Tag: Estate Planning

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Thinking of Becoming a Guardian?

What you should consider before you agree to be responsible for an incapacitated loved one

By Patty Blevins

What you should consider before you agree to be responsible for an incapacitated loved one

If you haven’t had any experience with guardianship for adults with dementia, it’s likely you don’t understand just how complex it is. You are not alone. Many family members of the estimated 6.5 million dementia patients in the U.S. struggle to understand if it is an option for their loved one.

Many more people will face that decision because the number of people with dementia will grow to 14 million by 2060, according to Centers for Disease Control estimates.

An adult son making food for his mother with dementia. Next Avenue
In determining whether to place someone under a guardianship and curb their legal rights, the court may call on a geriatrician or psychiatrist to assess the person’s functional behavior, cognitive function, disabling conditions and ability to meet their essential needs.

The simplest definition of guardianship is the position of being responsible for someone else. State courts appoint a guardian to make decisions for another person if the court finds the person to be incapacitated or unable to make safe, reasonable decisions for themselves, according to National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA).

The simplest definition of guardianship is the position of being responsible for someone else.

Guardianship is serious business. People placed under guardianship, who are called wards, may lose their independence in making decisions about their finances, legal issues and health care. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, full guardianship can control whether wards can vote, who they may marry, where they live and if they can make end-of-life decisions for themselves.

An article in the American Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias explains that the two tasks that are regularly evaluated in determining capacity are an individual’s ability to manage personal finances and take medications as prescribed.

Choosing and Monitoring Guardians

In determining whether to place someone under a guardianship and curb their legal rights, the court may call on a geriatrician or psychiatrist to assess the person’s functional behavior, cognitive function, disabling conditions and ability to meet their essential needs. A geriatrician is a specialty doctor who treats people over 65 with a focus on diseases like dementia that primarily affect this age group.

The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys says guardianships offer safeguards. Guardians, for example, must periodically update the court on the ward’s finances and health status. Even then, courts have the authority to initiate unscheduled reviews of guardians’ decisions about their wards’ finances, property and health care.

Guardianship, “when properly used,” is a beneficial method to protect an incapacitated person for whom no other means are available to assist with informed decision making, the organization says.

That describes the original intent of guardianship, but it assumes the guardian is honest and accountable. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Ample examples of abuse are documented by researchers and prosecutors.

An article in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society first published in April 2022, sought to make a quantitative evaluation of guardianship in the United States but the authors found little consistent standards and data collection regarding the impact on patient care and the quality of life of people subject to guardianship.

Impediments to Oversight

The inconsistencies included fundamental matters, including the following:

  • The scope of the guardian’s duties.
  • Minimum standards for guardians. As of 2020, there were two states that had yet to require a background check.
  • Determination of incapacity. In the past, this decision often defaulted to a physician based solely on a psychiatric or medical diagnosis.
  • Regular independent reviews of the ongoing necessity of guardianship.
  • Educational requirements for guardians. Guardians are often required to serve in many roles that they may have minimal or no training. The National Guardianship Association (NGF) partnered with the Center for Guardianship Certification (CGC) to standardized educational content and offer certification.
  • Other drawbacks of guardianship included:
    • Once guardianship is assigned, there is greater tendency for the person to become lost to follow up. People who have been labeled as incompetent or incapacitated have limited ability to advocate for themselves, contact an attorney or access funds for court proceedings.
    • There is a greater tendency to assign full guardianship instead of less restrictive alternatives.

    Recent Guardianship Law

    In 2017, the Uniform Law Commission, a non-profit association that provides states with model legislation to clarify and standardize laws across jurisdictions , released The Uniform Guardianship Conservatorship and Other Protective Arrangements Act to encourage the “trend toward greater independence for persons under guardianship.”

    “Over 40% of the American population has never discussed their wishes for end-of-life care with loved ones.”

