guardianship case was for attorneys’ fees, including for time spent on the sale of his home.

Sterling did not respond to requests for comment. There is no Florida rule prohibiting a lawyer from representing both the hospital and the guardian the hospital recommended in the same case.

Moran, from the Florida Bar, said he could not speak for the lawyers’ group but said that scenario raised “all kinds of red flags.”

Sterling’s role in Hulse’s case was largely to file court motions. One sought approval for a monthly transfer of $10,000 from Hulse’s brokerage account to his checking account so Carlson could pay his nursing home and other bills. Another asked the court for $2,925 for Carlson, for time spent opening Hulse’s mail, arranging physical therapy and other tasks during her first four months. The money to pay Sterling and Carlson came from Hulse’s accounts, which had more than $1.5 million, according to a note in his file.

In August 2020, after Hulse had fallen five times at the Lake Mary nursing home, Carlson moved him to a smaller facility. She also started liquidating his possessions, reporting to the court that she sold his cars, paintings, a diamond ring, camera equipment and guns. Many items were sold in cash at an estate sale, according to neighbors who went to it. It’s unclear how much Carlson reported earning for Hulse; most financial details are kept sealed.

Hulse’s former home on a quiet, pretty street in Lake Mary, Fla.

In April 2021, Carlson signed an agreement to sell Hulse’s house with Kimberly and Mark Adams, husband-and-wife real estate agents who lived in her gated community lined with palm trees, giving them a 6 percent commission, an amount typically split between the seller’s and buyer’s agents. Carlson quickly sold the home for $215,000 before it was even publicly known to be on the market, according to the inspector general’s investigation. A company called Harding Street Homes bought Hulse’s home and resold it a few months later for $347,000 — $132,000 more than Hulse got for it. Efforts to reach the person who runs that company were unsuccessful.

Soon after the home was sold, Katie Thompson, Hulse’s niece, expanded her search for her uncle. Busy with her job and her first baby, she had not realized for months that her brother and father also had not heard from Hulse. She was a legal researcher who used Westlaw, an online legal database, and when she typed her uncle’s name into it, she was stunned to see him listed in a guardianship case.

“How could the hospital do this?” she thought. Since older people end up in an emergency room, she figured there must be a system for contacting family. “If they just called me none of this would have happened.”

In the days after Carlson became Hulse’s guardian, she did not call his relatives, either. Carlson said it was unfortunate but no one’s fault: “How does a person find out about somebody who doesn’t live in the same state? About family who don’t have the same last name? I didn’t have anybody’s name to Google.”

Thompson has her own regrets. For one thing, she wished she had gotten on a plane earlier despite worries about the pandemic.

Katie and Jonathan Thompson sent a letter to a judge in the Florida courthouse where their uncle had been assigned a guardian. They wanted to know where their uncle was and if he was safe.

On top of everything else, she said, she and her brother were helping their father, heartbroken over the death of their mother. “I kept thinking if something was really wrong with my uncle I would have gotten a call,” she said.

Thompson and her brother began calling those involved in the court case. But nobody answered their key question: Where was Hulse?

Finally, a court clerk advised them to write a letter to the court.

“We want to know where our uncle is, that he is safe and well cared for, and that his money was being well-stewarded so that he can remain so,” Katie Thompson wrote on July 28, 2021, to Seminole County Circuit Court Judge Donna Goerner. “We want to be able to be in contact with him.”

Months passed with no reply.

Hillary Hogue, a citizen watchdog, searches through guardianship cases looking for red flags at her home in Naples, Fla.

Around the start of 2022, Hillary Hogue was sitting at her kitchen table in Naples, Fla., scrolling online through guardianship cases, when she randomly clicked on Hulse’s.

“I look for red flags and when you see a hospital is involved, it’s a red flag,” said Hogue. A single mom of two teenage boys, she became an unpaid citizen watchdog after her own horrible guardianship experience. To get her father released from one, she paid over $100,000 in legal fees. He now lives with her.

Hogue knew other cases where hospitals did not notify relatives before setting in motion a hard-to-stop legal process. “It’s just outrageous. Doesn’t anyone care about Mr. Hulse?”

She zeroed in on the price of Hulse’s home, which seemed remarkably low to her, especially after she looked up more information about it. Aware of other cases where guardians sold homes at bargain rates to friends or for kickbacks, Hogue filed a complaint with the office that regulates guardians, knowing it would draw scrutiny to Hulse’s case.

Because the system has so little official oversight, Hillary Hogue has devoted a huge amount of her time to scrutinizing case files and searching for signs that an elderly or vulnerable person is being exploited.
Hogue, who spent $100,000 in legal fees to get her father released from a guardianship, cares for the 94-year-old in her home.

