The classroom was escalating quickly. With one, swift kick, the desk that perfectly fit a 9-year-old body crashed over, papers and colored pencils strewn about the floor. For being a thin, slight boy, Gabriel had a lot of strength.
It was a scene that happened every month or so. The teacher and the kids knew what to do: Stand back and give Gabe space until he calmed down enough for the principal to walk him to the office. His parent would be called, and he would go home.
What is wrong with Gabe?
Gabe’s parent is at wit’s end. Home life has been hard the past few years, ever since Gabe’s older brother was killed in a hunting accident. The parents have managed to stay together, and with two other young children, plus Gabe’s growing special needs, the parent is at a loss as to how to help Gabe. The principal is equally as frustrated. These classroom episodes can’t continue because they jeopardize everyone’s safety and learning environment.
Is Gabe oppositional defiant? Does he have ADHD, a developmental disability, or a learning disorder? Perhaps a battery of special education testing or an IEP(individualized education plan) is needed. That thought only increases the anxiety within Gabe’s parent. How will a diagnosis like this impact Gabe throughout his lifetime?
Grieving children
There are millions of grieving children in the United States. With increases in school violence, mass casualty events, and accidents, those numbers are expected to rise. Grief and loss are hard to talk about, and parents and concerned adults often are at a loss for resources.
It’s easy to assume that children who experience a loss like death, or a trauma like a community disaster, are grieving children. Indeed, they are. What about kids like Gabe? Gabe’s brother died years ago … surely Gabe is over that by now. Or is he?
The No.1 mistake
Adults make a big mistake when it comes to grieving children: Assuming that children process their grief verbally.
Have you ever heard a child younger than 14 say, “I’m going through my anger stage,” or “I’ve accepted my loss?” I haven’t, unless they were parroting an adult. Children’s brains are usually not developed enough to process information — traumatic or otherwise — in language. They respond to stressors (e.g., loss and trauma) through their behavior and emotions.
Adults typically recognize the Five Stages of Grief theory developed in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. This approach has been effective to heal grief. It requires the ability to process sophisticated emotions — shock, denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance — by talking about them. Children don’t yet have the brain capability to process their loss this way.
What works best with grieving children
Instead, we need to meet grieving children where they are at, using interventions that work for them. Gabe’s mother, school counselor, or teacher could try these strategies:
Address grief before considering any other diagnosis. This could be done through meeting with the school counselor, therapy outside of school, and/or parent-child interventions at home.
Don’t expect Gabe to verbalize feelings about his loss. Instead, expect a wide range of behavior — anything from behavioral acting out, high anxiety, perfectionism or withdrawal.
Be aware that high-intensity activity might trigger high-intensity emotions. Plan ahead, and have a “Plan B” (an alternate activity) ready if Gabe needs it.
Respond to the feeling behind misbehavior (loss) whenever possible.
Provide materials for Gabe to express feelings about his loss in non-verbal ways. Art supplies, toys, books and sensory objects (e.g., sand and bean trays) are great tools.
The older Gabe gets, the more capable he will be of working through his feelings through reason and language. In the meantime, it’s important that we adults don’t miss the fact that he is grieving. Let’s not call it a behavioral problem, or otherwise mislabel it, until he has been able to process his grief in the way his 9-year-old brain is able to.
With continual advances in modern medicine, we’re enjoying longer lives. As the population ages, and particularly as many people are living longer with cancers and chronic diseases, end-of-life care is adapting and changing.
People who are approaching the end of their lives will usually spend some or most of their time at home, requiring care and support to do so. Family members might not always be available to provide this care. When they are, the process can be rewarding, but it can also be challenging and complex, often leading to a severe emotional burden for the carer.
Gaps in our health and social care systems are starting to be filled by death doulas. But beyond providing practical support, families are increasingly seeking the services of death doulas to help navigate the experience of dying. Those nearing the end of their lives, too, may bring in a death doula to ensure they can die the way they want to.
We urgently need a conversation about death doulas and new models of care at the end of life. We are continuing to build an evidence base through research with the death doula community and via consultation with the health services that interface with death doulas.
Defining the death doula
We’ve seen a similar concept in midwifery, where birth doulas have long been providing social, emotional and practical support to help women through the process of childbirth. This has been shown to have positive outcomes for mothers and their babies.
