7 Films to Help Children Dealing With Grief

We are at a time when large numbers of children are experiencing loss. Here are seven movies to help them develop coping skills.

Lewis MacDougall plays a young boy with a sick mother in the fantasy drama “A Monster Calls.”

By Stacy Brick

There’s no way to sugarcoat it: The pandemic has plunged the world into a crisis of grief. It has caused the deaths of more than 290,000 people in the United States, many of them grandparents and parents. In New York State alone, 4,200 children lost a parent or caregiver to Covid-19 between March and July, according to a study from the United Hospital Fund. (These were the most recent figures available on parental death from Covid.)

For any family who lost a loved one this year, regardless of the cause of death, the pandemic has kept them from being able to properly mourn their loss. And now the holiday season is here, which can be a grief trigger, especially for kids.

Children who lose a parent are at higher risk for lasting mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. Supporting a grieving child involves normalizing their feelings while giving them tools to cope — talking about death, however, can sometimes feel overwhelming. Parents and children may both be reluctant to have conversations that bring up difficult emotions, but it’s important for parents to provide opportunities to acknowledge their child’s feelings.

Film can be a gift in these times. Often, a movie about death can provide just enough distance for a productive discussion. Giving children examples of others’ loss can help them feel less isolated in their own bereavement; watching a character in a film can get the child thinking about their own grief journey and the tools they might use to cope.

The following films, suitable for children ages 6 and older, offer helpful ways to explore death and the accompanying emotions, while providing parents an opening to talk about loss. Content that might be disturbing to young children is noted.

Actor Anthony Gonzalez is the voice of 12-year-old Miguel in the Pixar film “Coco.”

Coco (2017)

109 minutes; Rated PG; available on Disney+

This colorful, Academy Award-winning Pixar film based around the Mexican holiday of Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), follows 12-year-old Miguel’s journey to the Land of the Dead. While there, he unlocks family secrets and learns that the dead continue to exist in the memory of the living.

The Black Stallion (1979)

118 minutes; Rated G; available on Amazon.

After a young boy named Alec and a horse are washed up on a deserted island from a shipwreck that killed Alec’s father, the orphaned boy and the animal soon form an inseparable bond. The pair are rescued and Alec becomes determined to turn “The Black” into a racehorse with the help of a grizzled old trainer. Alec’s connection with the horse brings him solace, helping him deal with his grief for his father.

Fly Away Home (1996)

107 minutes; Rated PG; available on Amazon.

After her mother dies in a car crash, 13-year-old Amy (played by a young Anna Paquin) is sent from New Zealand to Canada to live with her father. She adopts a nest of abandoned goose eggs, and when they hatch she finds herself in charge of teaching the goslings survival skills — including how to fly south for the winter. In the process of taking on the mother role for the goslings, Amy is able to grieve for her own mother. Please note: The car crash is shown in the film’s opening sequence.

Ages 12+

Laia Artigas plays Frida, a girl recently orphaned who moves to the country to live with family.

Summer 1993 (2017)

100 minutes (subtitled); available on Amazon.

After her mother’s death, 6-year-old Frida must move from Barcelona to the country to live with her aunt, uncle and younger cousin. The young girl soon struggles with grief and her place in this new family. Often presented from Frida’s viewpoint, with overheard conversations and waist-high camera angles, the film is based on the director’s personal experiences with loss.

A Monster Calls (2016)

128 minutes; Rated PG-13; available on Amazon.

Conor’s mother is gravely ill, and the 13-year-old struggles with anger, sadness, guilt and anticipatory grief. To cope with all the overwhelming emotions, Conor (Lewis MacDougall) conjures a monster who offers up three fables and then demands one from him — it must be his ultimate truth. MacDougall gives an authentic performance as a boy learning to face the truth, even though it is contradictory and complex. Please note: There is some destruction of property, physical bullying and verbal abuse.

When Marnie Was There (2014)

103 minutes; Rated PG; available on HBO Max.

In this feature from Japanese animation powerhouse Studio Ghibli, Anna is sent by her foster mother to visit relatives at the seaside for fresh air after having an asthma attack. Once there, she ventures into an abandoned mansion and discovers a new friend, Marnie, who may or may not be the ghost of her grandmother. Anna is then forced to confront feelings she has been avoiding about the loss of her family.

The Farewell (2019)

98 minutes (subtitled); Rated PG; available on Amazon.

The matriarch of a family in China is diagnosed with terminal cancer, but no one has told her. The family comes together one last time under the guise of a large wedding, but it’s really to say goodbye. The film, based on the writer and director Lula Wang’s personal story, shows profound cultural differences in attitudes about death and grieving.

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Saving a Cactus, and Its Prickly Owner

I didn’t think I’d ever get over the loss of my best friend. Then her daughter came to live with me.

By Gayle Abrams

“Will you accept a new tenant and a puppy?” Ceece texted.

A pretty, smart blonde with a lean, athletic build and a degree in finance, Ceece was the kind of 23-year-old you might hate, since she seemed a little too blessed. Unless you knew the truth.

“Why does the dog need to come?” my husband asked.

“It’s a therapy dog,” I explained. “She got him when Barb died.”

Barb, Ceece’s mom, was my best friend. We met when I was Ceece’s age, working in the publicity department of Bantam Books.

It was the worst time of my life. My father had gone to jail, I was sick with an eating disorder and I’d just lost my mom. I was cold and angry and a liar. Most people would have given up on me. Not Barb. At 6 feet tall, she towered over my 5-foot-2 self, fixed her piercing blue eyes on my hazel ones, and told me she really wanted to be my friend, but there were certain rules I had to follow for that to happen. The main one was I had to always tell her the truth.

For almost three decades after that, while she rose in the publishing world in New York and I built a TV career in Los Angeles, we maintained a long-distance friendship based on this pledge of honesty and trust. We could and did tell each other everything, first writing epic letters, then epic emails. My husband once walked in and stared at the pages of writing on my screen and asked if I was writing a screenplay. “No,” I said. “It’s a letter to Barb.”

We ended up celebrating all our monumental milestones together. We got married the same year and joked that we had married the same man. Both our husbands shared an unflappable temperament and, weirdly, both were managers at consumer banks. We bought similar first houses: Barb’s was an adorable 19th-century farmhouse, mine an adorable 1920s Spanish style.

Then we both bought the same second house, newer and in a more kid-friendly location, when the first one turned out to be totally impractical. We both got pregnant and had a baby the same year. We both ended up having two kids, a boy and a girl, and we would both tell you we couldn’t have survived the dark days when they were little without our amazing “Super Dad” men. Whatever it was we were going through, we were there for each other, and it helped that so often we were going through the same things. But if I had to name the greatest thing Barb gave me, it was that she believed in me, even when I couldn’t believe in myself.

