Month: October 2021

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Planning your funeral doesn’t have to be scary, says the author of ‘It’s Your Funeral: Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime Before it’s Too Late’

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The pandemic has forced many to rethink and readjust their present with their future. Some have left jobs that provided steady paychecks and a predictable complacency for unknown, yet meaningful passion projects. Others are are taking more control of their destinies as they see fit. Unwilling to settle in life anymore. So why would you settle in death?

That’s the question Kathy Benjamin, author of “It’s Your Funeral! Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime — Before it’s Too Late,” asks. Amid the book’s 176 pages, Benjamin exposes readers to death in a light, humorous, and practical way, akin to a soothing bath, rather than a brisk cold shower.

The Austin-based writer’s niche is death (her last book centered on bizarre funeral traditions and practices). Having panic attacks as a teen, Benjamin said enduring them felt like she was dying. It was then that she started wrestling with the idea of death.

“I feel like I’m actually dying all the time, so maybe I should learn about the history of death and all that,” she said. “If I’m going to be so scared of it, I should learn about it because then I’d kind of have some control over it.”

It’s that control that Benjamin wants to give to readers of this book. She introduces readers to concepts and steps one should contemplate now, in order to make sure the last big gathering centered on you is as memorable as you and your loved ones wish. Poring over the book, one finds interesting final resting options such as body donation that goes beyond being a medical cadaver, “infinity burial suits” that lets one look like a ninja at burial, but also helps nourish plants as decomposition begins; and quirky clubs and businesses that allow one to make death unique (as in hiring mourners to fill out your grieving space and time, and designing your own coffin).

Kathy Benjamin knows death can be scary, but she's determined to show that planning your own funeral doesn't have to be.
Kathy Benjamin knows death can be scary, but she’s determined to show that planning your own funeral doesn’t have to be.

Now before you think this is all a bit macabre, Benjamin’s book also serves as a personal log so you can start planning your big event. Amid the pages, she offers prompts and pages where you can jot down thoughts and ideas on fashioning your own funeral. If you want to have a theme? Put it down in the book. You want to start working on your eulogy/obituary/epitaph, will, or your “final” playlist? Benjamin gives you space in her book to do so. It’s like a demise workbook where you can place your best photos to be used for the funeral and your passwords to your digital life, for your loved ones to have access to that space once you’re gone. If all the details are in the book, a loved one just has to pick it up and use it as a reference to make sure your day of mourning is one you envisioned.

As Benjamin writes: “Think about death in a manner that will motivate you to live the best, most fulfilling life possible. By preparing for death in a spiritual and physical way, you are ensuring that you will succeed right to the end.”

“Everyone’s going to die, if you’re willing to be OK with thinking about that, and in a fun way, then the book is for you,” she said.

We talked with Benjamin to learn more about the details of death and thinking “outside the coffin” for posterity’s sake. The following interview has been condensed and edited.

‘It’s Your Funeral! Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime — Before it’s Too Late’ is by Kathy Benjamin, Quirk Books, 176 pages, $14.40.
‘It’s Your Funeral! Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime — Before it’s Too Late’ is by Kathy Benjamin, Quirk Books, 176 pages, $14.40.

Q: How much time did it take you to find all this data about death? You share what was in the late Tony Curtis’ casket.

Kathy Benjamin: I have shelves of books that range from textbooks to pop culture books about death, and it’s something that a lot more people than you think are interested in so when you start doing online research you might just find a list of, here’s what people have in their coffin and then from there, you’re like: ‘OK, let’s check if this is true.’ Let’s go back and check newspaper articles and more legitimate websites and things and those details are out there. People want to know. I think of it as when you see someone post on Facebook — somebody in my family died. I know for me, and based on what people reply, the first thing is: What did they die of? We want these details around death. It’s just something people are really interested in. The information is out there and if you go looking for it, you can find it.

Q: Was the timing for the release of the book on point or a little off, given the pandemic?

KB: That was unbelievable timing, either good or bad, how you want to look at it. I ended up researching and writing during that whole early wave in the summer (2020) and into the second wave, and it was very weird. It was very weird to wake up, and the first thing I would do every morning for months was check how many people were dead and where the hot spots were, and then write … just a lot of compartmentalization. My idea was because people who were confronting death so much, maybe it would open up a lot of people’s minds who wouldn’t normally be open to reading this kind of book, they’d be like: ‘OK, I’ve faced my mortality in the past year. So actually, maybe, I should think about it.’

