Meet Patricia, Aunt Esther’s Amazon Alter Ego

It was only after her death that I really got to know her — through hundreds of online product reviews.

By

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When my Aunt Esther died in the summer of 2011, we knew we’d have to deal with her apartment—specifically, the floor-to-ceiling Amazon.com boxes that filled every room.

The job of cleaning fell to my brother, who was living nearby at the time. He spent months repackaging unused items, all the while reporting back on the tragedy of all this stuff. Why did she need hundreds of pocket calculators? Or dozens of books on beating the odds at the casino?

Why, indeed?

The first Amazon review I encountered by Patricia “A Reader” was in 2007. It was an earnest, paragraphs-long piece about an old picture book. I was reading the review because that very book had just been gifted to my daughters by Aunt Esther. It took a few reads before I realized that Patricia and Aunt Esther were one and the same, but I kept my discovery to myself, filing it away as just one more strange fact about her.

It was only after her death that it became clear my quirky, shut-in aunt had been writing long-form Amazon reviews of everything from books, to pocket calculators, to ice cube trays, to boxes of sugar. And I became her most dedicated reader.

Here is the opening to a 2007 review by Patricia for a one-handed can opener—an item that has sadly long since been off the market:

I presently live in a “no-pets” building – which has its advantages and disadvantages. The “One Touch Can Opener” –- though obviously an inanimate object – can easily be a “pet-substitute”, as well as an excellent can opener! For, as it zips around your can, opening it, it makes a nice little “wiggle motion”….almost like a fish in the water!

The title of this review is:

A N D…..I T….O P E N S…..C A N S,…..T O O !,”

Certain obsessions become clear when scanning through the more than 700 reviews posted by Patricia between 2004 and 2011. Among them: Alien Nation (the TV show, “NOT the film”); coasters and mugs featuring the British royal family; books on beating roulette in the casinos by use of pocket calculators; pocket calculators; canned fish; and candy bars. It also seems Patricia was either unable or unwilling to purchase many of the items she was reviewing, as evidenced by this late-career review of the film “Lesbian Vampires”:

This movie is full of blood, gore, and lust. (Not that I have seen it…I’ve read other people’s reviews). It has only one redeeming value, in that, (by and large), it must usually keep its viewers inside either their homes or their friends homes….and OFF THE STREETS! …I have a very strong suspicion that it insults both REAL lesbians, and, (IF they exist), real vampires as well.

But Patricia’s crowning moment as a reviewer was when she stumbled across a novelty item in the form of a can of Unicorn Meat. I can only imagine she came to the item while searching Amazon for other actual canned meats. Patricia is both outraged and disgusted by this product, and does not hold back, giving it two stars out of five:

Now, I am definitely NOT a vegetarian. Yes, I am a proud and happy omnivore, (eating non-meat products as well as meat), and even eat……VEAL!

However, I draw the line at Unicorn meat! These rare and beautiful creatures, if they indeed do exist, should NOT be killed and /or eaten! At least, not till we have a good, authenticated herd of 1,000 or so unicorns around! And if this is only a toy, it is still teaching children, (and adults), a very bad lesson.

There is considerable debate in the three pages of comments on this particular review as to whether Patricia is writing a “spoof” review. Patricia baffles her detractors, and in the end she pulls rank on them all.

you can’t write over 600 reviews for Amazon, and over three thousand musical pieces — all, alas, presently unpublished — without being sensitive”

The tone of Patricia’s reviews is always hopeful, and thoughtful. For me, this is a window into Aunt Esther’s world, one that I was rarely privy to in our brief personal interactions. In her first review, Patricia discusses her sometimes fraught relationship with her more worldly sister, my mother, by celebrating their shared love for a book on class and status. Elsewhere, she discusses her childhood, her loneliness, and her desire to be useful, to be needed.

Yes, she was searching the endless options available on Amazon.com for the perfect pocket calculator. But I think she was searching also for the sake of sharing her discoveries with her adoring readers, even if that group was only just me.

In the months after she died, I read and reread each of Patricia’s reviews. Only then was I able to do the thing I wished I had known to do when she was alive. “Was this review helpful to you?” Amazon asked me at the end. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Complete Article HERE!

