All pets go to heaven.

— She helps them do it at home.

Eden Gaines, left, talks with veterinarian Karen Meyers about the decision to euthanize Xochitl, a boxer-Great Dane mix who has cancer.

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Veterinarian Karen Meyers pulls her black minivan into the driveway of a townhouse in Maryland’s National Harbor. The home, in a gated community, is perched on a windy bluff not far from restaurants, bars, a casino — places of revelry.

The vet carries her brown doctor’s bag inside. There, she meets her patient: Xochitl, known as Xochi, an 11-year-old boxer-Great Dane mix weighing around 80 pounds.

Xochi, recently diagnosed with cancer, is struggling. A film covers her right eye. She had been bleeding from her mouth, refusing to eat. Now she stands in the townhouse’s living room, mournfully greeting family members who have come to say goodbye.

Xochi climbs onto the living room’s leather couch and lies down. Owner Eden Gaines and her family gather around her. Meyers opens her bag.

Meyers explains the procedure. First, Xochi will be injected with a sedative to make her fall asleep. Five to 10 minutes later, Meyers will administer sodium pentobarbital, which will euthanize her. But Xochi would feel no pain, Meyers assures the family.

She asks whether anyone has any questions.

No one does.

“Here we go,” she says.

Meyers says she has euthanized 1,500 animals in four years.

Pet adoption spiked during the pandemic, with nearly 1 in 5 American households taking animals in and spending far more on them than pet owners did decades ago. With more beasts in our lives — as companions, as emotional support animals, as the beneficiaries of pet trusts — it only makes sense that their owners want their final moments in their lives to be as peaceful and painless as possible.

That’s where Meyers comes in. Working with Lap of Love, a company that provides veterinarian referrals for at-home pet euthanasia, she travels from house to house in the D.C. region offering grieving families’ animals what the word euthanasia means: “good death.” In four years, she has euthanized 1,500 animals: cats, dogs, rabbits, rats. Some had been with their owners since childhood. Some had traveled the world with them. Some were their owner’s sole companion.

Meyers has observed death rituals that include praying, burning incense, wrapping a deceased pet’s body in a white sheet, and opening a window for a pet’s spirit to exit. She has listened to owners read poems or letters to their pets and cried along with them.

“When people hear what I do for living, it sounds sad,” Meyers says. “But it’s strangely rewarding. … You give pets a peaceful experience. It’s a final gift.”< Meyers has been surrounded by a menagerie all her life. Growing up, she usually had a dog and one or two cats; at various times, she’s also had two hamsters, two turtles, a guinea pig, a bird and four chickens. Right now, she has Wren, a 6-year-old Cavalier King Charles spaniel; Travis, a 3-year-old pug; Brinkley, a 13-year-old rat terrier Chihuahua; and Pablo, a red-belly parrot. Right before the pandemic, Meyers decided to shift to doing euthanasia full time. She had been a veterinarian for more than two decades, and pet euthanasia turned out to be less stressful than working in an office while raising two children. In-home euthanasia can be easier on animals and their owners than office appointments with other sick animals and their distressed owners crowded around.

The first injection makes Xochi fall asleep.
Rameses Gaines holds a piece of Xochi’s fur.

Meyers administers the first shot in Xochi’s back. The dog, already lying down with her head on Gaines’s lap, turns to glance at Meyers as if mildly annoyed.

Then, the dog relaxes.

Minutes pass.

Using a hair clipper, Meyers shaves an inch-long strip of one of Xochi’s legs and inserts a small IV line. After confirming that the family wants to continue, Meyers administers the second shot, the one with the fatal dose.

Gaines looks at the spot on Xochi’s leg where the IV had been inserted.

“It’s amazing how gray she became,” Gaines says.

Meyers holds a stethoscope to Xochi’s chest. “Xochi has her wings,” she says.

The family cries.

So does Meyers.

She and Gaines embrace.

Meyers maneuvers Xochi onto a stretcher and covers her with a blanket. With the help of Gaines’s sons, she loads the dog into her car. Eventually Xochi will be cremated and her ashes returned to the Gaines family.

Death is a part of life, Meyers says.

“Many times, people will comment how a human family member passed, and it was so painful at the end, and this is peaceful by contrast,” she says.

They tell her, she says, that they wish they could go the same way.

Rameses Gaines touches a mold of Xochi’s paw print.

Complete Article HERE!

I Asked My Mom if She Was Prepared to Die

— Then I talked to some end-of-life experts. Here’s what I found out.

By By Shaina Feinberg and Julia Rothman

Recently, I had the following conversation with my 82-year-old mother, Mary:

Me: Are you prepared to die?

My mom: Not really. But I am prepared with my paperwork.

You might be wondering why I was asking my mom about her end-of-life preparedness. Well, when my dad, Paul, died suddenly a few years ago, we were completely unprepared.

“Dad and I never talked about what he wanted for his funeral,” my mom said. “He was 74 when he died, and he was in pretty good shape.”

On top of everything she had to do when he died, like planning the funeral, there was also the stress of finances and paperwork. “We had a joint checking account, but it didn’t have a lot of money. Our other bank account had more money, but was only in his name. I had to get that sorted out, which took ages.”

The most helpful advice my mom got when my dad died? “My best friend, Fran, told me, ‘Get a lot of death certificates because you’re going to have to send them to people and sometimes they don’t want a Xerox, they want the real thing.’ I got 15 death certificates from the funeral parlor.”

Preparing to die is complicated. How’s that for an understatement? You have to consider the emotional, spiritual and financial aspects. We talked to three end-of-life experts who unpacked how to make this extensive undertaking slightly more manageable.

According to a survey by Ethos, fewer than half of Americans have discussed their end-of-life plans with loved ones. Yet having these conversations is important, said Sarah Chavez, executive director of the nonprofit the Order of the Good Death, which provides resources to learn about and plan for death.