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Then one day she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given three months to a year to live. When she made it past one year, I thought we were home free. Until suddenly, she was gone. For months after, I’d wake up in the middle of the night sobbing. I’d lost my oar and my rudder, the person who had taught me unconditional love.

In February 2019, my daughter was in college, my son had just moved out, and I was mere days into my new life as an empty-nester when Ceece texted. She’d gotten a job offer in Los Angeles. Could she stay with us? Of course I said yes.

Weeks later, after she’d spent $1,500 to ship her car, all her stuff and a giant 10-foot cactus out West, she arrived to find out the position she’d been offered was not guaranteed. The woman who hired her said her boss wanted two candidates to choose from.

“What if I don’t get the job?” she asked me, her eyes blinking back terror.

If I told you she didn’t get the job, the cactus arrived brown and droopy and the groomer found a lump under her dog’s fur, maybe you’d think I was being dramatic. But that’s what happened.

“It’s not cancer,” I said, waving the idea away with my hand.

“Actually, the vet said it could be cancer,” she told me. “He’s going to take it off.”

Ceece seemed cold and angry, shutting me out. It wasn’t lost on me that I was the same way at her age after l’d lost my mother, and that her mother was the one who had saved me. It was also a lot of pressure. I worried she was not OK, but I didn’t know how to help.

Ceece sent out resumes, watered her cactus and took her dog in for surgery. Sometimes she didn’t come out of her room all day.

Then came the time we went for a walk around Lake Hollywood. It was a perfect Los Angeles day, after the rain, crisp air, a turquoise blue sky. Suddenly the Hollywood sign came into view.

“The first time your mom came to L.A., I took her to see the sign,” I told her. “You know how she was. Loved celebrities. Called them ‘stars.’”

“She was a great person,” I said. “She changed my life.”

At first Ceece rolled her eyes. Then she asked me to tell her about her mom. So I did. After that day we explored the city together. We went to the farmers’ market, the county museum, Home Goods to shop for throw pillows. I learned she really loved plants, purses and quesadillas. Sometimes, we laughed really hard. Sometimes, we cried. As it turned out, I didn’t need to save her after all. She just needed a friend. So did I, since I’d lost the best one I’d ever had.

The production company ended up not liking the candidate they hired and asked Ceece if she was still open to the job. When she moved across town to her own apartment six months later, I was heartbroken. But I knew how to handle it. After all, her mother had taught me how to have a long-distance friendship. And both the dog and the cactus lived.

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Of Death and Consequences

Religious Muslims in many nations are finding their sacred rituals of mourning disrupted.

The historian Leor Halevi.

By George Yancy

This month’s conversation in our series on how various religious traditions deal with death is with Leor Halevi, a historian of Islam, and a professor of history and law at Vanderbilt University. His work explores the interrelationship between religious laws and social practices in both medieval and modern contexts. His books include “Muhammad’s Grave: Death Rites and the Making of Islamic Society” and “Modern Things on Trial: Islam’s Global and Material Reformation in the Age of Rida, 1865-1935.” This interview was conducted by email and edited. The previous interviews in this series can be found here.

— George Yancy

George Yancy: Before we get into the core of our discussion on death in the Islamic faith, would you explain some of the differences between Islam and the other two Abrahamic religions, Christianity and Judaism?

Leor Halevi: Like Judaism and Christianity, Islam is a religion that has been fundamentally concerned with divine justice, human salvation and the end of time. It is centered around the belief that there is but one god, Allah, who is considered the eternal creator of the universe and the omnipotent force behind human history from the creation of the first man to the final day. Allah communicated with a long line of prophets, beginning with Adam and ending with Muhammad. His revelations to the last prophet were collected in the Quran, which presents itself as confirming the Torah and the Gospels. It is not surprising, therefore, that there are many similarities between the scriptures of these three religions.

There are also intriguing differences. Abraham, the father of Ishmael, is revered as a patriarch, prophet and traveler in Islam, Christianity and Judaism. But only in the Quran does he appear as the recipient of scrolls that revealed the rewards of the afterlife. And only in the Quran does he travel all the way to Mecca, where he raises the foundations of God’s house.

As for Jesus, the Quran calls him the son of Mary and venerates him as the messiah, but firmly denies his divinity and challenges the belief that he died on the cross. A parable in the Gospels suggests that he will return to earth for the judgment of the nations. The Quran also assigns him a critical role in the last judgment, but specifies that he will testify against possessors of scriptures known as the People of the Book.

Some of these alternative doctrines and stories might well have circulated among Jewish or Christian communities in Late Antiquity, but they cannot be found in either the Hebrew Bible or the New Testament. The differences matter if salvation depends on having faith in the right book.

Yancy: I assume that for Islam, we were all created as finite and therefore must die. How does Islam conceptualize the inevitability of death?

Halevi: The Quran assures us that every death, even an apparently senseless, unexpected death, springs from God’s incomprehensible wisdom and providential design. God has predetermined every misfortune, having inscribed it in a book before its occurrence, and thus fixed in advance the exact term of every creature’s life span. This sense of finitude only concerns the end of life as we know it on earth. If Muslims believe in the immortality of the soul and in the resurrection of the body, then they conceive of death as a transition to a different mode of existence whereby fragments of the self exist indefinitely or for as long as God sustains the existence of heaven and hell.

Yancy: What does Islam teach us about what happens at the very moment that we die? I ask this question because I’ve heard that the soul is questioned by two angels.

Halevi: This angelic visit happens right after the interment ceremony, which takes place as soon as possible after the last breath. Two terrifying angels, whose names are Munkar and Nakir, visit the deceased. In “Muhammad’s Grave,” I described them as “black or bluish, with long, wild, curly hair, lightning eyes, frighteningly large molars, and glowing iron staffs.” And I explained that their role is to conduct an “inquisition” to determine the dead person’s confession of faith.

Yancy: What does Islam teach about the afterlife? For example, where do our souls go? Is there a place of eternal peace or eternal damnation?

Halevi: The soul’s destination between death and the resurrection depends on a number of factors. Its detachment from a physical body is temporary, for in Islamic thought a dead person, like a living person, needs both a body and a soul to be fully constituted. Humans enjoy or suffer some sort of material existence in the afterlife; they have a range of sensory experiences.

Before the resurrection, they will either be confined to the grave or dwell in heaven or hell. The spirit of an ordinary Muslim takes a quick cosmic tour in the time between death and burial. It is then reunited with its own body inside the grave, where it must remain until the blowing of the trumpet. In this place, the dead person is able to hear the living visiting the grave site and feel pain. For the few who earn it, the grave itself is miraculously transformed into a bearable abode. Others, those who committed venial sins, undergo an intermittent purgatorial punishment known as the “torture of the grave.”