Pet Peace of Mind

Keeping hospice patients and their beloved pets together.

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If you’re a pet owner, you know that a dog, cat or other ‘furry friend’ can truly become a part of your family, a part of your world.

So it’s no surprise that those diagnosed with a debilitating or terminal illness sometimes worry more about their four-legged friends than themselves. What happens if they can no longer care for their pets? Where will those animals live once their owners are gone?   Pet Peace of Mind is a nationwide program that helps hospice patients like Donna Sarner keep their pets near them during their end of life journey.  The program also helps place the pet after the patient dies.

Here is Donna’s story as told by Kristine Murtz, Volunteer Services Manager and Pet Peace of Mind Program Coordinator at Cornerstone Hospice:

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In particular, Pet Peace of Mind demonstrates the holistic approach that is at the heart of hospice . The emotional connection that people have with their pets is one to be respected and nurtured.

Donna Sarner is 68 years old and lives in a small, rural town in Central Florida. She was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma of unknown origin, a cancer which causes her a great deal of pain throughout her back, abdomen and legs.  She has no caregiver, no nearby family, and limited financial resources. Despite the challenges, Donna maintains a positive yet realistic attitude and wants to enjoy the time she has left with her dogs as well as the cats, vultures, raccoons and bears she feeds outside.

Donna was admitted to Cornerstone Hospice services in October of 2015 and is supported by a dedicated team who go beyond the call of duty.  The many programs we offer are about helping patients and families feel like things are going to be “ok”.

In particular, Pet Peace of Mind demonstrates the holistic approach that is at the heart of hospice . The emotional connection that people have with their pets is one to be respected and nurtured.

Donna has taken better care of her pets—including the buzzards outside—than she has herself. She wants to have her dogs with her as long as possible, “until the very end.”

Donna’s Social Worker, Renee, had to wait several months before approaching advance directives and funeral plans with Donna, but PPoM visit opened the door to this by discussing how her “babies” will be cared for when she no longer can.

Donna spoke with pride about each of her dogs: Ozzie, a 6-year old Australian Shepherd/St. Bernard mix (I know, right?!); Roxy, a 5-year old Chow mix; Bertie, a 4 year-old Catahoula mix; and her beloved old guy “Highknee,” who is a 15-year old poodle mix. He’s only about ‘knee-high’, hence the name. Along with caring for the dogs, our program arranged to have the stray cats she feeds spayed, neutered, and vaccinated. We haven’t really considered what the buzzards might need!

Pet Peace of Mind volunteer Karen Sanders transported each of the dogs to one of our partner veterinarians to get them vaccinated and any necessary medications; she continues to deliver dog and cat food to Donna. We’re providing little Highknee with some medication for his congestive heart failure, and I’ve promised Donna I would personally care for him after she cannot. She also understands that it may not be realistic to have the three large dogs with her until the end, and we are already looking for loving homes for Ozzie, Roxy, and Bertie.

See the flyers below to learn about each dog.

Learn more about Pet Peace of Mind by visiting their website.

Bertie

 

Ozzie

 

Roxy
Complete Article HERE!

Drug Company Jacks Up Cost Of Aid-In-Dying Medication

By April Dembosky

Valeant Pharmaceuticals

When California’s aid-in-dying law takes effect this June, terminally ill patients who decide to end their lives could be faced with a hefty bill for the lethal medication. It retails for more than $3,000.

Valeant Pharmaceuticals, the company that makes the drug most commonly used in physician-assisted suicide, doubled the drug’s price last year, one month after California lawmakers proposed legalizing the practice.

“It’s just pharmaceutical company greed,” said David Grube, a family doctor in Oregon, where physician-assisted death has been legal for 20 years.

The drug is Seconal, or secobarbital, its generic name. Originally developed in the 1930s as a sleeping pill, it fell out of favor when people died from taking too much, or from taking it in combination with alcohol. But when intended as a lethal medication to hasten the death of someone suffering from a terminal disease, Seconal is the drug of choice.

“It works very quickly and very gently,” Grube says. “People fall asleep with no complications. It’s a very gentle passing.”

In 2009, Grube remembers the price of a lethal dose of Seconal — 100 capsules — was less than $200. Over the next six years, it shot up to $1,500, according to drug price databases Medi-Span and First Databank. Then Valeant bought Seconal last February and immediately doubled the price to $3,000.

