What should be in your ‘death’ file

By Beth Pinsker

After helping a girlfriend through the messy, tangled finances left in the wake of a parent’s death, John Kerecz had a message for his own mom and dad: Get your paperwork in order.

A few years later, Kerecz’s father passed away unexpectedly. The 52-year-old environmental engineer from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania went to the house and looked where his father and mother used to keep their important documents, but nothing was there. It was pure luck that he went to the computer to look up a phone number and saw a folder on the desktop labeled “DEATH.”

“Sure enough, everything was there in that folder,” Kerecz says.

Armed with a copy of the will, lists of the financial accounts and insurance policies and other paperwork, Kerecz was quickly able to settle his father’s estate and use the funds to take care of his ailing mother, making him extremely grateful.

The difference between having your files organized or not is about more than just stress; leave behind a mess and it can delay inheritors’ access to funds and cost a bundle in legal fees.

“It could be six months or longer if you don’t have the paperwork in order, and … your family is in the dark, not knowing things, jumping through hoops. It’s not a fun existence,” says Howard Krooks, past president of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys.

Taking care of the necessary documents is a hallmark of good parenting, he adds, rather bluntly: “More than any kind of monetary legacy, if you really love them, you’d do this.”

HOW TO GET IT DONE

Compile a list of the financial information your heirs will need upon your death: wills, trust information, investment accounts, legal contacts, etc. You can keep this information in an electronic file – in one master document or several attachments – to serve as a road map to find all the physical paperwork.

Or, you can do what some of elder law attorney David Cutner’s clients do, and just pull out a cardboard box and start piling up the papers.

You have to do more than just gather the information, though, cautions Cutner, co-founder of the Lamson & Cutner Elder Law firm in New York. You have to tell your loved ones you have done it and tell them where to find it. You can either hand over the file immediately or keep it in a safe place (away from the prying eyes of caregivers and potential scammers).

A safe deposit box, by the way, is not a good place to keep these papers, says Cutner, because it’s too hard to access when needed.

THE WILL

Top of the list is a copy of your will, hopefully the most recent version, plus contact details for the attorney who drew it up and any executor named. Also important are trust documents, if they exist, estate experts say.

While power of attorney and living will documents are crucial should you become incapacitated, they will not be useful after your death, says Krooks – your heirs will then be using a death certificate to obtain access to accounts.

The real power in assembling all these items is that it forces you to go through the process of specifying your wishes. Without them, your family would have to put your estate into probate, which is when the state determines the distribution of your assets. This can take up to a year and eat up about 5 percent of the estate, says John Sweeney, an executive vice president responsible for Fidelity’s planning and advisory services business.
FINANCIAL ACCOUNTS

Your heirs will need to know all of your account information, down to your utility bills and your tax returns. You can either create a list or include copies of statements in the file, or just directions to where to find them. Also useful is a list of relatives to contact.

Knowing passwords for online accounts is not as important as naming another person on key accounts ahead of time, says Sweeney. This way, if the family needs to make mortgage payments or pay any medical bills, they do not have to wait until the estate is settled.

“Children are often dipping into their own assets to pay for taxes and mortgages when the last surviving parent has passed away,” says Sweeney.

In that same vein, make sure to sign another person up for a key to any safe deposit boxes or home safes, says Krooks. Include clear directions on how to access any other valuables that may be stashed elsewhere, so that it’s not mistakenly thrown out.

SURVIVOR BENEFITS

Pensions and insurance plans have many different payout rules, so you need to leave behind detailed information about policies. Insurance information should extend beyond life insurance to car, home and boat insurance, says Sweeney. It is also critical to include your Social Security benefit information, he adds.

The job of assembling all of this information can be massive, but most people appreciate it in the end.

“At first they curse us out because it’s so much to gather and put in one place. But by the time they come into the office, they’re really glad they did this exercise,” Krooks says.

Complete Article HERE!

Why you should plan your funeral

and how to do it

By Barbara Eisner Bayer

Let’s face it – you’re going to die at some point. And if you care about your money and your family, it will save a lot of grief if you create a funeral plan before the grieving starts. But according to a 2017 report by the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), only 21% of Americans discuss details about their funeral with loved ones.

Sure, when you’re gone, you’re gone, so it may not seem necessary to create a funeral plan. But it is – mostly because if you don’t, your loved ones will be making plans upon your passing while simultaneously mourning your loss. Do you really want them coping with decisions about casket types and music selections while their hearts are breaking?

Of course you don’t. Here are seven tips to help you prepare for this difficult but inevitable time.

1. Cremation or burial?

Ashes to ashes or dust to dust … do you want to be cremated or buried?

Cremation has been growing in popularity over the years. In fact, for the last four years, cremations have outpaced burials, and by 2040, they’re expected to lead burials 78.7% to 15.7%, according to a 2019 survey by the National Funeral Directors Association. The advantage of cremation is that it’s much cheaper, and you can distribute the remains wherever you please.

If you opt for a traditional burial, your costs can be high. When you price it, factor in the following fees: funeral planning, permits, death certificates, preparing the body, coordinating with the cemetery, embalming, a casket, obituary, etc. You’ll also need to purchase a burial site. After all, you don’t want to force your family to find one when they should be focusing on the service.

The median cost in 2017 for a funeral with all the trimmings was $8,755. That doesn’t include lots of stuff, though, like a grave marker and other miscellaneous expenses that always seem to pop up. The median cost for a cremation in 2017 was $6,260 if done by a funeral home. However, you can save tons of money by going for direct cremation (no service) – only about $1,100, according to the Cremation Research Council.

By choosing beforehand how you want to spend eternity, you’ll save your family from having to make this critical decision – and potentially save lots of money as well.

2. Decide how to pay

If you make your wishes known beforehand, you can set aside the funds in advance or prepay (see below). Otherwise, the costs of the funeral will fall directly onto your family, and they may not be prepared.

The funeral happens within days of your death, and your family may not have access to funds they’re going to inherit. And not everyone can come up with $8,000 or more within a few days or have that much available on a credit card.

3. Consider a prepaid plan

If you’re thinking of prepaying for a funeral, the general consensus is to never do this. And there are certainly many valid reasons for this advice: It’s expensive, you’re not earning interest on your money, the funeral home may go out of business, you may decide to relocate or change your mind, etc.

But if it will give you peace of mind, why not? If you have a funeral plan in advance, your family will know who to call when the inevitable occurs, and most of the significant choices will have been made – because you’ve already planned and paid for everything. It’s not always about dollars and cents.

If you decide to purchase a prepaid plan, shop around and find a funeral home that appeals to you. At the very least, you’ll learn about what choices need to be made and how much the costs will be, so even if you decide to self-fund or buy some type of small insurance policy that will cover your funeral expenses, you’ll have the info at your fingertips while you still have fingertips that function.

