Dogs Feel Grief Too

— Here’s How We Can Help Them

By

“Grief affects our pets just as much as it does us,” Lorna Winter, an expert in dog behavior, tells Newsweek. So when a pup loses their favorite person, how can we help them?

We spoke with two professional dog behaviorists, and a veterinary medical officer, to find out what we can do to help a pet in mourning. It’s common knowledge that dogs can display a wide range of emotions akin to humans, meaning that they can also experience loss.

“Changes in primary caregivers can also be a big shock for them too as it’s a routine change and it’s not what they were used to,” Winter, a director of the UK Dog Behavior Training Charter and co-founder of Zigzag, continued.

Extra Affection

It can be easy to pinpoint when a dog is grieving, with common signs and symptoms including lethargy, loss of appetite and changes in behavior. Winter said that people close to the dog must try to make them feel more comfortable, to support them through the difficult time.

“Touching and cuddling releases oxytocin in a dog, especially when it’s with someone that they know and are bounded with. It feels nice for us too, so snuggle up,” Winter said.

Winter advises people keen to help grieving dogs to set some time aside within their day to connect with the mourning canine, and to make sure they’re having their emotional and physical needs met.

“It will be a tough time for them, so spend time with the dog, meet their needs and pamper them! That might be just petting your dog or laying together on the couch and watching television,” she added.

Animal behaviorist Kaelee Nelson echoed Winter’s advice. The San Diego-based behaviorist told us that a dog’s comfort should always be prioritized when they’re in mourning or emotional pain.

“Spend more time with your pet, making sure to give them extra affection and companionship to help alleviate feelings of loss and loneliness,” Nelson said.

She added that if the dog were to have a particular item that reminds them of the person that has moved or passed away, like a piece of clothing, that it should be left with them for comfort.

Danny Cox is the chief veterinary medical officer of Petzey, an on-demand digital service that connects pet owners with professional veterinarians.

Cox is in agreement with Winter and Nelson on the importance of paying a close eye to mourning pets, and providing them with as much extra attention as they need. He added that it would be a good idea for those keen to help settle their emotions to develop or follow a routine.

“Routines can offer pets stability. It’s important to maintain or establish a routine, and to monitor for signs of depression or anxiety,” Cox told us.

Nelson adds that this can be achieved by walking or feeding a dog at a similar time a day, or at the time they used to do these activities.

“This can provide a sense of security during a confusing time,” Nelson explained.

Keep Them Distracted

All three animal specialists shared that grieving dogs would benefit from having their minds taken off their dark situation. Just like us, dogs enjoy a change of scenery or a new activity in difficult times, and a distraction can definitely lift their spirits.

The easiest way to do this would be through exercise and stimulation, which can look like anything from a walk to an enrichment activity.

“Exercise is a great stress reliever for dogs, so take them on interesting walks to help them feel more relaxed when they are at home,” Winter said.

“Spend time with them, play games with them and teach them some new tricks with positive reinforcement training to help boost their mood and create positive feelings.”

She also suggested involving chews in more pressing times as chewing, despite being a soothing activity for dogs, can also help to release endorphins.

“If they’re social, rope in their doggy friends and let them play together. They’ll feel better to have the comfort of their own species when they’re feeling sad,” Winter added.

Nelson also champions the power of playtime in helping a grieving pet slowly move on. She encourages those keen to help a mourning dog to engage in regular play and exercise with them to help distract them and keep them physically healthy too.

“This can really help to elevate their mood,” she said.

Another thing that the trio can agree on is that pet dogs may act out when going through a difficult time, and that it’s important for new or recurring owners to be patient with them and give them time to adjust to this new reality.

Cox does add that if a behavioral change persists or becomes severe, concerned carers should speak with professional veterinarians for guidance.

Nelson agrees: “If your pet’s behavior changes drastically or they stop eating or drinking, it may be time to consult a veterinarian. They can provide additional advice or prescribe medications to help with anxiety or depression.”

While every pet is unique in breed and temperament and may grieve differently as a result, it’s crucial that those supporting a dog in mourning understand that while the dog’s in mourning, their love and support will absolutely help them process their love lost.

Complete Article HERE!

How Grief Affects Autistic People Differently

— When my grandad died, I didn’t know how to process it. Then I met others who felt the same.

By Marianne Eloise

There is an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I think about often, still as gut-wrenching today as it was when it first aired. “The Body” follows the immediate aftermath of the death of Buffy’s mother, Joyce: her cold face, her stiff limbs; the crack of her ribs when her daughter attempts CPR. It also follows each character’s individual response to grief, a reminder that there is no right way to process death. I cry every time I watch “The Body”, moved by everyone’s outpouring and quiet devastation. But I perhaps relate most to Anya, an ex-demon who is new to human mortality and feeling, and unable to process what has happened. She seems to be clinical, cold even, when asking if the group will see the body. Buffy’s best friend Willow gets upset by this, believing that Anya isn’t in pain like the rest of them.

