It comes to us all in the end. But despite the inevitability of death, few of us feel comfortable talking about it and most have made no plans for how we would like our final moments to play out, according to research.
Now, leading experts from the Academy of Medical Sciences are launching a campaign aimed at making death a more acceptable topic of conversation.
Prof Dame Lesley Fallowfield, a cancer psychologist at the University of Sussex, is urging people to draw up death plans, much like they prepare for the birth of a baby.
“We have birth plans where people record what they’d prefer to happen,” she said. “We all know that events sometimes supersede your wishes, but we can think it through and make it the best it can possibly be. Making a death plan shouldn’t be seen as a macabre thing to do.”
Fallowfield said failure to plan and talk about death meant many people do not spend their final weeks and hours as they would have chosen and families are frequently left with regrets.
A poll by the academy, conducted by Ipsos Mori and published this week, found that six in 10 people feel they know little or nothing about the final hours of life, with many people getting information about dying from documentaries or soaps rather than conversations with medical professionals.
One third of the nearly 1,000 people who participated in face-to-face interviews declined to answer questions about death and dying, suggesting that many feel uncomfortable talking about the subject. “Challenging this taboo is at the heart of the academy’s national campaign,” said Prof Sir Robert Lechler, the academy’s president.
To jump-start the conversation, the academy has opened a pop-up installation, The Departure Lounge, at Lewisham shopping centre in south-east London, aimed at engaging people with the topic. Occupying what was previously a mobile phone shop, it features a large pile of suitcases emblazoned with messages and questions about the final journey we all face.
On the first day of its month-long residency, it prompted mixed reactions from shoppers.
Michelle Charlesworth, 35, from Lewisham, said that as a result of her visit she was planning to write down what she would like to happen when she dies. “It takes that responsibility off your loved ones,” she said. “It sounds like a small thing, but I’d want to be in a really nice pair of pyjamas. I’d probably want to be cremated or buried in them too, actually.”
The Departure Lounge has prompted some to make plans for their death.
Bella Vivat, who works in palliative care research at UCL, said visiting had convinced her to draw up an advanced directive, a legal document in which a person specifies what actions should be taken for their health if they are no longer able to make decisions for themselves. “We live our lives as though we’re not going to die,” she said. “I’m going to go away today and do that.”
Bambii Nzinga, 24, an actor and screenwriter, who is working as a host at the installation, said she initially took on the job because she thought it might provide interesting writing material. Then her four-year-old son started asking her about death. “I was so prepared for the birds and the bees conversation,” she said. “But when he asked me if I was going to die, I didn’t know what to say.”
On the spur of the moment she told him she was never going to die, but has since revised her answer. “Children are happy to talk about death, it’s us that put the fear in them,” she said.
Some wandered into the lounge under the impression that a suitcase sale was underway and looked baffled after reading signs such as “everybody’s got to die of something”. “I’m not ready for death,” one unsuspecting shopper exclaimed making a quick exit.
Smaller versions of the lounge will be appearing at 30 other locations across the UK over the summer.
Fallowfield said that while death was normally sad, failing to talk about the inevitable can make the experience more traumatic for both the person who is dying and their relatives afterwards. “It’s quite awful when you see families who’ve never talked about it having these hollow conversations and feigned smiles about a future that’s never going to be realised,” she said. “When you see families who have openly acknowledged death, they often share sad and tearful moments, but also laugh and comfort each other.”
The poll found that people were around as likely to get information about death from documentaries (20%) or films, dramas and soaps (16%) as they are from medical professionals (22%). The distressing or even glamourised portrayals of death in films and television meant that people may be getting a unrealistic picture of what lies ahead.
“In films you often get dying words – someone gasping out things like ‘Please tell Jim I love him’, which sort of makes me laugh,” said Fallowfield. “I’ve never seen that happen.”
Instead, she said, people normally “quietly drift away”. “They start to lose consciousness, their breathing may become laboured,” she said. “It’s really important to hold their hand and continue talking to them. That makes you feel good too. It doesn’t necessarily have to be horribly traumatic.”
Death is still a touchy subject that many are uncomfortable discussing, and our tendency to avoid the topic leaves people uninformed and unwilling to seek out answers about death and dying.
A new report by the Academy of Medical Sciences highlights just how unwilling we are to breach the topic of death and how uninformed the general public is about the final hours of a person’s life.
The report is part of a national UK campaign that hopes to raise awareness around death and ensure that health professionals understand the priorities and concerns of the public when it comes to end of life care.
The Academy of Medical Sciences partnered with Ipsos MORI, a UK market research company, to survey 966 adults aged 18 and older.
Surprisingly only 612 of the participants opted to answer the survey which was conducted through face to face interviews.
Six out of ten of the participants admitted to knowing very little about the final hours of life, even though one out of every two people reported being present during the death of someone else.
“Not knowing what may happen to a loved one as they die can exacerbate fears at the hardest times of our life,” said Sir Robert Lechler, the President of the Academy of Medical Sciences. “It may also mean that people struggle to think clearly about how best to fulfil the wishes of a dying family member or friend, let alone know what to ask doctors and nurses.”
The survey also asked participants about how they learned about death and where they got their information.
The majority of people reported getting information from family and friends or observing someone’s last moments.
20 percent of the participants said there were just as likely to get information from a documentary as they were a medical professional, and movies and TV were ranked among the top five sources of information.