    The act addresses many of the previous inconsistences and proposes solutions going forward. So far, seven states have enacted the model guardianship statute in full and many more have adopted parts of it, according to the National Center on Elder Abuse.

    Alternatives to Guardianship

    There are multiple alternatives to guardianship but Americans need to start talking to each other. “Over 40% of the American population has never discussed their wishes for end-of-life care with loved ones,” according to the article in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society. These measures should begin at the first sign of memory loss or preferably when getting ready for retirement to delay or prevent guardianship.

    • Tell your family your wishes and write them down in an advanced directive (living will and health care power of attorney).
    • Create a value history. A value history is based on values and beliefs and it provides a person’s future care choices.
    • Evaluate limited (partial) guardianship as an alternative to full guardianship. In this case, guardianship is granted only over the areas for which the person lacks the capacity for rational decision making (finances).
    • Designate a durable power of attorney and list two or three backup candidates for this important position if the first choice is not available. This agent could be responsible for financial, legal and personal matters.
    • Investigate care management services. Care managers are usually nurses or social workers that are trained to identify and provide for a client’s medical, psychosocial and financial needs.
    • Find a payee. Many organizations offer money management services which serve as a payee for vulnerable clients.
    • Enlist the help of your primary care doctor. You may have to teach them about guardianship and the role you would like them to play, but they could become your greatest asset.

    Guardianship as the Only Answer

    Appointing a family member or friend as your guardian often is the ideal solution. But sometimes a court-appointed guardian is the only answer. My own experience is an example.

    I felt a sense of relief at the appointment of a guardian outside the family. It relieved us of the possibility of having to tell him that he had to stay in a nursing home for his own safety.

    My father was diagnosed with multi-infarct dementia in 2016. The disease transfigured him from an intelligent, robust, fun-loving father into, let’s say, something different. My mother already had passed away, and my three siblings and I agreed that his guardian should be the same sibling who was listed as his Health Care Power of Attorney.

    That legal document lets you state your medical wishes and appoint another person to make sure those wishes are followed if you are incompetent or no longer able to make your own health care decisions.

    Release, Then Relief

    We all arrived at the courthouse and my father surprised all of us by saying he didn’t want my sister, who had his Health Care Power of Attorney, to be his guardian. Another court hearing was scheduled, at which he agreed to have the court appoint a lawyer to be his guardian.

    I felt a sense of relief at the appointment of a guardian outside the family. It relieved us of the possibility of having to tell him that he had to stay in a nursing home for his own safety. We would not be the ones sifting through his financial records to explain his debt and explain that his mortgage was being foreclosed on. We could preserve a few remnants of a familial relationship and focus on being supportive.

    The guardianship duties performed by the appointed attorney were far from flawless. But, overall, they served as the best answer for the situation at the time.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How Should Your Children Inherit?

— 4 Scenarios Where ‘Equal’ Is Not Appropriate

Equally sharing the wealth among the kids isn’t always fair, such as when one sibling is the primary caretaker, or another is already wealthy.

By Tracy Craig

Every estate planner has conversations with their clients about how children should inherit. While most people assume that children should inherit equally, many clients contemplate treating children differently for various reasons.

Here are some situations where an equal inheritance might not be appropriate, and the pros and cons of treating children differently.

Scenario #1: A Caretaker Child/Child Lives With the Parent

Many times, one child primarily helps an elderly parent. This could include helping with medical appointments, coordinating care with various health care providers, being heavily involved in end-of-life care, paying bills and companion care. Oftentimes, this care is provided by a child who lives with or is close to the parent.

Similarly, a parent may wish to give the caregiver child a larger percentage of the inheritance in recognition of the additional help provided.

Scenario #2: A Special Needs Child

If a parent has been the primary caregiver for a special needs child, then the estate plan should take this into account to ensure that the child will be properly taken care of after the parent’s death. Depending upon available government aid, this can often mean a special needs trust or supplemental needs trust for the child, with more or less than an equal share of the estate being held by the trust.