4. Create your funeral service

This will definitely be more fun (and only possible) for you to do when you’re alive – because when you’re gone, the choices won’t be yours. If you follow the steps above, your family will already know a lot of the other details that funerals entail. Now you can decide whether you want a large service in the funeral home or a small service by the graveside and a memorial service later on.

You can choose readings by your favorite poets and writers and the kind of music you’d like played. Jot down some thoughts or prerecord a tape that can be played at the service. It may bring people to tears to hear your voice, but it can also be deeply meaningful for them to hear your words and thoughts once you’re gone.

5. Write your obituary

Do you want to control how the world views your life when you’re gone? Then write your own obituary. It will be the final literary document of your life – but only if you can control what it says. This can be sent as a press release to your local newspaper, trade journals in your professional industry or alma mater.

Talk about your life’s challenges and how you overcame them. Do you have funny anecdotes or stories that define your sense of humor? Write them down. Dying is somber, and your capacity to make others laugh will be showcased as a memory of your personality.

Write about your history, your parents, your gratitude for the wonderful life you’ve lived, and the people who shared it with you. Include accomplishments and unforgettable moments, as well as lessons you learned that can be passed on to future generations. This exercise may seem sad, but the truth is that it will give you the opportunity to review your life and bring to the forefront all your special memories. It will also give you a deeper appreciation for the life you’ve been living.

6. Attend a ‘Death Cafe’

All of the above discussion may sound a bit morbid, but it shouldn’t. Death is a reality that everyone faces, and there’s no reason it should be a taboo subject. Imagine a place where people can gather and discuss end-of-life issues in a comfortable environment that takes the stigma away from dying. Welcome to the Death Cafe.

Created in 2004 by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, Death Cafes are nonprofit events organized across the globe for people to gather around tea, coffee and treats to discuss the reality and challenges of dying. Attending one gives you and/or your family the opportunity to have an objective and open conversation regarding feelings about death in a supportive and open space.

7. Discuss your plans with close family or friends

It would be a disservice to your loved ones not to talk to them about your plans for your final bow. Discuss all of the things above and what your wishes are. They can even help you fulfill many of your wishes if you’re unable to manage them by yourself.

Now you have the tools to circumvent the sadness of your death by creating an opportunity for your friends and family to celebrate your life with joy, unencumbered by the cloud of grief and funeral details that they may find overwhelming. Death is not a happy time, but by following the above steps and taking control of your funeral, you can give your family peace of mind, knowing that all is handled when that final moment comes.

Complete Article HERE!

The Cost of Dying in All 50 States

By Gabrielle Olya

There are many reasons to celebrate getting older, but having to think about the cost of death isn’t one of them.

For starters, funeral costs can add up fast. The National Funeral Directors Association cited the median out-of-pocket funeral expenses for 2016 — including viewing and cremation costs — at $7,360. On top of that, the average out-of-pocket expenditure for end-of-life necessities is $11,618, according to the National Bureau of Economic Research.

One of the biggest factors impacting funeral expenses — and the cost of dying, in general — is the state where the death certificate is issued. Just like the cost of living, the cost of dying depends on where you reside.

GOBankingRates calculated the average costs for end-of-life medical care and funeral expenses in each state by multiplying the national averages for those services by every state’s cost-of-living index. The study also considered 2018 inheritance tax and estate tax data, sourced from the Tax Foundation.

50. Mississippi — $18,509

Average funeral expenses: $6,684
Average end-of-life medical costs: $11,825

The cheapest state to die in, Mississippi, has no estate tax or inheritance tax. Average funeral expenses total $6,684, and average medical costs associated with dying come out to $11,825 — both well below the national average. This is unsurprising because Mississippi also has the cheapest cost of living in America, according to a separate GOBankingRates study.

49. Arkansas — $18,681

Average funeral expenses: $6,746
Average end-of-life medical costs: $11,934

The cost of dying in Arkansas is similar to that in Alabama. Funeral expenses in Arkansas average $6,746, while medical costs associated with dying hover around $11,934. The state has no estate tax or inheritance tax.

48. Oklahoma — $18,702

Average funeral expenses: $6,754
Average end-of-life medical costs: $11,948

Medical costs associated with dying in Oklahoma are typically around $11,948, and the average cost of a funeral is $6,754 — notably below national figures. You won’t have to pay inheritance or estate taxes when you die in Oklahoma.

47. Missouri — $18,724

Average funeral expenses: $6,762
Average end-of-life medical costs: $11,962

In Missouri, the cost of a funeral averages $6,762, and the medical costs related to dying average $11,962. Neither estate taxes nor inheritance taxes are imposed.

46. New Mexico — $18,810

Average funeral expenses: $6,793
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,017

The cost of a funeral in New Mexico averages $6,793, while medical expenses related to dying typically total $12,017. New Mexico doesn’t levy an estate tax or an inheritance tax.

45. Tennessee — $19,068

Average funeral expenses: $6,886
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,182

Funeral costs average $6,886 in Tennessee, and medical costs related to dying are normally around $12,182. One of the most tax-friendly states for retirees, Tennessee doesn’t have an estate tax or an inheritance tax.

44. Michigan — $19,111

Average funeral expenses: $6,902
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,209

As the seventh-cheapest state to die in, Michigan doesn’t impose an estate or inheritance tax. The average cost of a funeral in the state is low at $6,902, and medical costs associated with dying are typically around $12,209.

43. Kansas — $19,132

Average funeral expenses: $6,909
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,223

The cost of a funeral in Kansas averages $6,909, and medical expenses related to death total approximately $12,223. No inheritance tax or estate tax is collected in the state.

42. Georgia — $19,175

Average funeral expenses: $6,925
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,250

Falling below the national average, the standard cost for funeral expenses in Georgia is $6,925, while medical costs associated with dying are usually around $12,250. Georgia has no estate tax or inheritance tax.

41. Alabama — $19,197

Average funeral expenses: $6,933
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,264

The average cost of a funeral in Alabama is $6,933, and medical costs associated with dying typically total $12,264. Like the other members of the 10 cheapest states to die in, Alabama doesn’t have an estate tax or an inheritance tax.

40. Wyoming — $19,197

Average funeral expenses: $6,933
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,264

The average cost of a funeral in Wyoming is $6,933, and medical expenses associated with dying total $12,264, on average. Neither an estate tax nor an inheritance tax is collected in Wyoming.

39. Indiana — $19,347

Average funeral expenses: $6,987
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,360

Medical costs related to dying in Indiana average $12,360, and the standard for funeral expenses is $6,987. There’s no inheritance tax or estate tax in Indiana.