“TV and films rarely ever depict ‘normal’ deaths,” said Dame Lesley Fallowfield, a Professor of Psycho-Oncology at the University of Sussex. “For many individuals, death is a gentle, peaceful and pain-free event. Although grieving the loss of loved ones can be a difficult process, some people do speak about their loved one’s death as having been a positive experience. We need to demystify death and talk about it more.”
Some of the biggest concerns people have about death are that their loved ones might be in pain or frightened when they die.
Not only can talking about death help alleviate some of these concerns, but by being informed about the death process and end of life care, you can also empower yourself and your loved ones.
“Many people don’t know much about what palliative or hospice care involves, and some people worry that starting conversations about end of life care might hasten death,” said Dr. Katherine Sleeman, an NIHR Clinician Scientist. “In fact, the opposite may be true – research shows the earlier people access specialist palliative care the better their quality of life, and some studies have shown that people who receive early specialist palliative care actually live longer.”
Gerda Saunders, an author and former gender studies professor in Salt Lake City, Utah, was diagnosed with microvascular dementia in 2010 at age 60.
The time leading up to diagnosis and immediately after can be a whirlwind of emotions and confusion. But one thing, said Saunders, helped put her at ease: putting a plan in place for end-of-life care.
Saunders has chosen to pursue physician-assisted death when the time comes. “Preparation for the uncertain future is the most calming thing I’ve ever done,” she recently told Being Patient in an interview.
Saunders’ approach to end-of-life care is becoming more popular and accepted amongst people with a high risk of Alzheimer’s, a new study published in JAMA Neurology found. While we still can’t predict who will get dementia, there are several biomarkers that indicate a heightened risk for the disease. Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania interviewed people with one of these biomarkers, beta-amyloid, about their attitudes toward physician-assisted death once they knew their brains contained higher levels of the protein, which forms into plaques that destroy neurons in the brains of Alzheimer’s patients.
Of the 47 people interviewed, one in five said they would be interested in pursuing physician-assisted suicide if they were diagnosed with dementia and it progressed to the point of suffering or burdening others.
Physician-assisted suicide is legal in eight places in the U.S.—California, Colorado, Hawaii, Vermont, Washington, New Jersey, Montana and Washington, D.C.—but excludes dementia patients because states require the patient be of sound mind and have less than six months to live. Because the last stages of dementia can stretch out for much longer than six months, people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias do not qualify for “death with dignity” laws.
Most Americans support “death with dignity” laws, according to a 2018 Gallup poll that found 72 percent of people agreed that doctors should be able to assist a patient with a terminal illness in dying at their request. But the laws have always excluded patients with degenerative brain diseases who are deemed unable to make decisions for themselves.
Dementia patients can put advance directives into place, instructing hospital staff not to put extreme measures like feeding tubes into place. But those measures are not legally or ethically binding for medical staff.
Once she meets a set of criteria she has set for herself to determine quality of life, said Saunders, she will likely travel to Europe for physician-assisted death. She plans to carry it out herself and video it in order to avoid putting her husband, Peter, in legal jeopardy.
“We are managing it with all the intellect that we have and that is the best our family can do,” said Saunders, who has the support of her children and also promised to do the same for her husband if he meets certain criteria for quality of life before she does.
“I’ve put down a number of checkpoints: Do I appear or act happy for more hours in the day than I appear or act unhappy? Am I scared of people or my grandchildren or do I scare them? Do I consume more hours of care per day than I live on my own?”
It’s not always easy for family members to come around to the idea of a physician-assisted death—but for a patient who feels control has been snatched away, it can be a comfort. “It’s the hardest thing in his life to promise me that,” said Saunders of her husband’s commitment, “but he also asks it of me. My children and my family have given me an enormous gift in that promise.”
Cancer is nudging me to picture dying in a new way
By Adam Philip Stern
“It was the most peaceful sleep.” That’s how my paternal grandmother referred to the time she was technically dead for several minutes before doctors shocked her back to life. She lived another decade after that, but never once to my knowledge expressed a fear of dying.
As I trained to become a physician-scientist with a focus on neuropsychiatric disorders, I often thought of my grandmother’s description of temporary death. I learned that there were credible physiologic explanations for her to have experienced death as an immensely restful sleep.
It’s an idea that resonates even more strongly with me since I was diagnosed with metastatic kidney cancer. I fervently hope my superstar medical team will help me outrun this disease for many years to come, but I must also face the possibility that I could die young. That initially frightened me in the expected ways. What does it feel like to die? What if I experience a bad death with tubes going into or coming out of every orifice, or my ribs being cracked as doctors try to restart my heart?
A recent experience with an endoscopy to find the source of cramping and vomiting after I ate muted those fears. As I laid on the gurney, the nurse let me know I would soon be getting medicine through the intravenous line: a little something to help me relax, to prevent pain, and to have no memory of the procedure, during which I would be partly awake.
As the fentanyl and midazolam began flowing into my vein, the last memory I had is feeling totally at peace. It was the most content I can ever recall feeling. I am thankful to have never struggled with addiction, but that moment gave me a better understanding of why people seek such a feeling no matter the cost.
What has stuck with me since that procedure is the sense that leaving the world does not have to be gruesome, and might even be the best feeling ever, just like my grandmother described it.
There are, of course, physiologic explanations for why peace may accompany dying.
As the brain begins to adapt to oxygen deprivation, its noncritical regions begin to shut down, turning off for individuals who are actively dying the burdens of complex neurologic tasks like risk aversion, problem solving, and anticipatory worry that weigh on us during our waking lives. While these brain activities keep us alert and feeling attached to our bodies, tamping them down may account for the feeling of lightness, even floating above the body, which many near-death survivors describe.