“These talks can be awkward,” Ms. Chavez said, “but by planning and talking about these things, it’s such a gift for the family that’s left behind.”

While you’re thinking about what to do with your body, you’ll also want to consider what to do with your stuff. “At a baseline, everybody should have a couple documents that are in effect while you’re alive,” said Michael Pevney, an estate planning lawyer with a practice in California. (He also makes videos about estate planning on TikTok.)

No matter what you decide to do with your body or your stuff, you will need someone to carry out your requests.

If you’re unwilling to ask your loved ones about their death preparations, there are other ways to broach the subject. “The easiest way is to open the family photo album and start having conversations about the people in the pictures,” said Joél Simone Maldonado, a funeral director and death educator. “The conversation always turns to what people did or didn’t like about a funeral or grieving process.” Mrs. Maldonado suggests using those conversations as a springboard to ask questions about what people’s end-of-life hopes are. And take notes.

The only upside to being so unprepared for my dad’s death is that now my mom is super prepared. “I have several folders in a cabinet that have all the things you should do when I die,” she said. “I’ve listed you as power of attorney, so you can write a check for the funeral. I’ve paid for my gravesite already. I’ll be next to Dad, under the same gravestone.”

When I asked my mom how she feels looking at the empty side of the gravestone, she said: “There’s my side. I have a place! Oh, and remember,” she added, “I’ve always wanted a mariachi band at my funeral.” Noted.


Complete Article HERE!

‘What Losing My Husband To Cancer At 39 Taught Me About Parenting Through Grief’

— ‘We had to learn to adjust from being a unit of three to a partnership of two’

By Clare Campbell-Cooper

I will hold my hands up and say I headed into parenthood with a healthy dose of naivety. I genuinely believed that my son George would ‘pop out’ (oh yes, I was that naïve), that I would immediately embrace motherhood, complete with the sun shining, lots of floaty linen clothes, a gurgling baby and possibly some soft-focus camera shots.

The reality was less prosaic and mostly consisted of me running five minutes late for everything and leaking from every orifice. It wasn’t a glamourous time and there was definitely no linen nor soft-focused moments.

But to add insult to injury, the month before I found I out I was pregnant, tests had diagnosed that my husband had a brain tumour. And after George was born, further tests showed that the tumour was malignant and David had less than ten years to live. It felt like the rug was being pulled from under our feet time and time again. And each time it took us slightly longer to get back up.

But we were lucky, David defied the odds and we had eleven years of being together as a family unit. We had times to come to terms with the fact that David was going to die. We had time to get used to it, to say our goodbyes, and in that we were so much more fortunate than many.

But watching a child grow up with grief in the depths of their eyes isn’t easy. I think all parents feel like they can’t do right for doing wrong sometimes, and this was exactly the same for me. But suddenly becoming a single parent, grieving and watching my child grieve, heightened this. I made the same mistakes that a lot of parents make, but the ability to bounce back just isn’t there in the same way when you feel so emotionally raw from grief.

When David was alive, I was advised to keep things emotionally stable for both David and George and I did that by being the buffer to their frustration, anger and grief. In reality, these are normal emotions that any household has, but in ours it could result in seizures and hospitalisation. But after David’s death, the wheels came off.

After David’s funeral we entered the dark, dark days of overwhelming waves of grief. George was going to school, I was working, and I stumbled through the days, not really having a clue what was happening. I didn’t seem to be able to get George in the right school uniform (which is never cool). I would be scrabbling around trying to find trousers or a polo shirt that was not wet nor in the washing machine.

Always a competent cook, I didn’t seem able to get food on the table. I could never get the bins out on the right day. And there didn’t seem to be a reason why I couldn’t, as nothing had changed; school was school, food was in the cupboard, bin day was still bin day. But I didn’t seem to be able to join the dots. And George watched me, dry eyed and shell shocked, not sure of anything; but needing continuity and surety, and so I tried my best to give him that.

And over time I adapted. I bought more school uniform so that I had more time to get things through the wash. I signed up to one of those pre-prepared food companies that deliver kits to your door. I tried to finish work at a reasonable time. I took George to his clubs and we saw more of my parents.

We had planned an amazing summer, which we knew would have been David’s last. He died at the end of May, before our summer. But George and I still went to Scotland, Northern Ireland, the Gone Wild Festival, and Center Parcs. We learned to adjust from being a unit of three to a partnership of two: me at 46 and George at 11. We learned how to lean on each other for support. Where I would have told David about my day, I found myself telling George. Where George would have wanted David to play football I donned my trainers and did my worst (and my worst was very bad).

I am not saying that it was easy, it wasn’t, and we still have our moments, but we muddle through. We both have regrets, but who doesn’t? We have regrets of how we have treated each other, those cutting comments that seem harmless at the time but burn into your memory. We have regrets of what we should have done but didn’t – the hours spent away from each other, in front of a computer, when we could have been touching, laughing, feeling. But we also have memories and we have been blessed with so much love. And we still have each other.

And I have learned that everyone has something. No-one’s lot in life is any harder or easier than anyone else’s and we are all doing the best we can to raise our children and to get through life with our heads above water…and that’s just fine. I’m still waiting for the moment when I can float around in linen, looking elegant with a soft-focus lens but I have found that a large gin and tonic and some love and laughter with our friends is much better for the soul – and far more likely to happen!

Complete Article HERE!

Asian Elephants display complex mourning rituals similar to humans

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Elephants are smart animals with strong feelings and they often work together. In India’s Bengal area, scientists found that elephants buried five baby elephants, according to a study published in the Journal of Threatened Taxa.

Researchers have limited the study of elephant thanatology—the examination of death and related practices— to the burial of calves. Observers had noted this aspect of behaviour in African elephants but had not documented something similar in Asian elephants until recently, despite both species diverging 4.2 million years ago.