Anya loses it in response—her first outburst ever. “I don’t understand how this all happens; how we go through this,” she says. “I mean, I knew her, and then she’s—there’s just a body, and I don’t understand why she just can’t get back in it and not be dead anymore! It’s stupid! It’s mortal and stupid!It’s the illogical nature of death that has shaken her; that death is constant and permanent, as is the pain and need to go on no matter what. The very fact of being human is unpalatable and beyond comprehension to her—and when my grandad died, I felt exactly the same.

I do not handle grief well. Autistic people, much like ex-demons, are often assumed to have no feelings at all—but the reality is the opposite: We often feel things very deeply, on a cellular level that impacts every aspect of our functioning. Because of this, it can take us a while longer to process things, or even just to express them outwardly. Death and grief are no exception.

When my grandad was dying, just weeks before he was due to walk me down the aisle, I thought I had a handle on it. I dropped everything, avoiding work and most people, so that I could take the time I needed to try and process it. It was futile. Death is illogical, and unfair, and stupidly mortal. I know a person is not their body, but when their body dies, they are no longer here, no longer able to get back into it. My grandad was here, and then he was sick, and then I could no longer call him to talk about the birds in his garden. I couldn’t accept it. 

After speaking with a few other autistic people, it seems many have faced a similar struggle when processing the death of loved ones, sometimes grieving long before the death itself, in hopes of better preparing for it. “With my grandad I grieved years before he was even ill, when [it was] just a hypothetical,” Reb, 23, told me. “When I was a kid I imagined what it would be like when he died. I knew it was inevitable and something I couldn’t control, so I tried to prepare for it.” With my grandad, I’d done the same: His death was my greatest fear, and I wrote about it constantly, in hopes it would help lessen the sting when it inevitably happened.

These attempts at preparation for future heartbreak, often at the expense of present joy, make sense to me. I read once that autistic people experience all time simultaneously: the past, future, and present, all wrapped up in the current moment. I can’t let myself enjoy the fact that the people I love are here, because I know one day they won’t be. It’s like an unconscious self-preservation. Sitting at dinner with my grandad before he died, I would hurtle through time, the inevitable pain becoming stronger the closer we got to its reality. I knew, even then, it would destroy me. 

Autistic people experience everything in our bodies to an extreme extent—every sound, every smell, every touch. We often get sensory overload, which can lead to meltdowns and burnout. There are ways to mitigate this. My biggest trigger in public is sound, so I often wear earplugs. I can’t tolerate most fabrics, so I wear cotton. But over the months after my grandad died, a sensitivity stronger than anything I’d felt before crept up on me and made it impossible to do anything. I couldn’t go to restaurants, the gym, or even supermarkets without teetering on a full-blown meltdown. I spent most evenings curled up in a ball playing Zelda, but every day, it got worse, until inevitably, I was in my first burnout in years. I’d completely shut down. 

I wanted so badly to grieve well, to process healthily, but my body disagreed. “My autism is getting worse,” is how I put it to my husband, but how I would never want anyone to put it to me. I felt angry, and weird, and mean. I didn’t feel like myself, but I did—I felt like the kind of person I fear I am. At some point, I realized that what I was experiencing was grief, that I wasn’t just angry or “wrong” or struggling for no reason, but that my loss had sunk into my bones. 

It was only with time, and some recovery, that I realized this. Tess, 26, told me that she  experienced a similar shut down while grieving. “Stressful situations like bereavement can disable our usual coping mechanisms,” she says. “I’m upset about losing this person, so now the floodgates have opened because I’m too fragile to block out sounds and feelings from other things. It makes you want to withdraw, and it’s very isolating.”

For many autistic people, these feelings can develop into more extreme difficulties to function. Anwen, 31, shared that when she lost multiple members of her family in 2019, she became a “sensory mess.” “My short term memory was shot. I have issues with that on the best of days, but I started having to make lists of everything, printing out itineraries, texting myself reminders,” she says. She was used to hiding her sensory difficulties, so she was able to seem fine to those around her, but for months, she was so distraught she couldn’t even eat. “All of my texture issues ramped up tenfold and I just ate chips for a year because anything else made me feel sick,” she says. 

Grief affects every single person differently, and sometimes even for allistic (non-autistic) people, that might mean a similar, complete cognitive shutdown. But autistic people, particularly women, already spend a lot of time “masking”: concealing any difficulties they may have with existing in a world not built for them. When we experience grief, this urge only compounds. The subconscious need to display grief in a “good,” appropriate way means that we might not express it at all, and if we aren’t dealing with it privately, it’ll sneak up on us through our ability to function, obliterating any and all of our coping mechanisms.

For much of this year, my first without my grandad, I felt very angry. Seeing litter on the ground was enough to send me into a spiral, my preexisting grief coalescing with climate grief and a general distrust of humanity. Someone FaceTiming in a restaurant? Always enraging, but with my increased sensitivity, enough to ruin my entire night, leaving me curled up at home with the screech of the offending iPhone speaker still rattling around in my ears. I couldn’t look at anyone I loved without thinking about death, without thinking, What is the point? They’re going to die. They could die now. Why build these bonds, spend this time together?