38. Iowa — $19,369

Average funeral expenses: $6,995
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,374

Iowa has no estate tax, but unlike many other states, it does have an inheritance tax of up to 15%. The average cost of a funeral is $6,995, and medical expenses related to dying hover around $12,374.

37. Nebraska — $19,519

Average funeral expenses: $7,049
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,470

If you’re inheriting from a deceased family member in Nebraska, you’ll be taxed at a rate between 1% and 18%. However, the state doesn’t impose an estate tax. The cost of a funeral in Nebraska averages $7,049, and medical expenses associated with dying are typically around $12,470.

36. Ohio — $19,519

Average funeral expenses: $7,049
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,470

Coming in below the national average, funeral costs in Ohio run approximately $7,049, and medical costs associated with dying total $12,470, on average. Ohio doesn’t have an estate tax or an inheritance tax.

35. Kentucky — $19,541

Average funeral expenses: $7,057
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,484

Funeral costs in Kentucky total approximately $7,057, while medical expenses related to dying average $12,484. The state doesn’t have an estate tax, but its inheritance tax can be as much as 16%.

34. West Virginia — $19,584

Average funeral expenses: $7,072
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,511

Dying in West Virginia will cost close to the national average, at around $12,511 in medical costs and $7,072 in funeral expenses. There’s no estate tax or inheritance tax in West Virginia.

33. Texas — $19,669

Average funeral expenses: $7,103
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,566

The average cost of a funeral in Texas is $7,103, while medical costs associated with death are typically around $12,566. Texans don’t pay an estate tax or an inheritance tax.

32. Idaho — $19,841

Average funeral expenses: $7,165
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,676

You won’t be charged an estate tax or an inheritance tax in Idaho, which is good news if you are the executor of a will. Plan for around $7,165 in funeral costs and approximately $12,676 in medical expenses associated with dying.

31. Louisiana — $20,185

Average funeral expenses: $7,290
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,896

There’s no estate tax or inheritance tax in Louisiana. Medical costs related to death average $12,896, and funeral expenses run approximately $7,290.

30. Illinois — $20,314

Average funeral expenses: $7,336
Average end-of-life medical costs: $12,978

Like most states, Illinois doesn’t have an inheritance tax. However, estates worth more than $4 million are taxed at a rate of 0.8%-16%. Funeral costs average $7,336, and medical costs related to dying are typically around $12,978.

29. North Carolina — $20,400

Average funeral expenses: $7,367
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,033

In North Carolina, there’s no estate tax or inheritance tax, so you won’t have to worry too much about what might happen to your money after you die. The average cost of a funeral is $7,367, and medical expenses associated with dying tend to total $13,033.

28. South Carolina — $20,615

Average funeral expenses: $7,445
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,170

In South Carolina, the average cost of a funeral is $7,445, and medical costs associated with dying average $13,170. There’s no estate tax or inheritance tax.

27. Arizona — $20,852

Average funeral expenses: $7,530
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,321

There’s no estate tax or inheritance tax in the Grand Canyon State. The average cost of a funeral is $7,530 in Arizona, and medical expenses related to death tend to add up to $13,321.

26. Wisconsin — $20,916

Average funeral expenses: $7,554
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,363

Funeral costs in Wisconsin tend to total around $7,554, while medical expenses associated with dying average $13,363 — which are both on the cheaper side for the U.S. as a whole. No inheritance tax or estate tax is instituted, but Wisconsin is one of the most expensive states to file taxes, in general.

25. Florida — $21,045

Average funeral expenses: $7,600
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,445

The cost of a funeral in Florida is typically around $7,600, and medical expenses associated with death average $13,445. No estate tax or inheritance tax is levied in the Sunshine State.

24. Utah — $21,153

Average funeral expenses: $7,639
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,514

Still under the U.S. benchmark, medical costs associated with dying in Utah average $13,514, and funeral expenses are approximately $7,639. The state doesn’t impose an inheritance tax or an estate tax.

23. North Dakota — $21,239

Average funeral expenses: $7,670
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,569

North Dakota doesn’t have an inheritance tax or an estate tax. Medical expenses associated with dying are usually around $13,569, and the average cost of a funeral is $7,670.

22. South Dakota — $21,454

Average funeral expenses: $7,748
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,706

No estate tax or inheritance tax is imposed in South Dakota. Funeral expenses average $7,748, and medical costs related to dying are typically around $13,706 — just above the U.S. average.

21. Virginia — $21,647

Average funeral expenses: $7,818
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,830

There’s no estate tax or inheritance tax in Virginia. Medical costs related to death hover around $13,830, and funeral expenses average $7,818.

20. Minnesota — $21,841

Average funeral expenses: $7,887
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,953

Slightly above the national average, standard funeral costs in Minnesota come out to $7,887, and medical expenses associated with dying are approximately $13,953. The state has no inheritance tax, but if the value of your estate is above $2.4 million, you will be subject to an estate tax between 13% and 16%.

19. Pennsylvania — $21,862

Average funeral expenses: $7,895
Average end-of-life medical costs: $13,967

Pennsylvania doesn’t have an estate tax, but it does levy up to 15% in inheritance taxes. Medical expenses related to dying total approximately $13,967, and the average cost of a funeral is $7,895.

18. Colorado — $22,701

Average funeral expenses: $8,198
Average end-of-life medical costs: $14,503

There’s no need to stress about an estate tax or inheritance tax in Colorado, as neither is imposed. Funeral costs average $8,198, and medical expenses correlated with dying generally total $14,503.

17. Montana — $22,980

Average funeral expenses: $8,299
Average end-of-life medical costs: $14,681

The standard cost of a funeral in Montana is approximately $8,299, while medical costs related to dying typically average $14,681. You can keep any gold and jewels passed down to you in the Treasure State free of estate or inheritance taxes.

16. Delaware — $23,238

Average funeral expenses: $8,392
Average end-of-life medical costs: $14,846

You won’t pay an inheritance tax or estate tax in Delaware. Funeral costs average $8,392, and medical expenses related to death tend to fall around $14,846.

15. Nevada — $23,324

Average funeral expenses: $8,423
Average end-of-life medical costs: $14,901

Expect to spend about $8,423 on funeral costs in Nevada. Typical medical expenses involved with dying are $14,901, and there’s no estate tax or inheritance tax. Nevada is also one of the states with no income tax.

14. New Hampshire — $23,582

Average funeral expenses: $8,516
Average end-of-life medical costs: $15,066

Medical costs related to dying in New Hampshire average $15,066. Funeral expenses add up to $8,516, on average, but there’s no estate or inheritance tax in the Granite State.