Most drug companies justify such hikes by pointing to high research costs. But Grube says that’s not the case with Seconal. It’s been around for 80 years.

“It’s not a complicated thing to make, there’s no research being done on it, there’s no development,” he says. “That to me is unconscionable.”

Valeant bought several other drugs at the same time it bought Seconal, raising some of those prices as much as 500 percent. That sparked a congressional investigation into its pricing practices. (The CEO resigned Monday amid an accounting controversy).

“Valeant sets prices for drugs based on a number of factors,” the company said in a statement, including the cost of developing or acquiring the drug, the availability of generics and the benefits of the drug compared with costly alternative treatments. “When possible, we offer patient assistance programs to mitigate the effects of price adjustments and keep out-of-pocket costs affordable for patients.”

The most likely explanation for raising the price of Seconal is the lack of generics, says Mick Kolassa, founding partner of Medical Marketing Economics, a firm that advises drug companies on how to price and market their drugs.

Seconal went off patent in the early 1990s. There were some generics for a while, but then demand shrank and manufacturers abandoned them.

“So that meant when the current company bought it, they didn’t have any generic competition, simply because the market got so small that it left,” Kolassa said. “So in situations like that, a company can acquire it and raise the price.”

Kolassa says it’s also possible that the demand for even the brand-name drug is so low that it’s hard to recoup the costs of making and selling it.

“Here’s a company that said, well, we can raise the price, keep it on the market and make some money with it,” he said. “Or we can walk away and the product goes away.”

Whatever the explanation, what cancer patients like Elizabeth Wallner see is a drug company taking advantage. She has one word to describe the pharmaceutical executive who decided to double the price of Seconal: “Scumbag.”

Wallner, who lives in Sacramento, Calif., was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer five years ago. It spread to her liver and lungs. She always thought that if her suffering became too unbearable, she would consider ending her life. But she never thought about the price tag of the lethal drug.

“You’re going to make money off my death,” she said.

She’s most worried about her son.

“You are literally, at that point, taking the money from children,” said Wallner, who is 52. “Everything I have, if I’m going to die tomorrow, everything I have will be left to my son who will be 20 years old and almost 100 percent on his own.”

Under the California aid-in-dying law, it is optional for health insurance companies to cover the costs of the practice. Most private insurers plan to do so, according to the California Association of Health Plans. So does the state’s Medicaid program.

But for patients who aren’t covered, there is a cheaper alternative: a three-part drug cocktail that can be mixed by a compounding pharmacy for about $400.

Grube says the cocktail works just as well, but doctors usually don’t prescribe it because of the hassle some patients have to go through to get it. Seconal, on the other hand, is a ready-made pill, routinely available at most retail drugstores.

He says advocacy groups like Compassion & Choices are working on campaigns to reduce drug costs and to educate doctors and patients about the law.

“My dream is that any Californian who will choose aid in dying would have few burdens or barriers to jump through,” Grube said.

Complete Article HERE!

Men and Grief

By Rick Belden

Men and Grief

Male Grief: Invisible, Misunderstood, Unwanted
Grief is an inevitable part of every human life, regardless of gender. It is also one of the great isolating forces in the lives of men. Male grief is all too often invisible, misunderstood, and unwanted, which leaves many men in the difficult position of having to deal with their grief on their own, if they deal with it at all.

Most men (myself included) routinely reject vital aspects of themselves and their histories because they do not want, or do not know how, to feel and move through the grief that is bound up and waiting inside them. The fear of being shamed by another when most vulnerable, of being stripped of one’s masculinity by women as well as by other men, is a powerful motivation not to feel and express one’s grief.

The requirement to go into that grief all alone, in secret, for lack of understanding, trusted support is another prime and completely understandable reason for avoidance. There is a deep and profound loneliness in knowing that one must do such difficult, intense work alone, without witness, and it’s no wonder so many men don’t want to do it. I fight that battle myself all the time.

Today I’d like to share excerpts from three posts I’ve seen recently on the subject of male grief that shine some light on this important and severely neglected aspect of the masculine experience. My hope is that, in some very near future, the dialogue about male grief can become far more common and open than it is today, so that men who are grieving can come out of the shadows and men who need to grieve, but haven’t felt the freedom and support necessary to do so, can begin.