As an autistic person, I am prone to forming incredibly deep connections. I know how to love and how to nurture relationships. But to love someone at all is to anticipate grief, and I don’t have the tools to manage the inevitable loss. I’m not confident that I ever will. But speaking to other autistic people for this piece, I finally feel, if not normal, at least not wrong for how I’ve processed my grief. As Tess put it to me, “Autistic people have the most special bond [with each other], because it’s like you spend your whole life thinking you’re so bad at being a goose, and then you find out you’re a duck.” We are all victims of the same mortal rules, but it is a relief to have found other ducks, and to not be alone in how I experience death in life.

Complete Article HERE!

‘What Losing My Husband To Cancer At 39 Taught Me About Parenting Through Grief’

— ‘We had to learn to adjust from being a unit of three to a partnership of two’

By Clare Campbell-Cooper

I will hold my hands up and say I headed into parenthood with a healthy dose of naivety. I genuinely believed that my son George would ‘pop out’ (oh yes, I was that naïve), that I would immediately embrace motherhood, complete with the sun shining, lots of floaty linen clothes, a gurgling baby and possibly some soft-focus camera shots.

The reality was less prosaic and mostly consisted of me running five minutes late for everything and leaking from every orifice. It wasn’t a glamourous time and there was definitely no linen nor soft-focused moments.

But to add insult to injury, the month before I found I out I was pregnant, tests had diagnosed that my husband had a brain tumour. And after George was born, further tests showed that the tumour was malignant and David had less than ten years to live. It felt like the rug was being pulled from under our feet time and time again. And each time it took us slightly longer to get back up.

But we were lucky, David defied the odds and we had eleven years of being together as a family unit. We had times to come to terms with the fact that David was going to die. We had time to get used to it, to say our goodbyes, and in that we were so much more fortunate than many.

But watching a child grow up with grief in the depths of their eyes isn’t easy. I think all parents feel like they can’t do right for doing wrong sometimes, and this was exactly the same for me. But suddenly becoming a single parent, grieving and watching my child grieve, heightened this. I made the same mistakes that a lot of parents make, but the ability to bounce back just isn’t there in the same way when you feel so emotionally raw from grief.

When David was alive, I was advised to keep things emotionally stable for both David and George and I did that by being the buffer to their frustration, anger and grief. In reality, these are normal emotions that any household has, but in ours it could result in seizures and hospitalisation. But after David’s death, the wheels came off.

After David’s funeral we entered the dark, dark days of overwhelming waves of grief. George was going to school, I was working, and I stumbled through the days, not really having a clue what was happening. I didn’t seem to be able to get George in the right school uniform (which is never cool). I would be scrabbling around trying to find trousers or a polo shirt that was not wet nor in the washing machine.

Always a competent cook, I didn’t seem able to get food on the table. I could never get the bins out on the right day. And there didn’t seem to be a reason why I couldn’t, as nothing had changed; school was school, food was in the cupboard, bin day was still bin day. But I didn’t seem to be able to join the dots. And George watched me, dry eyed and shell shocked, not sure of anything; but needing continuity and surety, and so I tried my best to give him that.

And over time I adapted. I bought more school uniform so that I had more time to get things through the wash. I signed up to one of those pre-prepared food companies that deliver kits to your door. I tried to finish work at a reasonable time. I took George to his clubs and we saw more of my parents.

We had planned an amazing summer, which we knew would have been David’s last. He died at the end of May, before our summer. But George and I still went to Scotland, Northern Ireland, the Gone Wild Festival, and Center Parcs. We learned to adjust from being a unit of three to a partnership of two: me at 46 and George at 11. We learned how to lean on each other for support. Where I would have told David about my day, I found myself telling George. Where George would have wanted David to play football I donned my trainers and did my worst (and my worst was very bad).

I am not saying that it was easy, it wasn’t, and we still have our moments, but we muddle through. We both have regrets, but who doesn’t? We have regrets of how we have treated each other, those cutting comments that seem harmless at the time but burn into your memory. We have regrets of what we should have done but didn’t – the hours spent away from each other, in front of a computer, when we could have been touching, laughing, feeling. But we also have memories and we have been blessed with so much love. And we still have each other.

And I have learned that everyone has something. No-one’s lot in life is any harder or easier than anyone else’s and we are all doing the best we can to raise our children and to get through life with our heads above water…and that’s just fine. I’m still waiting for the moment when I can float around in linen, looking elegant with a soft-focus lens but I have found that a large gin and tonic and some love and laughter with our friends is much better for the soul – and far more likely to happen!

Complete Article HERE!

Asian Elephants display complex mourning rituals similar to humans

By

Elephants are smart animals with strong feelings and they often work together. In India’s Bengal area, scientists found that elephants buried five baby elephants, according to a study published in the Journal of Threatened Taxa.

Researchers have limited the study of elephant thanatology—the examination of death and related practices— to the burial of calves. Observers had noted this aspect of behaviour in African elephants but had not documented something similar in Asian elephants until recently, despite both species diverging 4.2 million years ago.