The classic “death rattle” heard when the body can no longer clear fluids from the airway, often seen as a gruesome sign, is likely a signal of a transition to such a relaxed, unfettered state that the brain is no longer burdened with that task.
The emotional centers within the brain, however, are so deeply engrained in our functioning as humans that they remain on and engaged throughout much of the dying process. That aligns with descriptions of near-death experiences of vivid and realistic interactions with loved ones who have passed.
Even as death approaches and the body and brain are shutting down, there is good evidence to suggest that individuals are aware of their surroundings and can hear and feel the presence of their loved ones. These basic sensations persist in ways that can be a gift to dying individuals, ensuring they are not alone in their last moments — a most common fear.
Palliative care and hospice are stigmatized in our society because they are so closely associated with death, a topic that tends to make people uncomfortable. My attitude toward them has shifted dramatically since my diagnosis. With their focus entirely on providing comfort and maximizing quality of life — even in death — I think they play a most important role and intend to do everything in my power to engage in that process when I need it.
My maternal grandfather died two years ago at the age of 93, just before I learned I had cancer. He used to tell me he “wasn’t afraid of death, just all the things that [he] would miss.”
I think of him whenever something happens to me that would have sparked joy in him, and wish he was still alive. I’m not sure I believed him when he told me he wasn’t afraid of dying, but I do now. What frightens me today has little to do with my death and much more to do with the moments I’ll miss afterwards: anniversaries with my wife, birthdays and graduations with my son, watching my parents age and my brother and other loved ones continue to blossom in their lives.
I can’t say if this perspective will change again. I imagine it will. Death as an abstract concept is probably a lot less terrifying than staring it in the face. But I’ll remember what my grandparents said and try to move forward with the same kind of contented pragmatism they shared with me. In the interim, devoted oncology researchers, my particularly skilled doctors, and I are doing our absolute best to keep these musings firmly in the academic realm.
Dying as one wishes has become a luxury. Even though 70% of people would prefer to die at home surrounded by loved ones, most forfeit their future to a windowless hospital room, attached to tubes and monitors. What was once a homebound stage of life has become a lonely, sterilized experience with a host of unfamiliar faces. America, a country founded on rugged individualism and freedom, can’t accommodate even the simplest of last choices.
“Too many people die clinical deaths,” says Beth McGroarty, vice president of research and forecasting for the Global Wellness Summit.
The Global Wellness Institute, a nonprofit organization dedicated to healthy living, identified an emerging trend gaining traction among multiple U.S. age groups. It’s death wellness, in which healthcare experts, academics, and spiritual leaders welcome us to confront anxiety about eternal rest, as well as learn how to support the individual and family throughout the dying process.
Also called the “death positive movement,” it encompasses events, workshops, and new modes of care. Death doulas (sometimes dubbed death midwives) coach those on their deathbed; death cafes gather the morbidly curious to discuss their fears; and legacy projects force the dying to communicate their will and essence. An entire cottage industry has stepped in to make people more prepared to accept their finality, establishing itself as an alternative to the medical establishment’s gaps in care. A good death, some will say, is now part of a good life.
“Everything around dying is getting radically rethought–from making the experience more humane to mourning and funerals getting reimagined,” notes the Global Wellness Institute in its 2019 wellness trends report.
Baby boomers, who invented the wellness industry with their insistence on aging differently, currently lead the movement. They still exercise, listen to rock music, and value their independence. (They also control approximately 70% of all disposable income.) As such, notes McGroarty, their last chapter shouldn’t be any different: “They are basically saying, ‘I refuse to have a terrible death.’”
A break with history
In the 19th century, Americans died in their own homes, which also hosted their wakes and funerals. The Victorian era was obsessed with dying and mourning; numerous rituals memorialized the deceased and absorbed the grieving period. In fact, it was customary to observe the body for up to three days to ensure the dead didn’t wake from a “deep sleep” prior to burial.
A Victorian-era advertisements for mourning garb.
That changed in the early 20th century, when more hospitals were being built due to advances in the medical field. Over time, specialized medicine replaced the family doctor. Families no longer saw loved ones day in and day out until the end. The process was outsourced to medical institutions, where patients lacked the emotional and spiritual care previously afforded their predecessors. Death became less familiar and people became more disconnected.
Doctors now concentrate on delaying death and managing pain, with few trained in end-of-life conversations. One survey found that half of medical students and residents report being underprepared to address patient concerns and fears at the end of life. “We train vigorously on how to delay the onset of death, and are judged on how well we do that, but many of us get little training on how to confront death,” Junaid Nabi, MD, a physician and medical journalist, recently wrote.
To that end, hospice care was meant to support those battling terminal diagnoses. But in reality, hospice care workers–along with chaplains, social workers, and religious leaders–have little time to tend to the dying. Hospice workers have basically become comfort care, spending just a few hours each week with individual patients. Factor in the loss of religious rituals and cultural practices, and that leaves humanity with little framework on how to console the dying.
Americans might avoid dealing with death for other reasons. We are fixated–near obsessed–with wellness and living. Anti-aging rituals, biohacking, and Silicon Valley’s mission to “overcome death” have induced a frenzy which categorizes death as a failure of sorts.