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Prophets, martyrs, Muslims who committed crimes against God and irredeemable disbelievers fare either incomparably better or far, far worse. Martyrs, for instance, are admitted into Paradise right after death. But instead of dwelling there in their mutilated or bloodied bodies, they acquire new forms, maybe assuming the shape of white or green birds that have the capacity to eat fruit.

For the final judgment, God assembles the jinn, the animals and humankind in a gathering place identified with Jerusalem. There, every creature has to stand, naked and uncircumcised, before God. In the trial, prophets and body parts such as eyes and tongues bear witness against individuals, and God decides where to send them. Throngs of unbelievers are then marched through the gates of hell to occupy — for all eternity, or so the divines usually maintained — one or another space between the netherworld’s prison and the upper layers of earth. Those with a chance of salvation need to cross a narrow, slippery bridge. If they do not fall down into a lake of fire, then they rise to heaven to enjoy, somewhere below God’s throne, never-ending sensual and spiritual delights.

Yancy: What kind of life must we live, according to Islam, to be with Allah after we die?

Halevi: The answer depends on whom you ask to speak for Islam and in what context.

A theologian might leave you in the dark but clarify that the goal is not the fusion of a human self with the divine being, but rather a dazzling vision of God.

A mystic might tell you that the essential thing is to discipline your body and soul so that you come to experience, if only for a fleeting moment, a taste or foretaste of the divine presence. Among other things, she might teach you to seek a state of personal annihilation or extinction, where you surrender all consciousness of your own self and of your material surroundings to contemplate ecstatically the face of God.

Your local imam might tell you that beyond professing your belief in the oneness of God and venerating Muhammad as the messenger of God, you ought to observe the five pillars of worship and repent for past sins. Paying your debts, giving more in charity than what is mandated and performing extra prayers could only help your chances.

A jihadist in a secret chat room might promise your online persona that no matter how you lived before committing yourself to the cause, if you beg for forgiveness and die as a martyr, you will at the very least gain freedom from the torture of the grave.

As a historian, I refrain from giving religious advice. Muslims have envisioned more than one path to salvation, and their ideals, which we might qualify as Islamic, have changed over time. Remember, for example, that in Late Antiquity and the Early Islamic period, ascetics engaged in prolonged fasts, mortification of the flesh and sexual renunciation for the sake of salvation. This was a compelling path back then. Now it is a memory.

Yancy: If one is not a Muslim, what then? Are there consequences after death for not believing or for not being a believer?

Halevi: Belief in the possible salvation of virtuous atheists and virtuous polytheists would be difficult to justify on the basis of the Muslim tradition.

But there is a variety of opinions about your question among contemporary Muslims who profess to believe in heaven and hell. Exclusive monotheists, those advocating a narrow path toward salvation, say that every non-Muslim who has chosen not to convert to Islam after hearing Muhammad’s message is likely to burn in hell. Exceptions are made for the children of infidels who die before reaching the age of reason and for people who live in a place or time devoid of exposure to the one and only true religion. On the day of judgment, these deprived individuals will be questioned by God, who may decide to admit them into heaven.

What about Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama? Will saints and spiritual leaders also meet a dire end? This is sheer speculation but I imagine that a high percentage of Muslims, if polled about their beliefs, would readily declare that nobody can fathom the depths of Allah’s mercy and that righteous individuals should be saved on account of their good deeds.

In the late 20th century, a few prominent Muslim intellectuals, yearning for a more inclusive and pluralistic approach to religion, drew inspiration from a Quranic verse to argue that Jews and Christians who believe in one God, affirm the doctrine of the last day and do works of righteousness will also enter Paradise.

Yancy: Does Islam teach its believers not to fear death?

Halevi: I am not convinced that it effectively does that. Or that teaching believers to deal with this fear is a central aim. Arguably, many religious narratives about death and the afterlife are supposed to strike dread in our hearts and thus persuade us to believe and do the right thing. Even if a believer arrogantly presumes that God will surely save him, still, he may have to face Munkar and Nakir, contend in the grave with darkness and worms, stand before God for the final judgment and cross al-Sirat, the bridge over the highest level of hell. All of this sounds quite terrifying to me.

Of course, I realize that Sufi parables may suggest otherwise. Like the poet Rumi, who fantasized about dying as a mineral, as a plant and as an animal to be reincarnated into a better life, some Sufi masters imagined dying so vividly and so often that they allegedly lost this fear.

What Islamic narratives do teach believers is not to protest death, especially to accept the death of loved ones with resignation, forbearance and full trust in God’s wisdom and justice.

Yancy: Would you share with us how the dead are to be taken care of, that is, are there specific Islamic burial rituals?

Halevi: Instead of giving you a short and direct answer, I would like to reflect a little on how the current situation, the coronavirus pandemic, is making it difficult or impossible to perform some of these rites. Locally and globally, limits on communal gatherings and social distancing requirements have devastated the bereft, making it so very difficult for them to receive religious consolation for grief and loss.

In every family, in every community, the death of an individual is a crisis. Funeral gatherings cannot repair the tear in the social fabric, but traditional rituals and condolences were designed to send the dead away and help the living cope and mourn. The pandemic has of course disrupted this.

In Muslim cultures, the corpse is normally given a ritual washing and is then wrapped in shrouds and buried in a plot in the earth. Early on during the pandemic, concerns that the cadavers of persons who died from Covid-19 might be infectious led to many adaptations. Funeral homes had to adjust to new requirements and recommendations for minimizing contact with dead bodies. And religious authorities made clear that multiple adjustments were justified by the fear of harm.

In March of 2020, to give one example, an ayatollah from Najaf, Iraq, ruled that instead of thoroughly cleaning a corpse and perfuming it with camphor, undertakers could wear gloves and perform an alternative “dry ablution” with sand or dust. And instead of insisting on the tradition of hasty burials, he ruled that it would be fine, for safety’s sake, to keep corpses in refrigerators for a long while.

In the city of Qom, Iran, the coronavirus reportedly led to the digging of a mass grave. It is not clear how the plots were actually used. But burying several bodies together in a single grave would not violate Islamic law. This extraordinary procedure has long been allowed during epidemics and war. By contrast, burning a human body is regarded as abhorrent and strictly forbidden. For this reason, there was an outcry over Sri Lanka’s mandatory cremation of Muslim victims of the coronavirus.

Every year on the 10th day of the month of Muharram, Shiites gather to lament and remember the martyrdom of al-Husayn ibn Ali, the third Imam and grandson of Muhammad the Prophet. This year Ashura, as the day is known, fell in late August. It is a national holiday in several countries. Ordinarily, millions gather to participate in it. This year, some mourned in crowds, in defiance of government restrictions and clerical advice; others contemplated the tragic past from home and perhaps joined live Zoom programs to experience the day of mourning in a radically new way.

It is far from clear today if, when the pandemic passes, the old ritual order will be restored or reinvented. One way or the other, there will be many tears.