The researchers wanted to clear up the second question – do Asian elephants, like African elephants, mourn their dead calves? And the answer is yes, and it is loud. The vocalizations from the elephants lasted between 30 and 40 minutes, but only in places far from human settlements.

They point out that this behaviour suggests elephants distinguish human spaces from non-human spaces to avoid disagreements. They also mention that elephants limited vocalisation to the burial phase.

The increasing encroachment of human activities into natural habitats and the resulting environmental degradation are forcing elephants to venture into human-dominated areas in search of food and other ecological necessities. This interaction has led to new behaviours in these majestic creatures.

Asian Elephants’ mourning behaviour

Parveen Kaswan, an officer with the Indian Forest Service, and Akashdeep Roy, a researcher at the Indian Institute of Science Education and Research, spent 16 months reviewing literature relating to elephant burials. They found five case reports that document this behaviour.

An elephant calf was buried on a tea estate with its feet visible.

Researchers have revealed that Asian elephants, similar to their African counterparts, engage in what we can describe as mourning rituals. Observations showed them vocalising loudly and burying their deceased calves, exhibiting a level of ritualistic behaviour that parallels human funeral rites.

The study reports a heartbreaking journey of a mother elephant. The mother elephant carried her dead calf for two days before letting it go. This extended time of grieving shows the deep attachment between mother elephants and their offspring. This could have been made stronger possibly by hormonal influences like oxytocin and the long gestation period elephants experience. This response is consistent with other studies on chacma baboons, olive baboons, African elephants and Thornicroft’s giraffes.

As per the study, the burial process is a collective effort, involving not only the mothers but also other females within the herd who act as surrogate caregivers, as well as elephants of various ages. This communal participation underscores the intricate social fabric of elephant herds and their collective mourning when faced with death. Notably, this ritualistic burial is reserved exclusively for the young. The physical impracticality of carrying the larger, heavier adults precludes them from receiving the same rite. This selective practice indicates that the elephants’ mourning and burial customs are particularly significant for the young, whose passing deeply impacts the social structure of the herd.

Compassionate behaviour

The research aimed to understand the ‘perimortem’ strategy and ‘postmortem’ behaviour of Asian elephants. The main evidence shows that someone or something transported the corpses from afar, treated with great care. They buried the corpses in preferred locations, always in a specific posture, which was an unusual lying position with legs upright.

The author said, “Our study found an interesting thing – the placement of carcasses with their paws raised in narrow irrigation drains. This strategic behaviour shows the care and affection of herd members toward the deceased animal and suggests that in a potential crush situation, pack members prioritize the head over the feet,” they highlight.”

“Elephants are social and affectionate animals and, based on an external examination of the carcasses, we also suggest that herd members gently placed the dead calves by grasping one or more legs,” the experts conclude.

The authors of the report thoroughly investigated the underlying reason for the death of the offspring through postmortem examinations. One of the conclusions is that there was no direct human intervention in any of the five deaths.

A buried carcass corresponding to case 3 of Bharnabaritea estate.

“Through direct and indirect evidence, this study highlights compassionate and helpful elephants’s behaviour during carcass burial. Asian elephants transport their deceased calves to isolated places, away from humans and carnivores, while searching for drains irrigation and depressions to bury the body,” the report states.

No infanticide among Asian elephants

Many animal groups, such as monkeys, meat-eaters, and rodents, commit infanticide or baby killing. Different reasons, such as elimination of competition, scarcity of resources, or maintaining social order within a group, contribute to this phenomenon.

However, the researchers found that there was no infanticide among the Asian elephants. They believe there are a few reasons why elephants don’t kill babies:

  • Elephants, particularly females and their young, live in close family groups forming strong bonds. This closeness possibly prevents them from hurting the young, actively encouraging them to cooperate in caring for them.
  • Baby elephants require long term care from their mothers and other females in the herd. This extended care and help from everyone might decrease the likelihood of someone killing a baby.
A buried carcass corresponding to case 2 of Chunabhatitea estate.
  • In the breeding process, elephants reproduce without having to kill their babies to quicken the mother’s readiness for another offspring. Unlike some other animals, the mother cannot immediately have another offspring if she loses a baby. Thereby, eradicating the need for males to kill babies.
  • Male elephants neither directly contribute to raising the babies nor participate in the close female groups. They prioritize finding females ready to mate rather than assuming control over a herd and eliminating other males’ babies. This social structure and breeding style decreases the likelihood of elephants killing babies.

Complete Article HERE!

Overdose or Poisoning?

— A New Debate Over What to Call a Drug Death.

Sandra Bagwell of Mission, Texas, holding the remains of her son, Ryan, who died in 2022. “Ryan was poisoned,” she said.

Grieving families want official records and popular discourse to move away from reflexive use of “overdose,” which they believe blames victims for their deaths.

By Jan Hoffman

The death certificate for Ryan Bagwell, a 19-year-old from Mission, Texas, states that he died from a fentanyl overdose.