What Women Should Know About Male Grief
The first selection, written by Mark Mercer, is called “What Women Should Know About Male Grief”. Mark, who has been a hospice bereavement director and counselor for 18 years, says, “Men grieve far more than we show or discuss.” I would certainly agree. Here’s an excerpt:

We almost never cry in front of other men. If we feel that a woman is “safe,” we may cry with her. But most of our tears are shed when we are alone, perhaps while driving our vehicles. In all too many cases, our hot tears become a deep-freeze of anger or rage. Most very angry men are very sad men.

Mark also makes some important points about the often neglected fact that there are different ways and different styles of grieving. For example, some men find physical activities (such as vigorous manual labor) to be a healthy means of channeling and expressing some of the energy associated with grief. You can read Mark’s entire post here.

For additional thoughts on how women can create safe emotional space for men who are grieving, see my companion post “What If He Cries?” here.

Teen Boys – Grief and Loss
The second post, written by Earl Hipp, is called “Teen Boys – Grief and Loss”. Earl has been involved with groups and organizations that focus on men’s issues and development for over thirty years. In his post, Earl talks about learning, as a boy and young man, how he was supposed to deal with grief and loss:

The absence of any support, or even positive role modeling around dealing with loss and grief, communicated a pretty clear message: You’re on your own, just deal with it. I did … and became a kid who was emotionally bound up, pressurized, and lived with a thick veneer as a shield over all that anger and sadness. On the top I wore an “I’m OK” mask.

I know that story all too well, as do countless men. Earl’s focus, as always, is on using his own experience as a starting point to help succeeding generations avoid the traps and pitfalls that have caused, and are still causing, so much pain for so many boys and men, and he devotes the majority of the post to that task. You can read Earl’s full post here.

Book Review: Tom Golden’s The Way Men Heal
The third and final post is a reader review by Andy Thomas of the new book The Way Men Heal. The author of the book, Tom Golden, has been exploring, writing, and speaking on the subject of male grief for many years. In his review, Andy shares a personal experience that illustrates how the taboo against male grief is often enforced, not only for the man who is grieving, but for any other man or boy who might be watching:

The day after my Dad died, I was speaking to a friend of his when I broke down and cried briefly — I was interrupted by a woman who had known my father, but who did not know me. She asked, what would my 4 year old niece think if she saw me crying?, while handing me a tissue I did not want. Had I been a woman, no doubt she would have put her arm around me, but as a man I was politely told to “man up” — my pain was embarrassing her.

As someone who has a certain awareness of society’s different expectations for men and women, this experience came as no great surprise to me. For young minds, such experiences are painful however, and quickly teach young boys that “real men don’t cry.” They learn how to keep their pain to themselves.

Again, this is a story that will no doubt resonate powerfully and personally with a lot of men. You can find out more about Tom Golden’s book, The Way Men Heal, here.

Male Grief: No Longer an Alien Concept?
I hope these excerpts will encourage you to read the full posts and learn more about the male experience of grief in all its aspects. I recall being quite mystified 30 years ago when I was first introduced to the subject via the work of Robert Bly, John Lee, and Dan Jones. They all emphasized the critical importance of a man’s awareness of his own grief, his conscious relationship with it, and his ability to feel it and to allow it to move through him so that his natural energy and innate masculine power would not be blocked and withheld, both from himself and the world.

At the time, all that talk of grief mystified me. I didn’t have any idea what it was. I was keenly aware that I was angry, frustrated, lonely, sad, depressed … but I had no sense of any grief. I didn’t really understand what grief was or how it might feel. It seemed completely abstract to me, completely foreign. Perplexed, I wrote the poem “grief” (found in my book Iron Man Family Outing) one day as a way of trying to figure out what this grief that I kept hearing about might be.

After many years of hard work, I understand. I’m far from fully comfortable with my own grief, but it’s no longer an alien concept to me. I hope to see the day when male grief is no longer an alien concept to other men, and to the women around them, as well.

Complete Article HERE!