Q: Is there anything considered too “out there” or taboo for a funeral?

KB: I always think that funerals really are for the people who are still alive to deal with their grief, so I wouldn’t do anything that’s going to offend loved ones. I can’t think of what it might be, but if there’s a real disagreement on what is OK, then maybe take the people who are going to be crying and keep them in mind. But really, it’s your party. Plan what you want. There are so many options out there. Some people, they still think cremation isn’t acceptable. Because death is so personal, there’s always going to be people who think something is too far, even things that seem normal for your culture or for your generation.

Q: You mention some interesting mourning/funeral businesses, but many seem to be in other countries. Do we have anything cool in the U.S. as far as death goes that maybe other places don’t have?

KB: One thing we have more than anywhere in the world is body farms. We have a couple and just one or two in the entire rest of the world. The biggest in the world is at the University of Tennessee. For people who don’t know, body farms are where you can donate your body as if you would to science, but instead of doing organ transplants or whatever with it, they put you in the trunk of a car or they put you in a pond or they just lay you out and then they see what happens to you as you decompose. Law enforcement recruits come in and study you to learn how to solve crimes based on what happens to bodies that are left in different situations. I think they get about 100 bodies a year. I always tell people about body farms because if you’re into “true crime” and don’t care what happens to you and you’re not grossed out by it, then do it because it’s really cool and it’s helpful.

Q: You mention mummification and traditional Viking send offs, what about the burning of a shrouded body on a pyre? Have you heard about that? It was the way hunters were sent into the afterlife on the TV series “Supernatural.”

KB: I haven’t heard of anyone doing it in America but obviously that’s a big pop culture thing. For Hindus, that’s the way it happens in India … you go to the Ganges, and they have places specifically where you pay for the wood and they make a pyre and that’s how people go out. I doubt there’s a cemetery or a park that would allow you to do it in the U.S., but on private land, you’re pretty much allowed to do whatever. I would definitely check on regulations. You would have to get the pyre quite hot to burn the body to ash, like hotter than you think to make sure you don’t get a barbecued grandpa.

Q: In your research, have you come across anything that completely surprised you because it’s so unheard of?

KB: There’s been things like funerary cannibalism, which is where you eat loved ones after they’ve died. But once you’ve read the reasons why different tribes around the world have done it, you’re like ‘OK, I can see why that meant something, why it was meant to be emotional and beautiful.’ Things like sky burial in Tibet, they have a Buddhist monk chop up the body and lay it out for the vultures to come get. Part of it ties back to Buddhist tradition but also it’s Tibet, you can’t dig holes there in the mountains. So, there’s a logical reason for it. When you look at these things that originally seem gross or weird, once you learn the reasons behind them it all comes back in the end to trying to do something respectful for the dead, and trying to give the living that closure.

Q: What are your plans for your funeral?

KB: I definitely want to be cremated. I don’t know if I want people to necessarily come together for a funeral for me but like I have a playlist, and even before the book I had a whole document on the computer of what I wanted. I want all the people to know about the playlist and then they can kind of sit and think about how awesome I am while the sad songs play, and then there’s different places that I would want my ashes scattered.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why Some Scientists Think Consciousness Persists After Death

We should not assume that people who are near death do not know what we are saying

By News

A very significant change that happened in the last century or so has been the ability of science professionals to see what happens when people are thinking, especially under traumatic conditions.

It was not a good moment for materialist theories. Here is one finding (there are many others): Death is a process, usually, not simply an event.

Consciousness can persists after clinical death. A more accurate way of putting things might be that the brain is able to host consciousness for a short period after clinical death. Some notes on recent findings:

The short answer is, probably, yes:

Recent studies have shown that animals experience a surge in brain activity in the minutes after death. And people in the first phase of death may still experience some form of consciousness, [Sam] Parnia said. Substantial anecdotal evidence reveals that people whose hearts stopped and then restarted were able to describe accurate, verified accounts of what was going on around them, he added.