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Hospice industry growth marked by fraud, deficient care

By Kim Christensen, Ben Poston

Martin Huff was 67 when he fell off his bicycle, banged up his knee and spent a couple of hours in a Riverside County emergency room before walking out under his own power.

Ten days later he was in hospice care, diagnosed as terminally ill by a small Covina provider of end-of-life services that said he was weak and wasting away, with six months or less to live.

Five years after that grim prognosis, however, Huff was still very much alive. He testified in federal court that no one from California Hospice Care had ever given him a medical exam before claiming he was dying.

“I really never knew exactly what the deal was on the hospice,” he said.

Huff is among a legion of mostly older Americans targeted for audacious, widespread fraud in an industry meant to provide comforting care in their final days, a Los Angeles Times investigation found.

Like Huff, many are unwitting recruits by unscrupulous providers who bill Medicare for hospice services and equipment for “terminally ill” patients who aren’t dying.

Intense competition for new patients — who generate $154 to $1,432 a day each in Medicare payments — has spawned a cottage industry of illegal practices, including kickbacks to crooked doctors and recruiters who zero in on prospective patients at retirement homes and other venues, The Times found.

The exponential boom in providers has transformed end-of-life care that was once the realm of charities and religious groups into a multibillion-dollar business dominated by profit-driven operators.

Nowhere has that growth been more explosive, and its harmful side effects more evident, than in Los Angeles County.

The county’s hospices have multiplied sixfold in the last decade and now account for more than half of the state’s roughly 1,200 Medicare-certified providers, according to a Times analysis of federal healthcare data.

Scores of providers have sprung up along a corridor stretching west from the San Gabriel Valley, where California Hospice Care was located, through the San Fernando Valley, which now has the highest concentration of hospices in the nation.

“There are too many providers in L.A. County, and too many providers who are in it for the wrong reasons,” said Edo Banach, who heads the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, the largest U.S. trade group for hospices. “Folks who go into this for the wrong reason generally do not do a good job.”

Much more than money is at stake.

Some patients who unknowingly enrolled in hospice later discovered they had signed away their rights to life-saving emergency medical treatment, state inspection records show. Others endured excruciating pain in their final days when providers failed to deliver the comforting care they desperately needed.

Still others suffered the consequences of neglected, festering sores that developed maggots or resulted in hospitalizations.

Privacy laws and government reports that keep the names of patients, doctors and hospice administrators confidential make it difficult to quantify and humanize many of the cases.

But The Times found that since 2008, regulators have cited hospices in California more often than anywhere else in the country for the most serious types of violations, four times as many as states such as Texas and Georgia, which also have large numbers of providers.

Despite those citations, California and federal regulators have rarely fined, suspended or shut down deficient hospices, state reports show. Oversight has been weakened further during the coronavirus pandemic, as regulators suspended requirements for most hospice inspections and limited the types of complaints they investigate.

California, which has among the lowest barriers to setting up a new hospice, also leads the nation in violations for enrolling patients without medical proof they were terminally ill.

The Times’ analysis revealed that Los Angeles County hospices discharged patients 80% more often than providers nationwide, highlighting a rate that federal authorities say is a red flag for Medicare fraud.

California Hospice Care claimed that Jesse Staten suffered from terminal heart failure when it signed him up for end-of-life treatment. His predicted six months to live expired in 2012, but he didn’t: When The Times contacted him eight years later, he was still going strong.

“I’m hanging in,” said Staten, 75. “I’ve got a lot of issues in my blood and I have other issues, but I can’t complain.”

Federal prosecutors accused California Hospice Care of bilking taxpayers of $7.5 million in illegal payments in connection with Staten, Huff and scores of other ineligible Medicare recipients. The hospice owner and two doctors were sentenced to prison, and several others were convicted or pleaded guilty in the scheme.

Many of the hospice’s patients were addicts lured by the promise of free narcotic painkillers, prosecutors said.

Some were enlisted by a doctor who collected a bounty from the hospice on each, according to his indictment.

One was a 47-year-old woman who lost her place on a waiting list for a liver transplant when she signed up for hospice, which prohibits curative care. It took her months to get reinstated, and she died not long after finally receiving a new organ.

“That’s the last hope, and having that person removed from the liver donor list by placing them in the program is conduct that is hard to understand,” U.S. District Judge James Otero said when sentencing a hospice nurse to 18 months in prison. “That’s callous.”

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Conceived as an end-of-life option for terminally ill patients, hospice care properly delivered has been a godsend for millions of dying Americans and their families. It provides palliative care and prescription drugs, nursing services, medical equipment, supplies and spiritual counseling for those diagnosed with six months or less to live.

The U.S. hospice industry took root in the mid-1970s but flourished only after Medicare began covering its services in 1983. For-profit providers sprung up to meet a growing need that outstripped the capabilities of charities and religious institutions that pioneered end-of-life care.

In the last 20 years, the number of U.S. providers has roughly doubled, while Medicare spending on hospice has grown sixfold, to $19.2 billion a year. More than 1.5 million Medicare beneficiaries now receive care from some 5,000 hospices, nearly a quarter of them in California.

“Virtually all of the growth is of for-profit providers, which appear to be crowding out the local nonprofits that established the hospice model and had a desire to maintain its integrity,” said Michael Connors, a long-term care advocate with California Advocates for Nursing Home Reform.

For-profit operators now make up 70% of all hospices certified by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services and 91% of those in California. In Los Angeles County, they account for 97%.

Many provide excellent care.

Satisfaction surveys reported by hospices nationwide show that more than 80% of respondents rate their hospice as a 9 or 10 out of 10, but in L.A. County that figure drops to 74%. Respondents in L.A. also were less likely to report that hospices always gave them the help they needed.

Most hospice care is provided in patients’ homes, but services also are rendered at stand-alone facilities, nursing homes and assisted-living centers. Regulatory inspections and financial audits are infrequent, making the system a soft target for scammers.

Complaints about shady operators began lighting up the California Senior Medicare Patrol hotline in mid-2017 and have not let up, said Sandy Morales, who oversees the federally funded statewide hotline whose mission is to help Medicare beneficiaries prevent, detect and report fraud.

“It’s all over Southern California: Riverside County, Hemet, Indio, Long Beach, Los Angeles, Bakersfield,” she said. “Right now, it’s huge.”

Since January 2019, her agency has forwarded more than 100 cases of suspected hospice fraud to federal investigators, Morales said. One doctor’s office in Los Angeles County recently reported that 10 patients appeared to have been fraudulently enrolled by a hospice.

Fraudsters stick to a familiar script, enticing or duping Medicare recipients into signing up for services they don’t need, she said. They send recruiters door-to-door and to churches, food banks, senior centers and apartment complexes, often misrepresenting hospice as an “extra” Medicare benefit that pays for nursing visits, hospital beds or other needs.

