— Loss can be terribly isolating, but art can be a soothing balm that helps you feel less alone.

By Rachel Wilkerson Miller

When my beloved dog, Chuck, suddenly died at the end of 2022, I was hit with a sense of pure, uncut sadness I hadn’t experienced in a long time. Even though I knew, intellectually, that losing a pet can be devastating, I was still unprepared for how horrible I’d feel in the days, weeks, and months following his death. The good(ish) news was that it wasn’t my first grief rodeo—in fact, the end of my marriage gave me something of a playbook for coping with loss, even if that loss looked and felt quite different this time.

A big part of that playbook, for me, involves consuming works of art—essays, poems, novels, movies—that allow me to sit in my sadness. When I’m feeling really bad, I find that accepting that reality actually makes me feel less awful; it helps me remember that the only way out is through, and there’s no way to rush that process. And facing my feelings head-on by engaging with a beautifully observed piece of art helps meliorate the loneliness that goes hand-in-hand with loss. Grief can be very isolating, but art that articulates your pain and reminds you of the existence of other Sad People who understand your sadness on a cellular level can be a soothing balm in a dark time.

Since grief has been at the top of my mind lately—and because the losses of the past three years are truly staggering—I thought I’d round up some of my go-to media here. The following pieces of writing and art aren’t specifically about losing a pet, by the way; they deal with various kinds of loss. (On that note: Just a heads up that there will be mentions of miscarriage, death of a child, and death of a parent in this list.) I hope that my playbook, or parts of it, will help you or someone you love as you move through your sadness.

Articles, essays, and poems

“When Things Go Missing,” The New Yorker. This essay is hands-down the most moving and beautiful piece of writing I’ve ever read on the topic of loss and grief. It opens with writer Kathryn Schulz’s reflection on misplacing small items, and then slowly builds into a story about the death of her beloved father. It’s impossible to choose a single line to quote; it is simply a perfect piece of writing that you just have to read in full. (Schulz went on to make this essay the basis of a memoir, Lost & Found, so you may want to check that out as well.)

“Children Don’t Always Live,” The New York Times. This essay, by Pitchfork editor Jayson Greene, deals with a level of pain that most of us can’t comprehend: the sudden death of a child. (Greene also went on to author a book about this subject.) He writes about this tragic loss in a way that is equal parts straightforward and absolutely devastating. “When I realized Greta would not live, I wanted to die so purely, and so simply,” he writes. “I could feel my heart gazing up at me quizzically, asking me in between beats: ‘Are you sure you want me to keep doing this?’ But I found I could not give the order.” It’s one I’ve reread several times over the years, and it cracks me open every single time.

“I Didn’t Know What to Wear to My Brother’s Funeral,” Racked. This is a lovely and sad essay about losing a sibling in your twenties. “Preparing for my brother’s services felt like preparing for the worst high school reunion, in which I was expected to be on stage to show everyone what Sad looked like,” Katie Cunningham writes. “No one is supposed to be 25 when their brother dies. I should’ve been worrying over whether or not a dress was too slutty for his wedding, not too slutty for his wake.”

“DEAR SUGAR #44: How You Get Unstuck,” The Rumpus. In this installment of Cheryl Strayed’s beloved advice column, the Wild author responds to a letter writer who is struggling to feel okay after a miscarriage. I often think about the line “They live on Planet Earth. You live on Planet My Baby Died”—because even if you aren’t dealing with this specific type of loss, I think that feeling like you simply cannot relate to the people around you is fairly universal when you are grieving.

“For Many Widows, the Hardest Part Is Mealtime,” The New York Times. It can be surprisingly hard to feed yourself when you’re going through a difficult time. Even though losing your appetite due to stress and grief is fairly common, it’s not something I hear discussed very often. This article gives the topic the attention it deserves and touches on the groups that have sprung up to help people nourish themselves and connect socially with others. (Also, if this is resonating with you, here’s an article about easy meals to prepare when you’re sad that I wrote several years ago.)

“A Holiday Survival Guide for Sad People,” Pinch of Yum. I’ve referenced this super practical guide a lot over the years; while it’s specifically about coping during “the most wonderful time of the year,” I think it’s helpful for any occasion or time period when you’re expected to have fun and feel joyful.

