“The feelings of loss don’t get any smaller but as our lives evolve and grow it becomes more manageable”
By Anna Lyons
I walked to the cemetery with a friend today. The sun was shining brightly. Blue skies, flowers, and golden sunlight.
It’s a beautiful cemetery, full of life, love and beauty. As we walked, we talked about death, dying and bereavement. We discussed how the process of dying isn’t just about the dying person but about everyone involved.
Someone who needs help to do things is not only receiving care, they are allowing their loved ones and carers to give. It’s a gift from both sides.
Dying people, in allowing living people to ‘serve’ them, are helping mould and shape their loved ones bereavement and grief process. I’ve heard countless stories of how comforted those left behind feel when they recall all the things their loved one consented for them to do at the end.
Are dying people unconsciously allowing their loved ones to feel helpful? Feeling useful in turn makes us feel wanted and secures our position as someone important and special.
My final gift to my grandfather was his physical care, his final gift to me was granting it. As sad as I felt that his life had ended, I knew I’d done all I could and I felt he knew it too. I believe my grief was gentler and his death was easier to accept as a result of the care he’d allowed me to give him.
Research shows the need for acknowledging the enduring bonds we continue creating with our loved ones after they have died, and the importance of accepting the changes in our feelings and thoughts during grief.
We don’t ever get over bereavement. The feelings of loss don’t get any smaller but as our lives evolve and grow it becomes more manageable.
Some days we will feel loss as acutely as the day it happened. Other days, we will feel more at peace with our reality.
Accepting bereavement in our life is difficult, but there is no escaping that grief is a part of life, in all the forms it takes – the ‘anticipatory’ loss and the actual loss. We grieve before someone dies and again, differently, when they do.
Grief is multi-faceted and complicated and its impact is felt in all aspects of our life. It has no quick fixes or shortcuts and it can be terribly lonely. Reach out, we’re all here to help:
- Cruse Bereavement Care
- Winston’s Wish
- Childhood Bereavement Network
- The Loss Foundation
- Child Bereavement UK
- The Compassionate Friends
- The Grief Geek
Complete Article HERE!