Why You Need A Death Certificate When Someone Dies

by Davis Grey

A Death Certificate

Do you think that a death certificate is just another piece of bureaucratic paperwork you have to take care of? Think again. While it might seem like it’s just one more hassle during an incredibly difficult time for you and your family, the reality is a death certificate is a crucial document to have, especially if you’re an estate executor. Let’s find out why, and how to go about getting one.

The Link Between A Death Certificate And Proof of Death

Put quite simply, a death certificate proves that someone has died. While it might seem crazy that you need to prove that a loved one has passed away, think about all of the ways people could use their death to get out of obligations. Between tax and debt evasion alone, there are a whole host of reasons why someone might want to pass off as dead. Or, on the flip side, ill-meaning individuals can take advantage of someone’s estate if all they have to do is claim a person has died.

Thanks to death certificates, authorities can be reasonably assured that an individual has truly passed and steps can be taken to liquidate an estate.

The Link Between A Death Certificate And Estate Execution

On a more day-to-day level, there is a standard reason that death certificates are issued: they are necessary for someone to be appointed as your estate executor.

Estate executors are intrusted with dispersing your estate and following your last will’s wishes, which means making sure your debts are paid off and your beneficiaries receive their inheritance. A big piece of this is getting in touch with assorted parties like financial institutions, insurance companies, the social security administration, and the Veterans Administration (if applicable) and closing your accounts, paying outstanding bills, and accessing your assets. These institutions will not speak with you unless they have proof that the individual has died and that you are entrusted with their estate. As you can guess, the death certificate is the vital proof you need that your loved one has died, and opens the door for executors to complete their responsibilities.

The Link Between A Death Certificate And Digital Accounts

Many people today have digital accounts with a whole host of providers. Think Facebook, Google, Amazon, and even online dating sites. When a loved one dies you’ll likely want to close these accounts. Sometimes it’s to stop digital notices, other times it’s to ensure no future charges are made to your loved one’s bank or credit card accounts.

Just like financial institutions, many of these digital institutions require a death certificate to prove the account holder has died. Don’t believe us? Just read these past articles on closing a Facebook or a Google account. Sure enough, these major sites want to see a death certificate before they even speak with you.

How To Get The Death Certificate

As we wrote about in more detail, the actual responsibility of filing for a death certificate is generally in the hands of the person preparing the body like a funeral director or crematory. It is just as easy to request one death certificate as it is to request twenty. Or, you can always try VitalChek and have them get it for you. Now that you see how many different institutions will want to see one, you can understand why you’re better off asking for more right off the bat. With a whole bunch handy, you can more easily cross of your estate executor to-do list.

Complete Article HERE!

Philosophy of Everyday Life: What are the lessons people most often learn too late in life?

By Evan Asano

Mind-full-or-mindful

Learn how to listen. So few people can really listen and so many people genuinely appreciate when you do.

Learn when it’s time to move on. From jobs, people and relationships. Not everything is fixable. Cut your losses and move on.

None of the best experiences of your life will happen staring a computer screen, a phone screen or a TV. If you want more of the best experiences of your life minimize the time you spend in front of these three.

Take great care of your body. It’s delicate and becomes more so as you get older, but if you treat it well, it will treat you well. Exercise regularly, stretch or do yoga, eat wholesome food.

Take great care of your mind. Foster curiosity, read, learn and grow. Learn to be quiet, meditate and spend time in nature regularly.

Take great care of your heart. When you hold onto harmful emotions like anger, hurt, pain, you really only hurt yourself. When you practice love, compassion and generosity, your heart expands and grows.

You’ll spend too much of your life working, staring at a computer screen and sitting. If you’re going to do all these things, find a work environment or shared purpose that’s fulfilling and creates meaning.

Success comes most readily when you find fulfillment and create value in the world.

Learn how to compliment people and do so regularly. There’s no limit on how many compliments you can offer, there’s no scarcity of compliments available and there’s no end to how much people will appreciate them.

Learn how to accept a compliment and do so whenever one is offered. You’re conditioned to deflect compliments. Recognize how you do this and practice recognizing and accepting when the universe acknowledges what you do.

Learn how to be generous. You can’t attract what you don’t give. Share your knowledge, your time, your thoughts, your wisdom, and your charity.

Learn how to be patient.

Practice gratitude. Everyday.