“On This the 100th Anniversary of the Sinking of the Titanic, We Reconsider the Buoyancy of the Human Heart” by Laura Lamb Brown-Lavolie. I first discovered this poem in The Paris Review and just really love it. The narrator asks the Titanic for advice (“I was hoping you’d teach me how to sink, I said. You who have spent a century underwater with 1500 skeletons in your chest”), and the ship really delivers. It’s a very beautiful read, especially if you’ve recently had your heart broken.

Books, TV shows, and movies

When it comes to art for sad times, everyone’s taste is a bit different. Some people opt for laugh-out-loud comedies that help them cheer up and tune out the bad stuff; others turn to beloved favorites that provide comfort through familiarity (e.g., reruns of Friends or Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Personally, I am drawn to gentle sci-fi that deals with themes of loss, alternate universes, do-overs, and the ability to wipe certain memories. (Bonus points if it takes place in winter!)

“Story of Your Life” by Ted Chiang. This short story is the basis for the 2016 movie Arrival, and I think it’s a lot better than the film adaptation. It’s a slowly unfolding story about loss and cherishing the time you have with people; as soon as I finished it, I reread it immediately. You can find it in Chiang’s book Stories of Your Life and Others or read it here.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel. This 2015 novel, which alternates between the onset of a pandemic and its aftermath 20 years later, is a gripping read that also perfectly encapsulates the loneliness and isolation of a big loss. While the HBO show is a well-regarded adaptation, I’d still recommend reading the book, as the prose is really lovely. (“As Jeevan walked on alone he felt himself disappearing into the landscape. He was a small, insignificant thing, drifting down the shore. He had never felt so alive or so sad.”)

The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa. This book takes place on an unnamed island where entire categories of objects start disappearing without warning or explanation, and the work of the memory police is to ensure these items stay forgotten, never to be spoken of again. While that description makes it sound like an intense dystopian thriller, it’s actually quite soft and mournful.

Severance. This gorgeously shot Apple+ series manages to be both a totally engrossing (and extremely well-paced) puzzle box and a really great meditation on work, grief, and the ways we try to compartmentalize and move on from loss. After finishing season one I immediately wanted to rewatch it—it’s that good.

Black Mirror. Each episode of Black Mirror is its own contained story, and several of them deal with loss and heartbreak. I’d recommend season one, episode three: “The Entire History of You” (breakups/divorce); season two, episode one: “Be Right Back” (death/loss); and season three, episode four: “San Junipero” (death/loss/love).

Everything Everywhere All at Once. The only thing I knew going into this movie was that it involved multiverses and would supposedly make me weep. But because it’s so absurd and laugh-out-loud funny, I found myself wondering, with 30 minutes or so left to go in the film, when I was supposed to start crying. Not long after that, my girlfriend and I both found ourselves fully sobbing—like, tears streaming down our faces. If you lean toward the fun/distracting stuff when you’re grieving, but also want some emotional release, I can’t recommend it enough.

Inception. Perhaps you saw this movie when it came out in 2010 and don’t recall it feeling very grief-y; if that’s the case, I would definitely encourage you to revisit it. On rewatch, the complex plot becomes easier to follow, so you can focus on the story, which is about corporate espionage, sure, but also about coping with loss. If your grief has made your life feel completely surreal or like a nightmare you can’t wake up from, definitely add this one to your queue.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This was my go-to “I’m really sad” movie for years, and while other, newer, offerings have slowly taken over the top spot, I will always have a special place in my heart for it. It checks all my boxes (heartbreak, do-overs, wiped memories, snow) and gets extra points for starring Kate Winslet.

You’re not alone in this, and you won’t feel this way forever. Until then, I’ll be thinking of you.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

— But life insurance can cover that and much more

Whole life insurance has fixed premiums and death benefits, so they won’t fluctuate over the policy’s duration.

By Lina Roby

The average family will spend $17,199 on funeral and legal costs before estates are settled.
The higher your income, the longer it will take to settle your estate.
Even a small guaranteed-issue life insurance plan can counterbalance end-of-life costs.