In this scenario, the other children can often be more understanding. In practice, many times the siblings are involved in the plan for caring for their grown sibling when the parents are no longer able.

Scenario #3: A Child With Issues

If a child has issues, such as mental illness, substance abuse, divorce or creditors, or if the child is bad with money, it may not be appropriate to leave an outright inheritance, or any inheritance, to that child. The same is true for an estranged child. The use of trusts to provide some (protective) support for such a child may be appropriate. Occasionally, disinheriting a child is the choice some families make.

Scenario #4: Children With Wealth Disparities

Sometimes a wealthy child may tell a parent to treat them differently and give more to other siblings, or a parent may feel that a very wealthy child does not “need” the inheritance. Wealth can change over a lifetime, so this should be well thought out.

What Is Right for You?

While these can all be sensible reasons to treat children differently, these are often difficult choices for parents to make. Many parents feel that they are morally obligated to treat their children equally; otherwise, after death, the children will harbor resentment and/or sibling rivalries will resurface, irreparably damaging those relationships.

It is important to be completely open and honest with your estate planning attorney. Everyone has family issues. While these conversations can be difficult, it’s best to give your estate planner all of the family information so these choices can be considered carefully. (Also, check out the article Should You Treat Your Kids Equally in Your Will? 12 Financial Planners Weigh In, in which financial planners share stories gleaned from their years of experience. Some stories end in disaster, but others offer the reassurance of a clear path to follow.)

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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After a loved one dies, red tape adds to the grief

Bureaucratic delays and paperwork are frustrating, exhausting, emotionally crushing — and often unavoidable

by Allison Engel

In quick succession last spring, my family experienced three wrenching deaths: My brother-in-law died of a late-diagnosed cancer, my husband, Scott, died of a different late-diagnosed cancer and my mother died at age 100.

The last thing you want to deal with when you’re wrapped up in grief is red tape. It’s frustrating and exhausting and emotionally crushing. And yet it is unavoidable.

My family thought our financial affairs were organized. We had wills and beneficiaries were listed there and on all financial accounts. Many people don’t do that, which makes the post-death red tape so much worse. But even so, we’ve endured months of maddening experiences with banks, insurance companies, employers and the Social Security Administration — among others.

Here are a few of the most aggravating roadblocks:

Face recognition, voice recognition and fingerprint recognition speed up access when someone’s alive but present tremendous barriers for survivors trying to wind down accounts. When I sign in to my late husband Scott’s password manager and investment accounts, access codes are sent to his phone. Despite many tries, I find I cannot change that phone number. This means keeping Scott’s phone active, a needless expense.

Credit card mix-ups

If you think you and your spouse share a credit card, because each of you has a card with your name on it and the same account number, guess again. That card belongs only to the person who applied for the account. Credit card companies are alerted to a death quickly by the Social Security Administration, and will freeze a survivor’s ability to view the account online. Providing a paper statement seems logical, but our bank’s representative told me, “Once you’ve opted to get online statements, our policy is you cannot go back to paper statements.” It took six full months of begging to the bank’s “Deceased Management Team” (actual name) to be mailed statements for the months following Scott’s death. And it wasn’t easy to cancel some recurring charges.

At Best Buy, a customer service representative said I had to take a death certificate to a Best Buy store to cancel a Geek Squad subscription. I considered dressing in black with a veil but went dressed normally, with death certificate in hand, and got the refund.

Personal visits are discouraged

When your frustration level rises after marathon sessions on hold, you might be tempted to visit the bank or insurance office in person. Don’t. At one bank, an employee would not make an address change when I arrived, and referred me to the financial institution’s website.

I visited a Social Security office in person twice to try to change the address where Scott’s post-death Medicare bills were sent since I had moved — and was now paying those bills. An address change could not be done in person after a death, I was told; use his online account. But it is the one account not in his password manager and it has a unique username I don’t know. I hope his medical bills, arriving at a snail’s pace, all come before the Postal Service stops forwarding his mail to our old address.