“They’ll describe watching doctors and nurses working; they’ll describe having awareness of full conversations, of visual things that were going on, that would otherwise not be known to them,” he explained. According to Parnia, these recollections were then verified by medical and nursing staff who were present at the time and were stunned to hear that their patients, who were technically dead, could remember all those details.

Mindy Weisberger, “Are ‘Flatliners’ really conscious after death?” at LiveScience (October 4, 2017)

Death is probably, in most cases, a process rather than a single event:

Time of death is considered when a person has gone into cardiac arrest. This is the cessation of the electrical impulse that drive the heartbeat. As a result, the heart locks up. The moment the heart stops is considered time of death. But does death overtake our mind immediately afterward or does it slowly creep in?

Some scientists have studied near death experiences (NDEs) to try to gain insights into how death overcomes the brain. What they’ve found is remarkable, a surge of electricity enters the brain moments before brain death. One 2013 study out of the University of Michigan, which examined electrical signals inside the heads of rats, found they entered a hyper-alert state just before death.

Philip Perry, “After death, you’re aware that you’ve died, say scientists” at BigThink (October 24, 2017)

Despite claims, current science does not do a very good job of explaining human experience just before death:

Researchers have also explained near-death experiences via cerebral anoxia, a lack of oxygen to the brain. One researcher found air pilots who experienced unconsciousness during rapid acceleration described near-death experience-like features, such as tunnel vision. Lack of oxygen may also trigger temporal lobe seizures which causes hallucinations. These may be similar to a near-death experience.

But the most widespread explanation for near-death experiences is the dying brain hypothesis. This theory proposes that near-death experiences are hallucinations caused by activity in the brain as cells begin to die. As these occur during times of crisis, this would explain the stories survivors recount. The problem with this theory, though plausible, is that it fails to explain the full range of features that may occur during near-death experiences, such as why people have out-of-body experiences.

Neal Dagnall and Ken Drinkwater, “Are near-death experiences hallucinations? Experts explain the science behind this puzzling phenomenon” at The Conversation (December 4, 2018)

Such explanations are a classic case of adapting a materialist hypothesis to fit whatever has happened. They don’t explain, for example, terminal lucidity, where many people suddenly gain clarity about life.

Research medic Sam Parnia found, for example, that, of 2000 patients with cardiac arrest,

Some died during the process. But of those who survived, up to 40 percent had a perception of having some form of awareness during the time when they were in a state of cardiac arrest. Yet they weren’t able to specify more details.

Cathy Cassata, “We May Still Be Conscious After We Die” at Healthline (September 24, 2018) The paper requires a subscription.

So we should not assume that people who are on the way out cannot understand us. Maybe they can — and would like to hear that they are still loved and will be missed.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Why Americans Die So Much

U.S. life spans, which have fallen behind those in Europe, are telling us something important about American society.

By Derek Thompson

America has a death problem.

No, I’m not just talking about the past year and a half, during which COVID-19 deaths per capita in the United States outpaced those in similarly rich countries, such as Canada, Japan, and France. And I’m not just talking about the past decade, during which drug overdoses skyrocketed in the U.S., creating a social epidemic of what are often called “deaths of despair.”

I’m talking about the past 30 years. Before the 1990s, average life expectancy in the U.S. was not much different than it was in Germany, the United Kingdom, or France. But since the 1990s, American life spans started falling significantly behind those in similarly wealthy European countries.

According to a new working paper released by the National Bureau of Economic Research, Americans now die earlier than their European counterparts, no matter what age you’re looking at. Compared with Europeans, American babies are more likely to die before they turn 5, American teens are more likely to die before they turn 20, and American adults are more likely to die before they turn 65. At every age, living in the United States carries a higher risk of mortality. This is America’s unsung death penalty, and it adds up. Average life expectancy surged above 80 years old in just about every Western European country in the 2010s, including Portugal, Spain, France, Italy, Germany, the U.K., Denmark, and Switzerland. In the U.S., by contrast, the average life span has never exceeded 79—and now it’s just taken a historic tumble.

Why is the U.S. so much worse than other developed countries at performing the most basic function of civilization: keeping people alive?