In her book Natural Causes: An Epidemic of Wellness, the Certainty of Dying, and Killing Ourselves to Live Longer, author Barbara Ehrenreich bemoans society’s newfound addiction to betterment and medical intervention, a false sense of control that she argues makes dying all the more painful and humiliating. We are anxious about death, paralyzing our ability to actually deal with it.
“You can age ‘successfully’ if you do everything that you’re told, and that dying itself [can] be postponed further and further and further away if again you adhere to all the rules of diet, exercise, medical care, etc.,” argues Ehrenreich. “And that’s a cultural illusion, I would say. We do not control our own health completely.”
The rise of death doulas
Enter the death doula. Introduced in 2003, death doulas, much like birth doulas, fill a gap–in this case, between medical care and hospice care. They emotionally support patients before, during, and after death. Their popularity has soared. The International End of Life Doula Association (INELDA), a nonprofit that offers online programs and weekend workshops, has trained more than 2,000 individuals as well nearly a dozen hospital staffs in under three years in the U.S. Its programs routinely sell out.
INELDA trains individuals how to intently listen to patients and meaningfully discuss death, along with how to develop “a vigil plan” (a blueprint, more or less) for their last days. That might entail everything from where they envision themselves resting to what music or poems they want recited. The doulas spend several hours a day talking to their patients about how they feel about all the oncoming changes, both emotionally and physically. As such, they might institute guided imagery for pain management and personalized rituals. The latter can sometimes be as simple as implementing meditative, silent moments.
Trainees are also taught “active vigiling,” which is support for when the person is dying. The doulas are there to calm the patient and inform the family about signs to expect. “We don’t really understand death and dying anymore in our society,” says INELDA president Janie Rakow. “So people get very fearful at what they see, like breathing changes.”
The doulas are there as much for the dying as they are for the surrounding loved ones. Throughout the dying process, they check in with family members to alleviate their stress. Once the patient has died, they guide the surviving members through the grief process, educating them on the emotional stages to expect and how to practice self-soothing.
The majority of death doulas are volunteers, but a portion are available for hire. Prices range depending on care–they might charge anywhere from $30 to $100 an hour, or up to a few thousand dollars per week. Some work with a family for a few days a week, whereas others might engage in round-the-clock care for the last days.
Today, the death doula is evolving from a niche status in the care community and infiltrating mainstream medicine. The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization recently formed an End-of-Life Doula Council, and it’s now even acknowledged at the academic level. In 2017, the University of Vermont Larner College of Medicine started the End-of-Life Doula Professional Certificate Program. The eight-week online course teaches students how to “honor the wholeness of a person in their journey,” says program director Francesca Arnoldy, author of Cultivating the Doula Heart: Essentials of Compassionate Care.
Like INELDA, the University of Vermont program focuses on the importance of legacy projects. The doulas collaborate with patients on artifacts, be it a recipe book, a scrapbook, or an audio recording, which speak to who that person is. Doulas act as scribes or mediators, pushing patients to review and find meaning in their lives.
So far, those registered mostly span the medical professional field, such as doctors, nurses, mental health workers, as well as spiritual care providers. They also get family caretakers who want more support tools. Following certification, some are hired by hospitals to complement hospice workers, but most serve as unpaid volunteers.
“We can’t keep up with our waitlist,” Arnoldy says of skyrocketing interest in the program. “The last time we opened up registration, the applicants crashed our system.”
Talk therapy
Nothing is certain except death and taxes, and yet our society only ever really talks about the latter. A California HealthCare Foundation survey found that 82% of people say it’s important to write down their end-of-life wishes, yet only 23% do so. And nearly 80% say they should talk to their doctor about end-of-life care–only 7% ever do.
A large theme of death wellness involves simply talking about the hushed-about matter. Festivals, dinner gatherings, and newly founded websites aim to strip death of its taboo status. Reimagine End of Life, for example, is a week-long series of events in San Francisco that delves into the topic through the arts, design, and performances. Though clearly about death, it bills itself as a “celebration of life.”
The Go Wish card game invites players to discuss how they envision end-of-life care options. They rate the importance of statements such as, “not being connected to machines.” The object of the game? “To help you voice these choices.”
There are numerous organizations facilitating hard conversations. Death Cafe, a program which brings people together to “eat cake, drink tea, and discuss death,” has had more than 8,200 events in 65 countries since 2011. Likewise, Death Over Dinner, a nonprofit that organizes shared meals for people to embrace their own mortality, facilitated more than 200,000 dinners, translating to nearly a million people served.
“The more challenging, the more taboo the topic, the more potential there is for transformation and human connection,” says Michael Hebb, founder of Death Over Dinner. “[In America] we have this perfect storm of a broken system that could be improved by open conversation.”
Death Over Dinner attempts to normalize death, giving people the tools to discuss it frankly over some roasted chicken. The online platform provides a customizable script for hosts to engage their guests, most of whom are middle-aged or boomers. The program is partnering with the Cleveland Clinic, in addition to large-scale events with Memorial Sloan Kettering. Most dinners are sponsored by health organizations or religious groups, which welcome guests free-of-charge.
The dinners don’t just attract boomers or those inching closer to the ticking clock. Death Over Dinner sees interest among millennials, who are “incredibly passionate about this conversation,” reports Hebb. Millennials even have their own salon series called The Dinner Party, which coordinates potluck meals centered on death and grief.Lennon Flowers, executive director of The Dinner Party, sees a generation rallying against a “conspiracy of silence” that stripped them of any outlet to discuss the topic. Should someone in their 20s or 30s suffer a family member’s death–or be faced with a terminal diagnosis–the person often had only support groups to turn to. Generally, those consist of much older individuals.