Documentation overload

I bought multiple copies of Scott’s death certificate, but I was unprepared for how companies string out requests for other documents. Scott’s longtime employer clawed back his monthly pension without notification, then refused to tell me what documents it required other than the death certificate. The company needed to investigate Scott’s pension wishes, it said.

Scott had had only two choices: a higher pension that ended with his death or a lower pension that continued to me. From the dollar amount of the checks, it was obvious he had chosen the lower pension.

Two weeks after receiving the death certificate, the company rep asked for Scott’s birth certificate. Two weeks after that, our marriage license. Two weeks after that, she requested the original Social Security card I applied for at age 16. A friend, a retired district judge, pointed out that companies get only 30 days to resolve such issues. I called and told the representative that this limit had been exceeded. Amazingly, she called the next day and said everything was resolved.

Still, she insisted on sending the three months of withheld pension payments to my old address, even though I had provided proof of my new address weeks earlier.

Lengthy waits

Expedia required a death certificate and 30 days to quit sending Scott emails. I couldn’t just unsubscribe him because he once had been booked on a flight through Expedia, the online travel agency’s fine print disclosed.

At our bank, I had to make one appointment with an official to delete Scott’s name from our joint checking and savings accounts, and another to change beneficiaries on that account. I was told to plan 90 minutes for the first visit. (It took two hours.)

Most of the time was spent sitting in the banker’s cubicle, waiting while he tried to get the bank’s estate management group to answer the phone. He waited on hold for 43 minutes while I sat there. Deleting Scott’s name took a few minutes. The banker hung up without asking about the credit card linked to that account and had to call back. We waited another 18 minutes for the phone to be answered.

My return appointment for the beneficiaries took another hour sitting in that cubicle.

Many of these red-tape problems are made more galling as they often require phone calls with endless waits on hold. When representatives finally connect, they invariably start by the rote and insincere “sorry for your loss” scripts.

Grief is hard enough. Dealing with tech barriers and nonsensical policies make the months after a death into a second career of aggravating phone calls, emails and visits.

How to reduce these irritations

To minimize these frustrations, here are a few suggestions learned the hard way:

1. Keep an updated list of recurring credit card charges, organized by each card.

2. Make sure you have a credit card you applied for in your name.

3. Get a password manager to hold all your user names and passwords and make sure your executor knows your master password. If you have some accounts that are not included in a password manager, make sure your executor knows what they are (and also remember to update any list in case you change them periodically).

4. Buy at least six copies of the death certificate. Some companies allow you to email copies, but others require the physical certificate.

5. Do an inventory now and make sure you have birth and marriage certificates, adoption or divorce documents and Social Security cards. After many decades of marriage and multiple moves, some of these documents may have gotten lost. It can take weeks to get copies from the various agencies.

6. Don’t put the will or other important documents in a safe-deposit box. Getting access to it can be a lengthy process, particularly if your loved one misplaced the key. Even with a key, if family members suddenly need to get a loved one’s medical power of attorney outside of bank hours, for example, they are out of luck.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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End-of-life Planning

— Why to Start Young

You’re too busy and alive to think about death when you’re young. “It always seems too early, until it’s too late,” declared the National Healthcare Decisions Day a few years ago. You want medical insurance for a sudden illness or injury. You ask our employer and government to offer retirement benefits to retire well. What about your hope to die well? Although you can’t control your future, you can plan for it.

By Sharleen Lucas, RN

End-of-life planning – also known as advance care planning – gives you a powerful voice if illness or injury leaves you unable to speak for yourself.

Hard to imagine, right? A day when an illness or injury steals your ability to make decisions for yourself. When you’re young and buzzing through your days of hard work and fun, death is an abstract, nebulous, and distant concern. Until a pandemic hits. Or you walk away from a nearly fatal motorcycle accident. Or your first child is born. Suddenly, death creeps closer and these moments make you think a little harder about life and death.