Like birth doulas, death doulas’ roles and functions are non-medical; these can include advocating, supporting (spiritually and sometimes physically), guiding, and providing emotional support to the person and their family, mainly in the home.
We undertook a systematic review of the literature to find available evidence about the death doula role. We found little formal academic literature describing the role, their training, or contribution to individuals, families and the health system.
But what we do know is that each death doula enacts the role differently. They might spend time with the dying person, offering emotional and spiritual support, and sometimes providing physical care. They might support the family carers in the work they are doing. Some death doulas are only present in the last days of life, offering “vigiling” – sitting with the dying person so they are not alone.
Some doulas offer after-death rituals such as helping families prepare the body or keeping the deceased at home.
A death doula can provide additional support to family members acting as caregivers at the end of life.
Some death doulas are paid by families who engage their services. Families have often found their chosen doula online or through word-of-mouth. Other death doulas work voluntarily, in a similar way to a hospice volunteer. But, because there are no formal structures or registers, we don’t know how many death doulas there are.
In Australia and elsewhere, palliative care nurses, social workers and those from the funeral industry work as death doulas. This seems to be a natural progression, but it’s a grey area: doulas are providing care, but are not registered or supervised.
There is little formal assessment to guide patient and family choice or to inform end-of-life care provided by professionals.
How can doula care be formalised?
Providing care in homes can be informal. It may be provided by families, friends, or community groups. Care can also be formally negotiated and provided by health services, aged care providers or private agencies.
It’s necessary to understand the implications of the death doula role. For example, they could become part of formal care arrangements such as home care packages or via private health insurance funding.
We also need to look at how these new roles are authorised to represent the dying person, as they are neither a family member nor a qualified health professional. It’s also important that they are appropriately trained and insured (if providing paid services).
There are personal, social and cost advantages in enabling care in the home for a dying person. For families, being able to support the person in a familiar environment can be a powerful motivator to engage a death doula to fill the gaps in care provision.
For the health system, care in the home is seen as positive. It can avoid unnecessary hospital use and help spread the costs of caring.
For the dying person who may prefer to die at home, it is a way of achieving this. Importantly, death doulas can improve the dying person’s ability to control their own care.
The death doula role may well incorporate some of the direct care provided by families and help them to navigate the complex needs and planning required at the end of life. If so, death doulas could represent an important opportunity to improve dying outcomes.
We need to ensure our community is informed, health service provision crosses both hospitals and homes, and that those providing care – regardless of setting – have skills and knowledge appropriate to their role.
For more than a century, every deceased resident of Long Son Island has been buried in the same coffin.
The residents of Long Son Commune near the Vung Tau port city in southern Vietnam follow the Tran religious teachings set out by the island’s founder, Le Van Muu, early in the 20th century.
Muu was a resistance fighter against French colonialists in the 1800s, but the war forced him to flee his hometown in the Mekong Delta.
He and a small group of people migrated to an unpopulated Ba Trao Hamlet (now Long Son Commune). Muu settled there, built permanent homes, and formed a religious practice on the basis of maintaining human virtues.
His teachings focus on living harmoniously with nature and loving people. Besides that, there are not any rules and books that adherents have to strictly follow. They can get married and have children, but maintain a simple life close to nature.
Adherents wear the ao ba ba, a baggy shirt that is popular among peasants in southern Vietnam, tie their hair in buns, walk bare feet, and keep their head bare, too.
Muu’s followers inside the “Big House.”
Togetherness is a cornerstone of Muu’s philosophy. People in the community work and eat together. There is a lot of bonding, and in an unusual departure from mainstream traditions, this is carried on at death as well.
Muu believed that everyone was the same when they died, so he introduced the practice of sharing the same “Ba Quan” coffin when a person dies.
“Ba Quan” is a standard coffin that is placed in the Nha Lon (Big House) on the island.
Thanh Thi Thanh, a 75-year-old local resident, said that when a family member dies, relatives go to the Big House to ask to use the Ba Quan coffin.
The deceased’s body is washed clean, dressed in new clothes, shrouded in cloth and mats, and placed in the coffin.
At the cemetery, the body is taken out of the coffin and buried directly in the ground. “Ba Quan” is taken back to the Big House to be used by relatives of the next person to depart the world.
“The burial practice does not include the coffin so the corpse can quickly decay and attain liberation,” Thanh said. “This practice also helps family members save costs.”
She added that only those who are 12 years or older will be placed in the Ba Quan coffin when they die.