The researchers wanted to clear up the second question – do Asian elephants, like African elephants, mourn their dead calves? And the answer is yes, and it is loud. The vocalizations from the elephants lasted between 30 and 40 minutes, but only in places far from human settlements.

They point out that this behaviour suggests elephants distinguish human spaces from non-human spaces to avoid disagreements. They also mention that elephants limited vocalisation to the burial phase.

The increasing encroachment of human activities into natural habitats and the resulting environmental degradation are forcing elephants to venture into human-dominated areas in search of food and other ecological necessities. This interaction has led to new behaviours in these majestic creatures.

Asian Elephants’ mourning behaviour

Parveen Kaswan, an officer with the Indian Forest Service, and Akashdeep Roy, a researcher at the Indian Institute of Science Education and Research, spent 16 months reviewing literature relating to elephant burials. They found five case reports that document this behaviour.

An elephant calf was buried on a tea estate with its feet visible.

Researchers have revealed that Asian elephants, similar to their African counterparts, engage in what we can describe as mourning rituals. Observations showed them vocalising loudly and burying their deceased calves, exhibiting a level of ritualistic behaviour that parallels human funeral rites.

The study reports a heartbreaking journey of a mother elephant. The mother elephant carried her dead calf for two days before letting it go. This extended time of grieving shows the deep attachment between mother elephants and their offspring. This could have been made stronger possibly by hormonal influences like oxytocin and the long gestation period elephants experience. This response is consistent with other studies on chacma baboons, olive baboons, African elephants and Thornicroft’s giraffes.

As per the study, the burial process is a collective effort, involving not only the mothers but also other females within the herd who act as surrogate caregivers, as well as elephants of various ages. This communal participation underscores the intricate social fabric of elephant herds and their collective mourning when faced with death. Notably, this ritualistic burial is reserved exclusively for the young. The physical impracticality of carrying the larger, heavier adults precludes them from receiving the same rite. This selective practice indicates that the elephants’ mourning and burial customs are particularly significant for the young, whose passing deeply impacts the social structure of the herd.

Compassionate behaviour

The research aimed to understand the ‘perimortem’ strategy and ‘postmortem’ behaviour of Asian elephants. The main evidence shows that someone or something transported the corpses from afar, treated with great care. They buried the corpses in preferred locations, always in a specific posture, which was an unusual lying position with legs upright.

The author said, “Our study found an interesting thing – the placement of carcasses with their paws raised in narrow irrigation drains. This strategic behaviour shows the care and affection of herd members toward the deceased animal and suggests that in a potential crush situation, pack members prioritize the head over the feet,” they highlight.”

“Elephants are social and affectionate animals and, based on an external examination of the carcasses, we also suggest that herd members gently placed the dead calves by grasping one or more legs,” the experts conclude.

The authors of the report thoroughly investigated the underlying reason for the death of the offspring through postmortem examinations. One of the conclusions is that there was no direct human intervention in any of the five deaths.

A buried carcass corresponding to case 3 of Bharnabaritea estate.

“Through direct and indirect evidence, this study highlights compassionate and helpful elephants’s behaviour during carcass burial. Asian elephants transport their deceased calves to isolated places, away from humans and carnivores, while searching for drains irrigation and depressions to bury the body,” the report states.

No infanticide among Asian elephants

Many animal groups, such as monkeys, meat-eaters, and rodents, commit infanticide or baby killing. Different reasons, such as elimination of competition, scarcity of resources, or maintaining social order within a group, contribute to this phenomenon.

However, the researchers found that there was no infanticide among the Asian elephants. They believe there are a few reasons why elephants don’t kill babies:

  • Elephants, particularly females and their young, live in close family groups forming strong bonds. This closeness possibly prevents them from hurting the young, actively encouraging them to cooperate in caring for them.
  • Baby elephants require long term care from their mothers and other females in the herd. This extended care and help from everyone might decrease the likelihood of someone killing a baby.
A buried carcass corresponding to case 2 of Chunabhatitea estate.
  • In the breeding process, elephants reproduce without having to kill their babies to quicken the mother’s readiness for another offspring. Unlike some other animals, the mother cannot immediately have another offspring if she loses a baby. Thereby, eradicating the need for males to kill babies.
  • Male elephants neither directly contribute to raising the babies nor participate in the close female groups. They prioritize finding females ready to mate rather than assuming control over a herd and eliminating other males’ babies. This social structure and breeding style decreases the likelihood of elephants killing babies.

Complete Article HERE!

What Deathbed Visions Teach Us About Living

— Researchers are documenting a phenomenon that seems to help dying people, as well as those they leave behind.

By Phoebe Zerwick

Chris Kerr was 12 when he first observed a deathbed vision. His memory of that summer in 1974 is blurred, but not the sense of mystery he felt at the bedside of his dying father. Throughout Kerr’s childhood in Toronto, his father, a surgeon, was too busy to spend much time with his son, except for an annual fishing trip they took, just the two of them, to the Canadian wilderness. Gaunt and weakened by cancer at 42, his father reached for the buttons on Kerr’s shirt, fiddled with them and said something about getting ready to catch the plane to their cabin in the woods. “I knew intuitively, I knew wherever he was, must be a good place because we were going fishing,” Kerr told me.

As he moved to touch his father, Kerr felt a hand on his shoulder. A priest had followed him into the hospital room and was now leading him away, telling him his father was delusional. Kerr’s father died early the next morning. Kerr now calls what he witnessed an end-of-life vision. His father wasn’t delusional, he believes. His mind was taking him to a time and place where he and his son could be together, in the wilds of northern Canada. And the priest, he feels, made a mistake, one that many other caregivers make, of dismissing the moment as a break with reality, as something from which the boy required protection.