“Europe has better life outcomes than the United States across the board, for white and Black people, in high-poverty areas and low-poverty areas,” Hannes Schwandt, a Northwestern University professor who co-wrote the paper, told me. “It’s important that we collect this data, so that people can ask the right questions, but the data alone does not tell us what the cause of this longevity gap is.”

Finding a straightforward explanation is hard, because there are so many differences between life in the U.S. and Europe. Americans are more likely to kill one another with guns, in large part because Americans have more guns than residents of other countries do. Americans die more from car accidents, not because our fatality rate per mile driven is unusually high but because we simply drive so much more than people in other countries. Americans also have higher rates of death from infectious disease and pregnancy complications. But what has that got to do with guns, or commuting?

By collecting data on American life spans by ethnicity and by income at the county level—and by comparing them with those of European countries, locality by locality—Schwandt and the other researchers made three important findings.

First, Europe’s mortality rates are shockingly similar between rich and poor communities. Residents of the poorest parts of France live about as long as people in the rich areas around Paris do. “Health improvements among infants, children, and youth have been disseminated within European countries in a way that includes even the poorest areas,” the paper’s authors write.

But in the U.S., which has the highest poverty and inequality of just about any country in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, where you live is much more likely to determine when you’ll die. Infants in the U.S. are considerably more likely to die in the poorest counties than in the richest counties, and this is true for both Black and white babies. Black teenagers in the poorest U.S. areas are roughly twice as likely to die before they turn 20, compared with those in the richest U.S. counties. In Europe, by contrast, the mortality rate for teenagers in the richest and poorest areas is exactly the same—12 deaths per 100,000. In America, the problem is not just that poverty is higher; it’s that the effect of poverty on longevity is greater too.

Second, even rich Europeans are outliving rich Americans. “There is an American view that egalitarian societies have more equality, but it’s all one big mediocre middle, whereas the best outcomes in the U.S. are the best outcomes in the world,” Schwandt said. But this just doesn’t seem to be the case for longevity. White Americans living in the richest 5 percent of counties still die earlier than Europeans in similarly low-poverty areas; life spans for Black Americans were shorter still. (The study did not examine other American racial groups.) “It says something negative about the overall health system of the United States that even after we grouped counties by poverty and looked at the richest 10th percentile, and even the richest fifth percentile, we still saw this longevity gap between Americans and Europeans,” he added. In fact, Europeans in extremely impoverished areas seem to live longer than Black or white Americans in the richest 10 percent of counties.

Third, Americans have a lot to learn about a surprising success story in U.S. longevity. In the three decades before COVID-19, average life spans for Black Americans surged, in rich and poor areas and across all ages. As a result, the Black-white life-expectancy gap decreased by almost half, from seven years to 3.6 years. “This is a really important story that we ought to move to the forefront of public debate,” Schwandt said. “What happened here? And how do we continue this improvement and learn from it?”

One explanation begins with science and technology. Researchers found that nothing played bigger roles in reducing mortality than improvements in treating cardiovascular disease and cancer. New drugs and therapies for high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and various treatable cancers are adding years or decades to the lives of millions of Americans of all ethnicities.

Policy also plays a starring role. Schwandt credits the Medicaid expansion in the 1990s, which covered pregnant women and children and likely improved Black Americans’ access to medical treatments. He cites the expansion of the earned-income tax credit and other financial assistance, which have gradually reduced poverty. He also points to reductions in air pollution. “Black Americans have been more likely than white Americans to live in more-polluted areas,” he said. But air pollution has declined more than 70 percent since the 1970s, according to the EPA, and most of that decline happened during the 30-year period of this mortality research.

Other factors that have reduced the Black-white life-expectancy gap include the increase in deaths of despair, which disproportionately kill white Americans, and—up until 2018—a decline in homicides, which disproportionately kill Black Americans. (The recent rise in homicides, along with the disproportionate number of nonwhite Americans who have died of COVID-19, will likely reduce Black life spans.)

Even then, Black infants in high-poverty U.S. counties are three times more likely to die before the age of 5 than white infants in low-poverty counties. But Schwandt insists that highlighting our progress is important in helping us solve the larger American death problem. “We are wired to care more about bad news than about good news,” he said. “When life expectancy rises slightly, nobody cares. But when life expectancy declines, suddenly we’re up in arms. I think that’s a tragedy, because to improve the health and well-being of our populations, and especially of our disadvantaged populations, we have to give attention to positive achievements so that we can learn from them.”