‘It makes no sense. I can’t imagine there are 60 hospices in Burbank that are doing it the right way. There can’t be enough people for 60 hospices there.’
Jan Jones, chief executive officer of the California Hospice Network

The pandemic has spun off new schemes, she said, with unscrupulous recruiters now enticing prospects with hand sanitizer, gloves and promises of other COVID-19 “freebies.”

Many who sign up don’t even realize they are in hospice care.

“They’ll say, ‘No, I’m not dying. I wanted help with housekeeping and cooking and that’s what I signed up for,’” Morales said.

In May 2017, the daughter of an Alzheimer’s patient told a state investigator that a marketer for All Seasons Hospice in Paramount signed up her mother with a promise of 24-hour nursing care. When no one showed up, she called the hospice and was told the only 24-hour service was by phone.

The hospice administrator acknowledged the bogus sales pitch but mostly shrugged it off.

“It is a dog-eat-dog situation out there, very competitive,” the administrator told inspectors, according to a state report that did not name the employee. “I have no control over what these marketers say or do. They do what they want and promise anything to get the patient.”

The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid did not respond to specific questions about the extent of hospice fraud, but said in a statement that the agency aggressively seeks to ferret it out.

“CMS identifies fraud, waste and abuse in hospice services utilizing cutting-edge data analytics, medical review and program integrity investigations,” it said. “In instances of potential fraud, CMS refers those providers to law enforcement for further criminal investigation and for appropriate administrative actions.”

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Office of Inspector General reported in July 2018 that inappropriate billing and fraud by hospice providers cost taxpayers “hundreds of millions of dollars,” but the full extent is unknown.

The watchdog agency declined to comment on the scope of hospice fraud and said it could not provide a count of cases it has investigated. The Department of Justice did not respond to repeated requests for its prosecution numbers.

But according to interviews with hospice providers and industry experts, and a review of law enforcement releases on individual cases, state licensing reports, lawsuits and federal data, fraud is widespread.

“Hospice fraud remains absolutely rampant in the United States,” said Mark Schlein, an attorney with the Los Angeles firm Baum Hedlund who specializes in hospice whistleblower lawsuits. He links the fraud in large part to the industry’s unfettered growth.

“That translates into much more money being paid to hospice companies by federal healthcare programs,” he said. “When Willie Sutton was asked, ‘Why do you rob banks?’ he said, ‘Because that’s where the money is.’”

::

More than two dozen hospices pepper a mile-long stretch of Victory Boulevard, an east-west artery in the San Fernando Valley. One well-worn office building in the 13600 block in Van Nuys is home to 15 providers.

“Hospices have been growing like mushrooms around here,” said one of the other tenants, who declined to give his name for fear of alienating his neighbors in the complex, where monthly rents start at an enticingly low $399.

Scores of others are in neighboring Valley communities, all part of a sprawling regional hotbed of for-profit hospices. Many are small operations, some purchased as investments by people with little or no healthcare experience.

Since 2010, the number of providers in Los Angeles County has skyrocketed from 100 to 618, federal data show.

North Hollywood is home to 35 hospices, while Glendale has 60, Burbank has 61 and Van Nuys 63.

By comparison, New York State and Florida each have fewer than 50.

With a population of 103,000, Burbank has a per capita rate of hospices that is nearly 40 times the national average, according to The Times’ analysis.

“It makes no sense,” said Jan Jones, recently retired chief executive officer of the California Hospice Network, a coalition of nonprofit providers. “I can’t imagine there are 60 hospices in Burbank that are doing it the right way. There can’t be enough people for 60 hospices there.”

New York, Florida and dozens of other states require prospective hospice owners to obtain a “certificate of need” to justify the demand for additional providers before they can get licensed.

California providers must be free of felony convictions, but there are few other qualifications for starting or operating a hospice beyond getting licensed by the state and certified by Medicare, a process that costs only a few thousand dollars.

“There is not a high-cost entry point to start a hospice program, unlike a hospital or a nursing home,” Jones said. “I think a lot of people think it is an easy business, which frankly I think is wrong. It is very complicated and complex, and very important to the people we serve.”

::

With the explosive growth have come serious quality-of-care issues.

The Times’ review of more than 800 state licensing and inspection reports revealed instance after instance in which patients were deprived of comforting care because of the actions — or inaction — of hospice providers.

Mismanaged pain medications, neglected infections, missed nursing visits, incompetent or dishonest home health aides — all were cited among hundreds of violations that required hospices to draw up plans to correct the problems but resulted in little or no disciplinary action.

Patients suffered for lack of pain medication or had maggots crawling out of festering foot sores and head wounds, state inspection records show. Others died alone because no one from the hospice showed up when needed.

“We will never heal from that devastation,” Joyce Craig said of the final moments of her brother, Peter Craig, 74, a partner in a Los Angeles accounting firm who died of cancer in 2017.

The California Department of Public Health licenses and regulates hospices to ensure they meet state and federal standards but has limited ability to punish offenders. The only fines it can impose are for breaches of patient confidentiality.

To qualify for hospice, patients must be certified as terminally ill by their attending physicians, if they have them, and by a hospice doctor. The certification process is ripe for fraud.

The Times’ analysis of federal data showed that California hospices led the nation in violations for enrolling non-terminal patients, logging 57 such deficiencies since 2008, nearly three-fourths of them in L.A. County.

The next closest states were Georgia and Louisiana with 22 each. But the actual numbers in California and elsewhere are probably much higher, because of variations in how improper terminal diagnoses are coded and categorized by state inspectors.

At Eleos Hospice in Van Nuys, state officials who sampled five patients’ records in December 2016 discovered there was no evidence that any were terminally ill. The agency was “claiming or attempting to claim reimbursement for patients who did not need hospice care and services,” a licensing report noted.

All five were promptly discharged, but records show no action was taken against the doctor or hospice. The hospice has changed hands twice since then, according to a new owner who took over in August and said he was unaware of those deficiencies.

Inspectors found a similar scenario when they examined the records of two patients of Orion Hospice Care Services in Valley Village in November 2018.

The hospice’s medical director, in recertifying a patient as terminally ill, wrote that she was experiencing a steady decline in health and appetite and was losing weight. But that’s not what the patient told a state investigator.

“I did not have pain and my appetite is OK,” she said, “and I did not lose any weight.”

In fact, records kept at the board-and-care home where the woman lived showed she had gained seven pounds over the preceding three months.

The hospice administrator declined to comment when asked by inspectors to explain, and the medical director admitted he’d never put the woman on a scale, describing a method akin to a guess-your-weight booth at a county fair.

“I assessed her weight by my own clinical measurement and judgment, not by any actual documented measurement,” the doctor said, according to a state inspection report.