The dead are buried within 24 hours, instead of waiting for a set day or time. Family members will complete the mourning ceremony at the graveyard and do not invite guests over or perform any other ritual.
Those who visit the deceased will burn incense for the soul of the dead, and relatives will not receive any condolence money.
This tradition has been kept alive by locals for long.
Tran Ba Viet, head of the Culture and Information Department of Vung Tau City, said that the ceremony that Long Son residents have maintained for decades has many advantages since it is very short and expenses are minimized.
But since the coffin is not sealed for reuse, if the deceased had any serious, contagious illness, it could be contagious and affect the environment, Viet said.
He added that he will work with locals and authorities in the health sector to identify better funeral practices to protect the environment while respecting long-standing customs.
Death and grief are natural parts of the human experience, but mourning a loss is also an incredibly complex process.
When a young child loses a loved one, parents often grapple with the challenge of explaining the concept of death and helping their little one through the grieving process (all while grieving themselves).
To help inform these difficult conversations, HuffPost spoke to a number of child mental health experts. Of course, a family’s cultural and religious background may steer the discussion, but there are certain guiding principles that are helpful for everyone to keep in mind.
Here are some expert suggestions for parents and caregivers when they prepare to talk about death and grief with children.
Be Honest And Straightforward
“Tell them the ‘facts’ about the death,” clinical psychologist John Mayer told HuffPost. “Don’t sugarcoat what death is or use ‘baby talk’ with a child. Do not use phrases like, ‘Grammy is sleeping.’ This is an opportune time to teach them about death. Don’t shy away from it.”
Board certified licensed professional counselor Tammy Lewis Wilborn echoed this sentiment, noting that using “cutesy language” and euphemisms in an attempt to protect kids from the realities of death and loss can actually do more harm than good.
“Children tend to think concretely, not abstractly, so when you use language that’s euphemistic, it can actually be more confusing or frustrating,” she explained. When people say things like “Dad is in the clouds” or “Your dad is taking a really long nap,” a young child may not understand the permanence of the fact that their father died and might even look for him in the clouds or expect him to wake up at some point.
Words like “death,” “died” or “dying” may sound harsh, but this is still developmentally appropriate language, Wilborn noted, and it’s important for children to have the language to understand the permanence of death.
Ask And Answer Questions
The kind of conversation a parent has with a child following the death of a loved one depends on the child’s relationship with the person who died. It should also vary based on the child’s developmental age and their understanding of what happens when someone dies. To that end, it’s useful to ask kids questions or offer to answer any questions they might have.
“Starting with questions can be a way in,” said Wilborn. “And you don’t necessarily need to give the specific details of how the person died, particularly if we’re dealing with traumatic grief. They don’t need all of the information, but they need enough age-appropriate details to understand that a person has died and isn’t coming back.”
Sometimes children may have witnessed something related to the loved one’s death, like being present at the scene of an accident or visiting the person in the hospital. In these cases, they need help understanding what they saw, said Chandra Ghosh Ippen, an expert in early childhood trauma and the associate director of the Child Trauma Research Program at the University of California, San Francisco.
Parents should try to shrink themselves down to the size of their child and walk through what they’ve experienced. Seeing someone in a hospital with tubes coming out of them or watching paramedics perform lifesaving procedures may be frightening for a small child, so it’s necessary for adults to appreciate how scary things might look to them.
“Create space for them to share how it might’ve affected them, and try to help them understand that doctors and paramedics were trying to help their loved one,” Ghosh Ippen explained.
It’s an ongoing conversation. “Young children will often come back to you after your very excellent explanation of death and still ask, ‘Am I going to see so-and-so?’” Ghosh Ippen said. “It’s not that they didn’t understand you, but little kids tend to repeat their questions. It’s sort of their way of mulling it over and making meaning. This can be painful for caregivers, but appreciate that the child did hear you and is just having a difficult time wrapping their head around the concept of death.”
Know That Their Emotions Are Complicated
“Grief is a complex process, so it comes with a range of thoughts, emotions and behaviors,” Wilborn explained. While parents may expect their child to feel sad, angry, confused or even guilty about a loss, there are other behavioral changes that can be harder to understand, like changes in sleeping and eating patterns or school performance issues.