“The reality is they might not go back [to the support group],” explains Flowers. “When you’re the first among your peer group to experience loss, that kind of compounds the isolation and loneliness.” They are perhaps the first in their community to experience loss, but they can’t find adequate support in their own social circles. The Dinner Party aims to fill that role. Since 2014, The Dinner Party grew to 4,000 members who meet regularly at 235 tables. It fields over 100 new member submissions per week.
The beginning of a movementWhile death wellness is mostly an awareness and support movement, some startups have begun commodifying what a “good death” might feel or look like. Megilla, for example, is an online video recording program for the elderly. Described as “legacy-building for the modern age,” the site features more than 500 questions meant to encapsulate a person’s values, hobbies, and stories.
Founder Nathan Firer, a former TV producer, previously filmed the elderly for posterity projects, which ran about $5,000 to $7,000 per client. It wasn’t terribly affordable, not to mention he noticed that clients were usually uncomfortable with being filmed. With Megilla, users can privately answer questions from the comfort of their laptop for $5 a month.
But for the most part, the death wellness movement is made up of volunteers and medical practitioners who have seen firsthand the shortcomings of contemporary end-of-life care. Death Over Dinner’s Hebb sees the pendulum swinging back from medicalization toward a more holistic attitude of death. It’s hit the cultural zeitgeist, he says, “but I think we’re still just at the very beginning.” Awareness of death wellness may be spreading, but its services are still not available in most hospitals, and they are generally not covered by insurance.
In the meantime, those advancing the movement are adjusting best practices for a modern, stressed society. “When you hide something away or when you forget how to do something, there’s a whole lot of wisdom that’s left behind,” says Hebb. “It’s just not a medical act; it’s a human, community act. People are feeling more and more empowered to take back some ownership over these decisions.”
Nurse practitioner Nikki Johnston has been awarded the inaugural Health Minister’s Award for Nursing Trailblazers.
By Steve Evans
Nikki Johnston is passionate about dying.
She’s just won a big prize as Australia’s most innovative nurse. It was a recognition of the way she is changing the way the elderly end their lives.
Her mission as a nurse in Canberra is to help people have what she calls “a good death”.
She says too many people have “bad deaths” where fear and loneliness dominate their last moments.
Her radical idea is to involve people who are in their last months in the planning for those final fearful moments. The dying attend meetings where their own deaths are discussed.
She says a rigorous study of the results of the new system demonstrates clearly that it is a better way, and she’s pressing politicians to adopt it in the rest of Australia and beyond.
She also thinks there is too much emphasis on research to prolong lives at the expense of spending more to ensure that people die in peace at the right age.
Ms Johnston is a “nurse practitioner” who works in palliative care – it’s the most senior type of nurse, qualified to diagnose illnesses and prescribe drugs and treatments.
She has a missionary zeal for involving the patient in (arguably) the most important process affecting them – their end.
In the residential homes where the system is now used, the dying person attends the meetings and hears how their death will be dealt with. Their views are listened to and acted on.
“If we don’t ask the questions and give people the opportunity to talk about the end of life, we risk isolating people in their last months,” she says.
“They feel like no one gets it – no one understands – what’s going on, and that can be frightening.”
Researchers have studied 1700 people in the ACT at the end of their lives, comparing those where the system is in operation and those where it is not.
The study – the first of its kind in the world – involved rigorous measurement of a raft of variables like how soundly people slept in their last months and how much medication they needed.
The researchers devised a “quality of death” index. Ms Johnston says the results show that the new way works.
She argues that there should be a switch from maintaining uncomfortable and painful lives to the quality of death. “People are living longer but their quality of life is reduced so they are not living well enough or dying well enough,” she says.
“We are not valuing the end of life because we are not putting money into it.”
With the new system, people aren’t told bluntly that they are dying.
Ms Johnston says that she might have a conversation with a resident of an aged care home and ask them how they saw their future. In that conversation, the old person might well say that they thought they were dying.
“I ask them where they are at, what’s important, and most people tell me they are dying,” Ms Johnston says.
“If they are leading this conversation, It’s not confronting. They have taken us there.”
“Gently, we normalise death and dying. We help the staff to be able to talk about it. We support the relatives and loved ones through the process.”
She said that the elderly people she deals with generally don’t fear death. “Most people are ready. They are sick and they’ve had enough. They are ready to go.
“To help someone in their last months of life, we need to know them – to sit with them and talk to them. We need to know what’s important. How do we get this right for the person?”
That is what happened, for example, with Chris Dillon, whose death on March 29, 2017 was peaceful, according to her daughter Rose.
Chris Dillon and family dog, “Dublin”.
The aged mother had been in a residential home in Ainslie for just over two years.
According to her daughter, Mrs Dillon said one day that she felt tired and she was close to the end of her life.
Once that was recognised, the palliative care team became involved.
“She was a pragmatic person,” Rose says.
“She wanted to know what it would feel like, would it hurt, how would people know that she was dying. What would they do with her body?
“And then Nikki came along. She sat down really close to Mum and said: ‘I’m Nikki. I’m from palliative care and we need to talk about some things’.”
According to Rose, her mother simply replied: “What? About me dying?”
“So the conversation started naturally,” she says.
“The impact that Nikki had on Mum’s death was massive. It allowed Mum to have a peaceful death.