In 2020 according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, unintentional injury was the leading cause of death for 15 – 44-year-old Americans. No one knows what tomorrow brings, as the old saying goes.

But wait, isn’t thinking about death harmful to young people?

There’s no getting around it. When you plan for end-of-life care, you have to think about death.

I asked palliative care psychologist Dr. Dwain Fehon if it’s mentally healthy for young people to complete advance directives. As Associate Professor, Chief Psychologist, and Director of the Behavior Medicine Service for the Yale School of Medicine and Yale New Haven Hospital, Dr. Fehon has worked with countless patients of all ages facing mental and terminal illnesses.

His answers were enlightening. “When we can talk openly about difficult topics early in life, it’s just so healthy and helpful,” he expressed in his soft, kind voice. “It allows you to formulate ideas and to take in the thoughts and opinions of others so that you’re not alone or isolated with your thoughts or fears.”

There’s certainly evidence to support his words. When it’s explained correctly, most younger people want to talk about end-of-life issues.

In 2022, the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care published a study of young people’s perspectives on end-of-life planning. The researchers talked with 30 white and Black participants. They found that 87% of them were comfortable talking about the subject and wanted to make their own end-of-life decisions. Even though the sample size was small, this research is consistent with other studies.

A study published in 2019 found that young adults welcomed the chance to discuss advanced care planning. They even wanted more information about it. Researchers found a significant improvement in their “self-perception of comfort, confidence, certainty, and knowledge” about death planning. They recommended more end-of-life talks with young people.

When you’re in your 20s and 30s, paving your path and making your own choices are top values. Planning for death empowers you to voice your opinion about the medical care you want if you can’t speak for yourself.

In 2015 researchers published findings from their end-of-life discussions with 56 young people between the ages of 18-30. They found each subject felt death planning was a valuable way to express their individuality. They also liked that advanced care plans can change and grow as they did.

Surprisingly, most young and healthy people are willing and even eager to talk about death planning.

“It’s interesting, thinking about death gets you thinking about life. There’s value in thinking about these things, and when we can think about it, it helps to reinforce a general acceptance within ourselves that death is a part of life. And it’s okay to talk about. It’s not a taboo topic that needs to be kept quiet.” — Dr. Fehon

His words reminded me of the young, healthy mortician Caitlyn Doughty, who founded the Death Positive Movement in 2011. Her goal is to help people of all ages break their silence about death. Topics kept in the dark create more confusion, robbing people of their power to understand the issue and make their own choices about it.

Death planning is actually about life

Dr. Fehon’s wisdom here continues. “In the palliative care world, we have a concept called double awareness,” he told me. “One component is life engagement, and the other component is death contemplation. The idea is to hold these two concepts in our lives. We can contemplate death and still be engaged in life.”

The lightbulb lit up in my head. Death contemplation can engage us deeper into life. This is why many young people like it. The young participants in these studies had the chance to clarify what they want from life now and in the future.

But if we think about end-of-life plans and find ourselves disengaging from life, something’s wrong. We may be overly preoccupied with dark fears or sadness about death. In these bleak moments, we’re likely isolating ourselves from loved ones or others who can help us with the process.

End-of-life planning is a process that involves your loved ones. They need to know what decisions you’d like them to make if you can no longer speak for yourself. So, no one should go through the process alone.

Alright, I’m convinced. But how do I start end-of-life planning?

We can sum up the process into three steps.

  1. Complete your advance directives and make them legal.
  2. Post them openly in your home and give them to loved ones and your doctors.
  3. Talk about them with your health proxy, your loved ones, and your medical team.

What are advance directives?

Advance directives are the documents that make your choices legal. These documents include a living will and a power of attorney for health care.

A living will describe the type of end-of-life medical care you want in certain situations. It directs and guides your chosen decision-maker and medical team to make decisions for you. Your instructions in the living will, can be as creative as you want.

These directives are kind to your family. Instead of agonizing over medical decisions without your input, they can more confidently and peacefully make the right decisions for you.