His mother, Sandra Bagwell, says that is wrong.

On an April night in 2022, he swallowed one pill from a bottle of Percocet, a prescription painkiller that he and a friend bought earlier that day at a Mexican pharmacy just over the border. The next morning, his mother found him dead in his bedroom.

A federal law enforcement lab found that none of the pills from the bottle tested positive for Percocet. But they all tested positive for lethal quantities of fentanyl.

“Ryan was poisoned,” Mrs. Bagwell, an elementary-school reading specialist, said.

As millions of fentanyl-tainted pills inundate the United States masquerading as common medications, grief-scarred families have been pressing for a change in the language used to describe drug deaths. They want public health leaders, prosecutors and politicians to use “poisoning” instead of “overdose.” In their view, “overdose” suggests that their loved ones were addicted and responsible for their own deaths, whereas “poisoning” shows they were victims.

“If I tell someone that my child overdosed, they assume he was a junkie strung out on drugs,” said Stefanie Turner, a co-founder of Texas Against Fentanyl, a nonprofit organization that successfully lobbied Gov. Greg Abbott to authorize statewide awareness campaigns about so-called fentanyl poisoning.

“If I tell you my child was poisoned by fentanyl, you’re like, ‘What happened?’” she continued. “It keeps the door open. But ‘overdose’ is a closed door.”

For decades, “overdose” has been used by federal, state and local health and law enforcement agencies to record drug fatalities. It has permeated the vocabulary of news reports and even popular culture. But over the last two years, family groups have challenged its reflexive use.

They are having some success. In September, Texas began requiring death certificates to say “poisoning” or “toxicity” rather than “overdose” if fentanyl was the leading cause. Legislation has been introduced in Ohio and Illinois for a similar change. A proposed Tennessee bill says that if fentanyl is implicated in a death, the cause “must be listed as accidental fentanyl poisoning,” not overdose.

Meetings with family groups helped persuade Anne Milgram, the administrator of the Drug Enforcement Administration, which seized more than 78 million fake pills in 2023, to routinely use “fentanyl poisoning” in interviews and at congressional hearings.

Various snapshots of Mrs. Bagwell’s son, Ryan, on a cork board.
Ryan died after swallowing one pill from a bottle of what he believed to be Percocet, a prescription painkiller.
A dog sits on a chair on a patio, seeming to look through the window at a framed portrait of Ryan Bagwell that rests on a table.
Ryan Bagwell left behind his dog, Macy.

In a hearing last spring, Representative Mike Garcia, Republican of California, commended Ms. Milgram’s word choice, saying, “You’ve done an excellent job of calling these ‘poisonings.’ These are not overdoses. The victims don’t know they’re taking fentanyl in many cases. They think they’re taking Xanax, Vicodin, OxyContin.”

Last year, efforts to describe fentanyl-related deaths as poisonings began emerging in bills and resolutions in several states, including Louisiana, New Jersey, Ohio, Texas and Virginia, according to the National Conference on State Legislatures. Typically, these bills establish “Fentanyl Poisoning Awareness” weeks or months as public education initiatives.

“Language is really important because it shapes policy and other responses,” said Leo Beletsky, an expert on drug policy enforcement at Northeastern University School of Law. In the increasingly politicized realm of public health, word choice has become imbued with ever greater messaging power. During the pandemic, for example, the label “anti-vaxxer” fell into disrepute and was replaced by the more inclusive “vaccine-hesitant.”

Addiction is an area undergoing convulsive language change, and words like “alcoholic” and “addict” are now often seen as reductive and stigmatizing. Research shows that terms like “substance abuser” can even influence the behavior of doctors and other health care workers toward patients.

The word “poison” has emotional force, carrying reverberations from the Bible and classic fairy tales. “‘Poisoning’ feeds into that victim-villain narrative that some people are looking for,” said Sheila P. Vakharia, a senior researcher at the Drug Policy Alliance, an advocacy group.

But while “poisoning” offers many families a buffer from stigma, others whose loved ones died from taking illegal street drugs find it problematic. Using “poisoning” to distinguish certain deaths while letting others be labeled “overdose” creates a judgmental hierarchy of drug-related fatalities, they say.

A portrait of Fay Martin, who wears a gray, long-sleeved sweater and leans on a fence overlooking a canal with boats docked in it.
Fay Martin of Corpus Christi, Texas. Her son Ryan died in 2021. “When my son died, I felt that stigma from people, that there was personal responsibility involved because he had been using illicit drugs,” she said.

Fay Martin said her son, Ryan, a commercial electrician, was prescribed opioid painkillers for a work injury. When he grew dependent on them, a doctor cut off his prescription. Ryan turned to heroin. Eventually, he went into treatment and stayed sober for a time. But, ashamed of his history of addiction, he kept to himself and gradually began to use drugs again. Believing that he was buying Xanax, he died from taking a fentanyl-tainted pill in 2021, the day after his 29th birthday.

Although he, like thousands of victims, died from a counterfeit pill, his mourning mother feels as if others look at her askance.