Sometimes parents may feel confused about a perceived lack of sadness in their kids. “Young children have a short sadness span,” said Ghosh Ippen. “A child can suffer a devastating loss and feel really sad, and then they can go play. You may be thinking, ‘Were they really affected by what happened?’”
While adults tend to immobilize and sink into sadness, kids often discharge it by running around or trying to do something else. “They kind of go in and out of sadness, and that can put us at odds with them if we’re thinking, ‘Oh, my God, do they not care?’” she continued. “But recognize that they did care.”
Be Patient
Wilborn noted that grief is a long process, so parents should reject the tendency to want to rush past it and wonder when their kids are going to be over it.
“Grief is a process that you cannot go around. You have to go through it. So you need to be OK with the pace of the process,” she said. “It can take some time for a child to return to his or her normal.”
Mayer emphasized the power of this experience and of talking to kids about death as a way to build major developmental coping skills. “This is a positive and helps them cope with loss in their life in the future and even transitions in their life, such as leaving one school to another, advancing to high school or college, and losing relationships.”
Encourage Expression
“Children need to see that their parents are a resource; home is a resource where grief is welcome,” Wilborn said, noting that parents should encourage age-appropriate expressions of grief.
“For example with a school-aged, play is their language, so you want to lean into ways that children play to promote communication ― things like drawing pictures, playing games, dolls, puppet shows at home,” she added. “With older kids, you might encourage them to journal, draw, write songs, create poems.”
Mayer noted that being a resource for your child creates a sense of safety and security that will serve them in later life events. “They know they can depend on you, and it is wonderful modeling for them.”
Create Rituals
Creating rituals around remembering and honoring a loved one who died is another significant form of expression. “Explain that this person may not be here with us, but we can still remember him or her and celebrate their life as a family,” said Wilborn.
“When the death is really traumatic, sometimes caregivers stop talking about the person who died,” Ghosh Ippen explained. “And what’s hard in those cases is that children lose their ‘angel memories’ ― times when they really felt loved and cared for with that person. It’s normal for grown-ups in mourning to find it hard to talk about the person who died, but it’s important to memorialize them.”
The death of a loved one offers an opportunity to talk to your child about your cultural and religious beliefs.
Many cultures and religions promote rituals around saying goodbye and making meaning of death. Mayer noted that losing a loved one presents an opportunity for parents who have religious belief systems to explain these tenets to their children.
“Religious or not, it is also very helpful to teach your children that all the experiences and memories you have had with this loved one do not get erased with their death. People always live in our hearts and our minds forever, and no one or nothing can take that away,” he explained. “Say something like, ‘Where’s Aunt Susie right now? She’s not in this room with us right now, correct? That doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist.’ Aunt Susie is here (point to your head) and here (point to your heart). We have to keep our memories and good times with Aunt Susie alive.”
Make Sure They Know It’s Not Their Fault
“Sometimes children have this really uncanny way of assigning blame to themselves for things that have nothing to do with them,” said Wilborn.
With that in mind, caregivers need to help kids understand that the death is in no way their fault, and it’s not their responsibility to put on a strong face or hide their feelings.
Use Books And Other Resources
There are many great resources for parents navigating this difficult topic with their children. Ghosh Ippen and Wilborn both recommend Sesame Street’s online grief toolkit, which provides talking points, videos, activities, storybooks and more. Ghosh Ippen and Wilborn also pointed to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network as another great source of online resources.
There are many children’s books that cover the experience of loss.
Beyond books and online resources, Wilborn emphasized the value of community resources, such as school counseling, support groups, play therapy and peer counseling.
Let Them See You Grieve
The way a child’s parents or caregivers respond to a loss is instrumental in helping them cope. “They need to see you grieve,” said Wilborn. “But they also need to see you taking care of yourself and engaging in self-care, which may or may not include professional help. If you don’t, they may feel like they have to take care of you because you’re not managing grief in a way that’s healthy.”
It’s OK to cry in front of your children and show the value of expressing emotions and having shared emotions among family members. It’s OK to say things like “I’m feeling really sad because my dad died” or “Daddy is sad because he misses his mom.”
“Within our culture, we often have a sense that we have to be tough, so many parents are trying to help their kids by putting on a brave or overly cheery face,” said Ghosh Ippen. “But that can seem really odd and confusing. The child is feeling sad because it’s devastating that this person is gone, but then the parent is cheery ― which can feel eerie and weird.”