A power of attorney for health care legally names the person you want to make your healthcare decisions when you cannot. This decision-maker is also called a health proxy. They become your voice when you can’t speak for yourself.

Your advance directives are yours to define and only become active when you are suddenly, by illness or injury, unable to make your own decisions.

Where do I get the paperwork?

For a paper copy, start with your doctor’s office or the closest hospital. They often stock advance care paperwork that meets your state’s standards.

Not surprising, there are many online options to suit your needs. These sites are a great place to start because they help you think about your end-of-life wishes and answer a lot of questions. Some are free, and some cost as little as five dollars. You can get trustworthy free documents at CaringInfo, MyDirectives, and Prepare for Your Care.

But these details only scratch the surface. Planning can feel overwhelming, but don’t let that stop you. Push through for the sake of your life now. For the sake of your loved ones.

If it gets hard to talk about or feels too complicated, consider talking with a local palliative care social worker or chaplain. End-of-life doulas also help people safely talk about death and advance care plans.

Remember, death planning is about life. Let these words from Dr. Fehon guide you. “What does living well mean now [to you]? Whatever your circumstances, whether you’re healthy or not, [end-of-life planning] is a recognition of what’s important and to try to live in a way that is in alignment with your values, your priorities authentically.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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What Not to Include in Your Will

By Natasha Meruelo

If you are considering preparing a will, this is a great first step in planning for the future. After reflecting on the basics, such as whom you want to be in charge of administering your wishes, you may wonder if there’s anything you shouldn’t include in your will. The answer is yes. There are some things that you should avoid.

Personal Preferences or Desires

Sometimes it is best not to state personal or specific feelings in your will. To simplify the administration of your will, you should not make very specific requests or engage in discussions about your feelings.

For example, you may wish for a certain religious ceremony to be performed at your funeral or you want a celebration of life event. However, it is best not to address this in your will.

A will goes through a public and court-supervised probate process. This often occurs well after someone is laid to rest. An executor will not necessarily be able to implement these wishes after the fact.

A better option may be to provide your family with a letter of instruction containing these details. If you want your burial to be done in a certain way, you can prepurchase a burial plot and, in some areas, prepay for specific arrangements. Alternatively, you can create a fund for any event you would like, with a payable-on-death designation to someone you trust.

It is also probably best not to elaborate on personal feelings about others in your will, as this can set the tone for the administration of your estate. For example, your executor may feel some trepidation about being part of a situation where there appears to be hurt feelings or potential conflict from the outset.

Organ Donation

If you wish to be an organ donor, you should not use your will as a place to specify this wish. In most states, there are specific ways to document your desire, such as listing it on your driver’s license. By the time your will is reviewed, it will be too late to do anything about your organ donation wishes.

Health Care or End-of-Life Decisions

Your will is not the right place to document what you would like to happen if you have suffered a substantial and irreversible loss of mental capacity or have an incurable or irreversible condition. You should do this in a living will.

You should also have a separate health care proxy that designates an agent to be able to speak with your doctors and make health care decisions on your behalf should you temporarily become unable to do so.

Be Careful About Leaving Inheritance to a Person With Special Needs

If you wish to provide for a person who has special needs upon your death, it is not a good idea to leave them an outright bequest in your will.

This may disqualify them from critical health and other benefits they need to manage their day-to-day life. It can also put them in a situation where they are forced to place your generous gift in a special needs trust that goes to the government upon their death if not used up. Instead, consider creating a first-party supplemental or special needs trust now or through your will.

Non-Probate Property

Another consideration of what not to include in your will is “non-probate” property. This can encompass many things, but some of the most common examples are:

  • Property held in a trust — The main point of placing property in a trust is often to avoid probate. If you have property in a trust, it doesn’t need to be in your will, as there is already a plan for handling it upon your death.
  • Property that already has beneficiary designations — For example, including things like your 401(k), IRA, or life insurance in your will can make things unnecessarily complicated or slow things down when it comes to your beneficiaries getting the funds. The best thing to do is to confirm your beneficiary designations are up to date and in line with whom you want to receive the funds.
  • Property that is jointly owned with right of survivorship — This property will pass naturally to the other person upon your death. An exception is where the other person is no longer living or has given up their rights to the property in a divorce or otherwise.