Great stories come from great experiences. Chase those experiences.

It’s not that time moves by faster as you get older, you just start to have fewer new and captivating experiences. If you can continue those experiences and expand your curiosity, time won’t feel like it flies by as so commonly described.

Complete Article HERE!

Veterans serving Veteran patients create a healing connection

By elyzabethanne

Vietnam War Veteran John Eilers
Pictured with Vietnam War Veteran John Eilers are, from left, Marine Corps 1st Sgt. Jimmy Richard, Marine Corps Veteran Nicole Richard and Army Sgt. Daiana Wininger.

Nicole Richard is kind of in awe.

Well, as she is a former Marine Corps Staff Sergeant, maybe it is more appropriate to say shock and awe.

To provide a bit of background, Richard has a certain niche when it comes to volunteering. “Kids and the elderly, to me, are really close to God,” Richard said.

As a single woman serving in the Marine Corps in Okinawa, she would sign up through the chaplain to serve in the community. It was something she did throughout her 11-year military career, working with the elderly and school children overseas in Japan, Thailand and Korea. She left military service in 2012.

In 2015, she called Diane Sancilio, the Director of Volunteer Services at Hospice of the Chesapeake, to find a way to serve seniors. When Sancilio learned she was talking with a Marine Corps Veteran, she told her about the Veteran-to-Veteran volunteer program that pairs volunteers with military experience with hospice patients who also served. After her spiel, Sancilio heard nothing on the other end of the phone. She even had to ask if Richard was still on the line.

“I was in shock about this because I didn’t even know it existed,” Richard said. She couldn’t believe that there was an opportunity for her to not only care for elderly hospice patients – but also fellow Veterans. It was kismet.

The 33-year-old mother of three from Annapolis threw herself into volunteering. She has done much of her work performing Reiki therapy at the Inpatient Care Center in Pasadena. And though she has served many patients who aren’t Veterans, she said when she works with those who have served, they feel an instant connection, “We all hold those same values, even the families,” she said. “A lot of time, these Veterans, at the end of their life, all they need to transition is to share their story, and for us to give them that welcome home that they didn’t get. They have sacrificed so much.”

The Vet-to-Vet program is part of the We Honor Veterans Program, a collaboration of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization and Department of Veterans Affairs. Program partners like Hospice of the Chesapeake use resources and education provided by the NHPCO and the VA to help Veteran Volunteers care for Veteran patients and their families. With more than 25 percent of Hospice of the Chesapeake patients having served in the military the need for Patient Care Volunteers who also are Veterans is growing.

Many Veteran Volunteers take it to the next level of volunteer after performing an Honor Salute for a Veteran patient. The brief but moving ceremony takes place in the patient’s home or at his or her bedside. It demonstrates a tremendous respect for the patient while also serving as an intimate moment for all involved. Richard tells of her first Honor Salute. The patient’s daughter said he had become sullen and unresponsive, and she didn’t think he would talk. Upon learning the patient was a fellow Marine, she asked her husband to join them. Marine Corps 1st Sgt. Jimmy Richard is still in active duty, assigned to Marine Barracks Washington, D.C.

The minute he saw the Richards in their uniforms, the patient perked up.

“He talked so much. We used our terminology – oorah, semper fidelis — and he was smiling, telling us about his unit, where he served, and what he’s done,” Nicole said.

Before leaving, Jimmy removed the pin from his cover and gave it to the man. There were tears all around.

The moment cemented the purpose of having the program Nicole. “He wouldn’t talk to others, but he was open to talking to us because we understand, the terminology, the values — honor, courage and commitment” she said.

She said the families will sometimes roll their eyes as a patient starts telling “another” war story. “But (Veterans) get it. It heals us, too. We have our own mental and physical wounds. Just listening to somebody else kind of helps heal us, too.”

Nicole is still a bit in awe.

“I am still digesting this is here. And I am excited to be learning more. I thought it was amazing to volunteer at the Veterans Day event,” she said, adding that the Veterans she helped at the ceremony, which included an opportunity for Veterans to talk about their service, shared her surprise.

“They are in shock about it, too,” she said. “They are thinking, ‘they shared my story, they understand, they honor me’.”

Complete Article HERE!