State inspectors found no records to support either terminal diagnosis, nor do inspection reports reflect any disciplinary action against the doctor or hospice beyond requiring a corrective action plan.

For a patient at Guiding Light Hospice in Sun Valley, the assessment could not have been bleaker.

The woman was easily fatigued, needed help with feeding, dressing, bathing, toileting, walking, handling money and medications and could speak “less than six intelligible words per day,” a state inspection record noted. She also was incontinent, had a history of falls and was forgetful, disoriented and confused, “with imminence of death.”

When interviewed by state inspectors, however, the woman, identified in a state licensing report only as Patient 1, said her only infirmity was some back pain from arthritis.

“Patient 1 stated she knew she was not ready to die, and laughed while denying she had a terminal diagnosis, and a life expectancy of six months or less,” according to the report.

The nurse who made the dire, detailed assessments insisted they were accurate, despite all evidence to the contrary. No disciplinary action was taken, but when inspectors returned for a follow-up 16 months later, Guiding Light had closed its office.

::

Karen Alvarez at first gave little thought to the visitors from Ace of Hearts Hospice who showed up at Lancaster’s Sierra Retirement Village with armloads of fast food. After all, the apartment manager said, many of her low-income tenants were grateful for a complimentary meal.

But Alvarez was soon struck by the aggressive tactics of the Ace of Hearts personnel, who took over the lobby every Wednesday and trailed residents back to their units to pitch them on “free” hospice care, hospital beds and motorized scooters, all billable to taxpayers.

“You know, hospice people are gentle and talk to you nice. They are understanding and kind,” she said. “They don’t come in swarming like bees, like these people did.”

Few hospices better epitomize the most serious problems that afflict the industry — or underscore the failure of regulators to address them — than Ace of Hearts.

More than a dozen patients were not terminally ill and should never have been enrolled, according to a felony criminal complaint and state reports that detail a litany of deficiencies.

Based in a small office on Foothill Boulevard in Tujunga, the hospice racked up at least 115 regulatory violations from 2014 to 2016, second most among the 1,200 California providers over the last decade, federal records show.

Details of the violations fill nearly 200 pages of state inspection reports chronicling mishandled medications, neglected sores and repeated missed visits by nurses and home health aides.

In one patient’s case, aides failed to show up for 18 straight visits over a span of several months.

“It must have been a computer glitch,” was how the Ace of Hearts administrator explained it to state inspectors, who found dozens of other missed patient visits.

Ace of Hearts owner Rozanna Avetyan, 42, who signed the inspection reports as the administrator, did not respond to requests for interviews left with a person at her Stevenson Ranch home and with a woman who answered her cellphone but would not identify herself.

Her attorney, Donald Marks, did not respond to repeated phone and email messages.

In 2016, the government paid the hospice about $450,000 for 29 patients, nearly two-thirds of whom were discharged alive, Medicare data show. Although hospice patients may be recertified to receive care for more than six months, federal officials say that very long stays and high “live discharge” rates are potential indicators of fraud.

Ace of Hearts’ 62% live discharge rate in 2016 was nearly six times the national rate that year, according to The Times’ analysis of Medicare data.

That October, state inspectors could find no evidence of terminal illness for three of 11 patients sampled. Some had been admitted by the hospice medical director, who signed certifications electronically, state inspection records show.

The unidentified doctor, whose office was in Palm Springs, more than 100 miles from Tujunga, told state officials he did not recall some of the patients and didn’t know how his signature wound up on their certifications.

“I do not like computers so I do not use them,” he said, according to a state licensing report. “I did not sign anything electronically.”

The improper certifications had serious ramifications: Some non-terminal patients who signed up were stunned to learn they had forfeited their existing medical coverage in the process, the report states.

At least two lost their HMO coverage when they were enrolled in hospice without being told they could refuse. One was signed up while in an assisted-living facility, the state licensing records show, and the other while residing in a board-and-care home.

“The HMO won’t even see him in the emergency room, and he does not understand it,” the board-and-care owner told state investigators, according to a state report.

When pressed for an explanation, the report said, the Ace of Hearts administrator blamed the board-and-care owner for referring the man, who developed serious bed sores while in hospice care.

“I had nothing but trouble with the board-and-care owner,” the administrator said. “Now the patient has multiple wounds. I told [his] caregiver that we don’t do wounds here.”

Poor wound care was nowhere more evident than in the case of one patient treated by an Ace of Hearts nurse who lacked enough clean gauze to dress a serious foot sore.

“She picked up the dirty discarded Kerlix dressing that was removed from the wounds that was soiled with a few spots of old red colored discharge and she re-used the old dressing on top of the clean dressing,” wrote a state inspector who witnessed the violation of infection-control protocols.

It was but one of a long list of serious deficiencies over the years.

“The cumulative effect of these systemic practices resulted in the failure of the hospice agency to ensure the provision of quality healthcare in a safe environment,” a 2016 inspection report said.

Despite that finding, however, Ace of Hearts continued to operate for three years. It eventually was undone not by state regulators but by its own weekly free breakfast sales pitch visits to Sierra Retirement Village and the nearby Aurora Village Retirement Center.

Alvarez, the Sierra complex manager, told The Times that two federal agents dropped by one day to grill her about the visits and kickback offers of up to $300 per patient by Avetyan, who also owned Team Hospice in Lancaster.

“I wasn’t interested in that at all,” Alvarez, who was not accused of wrongdoing, said of the kickbacks. “I said, ‘No, I have a job, I don’t need that.’”

Authorities had been tipped off by a county social worker who was surprised that a resident she was visiting had been given a “hospice bed” when she was not ill, Alvarez said.

In 2018, the California attorney general’s office filed fraud charges against Avetyan and four others, alleging that her hospices had billed Medicare and Medi-Cal for $1.2 million for ineligible patients.

Avetyan had paid more than $180,000 in kickbacks for illegal referrals, some of them by a woman who worked in a doctor’s office and gleaned names from the patient roster, prosecutors alleged in a criminal complaint.

A different physician, Dr. Blanca Galapon, now 80, was accused of falsely certifying a dozen patients as terminally ill in exchange for unspecified payments from Avetyan, according to the complaint.

Avetyan pleaded guilty in April 2019 to one count of conspiracy to pay and accept insurance kickbacks and was given a suspended six-month jail sentence and placed on four years’ probation.

Galapon and other defendants cut plea deals for deferred prosecution or probation.

In January, Avetyan was barred from all federal healthcare programs, including Medicare and Medicaid, for at least five years. By early this spring, both Ace of Hearts and Team Hospice had closed their offices.

But court documents and other public records indicate that Avetyan sought continued involvement in the hospice industry.

At least five hospices based at one Van Nuys office building appear to have been spun off directly from Ace of Hearts or have significant links to it, The Times found. Online biographies that list two young women as chief executives of the five hospices describe both as former Ace of Hearts employees.