It would be more than 40 years before Kerr felt compelled to speak about that evening in the hospital room. He had followed his father, and three generations before him, into medicine and was working at Hospice & Palliative Care Buffalo, where he was the chief medical officer and conducted research on end-of-life visions. It wasn’t until he gave a TEDx Talk in 2015 that he shared the story of his father’s death. Pacing the stage in the sport coat he always wears, he told the audience: “My point here is, I didn’t choose this topic of dying. I feel it has chosen or followed me.” He went on: “When I was present at the bedside of a dying person, I was confronted by what I had seen and tried so hard to forget from my childhood. I saw dying patients reaching and calling out to mothers, and to fathers, and to children, many of whom hadn’t been seen for many years. But what was remarkable was so many of them looked at peace.”

The talk received millions of views and thousands of comments, many from nurses grateful that someone in the medical field validated what they have long understood. Others, too, posted personal stories of having witnessed loved ones’ visions in their final days. For them, Kerr’s message was a kind of confirmation of something they instinctively knew — that deathbed visions are real, can provide comfort, even heal past trauma. That they can, in some cases, feel transcendent. That our minds are capable of conjuring images that help us, at the end, make sense of our lives.

Nothing in Kerr’s medical training prepared him for his first shift at Hospice Buffalo one Saturday morning in the spring of 1999. He had earned a degree from the Medical College of Ohio while working on a Ph.D. in neurobiology. After a residency in internal medicine, Kerr started a fellowship in cardiology in Buffalo. To earn extra money to support his wife and two young daughters, he took a part-time job with Hospice Buffalo. Until then, Kerr had worked in the conventional medical system, focused on patients who were often tethered to machines or heavily medicated. If they recounted visions, he had no time to listen. But in the quiet of Hospice, Kerr found himself in the presence of something he hadn’t seen since his father’s death: patients who spoke of people and places visible only to them. “So just like with my father, there’s just this feeling of reverence, of something that wasn’t understood but certainly felt,” he says.

During one of his shifts, Kerr was checking on a 70-year-old woman named Mary, whose grown children had gathered in her room, drinking wine to lighten the mood. Without warning, Kerr remembers, Mary sat up in her bed and crossed her arms at her chest. “Danny,” she cooed, kissing and cuddling a baby only she could see. At first, her children were confused. There was no Danny in the family, no baby in their mother’s arms. But they could sense that whatever their mother was experiencing brought her a sense of calm. Kerr later learned that long before her four children were born, Mary lost a baby in childbirth. She never spoke of it with her children, but now she was, through a vision, seemingly addressing that loss.

In observing Mary’s final days at Hospice, Kerr found his calling. “I was disillusioned by the assembly-line nature of medicine,” Kerr told me. “This felt like a more humane and dignified model of care.” He quit cardiology to work full time at the bedsides of dying patients. Many of them described visions that drew from their lives and seemed to hold meaning, unlike hallucinations resulting from medication, or delusional, incoherent thinking, which can also occur at the end of life. But Kerr couldn’t persuade other doctors, even young residents making the rounds with him at Hospice, of their value. They wanted scientific proof.

At the time, only a handful of published medical studies had documented deathbed visions, and they largely relied on secondhand reports from doctors and other caregivers rather than accounts from patients themselves. On a flight home from a conference, Kerr outlined a study of his own, and in 2010, a research fellow, Anne Banas, signed on to conduct it with him. Like Kerr, Banas had a family member who, before his death, experienced visions — a grandfather who imagined himself in a train station with his brothers.

The study wasn’t designed to answer how these visions differ neurologically from hallucinations or delusions. Rather, Kerr saw his role as chronicler of his patients’ experiences. Borrowing from social-science research methods, Kerr, Banas and their colleagues based their study on daily interviews with patients in the 22-bed inpatient unit at the Hospice campus in the hope of capturing the frequency and varied subject matter of their visions. Patients were screened to ensure that they were lucid and not in a confused or delirious state. The research, published in 2014 in The Journal of Palliative Medicine, found that visions are far more common and frequent than other researchers had found, with an astonishing 88 percent of patients reporting at least one vision. (Later studies in Japan, India, Sweden and Australia confirm that visions are common. The percentages range from about 20 to 80 percent, though a majority of these studies rely on interviews with caregivers and not patients.)

In the last 10 years, Kerr has hired a permanent research team who expanded the studies to include interviews with patients receiving hospice care at home and with their families, deepening the researchers’ understanding of the variety and profundity of these visions. They can occur while patients are asleep or fully conscious. Dead family members figure most prominently, and by contrast, visions involving religious themes are exceedingly rare. Patients often relive seminal moments from their lives, including joyful experiences of falling in love and painful ones of rejection. Some dream of the unresolved tasks of daily life, like paying bills or raising children. Visions also entail past or imagined journeys — whether long car trips or short walks to school. Regardless of the subject matter, the visions, patients say, feel real and entirely unique compared with anything else they’ve ever experienced. They can begin days, even weeks, before death. Most significant, as people near the end of their lives, the frequency of visions increases, further centering on deceased people or pets. It is these final visions that provide patients, and their loved ones, with profound meaning and solace.

Kerr’s latest research is focused on the emotional transformation he has often observed in patients who experience such visions. The first in this series of studies, published in 2019, measured psychological and spiritual growth among two groups of hospice patients: those who had visions and a control group of those who did not. Patients rated their agreement with statements including, “I changed my priorities about what is important in life,” or “I have a better understanding of spiritual matters.” Those who experienced end-of-life visions agreed more strongly with those statements, suggesting that the visions sparked inner change even at the end of life. “It’s the most remarkable of our studies,” Kerr told me. “It highlights the paradox of dying, that while there is physical deterioration, they are growing and finding meaning. It highlights what patients are telling us, that they are being put back together.”