“When my son died, I felt that stigma from people, that there was personal responsibility involved because he had been using illicit drugs,” said Ms. Martin, from Corpus Christi, Texas. “But he didn’t get what he bargained for. He didn’t ask for the amount of fentanyl that was in his system. He wasn’t trying to die. He was trying to get high.”

To a growing number of prosecutors, if someone was poisoned by fentanyl, then the person who sold the drug was a poisoner — someone who knew or should have known that fentanyl could be lethal. More states are passing fentanyl homicide laws.

Some people note that the idea of a poisoner-villain doesn’t account for the complications of drug use. “That’s a little too simplified, because a lot of people who sell substances or share them with friends are also in the throes of a substance use disorder,” said Rachael Cooper, who directs an anti-stigma initiative at Shatterproof, an advocacy group.

People who sell or share drugs are usually many steps removed from those who mixed the batches. They would likely be unaware that their drugs contained deadly quantities of fentanyl, she said.

“In a nonpoliticized world, ‘poisoning’ would be accurate, but the way it’s being used now, it is reframing what is likely an accidental event and reimagines it as an intentional crime,” said Mr. Beletsky, who directs Northeastern’s Changing the Narrative project, which examines addiction stigma.

In toxicology and medicine, “overdose” and “poison” have value-neutral definitions, said Kaitlyn Brown, the clinical managing director of America’s Poison Centers, which represents and collects data from 55 centers nationwide.

“But the public is going to understand terminology differently than people who are immersed in the field, so I think there are important distinctions and nuances that the public can miss,” she said.

“Overdose” describes a greater dose of a substance than was considered safe, Dr. Brown explained. The effect may be harmful (heroin) or not (ibuprofen).

“Poisoning” means that harm indeed occurred. But it can be a poisoning from countless substances, including lead, alcohol and food, as well as fentanyl.

Both terms are used whether an event results in survival or death.

Photos of Ryan Paul Malcolm arrayed on a kitchen table in Fay Martin’s home.
Ryan Paul Malcolm went into treatment for addiction, but when he started using again, he kept to himself. Believing he was buying Xanax, he died from fentanyl in a tainted pill in 2021.
A shiny orb on a stand, a special urn containing Ryan’s ashes, sits on a bureau in a bedroom under a television.
Ryan’s urn in Ms. Martin’s home. He was an avid Denver Broncos fan.

Until about 15 years ago, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an esteemed source of data on national drug deaths, often used both terms interchangeably. A C.D.C. report detailing rising drug-related deaths in 2006 was titled “Unintentional Drug Poisoning in the United States.” It also referred to “unintentional drug overdose deaths.”

To streamline the growing drug fatality data from federal and state agencies, the C.D.C. shifted exclusively to “overdose.” (It now also collects statistics on reported nonfatal overdoses.) The C.D.C.’s Division of Overdose Prevention notes that “overdose” refers just to drugs, while “poisoning” refers to other substances, such as cleaning products.

When asked what unbiased word or phrase might best characterize drug deaths, experts in drug policy and treatment struggled.

Some preferred “overdose,” because it is entrenched in data reporting. Others use “accidental overdose” to underscore lack of intention. (Most overdoses are, in fact, accidental.) News outlets occasionally use both, reporting that a drug overdose took place due to fentanyl poisoning.

Addiction medicine experts note that because most of the street drug supply is now adulterated, “poisoning” is, indeed, the most straightforward, accurate term. Patients who buy cocaine and methamphetamine die because of fentanyl in the product, they note. Those addicted to fentanyl succumb from bags that have more toxic mixtures than they had anticipated.

Ms. Martin, whose son was killed by fentanyl, bitterly agrees. “He was poisoned,” she said. “He got the death penalty and his family got a life sentence.”

Complete Article HERE!

Last lesson from a big sister who’s died?

— What to do without her

Leanne Friesen cherishes this photo of her and her sister Roxanne Howse, which was taken in 2013 just a few weeks before Howse died.

Leanne Friesen’s experience with grief after losing her sister to cancer has led to a new book

By Bernice Hillier

We might think we know what someone else is going through, but we have no idea until we’re in their shoes, and author Leanne Friesen learned that firsthand in the most devastating way possible: losing her beloved sister to cancer.

Friesen’s job as a pastor involved ministering to dying and grieving people on a near-daily basis, so she might quite reasonably have expected that she’d be equipped when it was her time to grieve.

But Friesen said nothing prepared her for the shock and devastation she experienced when her sister Roxanne Howse died of melanoma in 2013 at the age of 48.

“I was not prepared for the depth of grief and loss I felt when this person I loved so deeply died,” said Friesen. “The heaviness of grief is shocking and overwhelming.”

That’s what led Friesen to write her book, Grieving Room, to encourage other people to make room for their grief. The author, originally from Dildo, N.L., is now touring Newfoundland to promote her book.

Beginning and end

Friesen was 13 years younger than her big sister, so she had always looked up to her as a role model, mentor and friend.