The above examples are not exhaustive. There may be more items pertaining to your situation that should not be in your will. Since every estate plan is unique, it is best to speak with a qualified estate planning attorney in your area.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Three Steps To Take To Avoid Financial Stress Upon A Spousal Death

By Jessica Cannella

The loss of a spouse is one of the most stressful events you can experience in your lifetime. It’s something that is too painful for many people to think about, much less speak openly about. Most everyone knows someone who’s lost their partner, sometimes after a long bittersweet goodbye. And, often it happens suddenly. When death happens unexpectedly in your circle, it causes a visceral response. You feel it. It’s life’s reminder of your own mortality. It allows you to have empathy, to put yourself in the surviving spouse’s shoes, what if that were my husband, my wife? A thought that can be so uncomfortable to think about, you brush it away and quickly move on thinking about ways you can show support to your grieving friend. Casserole? Flowers? A phone call?

No one wants to think it will happen to them. It’s human nature to have compassion for your friend while simultaneously breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn’t your spouse. But, that uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach is there for a reason. Death is hard, it’s overwhelming both emotionally, and financially. You will never be ready emotionally to lose your partner, that’s a process of healing that requires time to pass. As time passes you’ll slowly adapt to your new normal, and little by little the pain of loss begins to lose its edge. Financially speaking, allowing too much time to pass has the reverse effect.

Dr. John Maxwell said it best: “You choose how you approach life, if you’re proactive you focus on preparing, if you’re reactive you focus on repairing.”

When your spouse passes, you should be focused on repairing your heart, not your finances.

Read on for three action steps to take now, while you and your honey are both living, to protect each other from financial overwhelm.

Action Step One: Take Inventory

Make it a date night. Order a pizza, pour a glass of wine and connect with your partner. Grab a pen and a piece of paper or fire up a spreadsheet. Make a list of your joint and individual assets, accounts, bills, debts, insurance policies, expenses and income sources.

Transparency is key. If you’re ahead of the game and feel that you have a good grasp on the household financial picture, don’t assume the same for your spouse and vice versa. The devil is in the details. This drill is meant to be a dual effort. This is your opportunity to check in with your partner and compare notes. Maybe you never mentioned that you signed up for a monthly recurring Pilates package at $200 a month. Maybe your spouse didn’t think to tell you he opened a Home Depot credit card he’s been using for some extra perks. This inventory session is designed to pave the path for action step two. Taking inventory and sharing it with your partner is not a one-and-done deal. So, consider making this an annual date night.

Action Step Two: Take Initiative

Now that you’ve spilled the beans over a pizza, the next step is to take initiative on a few practical matters. For instance, there is a difference between being a joint account owner versus an authorized user. Consider that Home Depot card you just found out about—as an authorized user you can make purchases using the card, but only as a joint owner can you close the account if/when your spouse passes.

Beyond credit cards, this applies to cell phone providers, loans, and bank and brokerage accounts. Take the initiative, and verify that you and your spouse have joint ownership of your important accounts. When it comes to your liquid assets, money in the bank or brokerage accounts, adding the letters “TOD” transfer on death for brokerage accounts, stocks, bonds and other investments or “POD” payable on death for checking and savings accounts will ensure that if you and your spouse pass away simultaneously that your joint accounts will transfer directly to your named beneficiaries, skipping the lengthy probate process. Another quick tip to taking initiative is to share not only the passcode to each other’s cell phones, but take it a step further by adding your face ID on each other’s device. If you’re anything like me, most of my important logins, passwords, pins, cherished photos and video memories are on your phone. In the event of an emergency, recalling a password in a panic is stressful; adding face recognition allows for more immediate access and more immediate action.