Katie Thompson, meanwhile, inquired about getting her uncle released from his guardianship. The Florida lawyer she contacted told her that she could spend $20,000 trying, with no guarantee of success. Hulse’s health was worsening and soon, any hope she had of moving him to Pennsylvania so she could manage his care became less of an option.

In January 2022, Carlson finally contacted the family. She called Jonathan Thompson, Hulse’s nephew, who believes her call was prompted by the family’s letter to the judge six months earlier. “I guess the letter finally got to the top of someone’s pile,” he said.

Carlson outlined Hulse’s medical problems and said he probably had a series of strokes. Because of the pandemic, she said, for a long stretch at the start of the guardianship she had not met him in person. She offered to arrange FaceTime calls. and soon Katie and Jonathan were talking to Hulse about old family trips to Gettysburg, Pa., and Cape Canaveral, Fla.

But they were wary. A state investigator, spurred by Hogue’s complaint, had called them, asking questions about Carlson.

They had their own questions: Since Carlson knew Hulse had the money for in-home aides why was he in a strange place that added to his confusion? Didn’t she see their cards mailed to his home or their contacts in his phone? And, why would a former real estate agent undersell a home without advertising it?

In July 2022, the inspector general’s office issued a critical report, a copy of which was obtained by The Post through a Freedom of Information Act request.

It stated that Carlson, when seeking court approval for the sale of Hulse’s home, submitted a “deficient, deceptive, and fraudulent” comparative market analysis supplied by Kimberly Adams, the real estate agent. Hulse’s home was “undervalued” and not publicly advertised.

The inspector general’s investigation also found no permits required for significant renovation. It concluded that after “superficial changes,” Hulse’s home was “flipped” for a big profit for the buyer — money that Hulse lost out on.

The inspector general’s office, lacking the investigative power of law enforcement, including the ability to subpoena bank records, pushed for a criminal investigation. It urged law enforcement to look into the handling of Hulse home and two others Carlson sold with the same real estate agents, stressing it had found “probable cause” that Carlson and the real estate agents “engaged in a scheme to defraud.”

Reached by phone, Kimberly Adams denied knowing anything about the inspector general investigation: “I honestly don’t know what you are referring to … I sell property all the time.”

Mark Adams did not return phone calls.

Carlson defended her sale of Hulse’s home. She told a state investigator that it was in “very poor condition,” according to the inspector general report, and that “it wasn’t safe to allow the general public” inside because there were “a lot of valuables in the house, a lot of guns and a lot of ammo as well.”

But Hulse’s family said he kept his guns in a safe, and Carlson billed Hulse for finding locksmiths to open his gun safe.

In The Post interview, Carlson said there are ways to improve the guardianship system but most importantly family should take care of their relatives. Then she quickly added, “In Doug’s case, no one knew about his family.”

Katie and Jonathan Thompson, Hulse’s niece and nephew, look at old family pictures.

Carlson did not answer questions about whether she saw the names and addresses of Hulse’s niece and nephew on cards and gifts mailed to his home. She also distanced herself from hospitals: “I have never met anyone at the hospital. Lawyers do.”

Carlson said she got Hulse’s case when “a lawyer” sent an email to her and other professional guardians, asking if anyone had “the bandwidth” to care for another patient leaving a hospital.

In February, Katie Thompson did not meet Carlson when she flew to Orlando with her 3-month-old, her second child, to visit her uncle. He seemed comforted by the photos she brought of his childhood home in Virginia, of her mother and him when they were young. “He was very sick then. I was grateful for the time with him.”

On March 16, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement said its preliminary inquiry found “no evidence” to warrant a criminal investigation “at this time,” according to an email received in the FOIA request.

Advocates for the elderly say police and prosecutors often do not treat financial exploitation of elderly people seriously enough and are reluctant to sink time into cases where the only witness has dementia, if still alive.

Two days after the state declined to pursue a criminal investigation, Hulse died.

Carlson had prepaid for the same basic cremation package she purchases for many in her care. Hulse’s family had his ashes buried with his parents on Long Island.

Katie Thompson received a small box from Carlson with photos and a few other items that belonged to her uncle. She and her brother are now waiting to learn what is left in his estate.

The Florida Department of Elder Affairs, after being contacted by The Post, reprimanded Carlson for her failure to file timely reports. Her penalty: She must take eight more hours of classroom training.

“Not even a slap on the wrist,” said Hogue. “The result is the corruption continues, and it only gets worse, bigger and bigger.”

Said Katie Thompson, “This system trusts a person to be a guardian angel, but people are not.”

Complete Article HERE!