We’re a long way from a complete understanding of the American mortality penalty. But these three facts—the superior outcomes of European countries with lower poverty and universal insurance, the equality of European life spans between rich and poor areas, and the decline of the Black-white longevity gap in America coinciding with greater insurance protection and anti-poverty spending—all point to the same conclusion: Our lives and our life spans are more interconnected than you might think.

For decades, U.S. politicians on the right have resisted calls for income redistribution and universal insurance under the theory that inequality was a fair price to pay for freedom. But now we know that the price of inequality is paid in early death—for Americans of all races, ages, and income levels. With or without a pandemic, when it comes to keeping Americans alive, we really are all in this together.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Hospice staff help dying animal lover see her dogs and horse for one last time

Jan Holman, 68, had been away from her beloved pet dogs and horse for six weeks and was missing them all until she received a special visit – facilitated by her hospice

Jan was happy to be reunited with her dogs Monty and Rowley

By Millie Reeves

A terminally ill woman has had the chance to say goodbye to her two dogs and horse thanks to hospice staff.

Jan Holman, 68, was admitted to hospital six weeks ago and is now a patient at the Hospice of the Good Shepherd in Chester.

Her quick referral to the hospice meant she hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to her dogs, Monty and Rowley, or Bob, her horse of 10 years.

Due to the pandemic Jan was unable to have any visitors at the hospital, and her husband of 46 years, Dennis, said she found having no visitors or personal contact difficult.

After four weeks, Jan was moved to the hospice to receive end-of-life care.

Knowing Jan was also missing her animals, the hospice arranged for a visit from her two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Monty and Rowley, as well as her horse, Bob.

Even though she was unable to get out of bed, Jan was excited to have the chance to see the gang one more time.

Dennis said: “It was just such a relief once Jan was moved from the hospital to the hospice in Chester and we were able to have named visitors who could come and see Jan regularly, however we never imagined that we would be able to include Monty, Rowley and Bob on the visiting list.”

Staff brought in Jan's two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels Monty and Rowley
Staff brought in Jan’s two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels Monty and Rowley

He continued: “All the staff here have been wonderful. Jan has been so well cared for, nothing is too much trouble even down to the chef coming every day to see what he can tempt Jan to eat.

“Nothing is too much trouble, including arranging for a horse to visit!”

Before her illness Jan, who has lived in Chester all of her life, could be seen dressed as Chester’s Tudor Lady delivering tours of the city where she has been a Blue Badge Tour Guide for 37 years.

Jan said: “I just can’t believe what the staff here at the hospice have done for me. Until a few weeks ago I was still riding Bob every day and he is such an important part of my life, and I have missed him so much.

“I knew that arranging for my dogs to visit was possible as we had a neighbour who was a patient at the hospice a few years ago and we were allowed to bring the dogs to visit her, but I just didn’t expect that they would ever be able to give me the chance to see Bob one more time.”

Horse Bob came to visit through the patio door
Horse Bob came to visit through the patio door

Louise Saville King, deputy ward manager at the hospice, said: “It was obvious when Jan first came to us that she is passionate about her animals and that horses have played a large part in her life for many years.

“The ethos of hospice care is not just about caring for the clinical needs of our patients but also looking after their emotional and spiritual needs as well.

“It’s about making a difference to our patients and their families in whatever way we can.

“We know that sometimes people are scared at the thought of coming to the hospice, but it’s a positive place where people are supported and well cared for.

“The work of the hospice really does make a difference to people’s lives.“

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Grieve the Death of a Pet

How best to cope with the loss of a furry friend

Chances are good that you live with a furry friend. According to the 2021-2022 APPA National Pet Owners Survey, 90.5 million homes — that’s 70% of U.S. households — own a pet.

Although people choose to have a pet for many reasons, the important role these animals play in our daily lives can’t be overstated, says clinical health psychologist Amy Sullivan, PsyD.

“Many times we adopt pets because we’re struggling ourselves, and we need that companionship. During the pandemic, or during other difficult times in your life, you often hear, ‘This pet got me through such a difficult part of life.’ That emotional connection to your pet is so vital.”