13. Washington — $23,797

Average funeral expenses: $8,594
Average end-of-life medical costs: $15,203

In Washington, funeral expenses average $8,594, and medical expenses related to dying typically hover around $15,203. There’s no inheritance tax, but estates worth more than $2.19 million are taxed between 10% and 20%.

12. Vermont — $24,614

Average funeral expenses: $8,889
Average end-of-life medical costs: $15,725

Vermont has a 16% tax on estates worth more than $2.75 million. There’s no inheritance tax, but funeral costs average $8,889, and medical expenses related to death are typically around $15,725.

11. Maine — $25,259

Average funeral expenses: $9,122
Average end-of-life medical costs: $16,137

Maine estates valued at more than $5.6 million are taxed between 8% and 12%. There’s no inheritance tax, but the average cost of a funeral is $9,122, and $16,137 is the standard for medical expenses associated with end-of-life care.

10. Rhode Island — $25,667

Average funeral expenses: $9,269
Average end-of-life medical costs: $16,398

The average cost of a funeral in Rhode Island is $9,269, and medical expenses associated with death typically amount to $16,398. There’s no inheritance tax, but a 0.8%-16% tax is levied on estates worth more than $1.54 million.

9. New Jersey — $26,892

Average funeral expenses: $9,712
Average end-of-life medical costs: $17,181

In New Jersey, the standard funeral costs $9,712, and medical expenses correlated with dying average $17,181. There’s no estate tax, but you’ll face an inheritance tax of up to 16%.

8. Connecticut — $27,451

Average funeral expenses: $9,914
Average end-of-life medical costs: $17,538

In Connecticut, funeral costs are typically around $9,914, and medical expenses related to end-of-life care average $17,538. There’s no inheritance tax, but a 7.2%-12% tax is levied against estates valued at over $2.6 million.

7. Maryland — $27,881

Average funeral expenses: $10,069
Average end-of-life medical costs: $17,812

Funeral expenses in Maryland average $10,069, and medical bills associated with dying typically add up to $17,812. Maryland is one of the few states with both an estate tax and an inheritance tax. Inheritances are taxed up to 10%, and estates worth more than $4 million are taxed at a 16% rate.

6. Alaska — $27,924

Average funeral expenses: $10,084
Average end-of-life medical costs: $17,840

The average cost of a funeral in Alaska is $10,084, while medical expenses associated with dying hover around $17,840 — both of which are much higher than the national average. On the plus side, the state doesn’t have an inheritance tax or an estate tax.

5. Massachusetts — $28,290

Average funeral expenses: $10,216
Average end-of-life medical costs: $18,073

At around $10,216, funeral costs in Massachusetts are well above the national average. Medical expenses related to end-of-life care average $18,073. No inheritance tax is levied in Massachusetts, but estates worth more than $1 million are taxed at a 0.8%-16% rate.

4. Oregon — $28,849

Average funeral expenses: $10,418
Average end-of-life medical costs: $18,430

There’s no inheritance tax in Oregon, but if you own property in the Beaver State, plan your estate carefully — those worth more than $1 million will be taxed at a 10%-16% rate. Funeral expenses average $10,418, and medical costs related to death tend to be around $18,430.

3. New York — $29,902

Average funeral expenses: $10,799
Average end-of-life medical costs: $19,103

In New York, you won’t pay an inheritance tax, but estates worth more than $5.25 million are taxed at a 3.06%-16% rate. Funeral expenses average $10,799, and medical costs correlated with dying are $19,103.

2. California — $32,611

Average funeral expenses: $11,777
Average end-of-life medical costs: $20,834

Though it’s the second-most expensive state to die in, California doesn’t levy an estate tax or an inheritance tax. The standard cost of funeral activities is around $11,777, and medical expenses related to dying average $20,834.

1. Hawaii — $41,467

Average funeral expenses: $14,975
Average end-of-life medical costs: $26,492

Death in Hawaii is by far the priciest among all the states, as funeral costs average $14,975 and the benchmark for medical expenses correlated with end-of-life care is $26,492. The Aloha State doesn’t have an inheritance tax, but estates worth more than $11.2 million are taxed at a 10%-15.7% rate.

Where You Die Impacts the Financial Burden You Leave Behind

Fortunately for people who have to face the death of a loved one, many states don’t add an additional financial burden on the deceased’s family by levying taxes. However, this wasn’t always the case, as many states have removed estate and inheritance taxes in recent years. Others have left taxes in place but raised the exemption levels:

  • Indiana repealed its inheritance tax in 2013.
  • Tennessee repealed its estate tax in 2016.
  • New York raised its exemption level to $5.25 million and will match the federal exemption level in 2019.
  • New Jersey fully phased out its estate tax in 2018.
  • Delaware repealed its estate tax in 2018.

Overall, the cheapest places to die are Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Missouri and New Mexico. The most expensive places to die are Hawaii, California, New York, Oregon and Massachusetts.

Complete Article HERE!

Five Wishes

A Simple Tool to Write Your Living Will

By Taylor Schulte, CFP,

End-of-life planning is more than just what kind of care you want in your final days. It’s about such personal choices as who you want with you when the time comes and what will bring you and your family comfort and peace.

As a financial adviser, one thing I do is assist my clients with end-of-life documents that determine how their estates will be handled upon death. But there’s more to end-of-life planning than deciding who gets what and minimizing estate and inheritance taxes. There are also the emotional aspects of death to deal with … and those details can be more important than anything else.

Want proof? Ask anyone on their deathbed what they really want people to know.

Chances are good their answers will have nothing to do with the S&P 500 or the size of their portfolio. Instead, final thoughts tend to be about loved ones, missed opportunities and forgiveness for things that cannot be undone.

This is where Five Wishes comes in and why I interviewed Paul Malley — president of Aging with Dignity, the organization that created Five Wishes — on the Stay Wealthy Retirement Podcast.

In case you’ve never heard of it, Five Wishes is a document that lets you decide your final wishes as well as how you’ll be treated if you ever become seriously ill. The main point of Five Wishes is letting you make decisions about the end of your life just in case you cannot make them yourself. After all, you may wind up knowing months ahead of time that you’re at death’s door, but the worst can also happen in the blink of an eye.

How Does Five Wishes Work?

Think of it as a living will — or as a conversation piece you can use to collect all your end-of-life wishes in a single place. Five Wishes is a legal document in all states but eight. Alabama, Indiana, Kansas, New Hampshire, Ohio, Oregon, Texas and Utah all require their own official documentation.

Once you get started filling out your own Five Wishes document, you’ll have many important decisions to make. For example, you’ll be asked to name someone you trust to act as your health care agent, but you’ll also be asked to leave instructions for the types of medical care you want (and don’t want).