In the early stages of Howse’s battle with cancer, Friesen said it was easy to forget or at least push to one side that her sister was facing a terminal illness.

As the end drew near, Friesen writes in her book that she found herself coveting the time others were spending with her sister and wanting more of those moments for herself.

She now realizes that, deep down, she was hoping for what most families don’t get: what she calls a “Hallmark goodbye.”

Friesen said she believes most people’s expectations around the end of life are unrealistic, so much so that she devotes an entire chapter of her book to “imperfect goodbyes.”

A young teenaged girl sits on the hood of a 70s model car, with a baby girl in her arms. The baby is wearing a pink top and pink sunhat.
Leanne Friesen (the baby in this photo) treasures many happy memories of Roxanne Howse. Up until Howse’s death in 2013, Friesen had never known life without her big sister.

Friesen said families may feel cheated if they don’t get final moments at the bedside with their loved one while the dying person is still able to utter a few words, and when relatives and friends who will be left behind can communicate and say what they need to say.

“In all my years of ministry and being at many deathbeds, I have never seen anyone have a death like that,” said Friesen, who is a Baptist pastor.

Friesen wants to assure people that, no matter how their loved one’s life ended, they can find their own way and time to say goodbye, whether it be at a graveside or, as in her case, on a sandy beach, months later when the grieving person can reflect on how much the person who died meant to them.

“Whatever your last moments were like with your loved one, they become your story. And you need room for that story, even if it didn’t look like something that was on TV,” said Friesen, who also has a post-graduate certificate in death and bereavement from Wilfred Laurier University.

A teenaged girl with curly hair sits on a red couch reading a book to the little girl beside her.
Roxanne was 13 when little sister Leanne was born. Now, the death of the sibling who read books to her has inspired Leanne Friesen’s own book.

Open book

In Grieving Room, Friesen is candid and forthright about her family’s experiences as they supported her sick and dying sister, sharing about the heartbreaking resistance of some family members to accept that healing and recovery weren’t going to happen.

Friesen said it was important to be respectful of privacy considerations but that she also wanted to share as much as she felt her sister would feel comfortable with her sharing.

She said too often people view death as being too embarrassing or private to talk about openly, and she wanted to counter that by sharing from the depth of her own emotions.

“What’s been beautiful is how many people have written me and said ‘Thank you for sharing this,’ or ‘This story meant so much to me,'” said Friesen.

She said people tell her that reading her book made them feel normal again and validated what they were going through.

Two women smile as they look into the camera.
Sisters Leanne Friesen, left, and Roxanne Howse were born and raised in Dildo, N.L. Howse was a teacher in St. John’s for many years. She battled cancer for eight years before she died at the age of 48.

Finding the right words

Friesen has a word of caution for people who want to support those who grieve without causing them extra hurt or pain.

She said people are usually well-intentioned when they offer advice or guidance to grieving people but, especially if you haven’t lost someone yourself, those words can land in a way that you didn’t expect.

“The things that we say that are trying to minimize or encourage people in any way to not feel what they’re feeling, as a rule, aren’t really as helpful as we think they are,” said Friesen.

Among the least desirable phrases, Friesen includes: “They wouldn’t want you to be sad,” or “At least they had a long life.”

But the worst thing to say, according to Friesen, is nothing at all. She said grievers often tell her what hurts most is when people just don’t bring up their loss or acknowledge it in any way, as if mentioning their loved one will make them sad.

“It’s on their mind all the time. You’re not reminding them of their loss. You’re acknowledging that you see them in their loss,” said Friesen.

Friesen recommends following the grieving person’s lead. If you don’t know what to say, she said, it’s okay to say that; tell them you’re sorry for their loss, you’re there for them, you’re sad with them.

A smiling woman with shoulder-length brown hair and glasses is wearing a white top and a necklace with circle pendant.
Leanne Friesen is in back in her home province this week to promote her book. She is doing book signings and workshops on grief in Dildo, St. John’s, Gander and Corner Brook.

Turning the page

Friesen’s book tour of Newfoundland this week is in many ways the concluding chapter of a path her sister’s death set her on more than a decade ago, one she would never have chosen.

From the time her book was picked up by publishing company Broadleaf Books, her plan has always been to have a homecoming with Grieving Room.

“I absolutely couldn’t imagine not bringing this book home to the people that had journeyed with me for so much of my life, been part of my sister’s journey, and continue to be part of my journey,” said Friesen.

As she’s found her way through her own grief, she said it’s been a privilege and a motivation to help others who grieve.

It seems fitting that the sister who, in life, was Friesen’s role model would inspire a new purpose as she moves on without her.

Complete Article HERE!

Why I imagined my husband’s death

— What if fiction can alter the real world?

By

In my new novel, A Book of Days, a husband is dying slowly. While I was writing it, my own husband died suddenly, with no warning. He died in his sleep, I was told. His children and I hope that is true. He was 400 miles away, and on his own when it happened. The thought of his loneliness, if he was conscious and aware of what was coming, is unbearable, so we do not think of it. Or we try not to. We do know that he was in bed and his window was wide open; before he could hear nothing more, he would have heard the sea breaking on the rocky shore just below the cottage.