Dealing With the Loss of a Pet: Why Is It So Painful?

Given how much comfort pets bring, it’s understandable that losing them can be emotionally devastating. “Our animals become a part of our family,” says Dr. Sullivan. “They provide unconditional love and support, which is something that people don’t get from a lot of different places.”

As an example, she cites how excited pets often are to see you when you return home after being away. “It doesn’t matter if you’ve been gone for two hours or two days, the way that they greet you is just so beautiful,” says Dr. Sullivan. “It’s like you’re their world.”

Losing this unconditional love is understandably very difficult. “As humans, we need to feel that love and connection and to know that something views you in such a special way,” she adds. “That’s why it becomes so painful when we lose our animals.”

Grieving a pet after euthanasia

Understandably, it’s perfectly normal that grieving the loss of a pet from euthanasia can be much more difficult. “We want to see a pet death occur naturally, when they are at a ripe old age,” she says. “But part of the problem is their lives are so short. You never get enough time with your pet.”

Euthanasia is often the right decision for your pet, so they’re no longer hurting. But knowing a health decision you made led to their death can add extra layers of guilt and exacerbate your pain and grief.

“You certainly don’t want to see your pet suffer,” says Dr. Sullivan. “But there is that grief that’s associated with that guilt, and questioning yourself: ‘Am I making the right decision?’ That’s why it’s important to make that decision with your trusted medical professionals and other family members.”

Is grieving a lost pet different than grieving a human?

Sullivan stresses that grief isn’t “one size fits all” after a death. In other words, it’s impossible to compare your reaction to losing a cherished pet versus losing a loved one. “For some people, grieving a pet is more difficult,” she says. “For other people, grieving a human is more difficult. For some people, both are very, very difficult. But I don’t think a pet death causes less grief than a human one.”

However, because a pet is such a treasured member of your family, it’s not out of the ordinary to feel a death very deeply. “It depends on your relationship with a pet,” adds Dr. Sullivan. “Pets are a part of your life. They provide that additional support and love, and they’ve gotten you through some very difficult times. And so in some cases, grieving a pet is even more difficult than grieving a human being.”

How to Grieve a Pet

As with grieving a loved one, dealing with the loss of a pet takes time. Here’s what to keep in mind:

Realize your grief is valid

Dr. Sullivan says being an emotional wreck after a pet dies is completely OK. “There have been times when patients have been in my office absolutely more devastated by the loss of their pet, or by having to make the decision to euthanize a pet, than about anything I’ve ever seen them upset about,” she notes.

This extreme reaction to loss goes back to the idea that pets are part of our family. “They may be the most important thing to a person, honestly,” says Dr. Sullivan. “We have to have to normalize that this grief is real.”

Recognize that grief looks different for everyone

Experts often explain grief using the Kübler-Ross model, which outlines five different phases you go through: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. (Dr. Sullivan prefers to use “adaptation” over acceptance: “Acceptance is more passive, whereas becoming more adaptive is more active. It lets us ask, ‘What can we still do?’”)

Still, your journey through these phases can be different, even from one day to the next. “There’s no consistent way that you approach grief, denial, anger, bargaining, or any of those phases,” Dr. Sullivan explains. “Each person moves through these stages at their own unique time and in their own unique way, and they can go back and forth. It’s not a linear phase.”

“What’s important is that we recognize that people are experiencing these feelings, and we support them and guide them in each of these different domains of emotion,” she adds.

Create physical memorials

Physical memorials are one of the easiest ways to remember a pet. When Dr. Sullivan’s family lost a beloved Yorkshire terrier, Reiley, the vet sent them sympathy cards and gave them a printout of the dog’s paw and muzzle prints alongside a poem called The Rainbow Bridge.

Dr. Sullivan also put together a memorial photo book, and she still keeps the terrier’s collar and tags hung in a special place of honor in her house. Her family also created a special place in their backyard near where he’s buried. “We have a space set up with a special flower that blooms year after year for him, and it has a little statue with his name on it, so we can go back there and look at it,” she says.

Join a support group

Some people prefer to grieve privately, out of the public eye. However, for those who find solace in talking to other people, Dr. Sullivan says joining a support group can be helpful. These can be social media-based spaces for grieving or even in-person groups.