In addition, you get to make decisions surrounding your comfort, your dignity and other requests you have — no matter how specific they are.

Paul Malley told me during our interview that often the questions that seem the least important wind up impacting families most. Examples include questions regarding pain management and what it takes for someone to feel comfortable, clean and warm.

For example, would you rather die at home if given the choice? Do you want music playing? Do you want people with you?

“Those little things may sound small, but I can tell you from the messages we receive that this is where the true gift is,” says Malley.

Five Wishes in Practice

Malley says he has heard many stories over the years that have proven just how important having a living will is, but one that comes to mind involves a gentleman who had a stroke and became incapacitated overnight. After speaking to the wife of this man (let’s call her Mrs. Smith) once final arrangements were made, Malley learned all the different ways Five Wishes made Mr. Smith’s passing more bearable.

After her husband’s first day in intensive care, for example, Mrs. Smith noticed in her husband’s Five Wishes profile that he wanted pictures of his grandchildren in the room. Reading that detail, she suddenly felt good about leaving him long enough to go home and get cleaned up, knowing she could bring back all the family photos he wanted to be surrounded with.

At one point, there was a disagreement among her children over whether their father should be taken off life support. But thanks to the details in the Five Wishes document, the entire family learned together that he didn’t want to remain on life support if doctors were sure he would never “come back.”

Thanks to Five Wishes, they all left the room in agreement to do “what dad wanted” — a result Mrs. Smith says would have been unlikely if her husband hadn’t formally expressed his wishes himself.

Finally, Mr. Smith had taken the time to note in his living will that his family members should make peace with each other before he died. The couple’s two sons spoke after a long-term estrangement as a result, which brought Mrs. Smith an immense amount of peace at a very trying time. Not only did she get to see her sons begin speaking again, but she knew her husband’s final wishes were being fulfilled.

This is a good example of how a living will can be much more than a legal document — it can be something that “hits in the heart and soul,” says Malley.

In the end, Five Wishes helps us understand that life is about a lot more than money.

How to Get Started with Five Wishes

If you’re on board with creating a legal document that contains this important information, there’s no reason to delay creating a Five Wishes document as soon as you can — and no matter your age. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to get your family to talk about death in any capacity when they’re just not ready to or have no desire to.

Malley says sometimes it takes several tries for people to get their parents or spouse to make end-of-life decisions regarding their health care, their comfort and their final wishes — but it’s important enough that it’s worth trying as many times as it takes.

If you’re worried about how your family members will react if you broach the subject, consider filling out your own Five Wishes document then asking your family members to talk it over with you. This may prompt them to think over what they will want when the time comes, and it can be a “softer approach” that makes it easier to bring up matters as sensitive as death.

Whether for yourself or someone else, you can access a few different versions of Five Wishes — a hard copy format or an online version. Both options are $5 each, although you can order Five Wishes for as little as $1 per document with a minimum order of 25.

Malley says that, if you already have an advance directive set up, you can use Five Wishes in conjunction with your other documents. Still, you should take the time to go over all your end-of-life information, but especially if your situation has changed over the years — if you were divorced, remarried or your health has deteriorated.

If you live in a state where Five Wishes isn’t recognized as a legal document, you can still fill it out and use it alongside with your state’s form. Fives Wishes even offers specific instructions on how to use both your state form and this document successfully on their FAQ page.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, people should be able to explain their end of life wishes in their own words, says Malley. They should be given the time and space to decide how they want the end of their life to look, what kind of care they want to receive, and who they want by their side.

When you don’t make these decisions ahead of time, you’re agreeing to let the chips fall where they may. This may or may not work in your favor, but one thing is for certain — you won’t get a second chance.

Complete Article HERE!

“Guardianship” Often Fails Poor Seniors.

Is There a Different Way?

Lack of regulation and potential for abuse make many elder care advocates wary of the guardianship model.

By

When Patricia Cassidy was at her lowest point, she had just been evicted, was overwhelmed with mounting medical bills, and was suffering from a traumatic brain injury that left her emotionally unable to cope with everyday tasks. Then her despair turned to fear as she found herself before a local judge, who mandated that she would have to cede control over her financial and medical affairs to a guardian — an organization that the court would task with managing many components of her life on her behalf.

“I went to the hearing, and it was very, very scary for me,” she recalled in a recent interview. At the time, her therapist and rheumatologist had petitioned the court to place her in a special public guardianship program for people without other means of support from family or friends. But Cassidy, a 59-year-old domestic abuse survivor facing several chronic ailments, feared losing her independence. “I was afraid of guardians,” she said. “I felt that they were going to come in and take over my life and take over everything I had and get rid of it all.”

Five years later, Cassidy said that what she most feared about guardianship — losing control — hasn’t happened. Instead, she’s stayed independent, living in a Brooklyn apartment her case worker helped secure. She now sees her guardianship, administered by the nonprofit advocacy group Vera Institute of Justice, as “just a part of my life.” But her program is part of a small, unconventional support network for extremely vulnerable seniors that aims to safeguard their lives without taking them over. For hundreds of thousands of other seniors, guardianship is an ethical gray zone, operating at the heart of a question that increasingly haunts an aging nation: When am I no longer able to care for myself?

Aging Gaps

Guardianship is one of the most ethically fraught aspects of the elder care system, hinging on the most sensitive questions about personal liberty, medical responsibility and kinship. And it all starts, for better or worse, with a judge’s decree. A court appoints a guardian when a senior is deemed unable to live independently, usually after a hearing process that reviews an individual’s medical needs or physical, intellectual, mental or psychological disabilities, and determines that guardianship is appropriate. Similar to adoption, the guardian is in most cases a relative or friend who petitions for them. But people with fewer resources might end up in the care of a public or private agency, which is tasked with managing issues like medical treatment, financial planning and end-of-life care.

Overall, about 1.5 million people nationwide are in some form of guardianship, more than three-quarters of them involving a relative. Seniors without friends or relatives who are willing to help manage their affairs may enter the care of a private guardian (who is generally arranged by family or friends and compensated directly), if they have the financial resources to do so. Elderly people who don’t have enough funds to finance their own guardians can enter a separate system known as public or community guardianship, provided by a nonprofit or government agency. But as a whole, court-appointed guardianships lack central regulation or monitoring. Advocates fear that as the Baby Boom generation ages and guardianship becomes more widespread, so will the potential for abuse or neglect.

The Vera Institute’s The Guardianship Project (TGP) is trying to get courts and communities to reimagine guardianship, both through research and advocacy and through running its own guardianship model, which now serves about 180 people across New York, including Cassidy. On a national level, TGP’s research on guardianship programs in several states suggests the system is letting many seniors fall through the cracks: Surveys of judges and other court personnel, along with professional guardians, indicate that many courts are overstretched; there is little monitoring of cases, and judges often lack expertise for handling complex cases of seniors with serious health and economic issues. Meanwhile, court-appointed guardians are in many cases attorneys, who might have no expertise in caregiving, and respondents reported a lack of guardians available with skills like social work and nursing.