A photo illustration of two silhouettes: one person and one dog.
In the many conversations Kerr and I have had over the past year, the contradiction between medicine’s demand for evidence and the ineffable quality of his patients’ experiences came up repeatedly. He was first struck by this tension about a year before the publication of his first study, during a visit with a World War II veteran named John who was tormented throughout his life by nightmares that took him back to the beaches of Normandy on D-Day. John had been part of a rescue mission to bring wounded soldiers to England by ship and leave those too far gone to die. The nightmares continued through his dying days, until he dreamed of being discharged from the Army. In a second dream, a fallen soldier appeared to John to tell him that his comrades would soon come to “get” him. The nightmares ended after that.

Kerr has been nagged ever since by the inadequacy of science, and of language, to fully capture the mysteries of the mind. “We were so caught up in trying to quantify and give structure to something so deeply spiritual, and really, we were just bystanders, witnesses to this,” he says. “It feels a little small to be filling in forms when you’re looking at a 90-something-year-old veteran who is back in time 70 years having an experience you can’t even understand.” When Kerr talks about his research at conferences, nurses tend to nod their heads in approval; doctors roll their eyes in disbelief. He finds that skeptics often understand the research best when they watch taped interviews with patients.

What’s striking about this footage, which dates back to Kerr’s early work in 2008, is not so much the content of the visions but rather the patients’ demeanor. “There’s an absence of fear,” Kerr says. A teenage girl’s face lights up as she describes a dream in which she and her deceased aunt were in a castle playing with Barbie dolls. A man dying of cancer talks about his wife, who died several years earlier and who comes to him in his dreams, always in blue. She waves. She smiles. That’s it. But in the moment, he seems to be transported to another time or place.

Kerr has often observed that in the very end, dying people lose interest in the activities that preoccupied them in life and turn toward those they love. As to why, Kerr can only speculate. In his 2020 book, “Death Is but a Dream,” he concludes that the love his patients find in dying often brings them to a place that some call enlightenment and others call God. “Time seems to vanish,” he told me. “The people who loved you well, secured you and contributed to who you are are still accessible at a spiritual and psychological level.”

That was the case with Connor O’Neil, who died at the age of 10 in 2022 and whose parents Kerr and I visited in their home. They told us that just two days before his death, their son called out the name of a family friend who, without the boy’s knowledge, had just died. “Do you know where you are?” Connor’s mother asked. “Heaven,” the boy replied. Connor had barely spoken in days or moved without help, but in that moment, he sat up under his own strength and threw his arms around her neck. “Mommy, I love you,” he said.

Kerr’s research finds that such moments, which transcend the often-painful physical decline in the last days of life, help parents like the O’Neils and other relatives grieve even unfathomable loss. “I don’t know where I would be without that closure, or that gift that was given to us,” Connor’s father told us. “It’s hard enough with it.” As Kerr explains, “It’s the difference between being wounded and soothed.”

In June, I visited the adult daughter of a patient who died at home just days earlier. We sat in her mother’s living room, looking out on the patio and bird feeders that had given the mother so much joy. Three days before her mother’s death, the daughter was straightening up the room when her mother began to speak more lucidly than she had in days. The daughter crawled into her mother’s bed, held her hand and listened. Her mother first spoke to the daughter’s father, whom she could see in the far corner of the room, handsome as ever. She then started speaking with her second husband, visible only to her, yet real enough for the daughter to ask whether he was smoking his pipe. “Can’t you smell it?” her mother replied. Even in the retelling, the moment felt sacred. “I will never, ever forget it,” the daughter told me. “It was so beautiful.”

I also met one of Banas’s patients, Peggy Haloski, who had enrolled in hospice for home care services just days earlier, after doctors at the cancer hospital in Buffalo found blood clots throughout her body, a sign that the yearlong treatment had stopped working. It was time for her husband, Stephen, to keep her comfortable at home, with their two greyhounds.

Stephen led Banas and me to the family room, where Peggy lay on the couch. Banas knelt on the floor, checked her patient’s catheter, reduced her prescriptions so there were fewer pills for her to swallow every day and ordered a numbing cream for pain in her tailbone. She also asked about her visions.

The nurse on call that weekend witnessed Peggy speaking with her dead mother.

“She was standing over here,” Peggy told Banas, gesturing toward the corner of the room.

“Was that the only time you saw her?” Banas asked.

“So far.”

“Do you think you’ll be seeing her more?”

“I will. I will, considering what’s going on.”

Peggy sank deeper into the couch and closed her eyes, recounting another visit from the dead, this time by the first greyhound she and Stephen adopted. “I’m at peace with everybody. I’m happy,” she said. “It’s not time yet. I know it’s not time, but it’s coming.”

When my mother, Chloe Zerwick, was dying in 2018, I had never heard of end-of-life visions. I was acting on intuition when her caregivers started telling me about what we were then calling hallucinations. Mom was 95 and living in her Hudson Valley home under hospice care, with lung disease and congestive heart failure, barely able to leave her bed. The hospice doctor prescribed an opioid for pain and put her on antipsychotic and anti-anxiety medicines to tame the so-called hallucinations he worried were preventing her from sleeping. It is possible that some of these medications caused Mom’s visions, but as Kerr has explained, drug-induced hallucinations do not rule out naturally occurring visions. They can coexist.

In my mother’s case, I inherently understood that her imaginary life was something to honor. I knew what medicine-induced hallucinations looked and felt like. About 10 years before her death, Mom fell and injured her spine. Doctors in the local hospital put her on an opioid to control the pain, which left her acting like a different person. There were spiders crawling on the hospital wall, she said. She mistook her roommate’s bed for a train platform. Worse, she denied that I loved her or ever did. Once we took her off the medicine, the hallucinations vanished.

The visions she was having at the end of her life were entirely different; they were connected to the long life she had led and brought a deep sense of comfort and delight. “You know, for the first time in my life I have no worries,” she told me. I remember feeling a weight lift. After more than a decade of failing health, she seemed to have found a sense of peace.