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One of them, Arpine Melikyan, is a 2019 graduate of Cal State Los Angeles who was an Ace of Hearts accountant and now heads up two other providers, Life Hospice and High Care Hospice.

In a 2019 lawsuit, Avetyan alleged that she agreed to pay Melikyan $5,000 a month and provide staffing and other resources in exchange for a 30% stake in the two hospices. Melikyan declined to comment on the lawsuit, which accuses her of reneging on the deal.

Avetyan is due back in court on Dec. 16, accused of violating her probation.

Prosecutors would not provide details, but said in an email to The Times that she continued to bill Medi-Cal for hospice services after being barred from the program.

Complete Article HERE!

Words Matter

— Discussing Death with Dignity

When both of my parents entered medical crisis in a short span of time around age 90, I realized that the end of their lives was in the foreseeable future. I had never envisioned what the end of life process would be like, but I knew that I would not allow them to suffer, and that I would protect their dignity. One of my greatest concerns was whether or not I could deliver their wishes for a dignified peaceful death. 

I had heard of death with dignity, but honestly I did not know what it was. I had only heard what others said: that it offered a suicide pill, that it was risky to allow people to kill themselves, that there would be no regulation and that it would become too easy to access. I quickly realized that the words chosen were, at minimum, emotional and sometimes escalated to highly charged.

Curious, I attended a presentation a friend delivered for local college students studying geriatrics. I was stunned at what I learned about the medical aid in dying (MAID) program that she was spearheading. The program was not any of the things that I had heard. The guidelines were strict, the oversight even stricter and the eligibility criteria very specific and demanded proof of the patient’s mental capacity.

Most surprising to me was the fact that approximately 30 percent of patients never take the medication. They either die of natural causes before the medication has been delivered or before their planned administration date, or they change their minds as they didn’t experience the anticipated decline in the quality of their life and chose to die naturally. In essence, the program gave the patient control over their own end-of-life experience.

Then recently, I listened to Deborah Kan interview Kelly Bone, who has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and who hopes to utilize the services provided by death with dignity, which is currently unavailable in the United States to those diagnosed with dementia. The interview illuminated the misunderstanding and inaccurate terms that surround the topic of death with dignity: euthanasia, assisted suicide and medical aid in dying.

Euthanasia is performed, and medication administered, by a trained professional with explicit consent and is illegal in most countries, including the United States. Assisted suicide is a process during which the patient plans for administering a medication to themself. Death with dignity, also referred to as medical aid in dying, allows terminally ill adults to request and, after being deemed qualified and mentally capable, receive a prescription for medication that they may choose to take to bring about a peaceful death.

Dr. Grube, National Medical Director for Compassion and Choices, wrote in a column titled, Ten Facts About Medical Aid in Dying, “Language matters: medical aid in dying should not be called ‘suicide,’ or ‘assisted suicide’.” He continued, “Legally, in all jurisdictions where medical aid in dying is authorized, ‘it is not suicide, homicide, euthanasia, or mercy killing’.’”

While those opposed to the service tend to define it based on who administers the life-ending medication, the medical community defines it on the characteristics of the people who take those actions.

In the Ten Facts article, David Pollack MD, a psychiatrist at Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine in Portland, OR, stated that a “growing body of evidence clearly distinguishes the characteristics of persons who (die by suicide) resulting from mental illness from those of terminally ill persons who request medical aid in dying.

“These differences include the type and severity of psychological symptoms, degree of despair, reasons for wishing to end one’s life, communicativeness regarding their wishes and fears, degree of personal isolation, openness about the wish and intended method to end one’s life, and the impact on the person’s family or support system following the person’s death.”

I wondered about the difference between suicide, the intentional taking of one’s own life usually as the result of mental illness and often with a feeling of hopelessness, and consciously choosing to end your life once certain criteria have been met, such as functional limitations, in order to preserve dignity during the end of life process. Medical aid in dying does not involve suicidal tendencies or the desire not to live. It cannot be executed spontaneously but instead requires due diligence by multiple medical practitioners, under strict legal purview, and the legal prescription of medication prepared by a licensed pharmacist.

One is an event involving isolation, desperation and trauma, resulting in physical death. The other may be inclusive, allowing the patient to be surrounded by family and love, and is aimed at creating a peaceful transition at the end of life. The decision to suicide is final, while the decision to pursue medical aid in dying provides an option, not a mandate. Even after having received life-ending medication, the patient can change their mind if their personal criteria are unmet, such as declining physical or intellectual health that the patient perceives would cause a loss of dignity.

Because Bone is ineligible for death with dignity in the United States, she was asked whether she considered suicide as an alternative. She said, “To me, that is not dying with dignity. Going and doing it somewhere in my house all clandestine, not being able to say goodbye to my husband and leaving him with all that guilt, having him find the body and things like that, that to me is not a good way to go. It’s not fair to my family members.”

To Bone, “dignified” is consciously making the decision and discussing it with her family members and doctors. During a personal call with Bone, she added: “I don’t want to suicide — I love my life!”

In the end, the option for medical aid in dying is all about dignity. Dignity is the state of being worthy of honor or respect. To provide dignity is a kind of grace, a kindness or mercy. When one wants to die with dignity, is it not really the grace and the mercy it offers that is sought?

I wasn’t interested in understanding the language surrounding death with dignity until I had taken the walk to the end of life with several loved ones, while fearing that I could not deliver the dignified death they desired. Understanding the words doesn’t mean that I have to like or dislike the option, only that I now have the clarity to make informed decisions that fit my beliefs. It grants me the compassion to accept the reasons why someone else might want to make that choice. I understand that all Kelly wants is to have the option for a peaceful end of life if her disease progression doesn’t allow for it.

I think that everyone wants a peaceful end of life. I don’t know what decisions I will make when I am faced with my end of life, but I know that the end of life deserves the dignity, as well as the grace and mercy, that our culture so readily denies it.

Complete Article HERE!

What Do Dreams About Someone Dying Mean?

by Ann Pietrangelo

You call out to your best friend, but there’s no response. You shake them and gently nudge their shoulder before it dawns on you that they’re not sleeping. They’re lifeless. Dead. You reach for them again but the distance between you grows until they become one with the fog.

You wake up with a profound sense of loss yet strangely unburdened. You’ve had a common dream about someone dying — but in all likelihood, it has nothing to do with your friend or literal death.

Read on as we take a closer look at dreams about dying, what they mean, and if there’s reason for concern.

It’s not uncommon for terminally ill people to dream about loved ones who have died, according to a 2016 studyTrusted Source done in India. And a small 2014 surveyTrusted Source found that it’s not unusual to dream of someone you’ve recently lost.

Most people reported these dreams to be pleasant or both pleasant and disturbing. A few respondents said they were purely disturbing.