“Basically, what the whole story is showing is that there’s a population of elderly, disabled and/or poor people that are largely invisible and largely ignored,” said TGP Director Kimberly George.

Meanwhile, public wariness of guardianship is growing: Media reports and government audits have revealed many cases plagued by dysfunctional bureaucracy and a pattern of elder abuse. In professional private guardianships, which often take in seniors who have some assets to pay for services, scandals have erupted in cases of neglect, exploitation or abuse of elderly people. But the poorest seniors are even more vulnerable, since their fate relies completely on the courts and public welfare systems. Poor, socially isolated seniors with complex care needs often find themselves assigned to a public or community guardian that is financed by public funds, but without adequate resources for care and legal services. According to Peter Strauss, an elder law attorney and professor at New York Law School, when funding is arbitrary and inconsistent, guardians, public or private are frustrated by “underfunding, short staff, and then they get overwhelmed with the number of cases that they can’t handle.”

“There’s a gaping hole in the system for folks who don’t have money, but who need help and don’t have anybody [who] can step in to pay their bills, make health care decisions and the like,” said Bernard Krooks, an elder law attorney who handles guardianship cases in New York. Although public guardianship programs could play a critical role for the most marginalized seniors, Krooks told Truthout, “The reality is, there has not been a funding mechanism in New York State to make this happen.”

Keeping Elders at Home

TGP’s model seeks to serve as a different kind of last resort, aiming to provide intensive services for seniors in economic hardship, with no family or friends available to serve as guardians. Funded by New York’s Office of Court Administration and other public and philanthropic funds, TGP serves clients across a range of settings, including residential care facilities, but aims to keep clients in their communities. Each client with a “wraparound team” that includes lawyers and other support staff, with specialists in managing public benefits, finances and housing. About half of the clients live at or below the federal poverty line, and half are people of color. About 60 percent of clients are living in their communities, while others live in residential institutions like nursing homes.

TGP’s multidisciplinary program intends to knit together different strands of the social infrastructure to help people avoid nursing homes and jails. If a client with mental health problems suffers a breakdown and gets arrested, TGP can provide legal representation to secure their release from jail and help connect them to a long-term treatment program that fits their needs. TGP can also support undocumented seniors by helping them obtain medical care and other services while avoiding immigration authorities and federal law that curtails non-citizens’ access to aid.

Until recently, Cassidy hardly fit the stereotype of an “incapacitated” elder. Earlier in her life, she had worked in public relation and museum curation, but over the years, her health deteriorated due to various chronic ailments and domestic abuse. Then in her mid-fifties, she was living on her own — just not very well. Her brain injury often triggered emotional outbursts; basic tasks like a visit to the bank could spiral into an angry breakdown. “I was very overwhelmed, and then therefore not able to even operate on the simplest level,” she said. Cassidy’s vulnerability was aggravated by estrangement from family members. “It was like I became an orphan at 50,” she said.

Her therapist and rheumatologist encouraged her to enter into the guardianship as a way of getting her life under control. A TGP case worker and other staff have helped her sort out her finances and secure a new apartment with a special housing subsidy based on her medical condition. While Cassidy is capable of making her own treatment decisions, her guardian also acts as an interlocutor. A conversation with a doctor can leave her “mentally fatigued,” she adds, but TGP staff “are there with me, and they’re talking to the doctor … then afterwards if they need to, [they] explain it to me five times — the doctor is not going to explain anything to you five times — [so that] I’m sure that it’s a good decision that’s being made.”

TGP works with individuals in residential institutions, but also helps them move back into their communities whenever possible. As the report explains, many clients become “stuck” in the medical system, “languishing needlessly in a hospital or nursing home,” unable to be discharged “because no one will take on the challenges of transitioning him or her back to their homes or to a less-restrictive setting with proper oversight.” Many guardians, George said, particularly those ill-prepared to deal with complex, high-needs clients, might be tempted to place a senior in a nursing home as an “easier” solution — eliminating the need for the guardian to worry about housing, food or managing the client’s bills.

When TGP steps in, the team prepares for a client’s return home by taking care of tasks like settling rent arrears with the landlord, or planning end-of-life care — services that the client would never be able to arrange while bedridden in a crowded rehab center. If a client’s condition deteriorates to the point that some form of institutionalization, such as placement in a nursing home, appears necessary, TGP would work to place them in the least restrictive setting, according to the study, perhaps seeking out a local facility “with staff who speak a client’s primary language and access to religious services and culturally familiar foods.”

Despite its personalized approach, a recent cost-analysis found that TGP’s budget saved its roughly 160 to 180 clients collectively about $3 million in annual Medicaid costs, primarily by avoiding placements in nursing homes.

The Vera Institute’s study suggests other counties and states can use a similar holistic approach to public guardianship. On the policy level, TGP’s study calls for an expansion of public guardianship nationwide — with additional funding, comprehensive monitoring of guardians and service providers, and enhanced regulatory standards, including a commitment to placing people in the least restrictive setting, and a staff-client ratio of 1 to 20 to ensure adequate resources and oversight. Overall, a more human-centered public guardianship program could enable the most vulnerable seniors to live more independently and stay close to their communities.

Safeguarding Elder Rights

Still TGP, with its limited capacity, is not itself a solution for the guardianship crisis. Some disability rights advocates criticize the concept of guardianship in general, viewing it as incompatible with the principle of independent living. They prefer alternative legal arrangements like “supported decision-making,” in which social service providers provide guidance for people on medical and financial decisions while still leaving them legally in charge of their affairs.

Meanwhile, progressive elder law advocates are also gravitating toward alternatives to guardianship that support independence whenever feasible. Alison Herschel, director of Michigan Elder Justice Initiative, says that while guardianship is necessary for some individuals, “we believe there are far too many guardianships and far too many cases that should have been resolved by utilizing less restrictive alternatives.”

The Vera Institute’s study urges court administrators to implement better training so courts can screen cases so people can opt for less restrictive options like supported decision-making. Instead of appointing a guardian for a senior with severe dementia, for example, a judge could arrange for a sibling to gain power of attorney to aid with medical or legal decisions, and provide a home health aide. Even when guardianship is strictly a last resort, the court process can be a framework for meeting a senior’s needs for both care and personal dignity, and providing support without threatening self-determination.

For Cassidy, the TGP guardianship model is not just about getting the right services, but regaining a firm sense of both her abilities and limits. Her guardian hasn’t taken over her life, as she had once feared; instead, it’s a stabilizing presence.