The day before her death, as her breathing became more labored, Mom made an announcement: “I have a new leader,” she said.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“Mark. He’s going to take me to the other side.”

She was speaking of my husband, alive and well back home in North Carolina.

“That’s great, Mom, except that I need him here with me,” I replied. “Do you think he can do both?”

“Oh, yes. He’s very capable.”

That evening, Mom was struggling again to breathe. “I’m thinking of the next world,” she said, and of my husband, who would lead her there. The caregiver on duty for the night and I sat at her bedside as Mom’s oxygen level fell from 68 to 63 to 52 and kept dropping until she died the next morning. My mother was not a brave person in the traditional sense of the word. She was afraid of snakes, the subway platform and any hint of pain. But she faced her death, confident that a man who loves her daughter would guide her to whatever lay ahead.

“Do you think it will happen to you?” she asked me at one point about her dreaming life.

“Maybe it’s genetic,” I replied, not knowing, as I do now, that these experiences are part of what may await us all.

Complete Article HERE!

Overdose or Poisoning?

— A New Debate Over What to Call a Drug Death.

Sandra Bagwell of Mission, Texas, holding the remains of her son, Ryan, who died in 2022. “Ryan was poisoned,” she said.

Grieving families want official records and popular discourse to move away from reflexive use of “overdose,” which they believe blames victims for their deaths.

By Jan Hoffman

The death certificate for Ryan Bagwell, a 19-year-old from Mission, Texas, states that he died from a fentanyl overdose.

His mother, Sandra Bagwell, says that is wrong.

On an April night in 2022, he swallowed one pill from a bottle of Percocet, a prescription painkiller that he and a friend bought earlier that day at a Mexican pharmacy just over the border. The next morning, his mother found him dead in his bedroom.

A federal law enforcement lab found that none of the pills from the bottle tested positive for Percocet. But they all tested positive for lethal quantities of fentanyl.

“Ryan was poisoned,” Mrs. Bagwell, an elementary-school reading specialist, said.

As millions of fentanyl-tainted pills inundate the United States masquerading as common medications, grief-scarred families have been pressing for a change in the language used to describe drug deaths. They want public health leaders, prosecutors and politicians to use “poisoning” instead of “overdose.” In their view, “overdose” suggests that their loved ones were addicted and responsible for their own deaths, whereas “poisoning” shows they were victims.

“If I tell someone that my child overdosed, they assume he was a junkie strung out on drugs,” said Stefanie Turner, a co-founder of Texas Against Fentanyl, a nonprofit organization that successfully lobbied Gov. Greg Abbott to authorize statewide awareness campaigns about so-called fentanyl poisoning.

“If I tell you my child was poisoned by fentanyl, you’re like, ‘What happened?’” she continued. “It keeps the door open. But ‘overdose’ is a closed door.”

For decades, “overdose” has been used by federal, state and local health and law enforcement agencies to record drug fatalities. It has permeated the vocabulary of news reports and even popular culture. But over the last two years, family groups have challenged its reflexive use.

They are having some success. In September, Texas began requiring death certificates to say “poisoning” or “toxicity” rather than “overdose” if fentanyl was the leading cause. Legislation has been introduced in Ohio and Illinois for a similar change. A proposed Tennessee bill says that if fentanyl is implicated in a death, the cause “must be listed as accidental fentanyl poisoning,” not overdose.

Meetings with family groups helped persuade Anne Milgram, the administrator of the Drug Enforcement Administration, which seized more than 78 million fake pills in 2023, to routinely use “fentanyl poisoning” in interviews and at congressional hearings.

Various snapshots of Mrs. Bagwell’s son, Ryan, on a cork board.
Ryan died after swallowing one pill from a bottle of what he believed to be Percocet, a prescription painkiller.
A dog sits on a chair on a patio, seeming to look through the window at a framed portrait of Ryan Bagwell that rests on a table.
Ryan Bagwell left behind his dog, Macy.

In a hearing last spring, Representative Mike Garcia, Republican of California, commended Ms. Milgram’s word choice, saying, “You’ve done an excellent job of calling these ‘poisonings.’ These are not overdoses. The victims don’t know they’re taking fentanyl in many cases. They think they’re taking Xanax, Vicodin, OxyContin.”

Last year, efforts to describe fentanyl-related deaths as poisonings began emerging in bills and resolutions in several states, including Louisiana, New Jersey, Ohio, Texas and Virginia, according to the National Conference on State Legislatures. Typically, these bills establish “Fentanyl Poisoning Awareness” weeks or months as public education initiatives.

“Language is really important because it shapes policy and other responses,” said Leo Beletsky, an expert on drug policy enforcement at Northeastern University School of Law. In the increasingly politicized realm of public health, word choice has become imbued with ever greater messaging power. During the pandemic, for example, the label “anti-vaxxer” fell into disrepute and was replaced by the more inclusive “vaccine-hesitant.”

Addiction is an area undergoing convulsive language change, and words like “alcoholic” and “addict” are now often seen as reductive and stigmatizing. Research shows that terms like “substance abuser” can even influence the behavior of doctors and other health care workers toward patients.

The word “poison” has emotional force, carrying reverberations from the Bible and classic fairy tales. “‘Poisoning’ feeds into that victim-villain narrative that some people are looking for,” said Sheila P. Vakharia, a senior researcher at the Drug Policy Alliance, an advocacy group.

But while “poisoning” offers many families a buffer from stigma, others whose loved ones died from taking illegal street drugs find it problematic. Using “poisoning” to distinguish certain deaths while letting others be labeled “overdose” creates a judgmental hierarchy of drug-related fatalities, they say.

A portrait of Fay Martin, who wears a gray, long-sleeved sweater and leans on a fence overlooking a canal with boats docked in it.
Fay Martin of Corpus Christi, Texas. Her son Ryan died in 2021. “When my son died, I felt that stigma from people, that there was personal responsibility involved because he had been using illicit drugs,” she said.