Action Step Three: Be Intentional

When you are intentional, you choose to make decisions and take action on what’s important to you. Being intentional means being clear about what you want to achieve for a future outcome. That financial inventory you connected on? Be intentional about updating it at least annually, keep a binder or filing cabinet that contains your annual inventory list, important financial documents and any wills or legal documents like car titles and deeds.

A VIP contacts list should be a part of the binder. Include the contact for benefit providers like your employer’s HR department or plan administrator. Remember to add the contact information for any professionals you work with like your financial advisor, attorney, CPA or estate planners. Be sure to include copies of your passports, driver’s licenses, marriage certificate and of course any life insurance policies. Lastly, be intentional about where you keep this sensitive information. Consider sharing your hidden repository with one other trusted adult. Having a digital, password-protected version of these documents is wise.

As much as I’d personally love to believe that all couples in love pass away notebook-style holding hands in the nursing home bed on the same day, it’s unlikely. You will never be emotionally prepared to lose your beloved. Preparing financially for the death of your spouse, while they’re still here to have a say, is truly an act of love.

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After a Dementia Diagnosis

— Preparing for the Future

A diagnosis of dementia, a category of diseases affecting memory and thinking that includes Alzheimer’s disease, can feel overwhelming and upsetting. You might worry that you will lose control over your life and ability to make your own decisions. Fortunately, receiving a diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s does not mean that you cannot execute legal documents or make decisions about plans for your future finances and health care.

People with dementia can execute legal documents to plan for their futures when they have the mental state — or capacity — to do so. Capacity refers to your ability to understand the contents of a legal document, such as a will, and know the consequences of executing it. If you know who your family is, understand your assets, and comprehend your will, you can execute a valid will and plan for the distribution of your estate after your death, provided you understand what you are signing and its effect on your life.

The following can help you in planning where you wish to live, what kind of care you receive, and what happens to your assets if you get severely ill or pass away.

Health Care Power of Attorney

Consider appointing a health care agent to make medical decisions if you become incapacitated. You can name a health care agent using a health care power of attorney, sometimes called a medical power of attorney or a durable power of attorney for health care. Your health care agent can make medical choices if you can no longer do so.

Picking someone you trust, such as a responsible child or spouse, or another family member, can give you peace of mind that they will have your best interests and desires in mind when they make decisions. For instance, dementia patients who prefer receiving in-home care can express this wish to their agent.

In the power of attorney document, you can also state your intentions regarding health care and limit your agent’s capabilities if you wish.

Living Will

For an added layer of protection, you can also draft an advance directive or living will that states your desires regarding medical treatment if you are unable to communicate with your physician. Your living will can express whether you want treatment to prolong your life.

Financial Power of Attorney

Using a financial power of attorney, known as a power of attorney for property, you can select a trusted individual to handle your financial affairs if your disease progresses such that you can no longer make financial decisions. Your financial agent can manage your money and pay bills on your behalf, but they cannot use your money for themselves.

In the power of attorney for property document, you can restrict your agent’s powers. For instance, a person might specify that the agent can manage personal accounts, but not sell the family home.

Long-Term Care Planning

After a dementia diagnosis, consider whether you would like to receive long-term care at home or in a facility, and whether you intend to apply for Medicaid or long-term care insurance. If you want to apply for Medicaid, you might need to prepare your finances to become eligible.

Last Will and Testament

Making a last will and testament, also known as a will, can help ensure your assets go to your family and friends when you pass away. You can determine how much of your money each beneficiary will receive and make bequests to individuals. For example, if you have items of sentimental value, you can leave them to specific people. Without a will, your assets will transfer to your heirs according to the law in your state.

Consider meeting with an elder law attorney in your area to discuss your plans for your future.

For additional support and to learn more about Alzheimer’s disease and related disorders, reach out to your local Alzheimer’s Association chapter.

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