Ever since, I’ve been thinking about the lived experience of death. I don’t mean the first-hand testimonies of people who have actually died. If Lazarus told his sisters what it was like to be dead, they did not record it. If Jesus ever described the loneliness of the tomb, his words have been forgotten. No, I mean death as experienced by the living, the survivors.

The experience of death was once far more widely shared. Two hundred years ago, around 15% of babies in Britain died before their first birthdays. “Death borders upon our birth and our cradle stands in the grave”, said a 17th-century bishop of Exeter. Childbirth was dangerous for mothers too. And back then, most people in this country died in their own beds at home, with their families watching. If they did not, if they died on Flanders Fields for instance, their deaths were still not private in the main. But now many people reach adulthood without ever seeing a corpse.

I have seen several corpses, but I did not see the dead body of my husband. For complicated reasons to do with autopsies, transport and distance, neither I nor our children saw him until he was in a sealed coffin in the back of a hearse. I put my hand on his coffin as we filed past it on our way out of the crematorium, but I wish now that I had asked for it to be unsealed. Or that we had gone to the mortuary where he was. If you don’t see that the one you loved is really dead, how can you believe it?

My main feelings when he died were disbelief and a stony sort of shock that left me dry-eyed and clear-headed. And then there were weeks and weeks of paperwork and practicalities that left no space at all to think about my unfinished novel. There was only the haunting fear that by writing a death I had brought a real one into existence. My rational self knew that was not true. Fictions are not premonitions, any more than dreams are. But still.

“There was only the haunting fear that by writing a death I had brought a real one into existence.”

Even when life returned to something close to normal, I could not write the novel. For a while, I thought about writing a memoir instead, a painfully truthful one, about my husband, my grief and anger, and how complicated mourning is. Truth seemed somehow more relevant than fiction; I kept remembering something novelist Rachel Cusk said in an interview: “Once you have suffered sufficiently, the idea of making up John and Jane and having them do things together seems utterly ridiculous.” I made a start on the unvarnished work I had in mind and then abandoned it almost at once. I knew then that I had had more than enough of me.

If I had written and published that memoir, I would have been asking you, the reader, to sympathise with me. Even, perhaps, to identify with my lived experience of grief. Why should you want to do that? My experience is particular but not in any way unique. If, on the other hand, I could write imaginatively enough to transcend the limits of that experience, to widen it, to bring to it the resonances of other lives, other ways of seeing — well, that I felt would be worth doing. I, as the author, would be opening windows for the reader, not beckoning them to follow me into a shuttered room.

Autofiction — fictionalised autobiography that dispenses with the traditional elements of the novel such as character and plot — is arguably the prevailing literary mode of our time. It suits the general demand for self-revelation in life as well as art: in print, on screens, in public, people share the most intimate of details and bare their souls — or seem to. For years, aspiring writers of fiction have been told to “write what you know”, to stick to their own experience and their own boundaries, and by writing their own lives in thin disguise they are demonstrating their obedience to the rule. This is in many ways a good thing. Care must be taken not to trespass clumsily on territories of gender, racial identity, or sexual orientation. But there’s a difference between unacceptable cultural appropriation and creative imagination. That difference can be described as empathy.

However carefully curated, whatever balance it strikes between “truth” and “story”, auto-fiction requires ego. It says: look at me, even though what you see may actually be a mask. And it implicitly assumes a degree of mutual recognition between writer and reader. It’s a mirror, not a clear window. This can often be immensely valuable. But how, then, can a reader step outside their own personal experience, to feel as Keats felt when he first read Homer: “like some watcher of the skies / When a new planet swims into his ken”, breathless with anticipation like Cortez’s men, “silent, upon a peak in Darien”? How, indeed, unless writers can still write of lives beyond their own known and confined realities?

Great writers don’t need lived experience to convey emotion. The psychologist Steven Pinker described an experiment in which people listened to an interview with a heroin addict, who was either a real person or an actor. When the listeners were asked to take the addict’s point of view, they became more sympathetic to addicts in general, even when they knew the interviewee was acting. In other words, they did not need to believe the “addict” was sharing a lived experience in order to empathise. We can see this in William Golding’s astonishing novel, The Inheritors, which takes us into the world of the last Neanderthals and shows us how it feels to be on the wrong side of the cusp of change: disempowered, under threat and fearful. He achieved this masterpiece through an empathetic leap across millennia that owes everything to his brilliance as a writer and his understanding of unchanging human nature, but little to his own experience of life in 20th-century England.

As T.S. Eliot said: “What every poet starts from is his own emotions [but then transmutes] his personal and private agonies into something rich and strange, something universal and impersonal.” To me, that’s a counsel of perfection, the highest of aspirations. My husband’s death caused me great grief, but when eventually I could write that grief upon the page, through voices that were those of imagined people who lived centuries ago, I hope I turned it into something shared, something that could strike chords in hearts other than my own.

Complete Article HERE!