Make sure your entire family is supported

Losing a fuzzy buddy affects everybody in your household. Dr. Sullivan says you might have to comfort your other pets, as they are also feeling grief. “If you have multiple pets in the household, they’re going to grieve the loss of their companion.”

Kids might also need extra support, as losing a pet might be their first personal experience with death. “This may be their first opportunity to really lose somebody,” says Dr. Sullivan. “We have to make sure that we help support them in situations of grief, death and dying. It’s very new to them, and it can be very scary to them.”

Above all, keep in mind that coping with the loss of a pet takes time. You may not get another pet right away — and, even when you do welcome another pet into your family, things will still take an adjustment period. “In the end, you realize your pet wants you to be happy,” says Dr. Sullivan. “I don’t think you ever move on — you move forward, and the relationship you have with each pet is different. No one’s going to replace that.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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More people are dying at home, but the quality of their deaths matters most

Did they receive care and compassion from loved ones or did they die alone, fearful of getting infected in hospital?

By and

From the start of the pandemic to 24 September 2021, deaths at home in England and Wales have been 37% higher than the 2015-2019 average, according to the Office for National Statistics.

For every three people who used to die at home, four now do. That’s more than 71,000 “excess” deaths, only 8,500 of which involved Covid. Even as mortality elsewhere fell back to past levels, dying in private homes has persistently remained above average. A natural question arises: are these “extra” deaths or a shift from other locations?

Fortunately, National Records of Scotland publishes excess death calculations by location and major causes of death. Its most recent data shows the leading causes of death were cancer, heart disease and stroke. In 2021, the combined total for these causes was only about 1% above the 2015-2019 average, with around 260 extra deaths. However, deaths from these causes at home were 36% higher than recent years, with a corresponding decrease in care homes and hospitals. These additional deaths at home were not “extra”, but resulted from a major, systematic change in where people were dying.

So what’s the reason for this change and, perhaps more importantly, what was the quality of these deaths? How many were free of pain and experienced intimate care and compassion from loved ones and how many have died at home alone, fearful of getting infected in hospital? Existing statistics struggle to answer these important questions.

NHS England has sought to “personalise” end-of-life care in its long-term plan. Reported statistics from surveys and patient records about where people wish to die can exclude “missing” responses, such as when no preference is forthcoming. It is unclear if the shift towards dying at home is, on balance, a positive or negative development.

Every family has to deal with a death and live with its aftermath. In the words of Sam Royston, director of policy and research at Marie Curie: “It is critical that we ensure that those who die at home have all of the support and assistance they need for the best possible death.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How to Use Transitional Objects as a Way to Process Grief

Everyone has their own coping mechanisms, and this one may be worth a shot.

By Elizabeth Yuko

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone process a loss in their own way, and on their own time. Grief is also very sneaky: You may think you have dealt with it, only to find that a certain song, scent, or memory causes you to experience the sting of loss all over again.

As it turns out, some people have found that having a transitional object may help them grieve a person who has died, while still holding part of them close. Here’s what that could look like.

What are transitional objects?

Transitional objects come up most frequently in the context of kids—particularly those who may be dealing with separation anxiety. Here’s how the concept was described in a 2018 Lifehacker article:

If a child has a tough time leaving you, a transitional object such as a stuffed animal or favorite toy can be helpful. For younger kids, it allows them to maintain a sense of comfort and consistency.

So what do transitional objects look like for adults? Like the rest of the grieving process, it’s highly personal. While some people may find comfort in photos or videos featuring an important person in their life who has died, others respond more to a tangible item, and find that having something that belonged to the person they lost makes them feel closer, according to Lisa Kanarek in an article for Well+Good.

How do transitional objects help people process loss?

Let us start by saying that some people don’t find transitional objects comforting at all, and, in fact, find it easier to avoid the deceased’s personal belongings altogether. But for others, they’re an integral part of their grieving and healing process.

“For a lot of people, it’s evidence that the person existed, especially if the death was unexpected,” Megan Devine, LPC, psychotherapist and bestselling author of It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay told Well+Good in an interview. “Even when the death was expected, sometimes there’s that unreality like they were here, and now they’re not.”

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