Fay Martin said her son, Ryan, a commercial electrician, was prescribed opioid painkillers for a work injury. When he grew dependent on them, a doctor cut off his prescription. Ryan turned to heroin. Eventually, he went into treatment and stayed sober for a time. But, ashamed of his history of addiction, he kept to himself and gradually began to use drugs again. Believing that he was buying Xanax, he died from taking a fentanyl-tainted pill in 2021, the day after his 29th birthday.

Although he, like thousands of victims, died from a counterfeit pill, his mourning mother feels as if others look at her askance.

“When my son died, I felt that stigma from people, that there was personal responsibility involved because he had been using illicit drugs,” said Ms. Martin, from Corpus Christi, Texas. “But he didn’t get what he bargained for. He didn’t ask for the amount of fentanyl that was in his system. He wasn’t trying to die. He was trying to get high.”

To a growing number of prosecutors, if someone was poisoned by fentanyl, then the person who sold the drug was a poisoner — someone who knew or should have known that fentanyl could be lethal. More states are passing fentanyl homicide laws.

Some people note that the idea of a poisoner-villain doesn’t account for the complications of drug use. “That’s a little too simplified, because a lot of people who sell substances or share them with friends are also in the throes of a substance use disorder,” said Rachael Cooper, who directs an anti-stigma initiative at Shatterproof, an advocacy group.

People who sell or share drugs are usually many steps removed from those who mixed the batches. They would likely be unaware that their drugs contained deadly quantities of fentanyl, she said.

“In a nonpoliticized world, ‘poisoning’ would be accurate, but the way it’s being used now, it is reframing what is likely an accidental event and reimagines it as an intentional crime,” said Mr. Beletsky, who directs Northeastern’s Changing the Narrative project, which examines addiction stigma.

In toxicology and medicine, “overdose” and “poison” have value-neutral definitions, said Kaitlyn Brown, the clinical managing director of America’s Poison Centers, which represents and collects data from 55 centers nationwide.

“But the public is going to understand terminology differently than people who are immersed in the field, so I think there are important distinctions and nuances that the public can miss,” she said.

“Overdose” describes a greater dose of a substance than was considered safe, Dr. Brown explained. The effect may be harmful (heroin) or not (ibuprofen).

“Poisoning” means that harm indeed occurred. But it can be a poisoning from countless substances, including lead, alcohol and food, as well as fentanyl.

Both terms are used whether an event results in survival or death.

Photos of Ryan Paul Malcolm arrayed on a kitchen table in Fay Martin’s home.
Ryan Paul Malcolm went into treatment for addiction, but when he started using again, he kept to himself. Believing he was buying Xanax, he died from fentanyl in a tainted pill in 2021.
A shiny orb on a stand, a special urn containing Ryan’s ashes, sits on a bureau in a bedroom under a television.
Ryan’s urn in Ms. Martin’s home. He was an avid Denver Broncos fan.

Until about 15 years ago, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an esteemed source of data on national drug deaths, often used both terms interchangeably. A C.D.C. report detailing rising drug-related deaths in 2006 was titled “Unintentional Drug Poisoning in the United States.” It also referred to “unintentional drug overdose deaths.”

To streamline the growing drug fatality data from federal and state agencies, the C.D.C. shifted exclusively to “overdose.” (It now also collects statistics on reported nonfatal overdoses.) The C.D.C.’s Division of Overdose Prevention notes that “overdose” refers just to drugs, while “poisoning” refers to other substances, such as cleaning products.

When asked what unbiased word or phrase might best characterize drug deaths, experts in drug policy and treatment struggled.

Some preferred “overdose,” because it is entrenched in data reporting. Others use “accidental overdose” to underscore lack of intention. (Most overdoses are, in fact, accidental.) News outlets occasionally use both, reporting that a drug overdose took place due to fentanyl poisoning.

Addiction medicine experts note that because most of the street drug supply is now adulterated, “poisoning” is, indeed, the most straightforward, accurate term. Patients who buy cocaine and methamphetamine die because of fentanyl in the product, they note. Those addicted to fentanyl succumb from bags that have more toxic mixtures than they had anticipated.

Ms. Martin, whose son was killed by fentanyl, bitterly agrees. “He was poisoned,” she said. “He got the death penalty and his family got a life sentence.”

Complete Article HERE!

Is extending life by weeks worth the toll some cancer drugs take?

— Doctors push for ‘common-sense oncology’

When a treatment buys a few weeks or months but comes with with a lot of side-effects, then the perspectives of people with cancer may differ, says Dr. Christopher Booth.

People may celebrate a 2-week improvement in survival without acknowledging costs

By Amina Zafar, Christine Birak

Tom Somerville’s decision to stop medical treatment for his end-stage cancer was a personal one.

Somerville, 62, was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2021 that later spread to his liver. He had six months of chemotherapy to slow down the cancer, which he said also left him exhausted with nausea.

The Kingston, Ont., resident decided to take a break from treatment to enjoy a trip with his wife to Victoria.

“Things that you cherish change, right?” Somerville said. “I used to love being out in the bush, but now it is just nice to have a sunny day, sit with my family [and] have visitors.”

Somerville said he came to terms with his prognosis and decided to enjoy the rest of the life he has left, extending the chemo break to a full stop. He said he was relieved to not “feel crappy” from the treatment anymore.

A man stands with a woman holding an umbrella while on vacation in B.C.
Tom Somerville, left, and his wife, Katherine Somerville, enjoyed a vacation in Victoria while he paused cancer treatments.

Dr. Christopher Booth, Somerville’s medical oncologist at Kingston General Hospital, supports him in his decision.