If she ever needs her case worker, she knows who to call. “I carry their card with me all the time.”

Complete Article HERE!

Emptiness and Filling Out Forms:

A Practical Approach to Death

Dying with compassion means having a plan in place for those left behind. A practitioner recounts how she navigated the process with her dharma friends.

By Rena Graham

As a Tibetan Buddhist practitioner, I am constantly reminded that we never know when death might approach, but for years, I’d avoided dealing with one of the most practical aspects of death—the paperwork. I was not alone: Roughly half of all adults in North America do not have a living will. Then recently, I suffered a near-fatal illness that left me viscerally aware of how unprepared for death I was, and I made a pledge with two of my friends to get ready to leave our bodies behind for both ourselves and the people who survive us.

Bridging the end of December 2017 and the beginning of January 2018, I spent a month in a Vancouver, British Columbia hospital with a bacterial lung infection that had also invaded my pleural cavity—the first time I’d come down with a severe illness. After ten days in an intensive-care unit, I was moved to a recovery ward where I suffered a relapse. I spent my 62nd birthday, Christmas, and New Years with strangers in the hospital.

One night in the ICU, while I was partly delirious and falling in and out of sleep, I had a vision of a deceased friend reaching out to me. From what felt like disengaged consciousness, I looked down at my body on the hospital bed and realized I wasn’t ready to die. I hadn’t studied my lama’s [teacher’s] bardo teachings to navigate the intermediate state between death and rebirth, and did not want to take that journey without a road map. It didn’t matter whether this was a drug-fueled hallucination or an actual near-death experience. The important thing is that I rejected death, not out of fear, but through a recognition of the dreamlike nature of reality. After this experience, I felt that my attachment to this life and the things in it had diminished. I no longer wanted to ignore what came next. I wanted to be prepared. 

When I told my friends Liv and Rosie about this vision, we agreed to study the bardo teachings together once I’d had a couple of months of recuperation. By March, however, our plans shifted. Rosie had heard about a man (I’ll call him Ben) who had died on Lasqueti Island, an off-the-grid enclave in Canada’s Southern Gulf Islands that a local cookbook once described as “somewhere between Dogpatch and Shangri-La.” He had left his closest friends without any instructions. They had no idea if he had a family or where they might be.

“And he left an old dog behind!” Rosie said, “Can you imagine?”

“Not the bodhisattva way to die,” I replied, referring to the Buddhist ideal of compassion. I  also imagined what mess I might have left, had I not made it. 

Promising they would never leave others in such a quandary, Ben’s closest friends created a document called the Good to Go Kit, which detailed information required for end-of-life paperwork. (It is now sold at the Lasqueti Saturday market to raise funds for their medical center.)

“I’ve been wanting to make a will for 20 years,” said Liv, who would soon turn 70, “but research throws me into information overload, which adds to the emotional overwhelm I feel just thinking about it.”

“What if we did this together instead of studying the bardo?” suggested Rosie, who was in her early 50s.

Writing a will, figuring out advanced healthcare directives, and noting our final wishes didn’t have the mystical lure of bardo teachings, but we set that aside for a year while we took on this more practical area of inquiry. 

To use our time wisely, we set several parameters in place. We decided to meet one weekend a month to allow time for research and reflection between meetings, and we chose to keep our group small for ease of scheduling and to allow us to delve deeper into each topic.

 “I’d like this to be structured,” said Liv, “so it doesn’t devolve into a social event.”  

Rosie and I agreed but we knew better than to believe there didn’t need to be some socializing. She offered her place for the first meeting and said she’d cook. 

“We’ll get our chit-chat out of the way over dinner,” she said. “Since we can all be a little intimidated by this process, we have to make it fun.”

Later in March at Rosie’s garden suite, we sat down to dinner and Liv passed out copies of “A Contemplation of Food and Nourishment,” which begins with the appropriate words: “All life forms eat and are eaten, give up their lives to nourish others.” The prayer was written by Lama Mark Webber, Liv and Rosie’s teacher in the Drikung Kagyu school. (I also study with Lama Mark, although my main teacher, Khenpo Sonam Tobgyal, is in the Nyingma lineage.)  Turning our meetings into sacred practice seemed the obvious container to keep us on topic.

After dinner, Rosie rang a bell, we said a refuge prayer and recited the traditional four immeasurables prayer to generate equanimity, love, compassion, and joy toward all sentient beings.  

We traded our prayers for notebooks and reviewed our Good to Go Kit. Rosie smiled at the expected question of pets—including the name of the person who would be caring for the pet, the veterinarian and whether money had been set aside for their expenses. The form also asked whether we had hidden items or buried treasure.

Liv laughed and said, “People still bury strongboxes in their backyards?”

My answer was more prosaic: “Storage lockers.”

Rosie, Liv, and I are all single and childless. We are all self-employed and independent and have chosen Canada as our adopted homeland, meaning we have no family here. So we considered what roles friends might play and focused on those who were closer geographically than sentimentally. 

Pulling them in to act on our behalf seemed like such a “big ask” as Rosie said, but it was time to get real about our needs. The three of us shared our feelings about involving friends outside the dharma versus those within. 

When I was in the ICU, my friend Diane visited on several occasions and later told me she remained calm until she reached her car, where she cried uncontrollably. In marked contrast, my dharma friend Emma calmly asked what I needed and didn’t make much of a fuss. My Buddhist friends tend to view death as a natural transition from one incarnation to the next, while other friends may see it in more dire terms: as a finality or even failure. For end-of-life situations, asking non-Buddhist friends for limited practical support seemed kinder for all involved. 

We started to familiarize ourselves with the responsibilities of someone granted power of attorney for legal and financial proxy and enduring power of attorney for healthcare. Months later, we agreed our network of “dharma sisters” would be the perfect fit. While we hope to maintain our ability to make decisions for ourselves, should we require long-term care, we felt the baton could be passed between a dozen or so trustworthy women. We have since spoken casually about this with a number of these women and have made plans to organize a get-together and discuss our plans in greater detail, offering reciprocal support for what the Buddhist author Sallie Tisdale calls “the immeasurable wonder and disaster of change.” 

We concluded our five hours together by dedicating the merit and reciting prayers of dedication and aspiration. Long-life prayers for our lamas were offered, a bell rung, and heads bowed. Without the need for further conversation, we made our way into the chilly spring evening, silently reflecting on our new endeavor.