Such dreams may be part of the mourning process or a reflection of the fact that you miss someone who’s no longer in your life.

If you aren’t terminally ill or mourning a loved one, however, your dream may not really be about death at all. Instead, death may represent change or a period of transition.

When trying to interpret a dream, it helps to focus less on specific details and more on the way it made you feel. Consider how these feelings relate to what’s going on in your life.

For example, if you woke up feeling scared and anxious, you might consider whether you’re stressed out about changes in your life or fearing the unknown.

If you woke up feeling good, perhaps you’re accepting that something in your life is ending and you’re embracing a new beginning.

While it can be upsetting to dream about death, remember that dreams aren’t predictions and shouldn’t be taken at face value.

Things we dream about are often symbols for other things. So, dreaming about death could be part of the bereavement process or a representation of great change in your life.

Dreams about falling are fairly common and may represent:

  • insecurity or lack of self-confidence
  • feeling out of control
  • letting go or setting yourself free

The symbolism of falling may go hand-in-hand with symbolism of dying — both can represent an ending, a beginning, or both.

Death can show up in many types of dreams. Whether it’s your own death or someone else’s, there’s a good chance your dream is really about unresolved issues.

Dreams about family members dying

A 2018 study on childhood nightmares found that common themes include:

  • death
  • injury
  • threats to family members

When you dream about a loved one dying, it might be due to changes — whether perceived or actual — to your relationships.

Dreams about you dying

Dreaming about yourself dying could mean that you’re in a major life transition.

It might be a symbolic goodbye to a relationship, a job, or a home. It could represent a part of you that is dying or something you’d like to escape.

It could also be that you’ve been putting your own needs on the back burner in favor of everyone else. Part of you feels neglected and is vying for attention.

Dreams about celebrities dying

When a celebrity dies in your dream, it’s probably not about the celebrity. The meaning may lie in who or what that particular celebrity represents to you.

Dreams about pets dying

You may dream about your pet dying if they’re old or sick and you’re genuinely concerned about them.

But your pet may symbolize something else, such as:

  • comfort
  • security
  • companionship

And dreaming of your pet dying might symbolize your fear of loss of these three qualities.

Dreams about friends dying

Dreaming about the death of a friend could signify concern for that person. It could also mean that your friendship is undergoing change or that you’d prefer to be free of this person.

Keep in mind the meaning behind the dream may not have anything to do with that friend at all. Instead, it might relate to what that friend represents in your life.

Dreams about deceased loved ones

The aforementioned small 2016 studyTrusted Source found that end-of-life dreams are common. Terminally ill people reported dreaming about loved ones who’ve already passed on.

These dreams tended to be nonthreatening, and the people in the dreams were seen as they were in their prime of health. This could be a coping mechanism.

“The goal ultimately may not be to avoid having such dreams, but rather approach them with curiosity to better understand them,” Dr. Alex Dimitriu, of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine in California, told Healthline.

Recurring dreams about death can be the result of ongoing stress and unresolved issues. Try to identify the cause of stress in your waking life. Confronting the issue may help stop the dreams.

You can also ease into a more peaceful sleep by scheduling wind-down time before you go to bed. Make sure your bedroom is free of glowing electronics and other sources of light.

If you wake up in the night, use deep breathing or other relaxation exercises to get back to sleep. If that doesn’t work, get up and do something relaxing until you’re sleepy again.

If you’re having a hard time dealing with recurring dreams or ongoing stress, talk with a doctor or mental health professional. A qualified therapist can help you work through anxiety dreams.

Dreaming is a natural function of our sleeping brains. In fact, everybody dreams.

Dimitriu, who’s double board certified in psychiatry and sleep medicine, says dream content can be:

  • leftover remnants of the day’s thoughts and events
  • an ongoing subconscious theme or feeling
  • just random

“In my work, after thoroughly exploring conscious and subconscious explanations of dream content, sometimes we are left with no clear answer,” Dimitriu said.

He noted the importance of letting the person experiencing the dream draw conclusions, rather than plant ideas in their mind. It’s a process that can take time.

“In the case of dreams with intense content, such as dying, it is worth noting there is a lot of emotional energy to such a dream,” Dimitriu said.

“Lastly, sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, and some dreams are truly random,” he added.

Dreams of someone dying can be unsettling, but they shouldn’t be taken literally. Death in a dream may symbolize the end of something and the beginning of something new.

Dreams provoke emotions — and those emotions can help you connect a dream to events in your life. But dreams can’t always be deciphered.

If you’re troubled by frequent stress-related dreams, it may help to talk things out with a qualified therapist.

Complete Article HERE!

Life Support is a new digital tool to help us talk about death

by

Creative agency The Liminal Space aims to help break taboos around death and dying, through a new digital tool called Life Support.

The idea is to help people have difficult conversations, “empowering” them at a time when, thanks to Covid-19, many of us have dwelled on our collective mortality more than usual. Indeed, according to The Liminal Space director Amanda Gore, research shows that “one in five of us are thinking about death more since the outbreak of Covid-19” and that “80% of people are more likely to be thinking about death in 2020 than actually talking about it.”

The mobile-first site offers practical tips about how to discuss death, and also shares people’s personal experiences around topics such as what dying looks like, talking to someone with COVID-19 about dying, having a dignified death, talking to children about these topics, how to overcome the fear of death and more. Users can also Download and share tips that can help in starting conversations with loved ones.

The voices used on the platform include spokespeople from charities such as Compassion in Dying and Marie Curie; as well as experts in end-of-life and palliative care and people who’ve experienced different aspects of end-of-life care, who share practical advice on how to manage end-of-life decisions, such as choices they have about how and where they die.

Many of those who shared their stories for the site did so as part of death and dying-focused project undertaken by The Liminal Space in 2019 along with The Academy of Medical Sciences called The Departure Lounge, spaces including a popup in Lewisham shopping centre, south London, which were styled like airports which aimed to start a public conversation about the end of life and how we can support people to have a ‘good death’ in the future.

These have been supplemented with stories from charities such as Compassion in Dying and Marie Curie, and insights from some of the leading palliative and end-of-life care physicians, nurses and experts in the country (see ‘notes to editors’ for a full list of these experts).

The project has been supported by the Academy of Medical Sciences and a government fund run by Innovate UK, an organisation set up earlier this year to “help drive innovation throughout the pandemic,” according to Liminal Space.

“We felt it was hugely important to find a way to enable people to start having these essential conversations about end of life so that we can all be better equipped to deal with death, and more empowered to make important decisions,” says Gore.

Professor Sir Robert Lechler PMedSci, President of the Academy of Medical Sciences, adds, “This year has made conversations about death and dying even more challenging with people more likely to be distanced from their loved ones. However, like so many things in the pandemic, Life Support shows that we can use digital space to enable and support those conversations to take place.”

Complete Article HERE!