Booth is also part of a group of cancer doctors in Canada and the U.S. who say medications with marginal benefits are overused for patients in the end stage of the disease. The oncologists have started a campaign through their website, journal articles and podcasts encouraging honest conversations about use of the drugs with cancer patients, their families and experts.

The goal of what they call “common-sense oncology” is to prioritize treatments that meaningfully improve survival and quality of life. They aim to address what they see as problems in the field, such as a lack of critical thinking in oncology training, falling standards for drug approvals and avoidance of end-of-life discussions.

Balancing hope and reality

Booth said while there have been incredible advances in cancer treatments in his 20 years of practice, there’s also an unfortunate reality: cancer can’t always be cured. He strives to convey it in a compassionate and clear way.

“Balancing … providing information but also providing hope, that’s the art of cancer care,” Booth said. “Balancing hope and reality, balancing treatment and quality of life and side-effects, that’s the tough part of this job.”

Booth said he thinks everyone would agree that a treatment that helps a patient live for extra months or years is very helpful. But when a treatment buys weeks with a lot of side-effects, then patient perspectives may differ.

In part that’s because the cancer drugs that can shrink tumours alsocome with side-effects, including fatigue, vomiting and hair loss.

A woman with long hair, seated wearing a black top and black glasses.
Not having treatment for cancer isn’t giving up, says Rachel Koven of Kingston, Ont.

Dr. Bishal Gyawali, a medical oncologist and associate professor at Queen’s University in Kingston, was motivated to press for changes when he noticed increased spending on treatments that don’t make much difference in patients’ lives while at the same time agencies didn’t put resources to what’s already been proven to work.

Gyawali previously treated people with cancer in Nepal, Japan, and the U.S. and saw the same trends there.

When attending oncology conferences, Gyawali said presenters would celebrate a two-week improvement in survival from a new treatment. Then, behind closed doors, other delegates would talk about the risks and costs of the drug.

“People are saying is this really meaningful?”

Gyawali aims to normalize asking such questions.

Quality of life and quantity

Rachel Koven’s husband, Ken Koven, was diagnosed in his late 40s with adenocarcinoma, which starts in gland cells of the esophagus tube. His cancer was found where the esophagus meets the stomach.

The father and avid runner treated having cancer like a battle, his wife said. He had nine months of palliative chemotherapy that’s given to relieve the symptoms of cancer and improve quality of life, but not meant to cure the malignancy.

The cancer spread. He then underwent radiation to the brain in Kingston, Ont. In 2016, about 16 months after the diagnosis, he died at age 49.

“For my husband, his hope was anchored in treatment,” Koven said. “However well-rounded the discussions we had, he would have always chosen treatment, and I can’t begrudge him for that because that is where he believed his strength was.”

Now, Koven feels families should ask more questions of doctors, such as:

  • How much time does this treatment offer?
  • What are the real costs and benefits of the treatment?

Koven said not having treatment is sometimes seen as throwing in the towel, but that can be misleading.

A man stands wearing glasses, a striped shirt, suit jacket and conference lanyard in front of a blue backdrop reading American Society of Clinical Oncology.
Dr. Bishal Gyawali wants people to ask whether a two-week improvement in survival is meaningful.

“Not having treatment isn’t giving up,” Koven said. “Sometimes by having treatment you are giving up. You are giving up time with your family. You are giving up a quality of life necessarily for something you are not trading off any extra days.”

Koven wrote an essay in 2018 on her experience as her husband’s caregiver in the Canadian Medical Association Journal. At the time, she was motivated “to contribute to the best possible life in the face of death.”

Now Koven advocates for the oncology field to “recalibrate” toward an emphasis on what brings the person joy rather than only focusing on treating their cancer. Finding novel treatments that will really benefit patients is also important to her.

Seek meaningful answers

Dr. Elizabeth Eisenhauer ran more than 170 cancer drug trials in Canada, the U.S. and Europe. Now retired, Eisenhauer won the 2021 Canada Gairdner Wightman Award for investigating new cancer drugs and delivery approaches, including for Taxol, an anti-cancer treatment.

“It’s a good thing we are having so much interest in finding novel therapeutics for cancer,” Eisenhauer said. “But my goodness, let’s find the answers that matter to patients, too.”

Eisenhauer recalled how in the 1980s, scientists set an arbitrary number as a standard, worldwide indicator of safe tumour shrinkage for early clinical trial research.

After that, measuring whether a tumour grew by 20 per cent on a CT scan, the definition of progression, became an endpoint, or goal, for pharmaceutical companies running randomized trials, Eisenhauer said. Randomized trials are meant to guide whether a drug should be used as a standard of care by physicians.

“You have an answer sooner [using tumour shrinkage], but is it an answer that is meaningful?” she said.

Eisenhauer would like to see cancer clinical trials include more criteria.

“I think common-sense oncology from my perspective as a trialist needs to come from the perspective of trying to be sure that the trials that we design at least can capture the information that will be of importance to those discussions with the patient sitting in front of you.”

Eisenhauer said there aren’t a huge number of game changers in oncology every year, but many are available in Canada. She said costs to patients in terms of side-effects and time coming to the clinic also need to be considered.

A patient receives chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer in France.
Randomized trials are meant to guide whether a physician should use a chemotherapy agent as a standard of care.

Despite that, other Canadian researchers looking last year at use of treatments like chemotherapy or major surgery among more than 151,000 people who died found that a treatment was commonly given — in 41 per cent of cases — in the last 30 days of life but was potentially inappropriate.

So far, Gyawali said the common-sense oncology movement is gaining momentum worldwide and he’s received positive feedback from regulators, physicians, patients and payers.

Tom and Katherine Somerville now take time every day to enjoy moments together, like walking down to the pond near their farmhouse, going for a drive on a sunny day or listening to old tunes.

For them, quality of life includes loving glances.

“You appreciate that moment and you want to take it all in and those are the simple things that really are not so simple,” Katherine said. “They’re the important things.”