The next meeting and those following included menus and discussions that varied widely. Our research grew monthly with documents from government agencies, legal and trust firms, and funeral homes. None of which felt specific to Buddhist practitioners, until Rosie told us about Life in Relation to Death: Second Edition by the late Tibetan teacher Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche. This small book is out of print, but I purchased a Kindle copy. In the introduction, Chagdud Tulku, a respected Vajrayana teacher and skilled physician, reminds us that “[t]here are many methods, extraordinary and ordinary, to prepare for the transformation of death.” A book of Buddhist “pith instruction,” it includes in its second edition appendices that above all I found most valuable. These include suggested forms for “Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care,” “Advance Directive for Health Care (Living Will),” “Miscellaneous Statements for Witnesses, Notary and Physician,” and “Letter of Instructions.” It even includes a wonderful note for adding your ashes to tza-tsas, small sacred images stamped out of clay. We loved that idea, though we couldn’t imagine asking friends to go to that extent to honor our passing. 

We decided to use a community-based notary public to draw up our wills, but with further research, Liv realized she could also hire them to act as her executor, rather than use her bank. She found someone experienced and enjoyed the more personable experience. In contrast, Rosie and I’ve decided to pay friends now that we’ve found ways to simplify that process for them. 

Memorial Societies are common in North America and help consumers obtain reasonably priced funeral arrangements. Pre-paying services at a recommended funeral home allows us to leave funds with them for executor expenses, should our assets be frozen in probate. End-of-life insurance “add-ons” we like include travel protection—should we die away from home—and a final document service to close accounts and handle time-consuming administrative tasks. 

In her book Advice for Future Corpses (and Those Who Love Them): A Practical Perspective on Death and Dying, Sallie Tisdale says, “Your body is the last object for which you can be responsible, and this wish may be the most personal one you ever make.” Traditionally in Tibetan Buddhism, the edict is to leave the body undisturbed for three days after death so your consciousness has time to disengage. Tisdale states that American law generally allows you to leave a body in place for at least 24 hours and that while a hospital might want to give you less time, you might be able to negotiate for more. 

We then turned to the thorny topic of organ donation, with Rosie and Liv both deciding against. Knowing someone would soon be taking a scalpel to your cadaver would not enhance the peaceful mind they hope to die with, while my view was just the opposite. Besides gaining merit through donation, that same scalpel image provides great motivation to leave the body quickly.

While reading Tisdale’s chapter titled “Bodies,” I began entertaining thoughts of a green burial, but after months of discussion, I ended up where we all started: with expedient cremations. Rosie wanted her ashes buried and a fragrant rose bush planted on top. Liv and I were more comfortable in the water and decided our ashes would best be left there, but not scattered to ride on the wind. We selected biodegradable urns imprinted with tiny footprints. Made of sand and vegetable gel, they dissolve in water within three days, leaving gentle waves to lap our remnants out to sea. 

By getting past the practical and emotional aspects surrounding death, Liv has found herself in a space of awe. 

“There’s a wow factor to dying that I can now embrace,” she said. 

Rosie no longer worries about who will care for her in later years. Without that insecurity, she’s left with a yearning to be as present for the dying process as possible. And I have found that my understanding of life’s importance as we reach toward enlightenment has been heightened. 

Our small sangha still meets monthly and is now studying bardo teachings in our ongoing attempt to create compassionate dying from compassionate living. As we have continued with our arrangements, we’ve reflected on what we gained from our meetings. We feel blessed for the profound level of intimacy and trust we now share. We have a deeper regard for other friendships and feel enveloped by an enhanced sense of community. And we all feel more cared for.

As Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche wrote in Life in Relation to Death: “Putting worldly affairs in order can be an important spiritual process. Writing a will enables us to look at our attachments and transform them into generosity.”

Complete Article HERE!

How to Properly Prepare for End of Life Care

Sometimes death comes like a thief in the night. Other times, there’s a slow and clear buildup. In the latter scenario, one of the benefits – if you can even call it that – is that you have time to prepare for the end of your life.

By

Preparing for Your Final Chapter

At some point, it may become clear that whatever healthcare, treatments, medication, or procedures you’re pursuing to prolong your life are no longer effective. You may also come to realize that they’re doing more harm than good – robbing you of the opportunity to enjoy what time is left. When these revelations become clear, the best thing you can do is stop and focus on your quality of life.

As sobering as it is to accept, you will eventually pass on. And either you pass on without any purpose or plan – leaving the burden to your loved ones – or you can take the time to prepare for the end of your life and, in the process, provide a greater sense of closure for everyone involved.

Everyone’s end of life care situation will be different, but here are some suggestions to help you approach this sensitive and emotional time with poise:

1. Have Important Conversations

The first step is to have the right conversations with the right people. When you decide to stop seeking treatment or pursuing certain healthcare options that are designed to extend your life, it’s important that people know.

Your family needs to know that you’re dying – not so that they can feel sorry for you, but so that they may process it in a healthy manner. These conversations are more for your loved ones than they are for you. Set aside some time to speak with parents, siblings, grandchildren, close friends, mentors, etc. You don’t have to be overly sentimental or wise – just be yourself. Honesty will go a long way.

2. Make Your Wishes Known

Now’s the time to make your wishes known. If you’re currently in a nursing home, hospital, or another care facility, it may be wise to move back home. This will lessen your chances of receiving poor care from a staff that may neglect certain important needs. Instead, you can receive personalized care from your loved ones (who are more likely to respect your wishes).

If you haven’t already done so, now’s also a good time to designate a trusted loved one to make medical decisions on your behalf.

“This person, called your healthcare proxy or medical power-of-attorney, is the person who you know will make decisions the way you want them made and who can most easily stand at your bedside, if necessary,” patient advocate Trisha Torrey writes. “Your proxy will need to make decisions for you if you are in a coma, have a sudden heart attack or stroke, experience another debilitating event, and can’t speak. In addition to your primary representative, you’ll want to designate who your second choice representative should be.”

If there are specific details that are important to you, make these clear as well. For example, some people only want certain individuals present when the time comes for them to die. Other people don’t care. Speak your mind now so that you have the chance to die on your terms.

3. Get Financial Matters in Order

Hopefully you already have a last will and testament drafted. If you don’t, go ahead and do so. This will allow you to direct your finances and assets to the right people. It also saves your heirs from having to deal with the legal fallout of an estate that hasn’t been properly accounted for.

4. Secure the Right Burial Arrangements

Finally, be sure that you establish and document your burial arrangements prior to your passing. This is one less thing your family has to worry about. It gives them the opportunity to grieve properly, rather than hurrying around to figure out administrative details.

Leaving With Grace and Dignity

You will leave a legacy when you die. Whether this legacy is positive or negative remains to be seen. By preparing for the end of your life with purpose and dignity, you’ll increase the chances of passing on a legacy that people are happy to attach themselves to. Take some time to think about your wishes and how they can be executed tastefully.

Complete Article HERE!