“She wasn’t frightened.”
The new system involves staff keeping a kind eye on residents
At the Calvary Haydon Retirement Community in Bruce, for example, manager Kim McGovern says she and her staff quietly look at residents every month to see “who might not be there next month”.
Kim McGovern of Calvary Haydon Retirement Community in Canberra.
Once people are identified, they are talked to sensitively.
An “individual care plan” is drawn up with the involvement of the resident.
“It’s their choice. We involve them early on,” Ms McGovern says. “It’s their last journey.”
The involvement of the dying person allows proper preparation, both medically and emotionally.
This means a final crisis, in which the patient is rushed to hospital to die in a chaotic emergency, is less likely.
Ms Johnston is an extraordinary character – bright and vivacious (at least when she’s expounding on the importance of helping people have “a good death”).
She may have dark moods, in that she says she needs to put her “armour” on before she attends some deathbeds.
And she does cry – after all, she’s got to know the person – but, as she puts it, “this isn’t my grief”.
He was an avid sailor, a talented dancer, a devoted father and an entrepreneurial fireworks professional whose gunpowder-fuelled chemical concoctions lit up New Zealand skies in dazzling displays of sound and colour.
When Anthony Lealand died last June at age 71, following surgery-related complications, he went more gently than many into Dylan Thomas’ good night. His body was washed and dressed by his two children, placed unembalmed in a macrocarpa coffin made by son Nicholas in the shape of a boat, then lowered into a shallow grave on a gently sloping lawn overlooking Lyttelton Harbour.
Eight months later, few signs remain at the new eco-burial site in the Diamond Harbour Memorial Gardens Cemetery. No headstones, no permanent markers. Just some native grasses, a cluster of young coprosma, the smell of pine, the sound of birdsong, the glint of the sea on which Lealand loved to sail.
“I’d much rather think of my father at the beach,” says Nicholas. “He wasn’t very spiritual or sentimental about his body. We know he is in the ground just there, but he isn’t in his physical body – he is in his life’s work, his children. The soul is this elaborate metaphor to mean all the things that are outside your physical body, and that part of him continues on. His business is still running, his friends still tell his jokes – all that is still there, but his body is just compost.”
Anthony Lealand
No surprises
So, what’s needed for a good death? As palliative-care doctor Janine Winters writes in Death and Dying in New Zealand (edited by Emma Johnson) the person should be comfortable, in the location of their choice, with people they care about. They should have a caregiver, be warm, dry and clean, and have the necessary medication for physical symptoms. “There are no surprises,” she writes. “They have had the opportunity to put their affairs in order. They are able to say those things that need saying. I forgive you. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Goodbye. All these things together – comfort, agency and preparation – provide for what I understand as dignity.”
But it’s what comes next that’s breaking down our traditional ways of thinking about and dealing with death. Increasingly, a generation taught to tread lightly on this earth in life is looking to do the same on the other side of the grave as it questions the need for permanent memorials, costly and potentially ground-contaminating coffins and even embalming.
For Nicholas Lealand, these were neither important nor appropriate. “Embalming, putting make-up on – it is lying to yourself. It is saying he is not really dead or he’s just sleeping. And it always felt really disrespectful for the final act of your existence to be to poison the soil.”
Anthony Lealand’s boat shaped coffin
In a natural, green or eco burial, the body is not embalmed – although it may be refrigerated or treated with oils. It is buried in a biodegradable shroud or a box made from cardboard, untreated wood or fibres, then buried in a relatively shallow grave – 60-100cm rather than the traditional 1.8m or six feet under – where there is more biological activity to aid decomposition. Instead of a headstone or plaque, a tree is often planted above the plot, with GPS and map co-ordinates to allow the site to be traced.
Demand for such low-impact burials is growing. The Italian art project Capsula Mundi has designed biodegradable egg-shaped burial pods, in which ashes or a fetal-crouched body can be placed and buried like a seed beneath a tree to offset the person’s carbon footprint and contribute to a cemetery that is more woodland than graveyard. US company Coeio sells burial suits and shrouds lined with fungi and other microorganisms that aid decomposition.
According to Bloomberg magazine, about 8% of the more than 150,000 burials that take place in the UK each year are now natural burials, up from about 3% just three years ago. A 2015 study found that 64% of US citizens aged 40 and over would consider a green burial, up from 43% just five years earlier.
Diamond Harbour
The Kiwi connection
New Zealand’s eco-burial tradition goes back 20 years, when public relations consultant Mark Blackham and his wife, Sola Freeman, wanted to bury their baby daughter in native forest. They weren’t allowed, says Blackham, “but I couldn’t see any practical or sensible or ideological reason why you wouldn’t do it”.
Inspired by the fledgling green-funeral movement in Britain, he began his “infamous round of phone calls” to every council in the country. Nearly a decade later, in June 2008, the Wellington Natural Cemetery at Makara became the first natural cemetery in a city outside the UK.
Today, Blackham’s not-for-profit organisation, Natural Burials, lists six certified natural cemeteries in Wellington, Kāpiti, Carterton, Marlborough, New Plymouth and Westport. Other uncertified natural cemeteries have been formed in Auckland (the natural burial site at Waikumete Cemetery was awarded the Innovation Award at last year’s Cemeteries and Crematoria Collective Conference), Hamilton, Thames, Nelson, Motueka, Dunedin, Invercargill and Whangārei – now home to New Zealand’s first cemetery in an existing forest. Smaller initiatives, such as that at Diamond Harbour, offer eco-burial alternatives, often within existing cemeteries. Some funeral directors are also coming on board, helping clients choose green, low-cost or DIY burial options.