Ultimately, it’s about conveying the idea that “Mom is sad, and Mom is also strong,” she continued. If the feelings of grief become overwhelming, parents should seek help from other sources because it’s not their child’s role to help them.
“It’s important for little kids to believe that grown-ups are bigger, wiser and stronger,” said Ghosh Ippen. “We are not going to fall apart, and if we are going to fall apart, other grown-ups are going to help us.”
B.C. College of Midwives and Pashta MaryMoon, 65, to litigate ‘death midwife’ title this week
Death midwife Pashta MaryMoon (far right) uses a live model to demonstrate how to properly wash and care for a dead body at home. MaryMoon will be in B.C. Supreme Court this week after the B.C. College of Midwives filed an injunction to demand she stop using the title.
By Liam Britten
In a sworn affidavit, Pashta MaryMoon says her passion for alternative holistic death care began when she was a seven-year-old girl watching a 1950s western movie.
She described watching a scene with a pioneer’s wife whose husband had died. The fictional woman, all alone, had no choice but to care for his body herself, prepare it for burial, inter it and then comfort their grieving children.
“Young as I was, and with the benefit of hindsight, this ‘hands-on’ approach struck me as making more sense than conventional funeral practices,” MaryMoon, now 65, wrote.
“I am a Death Midwife; Death Midwifery is my vocation and it is what I do.”
The problem with MaryMoon’s vocation, in the eyes of the B.C. College of Midwives, is its name.
The college, which is the legal body regulating and overseeing the practice of midwifery in B.C., has sent several cease and desist letters to MaryMoon since 2016 demanding she stop using the term “midwife” to describe her services.
Now, it is turning to B.C. Supreme Court to compel her to drop it in a two-day hearing this week.
Cites history back to ancient Egypt
MaryMoon evokes the Egyptian goddess Isis’ dual roles as a god of life and death to explain what she says is the traditional dual role of the midwife.
According to the college of midwives, its birth-focused registrants provide a “continuity of care and support throughout the childbearing experience.”
Before birth, they provide physical exams and diagnostic tests; during birth they can conduct normal vaginal deliveries; and they also provide postpartum care after birth.
MaryMoon says death midwifery honours the philosophy and tradition of traditional midwives as someone who “attends to birth or death.”
In a document submitted to the court, her friend Mia Shinbrot outlined the services MaryMoon provides.
Before death, she helps the dying plan at-home funerals and work through their grief; during the death itself, she organizes death vigils; and after the person has died, she takes care of paperwork, helps with the funeral and provides grief support.
MaryMoon, in her affidavit, said the dual role of a midwife stretches back into ancient times and claims its roots go as far back as recorded history, as evidenced by ancient Egyptian gods like Isis or the Bird-Headed Snake Goddess, which she claims have aspects of both life and death in their natures.
College wants to avoid confusion
In an affidavit of her own, college of midwives registrar Louise Aerts argued it is important to keep the term midwife legally reserved for college-certified midwives to avoid confusing or misleading members of the public.
Aerts declined to comment further for this story, saying the matter is before the courts, but in her submission, she noted that other holistic death practitioners call themselves “death doulas” or end-of-life doulas.”
Douglas College even has an End-of-Life Doula certificate program.
But MaryMoon, in response to that, said the term “death midwife” is the only title that accurately encapsulates her services and approach. She believes there is no chance of confusing her work with that of a college-certified midwife.
“When people hear ‘death midwife’ or ‘death midwifery,’ they automatically assume a philosophy about it, in part, because they’re familiar with birth midwives,” MaryMoon said.
“There’s no other term in our culture right now that that the public recognizes.”
Pashta MaryMoon says about a half dozen other people called themselves “death midwives” until the B.C. College of Midwives ordered them to stop. MaryMoon believes she is the last one remaining in B.C.
She believes that without the title, people facing death will not know that they can take a different approach to dying.
She will ask the B.C. Supreme Court for an exemption to restrictions on the midwife title on Nov. 29 and 30.
Nothing so alters a person as learning you have a terminal illness.
Ronni Bennett, who writes a popular blog about aging, discovered that recently when she heard that cancer had metastasized to her lungs and her peritoneum (a membrane that lines the cavity of the abdomen).
There is no cure for your condition, Bennett was told by doctors, who estimated she might have six to eight months of good health before symptoms began to appear.
Right then and there, this 77-year-old resolved to start doing things differently — something many people might be inclined to do in a similar situation.