According to a cost of dying report from, creators of the Empathy mobile app, which is designed to guide families through the grieving and post-death process, the average beneficiary in the US spends $17,199 on things like court costs, funerals, and more. The average estate is not settled for months or even years due to court filings, disputes, and other largely administrative aspects.

What does this mean for loved ones? In short, you’ll need to come out of pocket with $17,199 or more when the the median bank account balance of the average American is just $5,300 according to the Federal Reserve’s most recent Survey of Consumer Finances. This is where having an adequate life insurance policy can make all the difference.

Preparation means communication

Above all else, Empathy co-founder and CEO Ron Gura recommends communication, even over-communication, before death. He says regardless of age, health, or current income, “you need to put your last wishes in place, have sensible conversations with your loved ones, have a guardianship document, advanced directives, etc.”

Free online services allow anybody to create a will. Hospitals will file advanced directives for you. But it starts with communication. We have to talk about death in a way we’ve traditionally avoided in virtually every culture. For many, this also means talking about life insurance and buying a policy that makes sense for you.

How does life insurance protect your loved ones?

A common mantra of experienced life insurance agents and financial planners is also incredibly discouraging for the average consumer: “The most motivated client I have is the one for whom it’s already too late.”

It’s easy to be denied life insurance if you wait too long. Conditions like diabetes, cancer, and sleep apnea affect aging adults without warning, and you may not have as much time as you think. The increase in rates of type 2 diabetes starts at just 45, according to the CDC.

The average figure of $17,199 for costs that must be paid almost immediately after death puts pressure on families already struggling with grief. Even if you’re only interested in a cheap funeral life insurance policy, the price is inevitably lower when you buy early.

When I asked Gura about life insurance in the early days after death, he said, “Whole life and universal life insurance used in planning is very, very impactful. Policies have been around for hundreds of years, and people who have those have one layer less to worry about.”

When I consulted Patricia Stallworth, CFP and financial advisor at The Moneywise Woman, about small funeral policies, she said, “Small policies are a good option if there is nothing else, but they tend to be very costly. If funeral costs are the only concern, I recommend self-insuring if possible. Just setting the money aside in a separate fund – preferably one that is earning interest.”

In short, if you find yourself without savings at a later age, a funeral policy can help your loved ones. However, an interest-bearing fund opened early is best if funeral costs are your only concern. For larger goals like building generational wealth, starting early would be your best option regardless.

Protect loved ones from predatory loans with life insurance

While the average short-term costs after death come in at nearly $20,000, the average American may have just $5,300. Unfortunately, a funeral home has to collect payment at the time of the service to keep its doors open, leaving grieving families stuck in the middle.

It’s unsurprising that, as Gura has found, “25% of people are taking out a loan. Some of the loans are not exactly taken from JPMorgan. They’re taken from predatory lenders at a very vulnerable moment in time.”

Beneficiaries could spend years, even the rest of their lives, buried under the debt of these loan sharks or other predatory loans. The original $17,199 paid will quadruple with interest charges.

Even a $25,000 life insurance policy can pay short-term costs without interest or loan repayment. Ironically, the more money you have, the more beneficiaries pay. As such, life insurance should be proportional to your current income.

Going beyond end-of-life costs

The lack of financial preparation and communication can financially and otherwise devastate families, especially those already struggling financially. A small funeral policy covering short-term costs can help stabilize loved ones after a loss, but a more extensive policy can build generational wealth.

For example, let’s look at a modest $300,000 whole life insurance policy. Premiums are likely very affordable for young buyers. By the time everything is settled, families might spend around $20,000 to $30,000 to settle a single estate if things go smoothly, leaving loved ones $270,000-$280,000 in tax-free life insurance benefits.

Even if you’re not ready to have the discussion about end-of-life arrangements, life insurance is also made for the living. Many large policies have other withdrawal options built in. More specifically, policyholders can take early withdrawals and life insurance loans.

If you want to see what this means for you, first schedule an appointment with an experienced financial advisor with knowledge of life insurance options. Based on her experience as a seasoned CFP, Stallworth says, “In preparing to help loved ones – depending on the situation, a financial advisor can either work with the estate attorney or go through a checklist of things that need to be reviewed such as wills, the titling of various assets, beneficiaries on various accounts and whether a trust might be appropriate.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!