Driving this interest, says Blackham, is concern about the environmental toll of conventional burials. Standard coffins may contain glues, chemical binding agents and metals. Embalming products – and 90% of the dead are embalmed before being lowered into the ground – can include glutaraldehyde, methanol, phenol, paraformaldehyde and formaldehyde.
Forest burial: Mark Blackham and his wife Sola Freeman
A 2017 University of Pretoria study found that even though only about 3% of the formaldehyde used in embalming percolates down through the soil, two of the 27 soil samples studied had concentrations of the chemical considerably higher than what is deemed tolerable by the World Health Organisation. The study also found high levels of various metals and phthalates from the plastic and varnishes used in coffin materials.
Left to its own devices, however, a decomposing cadaver is a high-quality nutrient resource; it has a low carbon-to-nitrogen ratio (good for decomposition) and a high water content. According to the prosaically named Corpse Project in the UK, a cadaver can provide 17 of the 18 elements required for plant growth. Cremated remains, in contrast, are usually of little use in the soil and can be harmful.
A recent report from the University of Sheffield estimates that 0.25g to 1g of mercury from amalgam tooth fillings is released from each cremated body. Though this is a tiny fraction of overall mercury emissions, five European countries have banned or significantly reduced the use of amalgam largely on environmental grounds. Several US states now offer bio-cremation – a chemical process in which bodies are broken down into their chemical components, leaving bones and a recyclable liquid – as a less polluting alternative to cremation.
Young people in particular are influenced by environmental concerns such as these, says Blackham. “They understand the cycle of carbon and nitrogen and want to be part of that cycle, not to turn their body into pollution but to turn it into something that plants and the soil can use.”
For those closer to death, he says, interest in green burials is often driven by more modest ideas around nature and simplicity. “Simple in the sense that there is something simple about reconnecting with nature – it is not an eco-nazi type of thing. They are thinking about their own relationship to the Earth, about their life, about their attitude to life. It is a contribution to the environment, to the growing of a forest and a place of contemplation – a nice place where relatives can come afterwards.”
Editor of Death And Dying in New Zealand, Emma Johnson
Increasingly distanced from death
Returning a shrouded body to the earth is nothing new. The practice is documented in the Bible, the Torah and the Koran. But over the past century, our distance from death increased. We tend to live apart from our families. About 70% of deaths of those 65 and over happen in rest homes and hospitals. Increasingly, the roles of body preparation, transporting, wakes, viewings and even organising a funeral are delegated to professionals.
“When we died at home and looked after each other as family groups, we knew how to do this,” says British palliative-care specialist Dr Kathryn Mannix, who is on a speaking tour of New Zealand. “Now we can take people to hospital to make them better, but we still take them to hospital when we can’t make them better. And they end up dying there, so no one sees normal dying at home any more.”
Instead, our understanding of death is diminished by unhelpful euphemisms, such as “passed away” and “lost the battle”, or hyped up by the dramatic blood-soaked killings dished up by TV crime series or computer games.
“But normal dying is not dramatic,” says Mannix. “The physical process is very gentle – it is really not that interesting unless you love that person. More-open discussions about death and dying will reduce that fear and superstition and allow us to be honest with each other at a time when well-intentioned lies can separate us and waste what precious time we have left.” As she writes in her new book, With the End in Mind: Dying, Death and Wisdom in an Age of Denial, this involves being explicit about the likely course of the illness, the necessary support, the availability of required resources if a person is to die in their home and the nature of dying itself.
British palliative-care specialist Kathryn Mannix.
Some cultures keep a closer proximity to death than others. In Death and Dying in New Zealand, funeral director Kay Paku explains the Māori belief that keeping the body surrounded by loving family and friends “helps to calm and free the spirit”. Throughout Catholic Ireland, says Mannix, when someone is dying, people will call in, talk to the family, say their goodbyes: “They wouldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening.” Emma Johnson recalls witnessing the burning funeral pyres in Varanasi in India. “The realisation we are physical matter becomes very clear,” she says, “whereas for us, a lot of that is behind closed doors.”
Death and Dying in New Zealand swings open those doors. It includes essays on Māori tangi, funeral poverty, cemetery architecture, the workaday world of a coroner and the truly, madly, deeply successful funeral-home series The Casketeers.
Former midwife then hospice nurse Katie Williams recounts the history of her coffin-making club in Rotorua, the “happiest and most enjoyable club” in town. On the phone before giving a TedX talk, she describes the moment in 2010 when she first suggested the idea as a U3A course (an organisation that selects and creates courses for people of retirement years). “There was dead silence – but at the end of the meeting there was a line of people waiting. It is a way of taking control. You are going out in something that means you, not mahogany and gold.”
She describes a man who was close to death, a young father who had never had a go-kart as a kid. “So, we made him a go-kart – he went off in huge style, he had a wonderful exit.”
Katie Williams
“Death-positive movement”
“Alone we are born/And die alone”, wrote James K Baxter in 1948, but in planning our own “wonderful exit”, the dying part is becoming a lot more social. The death-cafe movement, launched in England in 2011 to encourage open conversations about dying, is now a global tradition taking place in coffee shops, offices, community halls, libraries and living rooms in more than 50 countries, including New Zealand. Death walkers, death midwives and death doulas now offer their services to assist people through the dying process.