No more extended exercise routines every morning, a try-to-stay-healthy activity that Bennett had forced herself to adopt but disliked intensely.
No more watching her diet, which had allowed her to shed 40 pounds several years ago and keep the weight off, with considerable effort.
No more worrying about whether memory lapses were normal or an early sign of dementia — an irrelevant issue now.
No more pretending that the cliche “we’re all terminal” (since death awaits all of us) is especially insightful. This abstraction has nothing to do with the reality of knowing, in your gut, that your own death is imminent, Bennett realized.
“It colors everything,” she told me in a long and wide-ranging conversation recently. “I’ve always lived tentatively, but I’m not anymore because the worst has happened — I’ve been told I’m going to die.”
No more listening to medical advice from friends and acquaintances, however well-intentioned. Bennett has complete trust in her medical team at Oregon Health & Science University, which has treated her since diagnosing pancreatic cancer last year. She’s done with responding politely to people who think they know better, she said.
And no more worrying, even for a minute, what anyone thinks of her. As Bennett wrote in a recent blog post, “All kinds of things . . . fall away at just about the exact moment the doctor says, ‘There is no treatment.’ ”
Four or five times a day, a wave of crushing fear washes through her, Bennett told me. She breathes deeply and lets it pass. And no, psychotherapy isn’t something she wants to consider.
Instead, she’ll feel whatever it is she needs to feel — and learn from it. This is how she wants to approach death, Bennett said: alert, aware, lucid. “Dying is the last great adventure we have — the last bit of life — and I want to experience it as it happens,” she said.
Writing is, for Bennett, a necessity, the thing she wants to do more than anything during this last stage of her life. For decades, it’s been her way of understanding the world — and herself.
In a notebook, Bennett has been jotting down thoughts and feelings as they come to her. Some she already has shared in a series of blog posts about her illness. Some she’s saving for the future.
There are questions she hasn’t figured out how to answer yet.
“Can I still watch trashy TV shows?”
“How do I choose what books to read, given that my time is finite?
“What do I think about rationale suicide?” (Physician-assisted death is an option in Oregon, where Bennett lives.)
Along with her “I’m done with that” list, Bennett has a list of what she wants to embrace:
Ice cream and cheese, her favorite foods. Walks in the park near her home. Get-togethers with her public affairs discussion group. A romp with kittens or puppies licking her and making her laugh. A sense of normalcy, for as long as possible. “What I want is my life, very close to what it is,” she explained. And deep conversations with friends. “What has been most helpful and touched me most are the friends who are willing to let me talk about this,” she said.
On her blog, she has invited readers to “ask any questions at all” and made it clear she welcomes frank communication.
“I’m new to this — this dying thing — and there’s no instruction book. I’m kind of fascinated by what you do with yourself during this period, and questions help me figure out what I think,” she told me.
Recently, a reader asked Bennett if she was angry about her cancer. No, Bennett answered. “Early on, I read about some cancer patients who get hung up on ‘why me?’ My response was ‘why not me?’ Most of my family died of cancer and, 40 percent of all Americans will have some form of cancer during their lives.”
Dozens of readers have responded with shock, sadness and gratitude for Bennett’s honesty about subjects that usually aren’t discussed in public.
“Because she’s writing about her own experiences in detail and telling people how she feels, people are opening up and relaying their experiences — things that maybe they’ve never said to anyone before,” Millie Garfield, 93, a devoted reader and friend of Bennett’s, told me in a phone conversation.
Garfield’s parents never talked about illness and death the way Bennett is doing. “I didn’t have this close communication with them, and they never opened up to me about all the things Ronni is talking about,” she said.
For the last year, Bennett and her former husband, Alex Bennett, have broadcast video conversations every few weeks over YouTube. (He lives across the country in New York City.) “What you’ve written will be valuable as a document of somebody’s life and how to leave it,” he told her recently as they talked about her condition with poignancy and laughter.
Other people may have very different perspectives as they take stock of their lives upon learning they have a terminal illness. Some may not want to share their innermost thoughts and feelings; others may do so willingly or if they feel other people really want to listen.
During the past 15 years, Bennett chose to live her life out loud through her blog. For the moment, she’s as committed as ever to doing that.
“There’s very little about dying from the point of view of someone who’s living that experience,” she said. “This is one of the very big deals of aging and, absolutely, I’ll keep writing about this as long as I want to or can.”