Once a month, about a dozen people turn up at Christchurch’s Quaker Centre to discuss all things related to death. Convener Rosemary Tredgold says it’s an opportunity to discuss issues many haven’t considered out loud. Do you need a funeral director? What sort of coffin do you want? What sort of service? Do you have a will? Do you have an advanced-care plan? Do you have power of attorney? How can you get a cheaper funeral? What’s going to happen when I die?
“If you look back at my parents’ generation, we couldn’t talk about death – one didn’t. It was very, very difficult. When my father died, it was exactly the same as when his father died – you didn’t talk about trauma, about war, about dying. But there is such value in sharing ideas.”
In sharing her ideas, US mortician and self-professed funeral industry rabble-rouser Caitlin Doughty developed a cult following. Her first book, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, was a New York Times bestseller. Her latest, From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death, is pitched as a search for “the good death”, in contrast to American death practices she describes as brief, distant and sterile. Her work has spawned a tell-all “death-positive movement” that encourages people to speak openly about death, dying and corpses (Tenet 1: I believe that by hiding death and dying behind closed doors, we do more harm than good to our society).
Grief specialist Tricia Hendry sums it up as a “happy belligerence”, the result of an ageing population – by 2051, one in four of us will be 65 or over – and a lifting of taboos, “whether it is tampon ads on TV to talking about death and euthanasia. It’s an information age – there’s a lot more information at the click of a button – and because we are living longer, I am conscious of a confidence in older people that wasn’t there a couple of generations before us. There is a fighting spirit now – a sense of life going on for longer and I want to exit it on my own terms.”
Although these terms may include a green or eco-burial, there are drawbacks. Such burials are not cheap alternatives. There are savings from having no embalming, prefabricated coffins and headstones, but imported willow or seagrass caskets can ratchet up the cost and councils still need to charge for land that will never be used again. According to Blackham, natural cemeteries can be a couple of hundred dollars more expensive than a standard interment.
And, because the shallower burials allow only one interment per plot, this does not help those cities fast running out of cemetery space. Today, only 30 of Auckland’s 53 council-owned or -managed cemeteries are operational. Manukau Memorial Gardens has sufficient space for lawn burials until 2035 and North Shore Memorial Park until 2050. Waikumete, New Zealand’s largest cemetery, is expected to run out of new body burial plots – as opposed to ash burials – within the next three to five years. Already, the council has announced it will be seeking feedback on potential new burial areas in the cemetery and different forms of burial, including private and public mausoleums, vaults and “niche walls” for ashes.
“There is not any immediate urgency,” says the newly appointed manager of cemetery services for Auckland Council, Nikki Marchant-Ludlow, “but it is something we need to consider as we grow. We are working on a plan to consider what our options are in terms of utilising the land we have and whether there is any other land we could consider in and around the area.”
To cope with competing demands for land, some countries offer burials for limited tenure, after which the remains are disinterred and reburied deeper or put into an ossuary box.
Families in Spain and Greece rent an above-ground crypt where bodies lie for several years. Once they have decomposed, the bodies are moved to a communal burial ground, so the crypt can be used again. In this country, until the late 19th century, Māori of high status were buried close to settlements, then their bones were disinterred and placed in secret locations.
Rules not okay
Today, burial locations are mandated by legislation. New Zealand law allows a body to be buried in a public cemetery, a Māori burial ground, a religious/denominational burial ground, a private burial place used for burial before April 1965 (with permission from a District Court judge or mayor), on private land if there is no cemetery or burial ground within 32km of the place where the person died or is to be buried (again with permission from the Ministry of Health and the local council), or in any other place if the ministry agrees in advance that the place is safe and appropriate for burial. Burial at sea is allowed at five offshore burial sites around the country with a permit from the Environmental Protection Authority and evidence to show the burial took place at the agreed location, that the casket remained in one piece when it entered the sea and that it sank straight to the sea floor. Since taking over the regulatory role in 2015, the Environmental Protection Authority has received and approved only two applications for burial at sea.
In its 2015 overview of the 1964 Burial and Cremation Act, the Law Commission concluded the legislation is “old, out of date and fractured”. Citing increasing immigration, the changing nature of family relationships, increasing use of cremation and growing demand for eco-burials, biodegradable coffins and DIY funerals, it recommends the law be replaced by new statutes for deaths, burials and cremations.
It recommended extending the power to determine the cause of death to some nurses (this was integrated into an Act amendment last year); loosening restrictions on new cemeteries (although still keeping them under local authority management); and allowing people to appoint someone as a “deceased’s representative” to make decisions about the funeral according to their wishes or tikanga.
It also recommended exploring “alternative methods of cremation” or other means of disposing of bodies. Although applications for cremation on an outdoor pyre, the traditional method of cremation for some religions, are few – the Ministry of Health is aware of only two cremations outside approved crematoria in the past 25 years, both for highly respected Buddhist monks – the Law Commission report suggested this option should not be limited to religious denominations as is currently the case; “rather, it should be the sincerity of the application that is relevant”.
As society changes, such funerary and burial options will need to be addressed at a policy level. On a personal level, to allow for a grieving process that is meaningful and uncomplicated, Johnson is hopeful more people will start discussing their own end-of-life wishes, writing them down, recording them in an advanced care plan.
“Talking about death and about what you want at the end of your own life allows for that resilience in society. Having that open conversation goes on to living life better and being able to grieve in a healthier way.”
